Yes, Dating a Divorced Man can Work – Here’s How!
You know the dangers of dating a divorced man from my last article, now let’s give you some tips on dating a divorced guy and making it last.
Some men need a second round to get it right
That means that timing is everything for you. Many get married too young and believe they’ve met their soulmate when, in fact, they were too young and immature to know what they wanted.
Age and divorce are both great teachers and now, he does know what he wants! So, you need to be there and not with some other version of you, but you in all your glory.
Let him talk about his ex
Don’t feel challenged or threatened by his ex. Instead, listen to him, learn and apply what he says during his rants so you can be a better match for him than his ex was.
Of course, make sure your adaptations fit your values.
Announcing your relationship to everyone might need to wait until he seals his divorce. He could have lawyers watching his every move to gain an advantage in custody battles and financials.
Don’t push to meet his children right away. Legal agreements and just plain caution could be preventing him from wanting to introduce you to them. When he’s ready for you to meet them, be open to it, but don’t push him on this faster than he’s ready for.
Appreciate his need for secrecy – it’s all okay if you are on a steady path of growing closer to one another.
Lose the social media
We all love to show off our spectacular lives! But consider keeping things private between you by staying off social media until he has completely divorced both legally and emotionally.
Social media can have some unintended consequences. Friends and family might exaggerate the status of your relationship when this is not true.
He might feel like you are pushing him into something that he is not ready for, even though it’s your peers on social media pushing the false narrative.
Post pics of you and your friends having fun instead. He will be watching!
Dating a divorced man | Don’t push marriage and kids
He’s been down that road and he might be a bit jaded, apprehensive to try again. This means he might not be your best choice if you want to get married and/or have kids right away.
This makes him a better candidate for a domestic partner. Accepting this going into the relationship will help align your expectations and make things successful. I see many successful relationships without the paper contract.
Be clear on your desires, and his, to have children before things get too far.
Sure, some men are different and will remarry and have more kids, but not all men, and not necessarily right away.
Be prepared to meet her
The longer your relationship goes on, the more likely you are to meet the ex. Be ready for it so you’re not caught off guard when it happens.
Try to make this an upbeat and positive experience. The entire relationship will be much better for everyone if you and his ex can see one another without scowling at one another. His complaints against her are between then. There’s no reason why the two of you can’t get along.
Remember, she might have been with your new man for years, so cut her some slack if things get awkward.
Kids complicate things
Your kids might not accept him. His kids might not accept you. Talk about these things before the meet and greet so a plan can be made if things crash and burn.
When kids first meet one another, depending on their ages, things could go smoothly or they could be contentious. Older kids who go to the same school may know of one another and have preconceived opinions. These things take time to work out.
Don’t push the kids to get along. Allow them to continue to be individuals and let them feel their way through building their own relationships. Work in areas in which they all might have common ground, common likes, and so on. Commonalities bring people together.
Both of you may place priorities with your kids so discuss this too.
His apartment might have some of her memories
That’s okay to an extent. You don’t need to be throwing her shit into the trash because you’re jealous. That will only build contempt.
It’s normal for men to hold some things dear to them from their past – this doesn’t mean they are still in love. I still have pics of hiking Zion National Park with my ex. I don’t desire to be with her – I simply want to remember the experience in general.
When he is not looking, gradually throw her shit into the trash ?
Be you, not her
You will learn what he loved about his ex and it could be difficult to handle. You may find that you want to emulate her to please him – Don’t!
As soon as you try to fill her shoes by acting like her, your relationship will be doomed. A confident woman never tries to be someone who she is not. She never compares herself to anyone and she knows her value. She, not only stands by it, she flaunts it!
He chose you because you are different – not because he sees her inside you.
Live in the moment
I can’t express this enough. Forget reading the tea leaves of where the relationship is headed and live in the Power of Now!
Do this and the memories will start piling up. He will slowly start accepting you more and into his life and will simultaneously start caring less for his ex.
I call these great memories Pennies in the Jar. The sooner you start making them the closer you will become.
Dating a divorced man
Most of us have had past relationships and that’s okay. In fact, it’s healthy. Dating a divorced man is no different. Just take your time with him. Slow your roll. Let him replace her with you like ice cubes displace water in a glass and all will be well.
Push marriage, kids or get jealous out of the gate and you are going to have issues.