How to Keep a Guy Interested | Keep Your Great Guy
Knowing how to keep a guy interested in you is the key to your long-term relationship success. In the following content, you will find three categories of information, how you can encourage change in him without trickery or games, how to promote change within yourself and how the two of you can work together.
How to Keep a Guy Interested | Table of Contents
Introduction
Step One: Promote Change in Him
Books to Maintain a Happy Relationship
Step 2: Make Positive Changes in Your Life
- Ditch the Negativity
- Take the Initiative Sometimes
- Never Give up Your Social Life for Any Man
- Say What You Mean
Books to Build Your Confidence
Step 3: Things You can Do Together
You're one of the lucky ones who wants to know how to keep a guy interested in you! You found a great guy and don't want to lose him. Hopefully, you’ve already put him through these tests to make sure he truly is a keeper.
Now, it’s time to learn what to do to enjoy a happy and fulfilling relationship! Now that your relationship is more comfortable and in danger of falling into a routine, it's more important than ever.
There are things you both require in your relationship, but you're both unaware of what the other truly needs.
You have a handle on what you require, but do you know what he requires? Do you how to keep a guy interested?
Can you keep your relationship in that blissful state it was in when you first dated? Can you keep the thrill, excitement and anticipation of seeing one another alive, months or even years later?
Yes! You can!
There are two types of emails that show up in my inbox relating to how to keep a guy interested. The first type asks how to keep a great relationship going. The second is how to get a guy to stop being aloof and lazy in the relationship.
Luckily, there are great solutions for both that don't require yelling, screaming or breaking things off.
Step One: How to Keep a Guy Interested by Promoting Change in Him
Allow Him His Space
When a man is battling something that stirs his emotions, he needs space. To keep your guy, you need to give him a safe place where he can retreat and process these emotions. Men are fixers and want to fix what’s bothering him, and sometimes you. When it’s not fixable, they need time and space to process those emotions on their own.
When you don't understand this, it can be the undoing of your relationship. Many become distressed when their man appears to grow more distant.
Really, he is going through something difficult like the loss of a loved one, a demotion, a failed attempt to get a promotion or some other major disappointment.
He hasn't exited the relationship, he's just licking his wounds. In time, he'll return to you if you provide what he needs now.
To keep a guy interested, give him space when he needs it.
How to Keep a Guy Interested | Speak His Love Language
In 1995, Gary Chapman redefined how men and women understand one another by defining five love languages:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
When you understand which love language your guy speaks, you can reply in the same language. If he mows the lawn, you can reply with the appropriate language:
- Words of affirmation – “Honey the lawn looks great! Thanks so much for getting it done!”
- Acts of service – “I thought I’d bake you your favorite brownies for mowing the lawn!”
- Receiving gifts – “Since you’ve been doing such a great job on the lawn, I thought I’d get you your favorite beer!”
- Quality time – “I know you’ve been working hard outside. I thought maybe we would stay in tonight and watch one of your favorites on Netflix”
- Physical touch – (bonus points if he’s still sweaty) “Wow honey! Great job on the lawn!” (give him a hug while you’re saying this) OR “After your shower, I’ll give you a massage to help those tired muscles!”
How To Keep A Guy Interested –Banish His Laziness
When a man feels he’s safe in your relationship, his desire to keep you interested declines. This isn't good for any relationship, so luckily, there are several things you can do to snap him back to attention!
Don't be More Committed Than He Is
Women often commit to a relationship before men. If he thinks he’s got you, he'll stop trying. He'll also lose interest if he doesn’t feel he needs to chase you any longer, so you’re running a big risk if you commit too early.
Men don’t fall in love immediately, and I can honestly tell you they are clueless about those milestones you tally up. You take our actions and turn them into steps to the altar. First kiss, first time for sex, meeting friends and family are all signs to you that he's more committed than he really is.
For men, those first few months of dating are more about learning who you are. If he's serious about finding a lifetime partner, he wants to know he fits, but he doesn’t think this way on the first date.
