Yes, Dating a Divorced Man can Work – Here’s How!
You know the dangers of dating a divorced man from my last article, now let’s give you some tips on dating a divorced guy and making it last.
Some men need a second round to get it right
That means that timing is everything for you. Many of us get married too young and believe we have met our soulmate when, in fact, we were too young and immature to know what we wanted.
Now he does! So you need to be there. Not with some other version of you but you in all your glory.
Let him talk about his ex
Don’t feel challenged or threatened by his ex. Instead, listen to him, learn and apply what he says during his rants so you can be a better match for him than his ex was.
Of course, make sure your adaptations fit your values.
Announcing your relationship to everyone might need to wait until he seals his divorce. He could have lawyers watching his every move to gain an advantage in custody battles and financials.
Also, his kids might be young, and he is not ready for you to meet them. Kids can become pawns and that is never fair. You would feel the same.
Appreciate his need for secrecy – it’s OK if you are on a steady path to becoming closer.
Lose the social media
We all love to show off our spectacular lives! But consider keeping things private between you by staying off social media until he has completely divorced both legally and emotionally.
Social media can have some unintended consequences. Friends and family might exaggerate the status of your relationship when this is not true.
He might feel like you are pushing him into something that he is not ready for even though it’s your peers on social media pushing the false narrative.
Post pics of you and your friends having fun instead. He will be watching!
Dating a divorced man | Don’t push marriage and kids
He’s been down that road and he might be a bit jaded to try again. This means he might not be your best choice if you want to get married and/or have kids.
This makes him a better candidate for a domestic partner. Accepting this going into the relationship will help align your expectations and make things successful. I see many successful relationships without the paper contract.
I also witness women thinking they can get a fifty-year-old divorced man to have more kids. Good luck.
Sure, some men are different and will remarry and have more kids. Just know that they are the exceptions in the bunch.
Be prepared to meet her
Yes, this might happen. Get ready for that possibility so you are not caught off guard.
This doesn’t have to be a bad experience, but it could be for her!
Make sure you treat her with dignity and respect and things should go fine. Remember, she might have been with your new man for years so cut her some slack if things get awkward. I have met my ex’s boyfriend and all was good.
Kids complicate things
Your kids might not accept him. His kids might not accept you. Talk about these things before the meet and greet so a plan can be made if things crash and burn.
By planning contingencies, the family dynamics can be figured out. In fact, they could be fun if you are both onboard!
Both of you may place priorities with your kids so discuss this too.
His apartment might have some of her memories
That’s OK to an extent. You don’t need to be throwing her shit into the trash because your jealous. That will only build contempt.
It’s normal for men to hold some things dear to them from their past – this doesn’t mean they are still in love. I still have pics of hiking Zion National Park with my ex. I don’t desire to be with her – I simply want to remember the experience in general.
When he is not looking, gradually throw her shit into the trash 😉
Be you not her
You will learn what he loved about his ex – this could be difficult to handle. You may find that you want to emulate her to please him – Don’t!
As soon as you try to fulfill her shoes by acting like her you will be doomed. A confident woman never tries to be someone who she is not. She never compares herself to anyone either. She knows her value and she, not only stands by it, she flaunts it!
He chose you because you are different – not because he sees her inside you.
Live in the moment
I can’t express this enough. Forget reading the tea leaves of where the relationship is headed and live in the Power of Now!
Do this and the memories will start piling up and he will slowly start accepting you more and into his life. Simultaneously, he will start caring less for his ex.
I call these great memories Pennies in the Jar. The sooner you start making them the closer you will become.
Dating a divorced man
Most of us have had past relationships and that’s OK. In fact, it’s healthy. Dating a divorced man is no different. Just take your time with him. Slow your role. Let him replace her with you like ice cubes displace water in a glass and all will be well.
Push marriage, kids or get jealous out of the gate and you are going to have issues.Share