Never Stop Challenging Him
When you first met, he found you challenging. By this, I'm not indicating you were difficult or mean. He was learning about you and he enjoyed it. Now, if you've been together for several months or longer, he doesn't find you to be challenging any longer. He knows your secrets, your routines, your story. This is a dangerous spot for your relatioiship but there are easy fixes!
- Don’t live the same day, every day – change things up
- Stay one step ahead of him by anticipating his next move and beating him to it
- Don’t share every single detail about your life with him in the first few dates; share tidbits throughout
Be the Ying to His Yang
Everyone has areas in which they excel. Some are better at cooking while others are better at creative pursuits. Some people love putting things together while others can't hammer a nail to save their lives.
Use your strengths to compliment one another. Learn how you can balance one another by sharing tasks and chores. If you love to cook, he can do the dishes. If he's great at yardwork but hates to clean, he manages the outside while you manage the inside. This doesn't mean you're stuck doing all the cleaning while he mows, pulls weeds and maintains the outside. It just means you use your strengths to help one another get things done.
If you stay together long-term, you become a team, an unstoppable force to get things done together.
Books to Maintain a Happy Relationship
How to Keep a Guy Interested | Make Positive Changes in Your Life
Ditch the Negativity
When you met, you were an upbeat person. It's one of the things that drew him to you. However, as weeks and months pass, life tosses some crap your way and negativity creeps in. Losing a job or a loved one shifts even the most positive person into a mode of negativity. To keep a guy interested, you must ditch the negativity.
Negative life events never stop. The trick is not to let those things bring you down permanently. In the throes of a real downer, seek something positive. Work through your emotions with a girlfriend or family member and spare him the drama of dealing with emotions he isn’t equipped to handle.
The biggest challenge is to recognize when you've slipped into negativity. It's difficult to notice because you're wrapped up in the drama of whatever happened in the first place.
Start a Gratitude Journal
This is an excellent way to take your focus off of negativity. When life has dealt you a few dozen lemons, turn them into a lemonade stand with a gratitude journal. Take time each day to find three to five things for which you can be grateful.
By doing so, you look for positive things that happened throughout the day. In today's pandemic climate, you may find yourself grateful for toilet paper, milk or even bread. Or, you might be thankful for a patient boyfriend or husband who is standing by you during this difficult time.
Take Life a Little Less Seriously
Why so serious? Okay, I couldn't resist that line from the Joker in the movie The Dark Knight, but it applies so why not? It's easy to get caught up in the seriousness of a situation. Some situations warrant a level of seriousness, but there are also times to stop and laugh at the absurdity of a situation.
Have you ever met one of those people who looks like they suck on a lemon for sport? Their face is always puckered up in misery. Don't be that lemon-sucker. Find instances when you can stop and laugh at what's going on. While losing your job isn't funny, wearing one black shoe and one blue one is something you can laugh about. Chances are nobody noticed anyway and if they did, they probably smiled inside and wondered if anyone noticed the time they did the same thing.
It sounds silly to say it, but knowing how to keep a guy interested means stopping to enjoy your life, even in the midst of something bad. I know when I pass, I want my family to remember all the crazy things I did, not sit around and cry about missing me. It sounds cliche to say it, but there is usually a silver lining.
Find a Silver Lining
See what I did there? Seriously though, find a silver lining in the event that brought you down to begin with. If it's the loss of a job, what's the positive? Did you really love that job? I know looking for a job is a buzz-kill, but now you have the opportunity to find a job you can love.
Or maybe this is a time to go back to school and get a different degree or training so you can get a job you love. Sure, you need to tighten the finances a little so you can focus on your studies, but hey, if it will make you happier at work, it's worth it!
Most negative events have a silver lining of some sort. Many require you to face change and that can be scary, but change can be good if you embrace it and make the most of the situation.
Help Someone Else
A great lesson in how to keep a guy interested is on writing your story. It's your story that intrigued him in the first place. He found you interesting and enjoyed learning various things about you. Now, he may know most of your story, so that means it's time to add to it. Your story is all the events up until this moment that have carved you into the wonderful woman you are. Many people, men and women alike, stop building their story. They slip into a routine, mundane life without challenge or growth.
Instead of becoming stagnant, add to your story by helping others. There are so many ways to do this, I can't mention them all! While helping someone writes new chapters in your story, it also helps you focus on someone else, instead of your own problems.
Here are just a few ways in which you can help others:
- Volunteer somewhere like an animal shelter or soup kitchen
- Help an elderly neighbor with daily tasks
- Visit a local nursing home or hospital and visit people who don't get visitors
- Offer to help a friend with a big project
- Deliver meals on wheels
- Bake cookies and deliver them to your neighbors
Change Your Thinking
Take note of your thoughts. When you're in a negative mode, your thoughts are usually negative as well. It's a natural slide we all make without realizing it.
A great way to do this is to use a journal. Allow your thoughts to free-flow onto the paper. Don't judge. Don't think about it, just write. When you've completed your writing, go back and read it over.
How much negativity do you see? What's bugging you that you might not even be aware of? Go back over your entries after a few days and look for trends in your thoughts. Once you see where negativity is hanging out, take steps to change your thinking.
You can do this!
While many people believe they can't change their thinking, they're wrong! You are in complete control of your thoughts, whether you realize it or not, and it's now time to exercise that control. Replace negative thinking with positive thinking. Become aware of what you say to yourself throughout the day and replace all negativity as it comes along.
This doesn't happen in a day or even a week, it's an ongoing effort that pays off bigtime!
Keep a Guy Interested by Surrounding Yourself with Positive People
Sometimes, you wake up and realize that your friends are a bunch of negative Nellies who are dragging you down. Then it's necessary to examine your friendships and weed out those negative friends. Being surrounded by negative people means you're negative too. We draw to us and hang out with people most like us, so our friendships are a mirror into our own behaviors.
If you find yourself surrounded by negative people, limit your exposure to them and seek out more positive people. They're easy to find if you know where to look. Of course, for them to accept you into their fold, you first must ditch your own negativity. Then, look for them here:
- Doing hobbies you enjoy
- Volunteering where your passion lies
- Working out
- Taking classes to improve yourself or learning new skills
You won't find them hanging out at the local bar five nights out of seven but you might find them hanging out at your favorite pub, enjoying a girls' night out together.
Own Your Thoughts
I've been tap dancing around this topic throughout this entire section, but now it's time to address it. Knowing how to keep a guy interested in you means getting your thoughts under control. Earlier, you read about changing negatives into positives, but there are other things you can do to control your thoughts.
Have you ever heard yourself say, "She made me so..." or "You make me want to..." or other similar types of statements? They're called reactionary statements and they show a lack of control over your thoughts and actions. Instead of allowing reactionary thoughts to control you, gain control over them. Any time you hear yourself start a sentence like those above, catch yourself and consider the reaction you want to have.
When your boyfriend announced that he had to work late, again, you reacted by pitching a fit and storming off. Yes, you had plans to snuggle and binge watch Outlander with him all evening, but he has another commitment that is important - his job. Instead of immediately reacting, train yourself to take a few deep breaths and perhaps count to ten, then choose your reaction.
You Still May React the Same Way
You might react in the same way, but at least you did it by choice, not reflex. If you give yourself twenty or thirty seconds to think about it, you might decide that you'll enjoy an evening of peace and quiet. You can practice some self-care or engage in one of your hobbies. Maybe you can call a friend and go out for drinks.
Gaining control over your reactions is empowering and improves the perception others have about you, not that I'm an advocate for worrying about what others think.
Practice the Fifteen-Minute Rule
Some negativity comes from worrying, whether it's anxiety over something that hasn't happened yet or rumination over something that happened previously. In either case, it sucks the positive energy right out of you so it's time to put an end to it.
Science tells us that if you set aside a designated time of day for worrying, it allows you to focus your energy during the remainder of the day. Here's how it works.
First, set aside fifteen minutes sometime during day for worrying. Make it whenever you want but limit it to fifteen miutes. Set a timer on your watch or phone.
During the rest of the day, keep a note pad handy for those worrying thoughts. Instead of spending time on them in that moment, write them down for your fifteen-minute worry time later. Once something is written down, your mind releases it and you can return your focus to what you were doing.
Now instead of worrying all day, you have fifteen minutes of designated time out of twenty-four hours. You just freed up a LOT of yur day and you'll be more positive because those worries aren't weighing you down.
Take the Initiative Sometimes
Many women believe the man should be in control of everything in the relationship, but this is not the way men prefer things to be. Instead, choose key moments to take the initiative. One of the keys in knowing how to keep a guy interested in you is to take control from time to time. Here are some great ways in which you can take that initiative.
Plan a Date
It's great, recommended even, to allow the guy to plan your first few dates, but after you get to know one another a little better, he will be thrilled if you make some suggestions of your own. If he seems to be anxious about planning those first few dates, plant some seeds for him, subtly.
"Do you ever go hiking at Alum Creek? They have a great trail."
Now he knows you enjoy hiking and he can plan a date around that. You aren't telling him what to plan, simply tossing a little piece of yourself out there for him to examine. You can further the statement and add some mystery by continuing, "My friend Jeannie and I went hiking up there last summer and got the crap scared out of us by what turned out to be a squirrel! Man, you should have seen us running and screaming until we realized what it was! What a sight we were!" Laugh at yourself for the silly memory.
Once you know him better, plan something he will enjoy, "I remember your love of ice cream so I thought we would go to the ice cream festival this weekend! They have over 100 flavors of ice cream we can try! Make sure you're hungry!"
What a guy never wants to hear is, "Whatever you want to do is fine." If he's asking your opinion, he wants it. If you don't provide it, don't be angry when you find yourself eating somewhere you don't like or doing something you won't enjoy.
How to Keep a Guy Interested | Steer the Conversation
Men don't always want to be in control of the conversation. If you want to talk about something, bring it up. Even if it's a serious topic, as long as you don't want to discuss marriage after six dates, it's probably okay.
There is a lot of pressure on a date to avoid saying or doing the wrong thing, but think about it this way. If you're thinking about something serious and related to your relationship, chances are so is he, and he may be worried about the awkwardness of the conversation too. Lead into it and give him the opportunity to have a discussion with you about whatever it is.
Become and Remain an Independent Woman
When you read independent woman, your think, "HEY! I am independent! I have my own place, pay for my own car and have a great job!"
That isn't the type of independence I'm talking about. When you know how to keep a guy interested, you understand that emotional independence keeps you challenging and mysterious!
This type of independence separates a good relationshp from a bad one. When you're an emotionally independent woman, you don't rely on a man or any other person for your happiness, security and fulfillment. You find it in yourself, your hobbies and interests.
When you're emotionally dependent, you find your happiness and security in a guy. This leads you into a co-dependent relationship, which is never healthy. You know you're emotionally dependent if you spend a lot of time worrying about where your guy is when he isn't with you, if he's where he says he will be, what he's doing when he's away from you and so on.
When you're emotionally independent, you're too busy living your life outside of your relationship to worry about where he is or what he's doing. You don't feel the need to control his every move or smother him with too much attention.
NEVER Give up Your Social Life for ANY Man!
So many people, men and women alike, give up their social lives, their hobbies and interests when they get into a relationship. Yes, I admit that men sometimes do this too, although not as often as women.
By learning how to keep a guy interested, you know that, as a busy woman, you present him with a welcome challenge. How can he become important enough to you to warrant time on your busy schedule? What will encourage you to stop dating other guys and just date him?
A guy who's interested in you will ask himself those questions!
Don't Give up Your Social Life or Hobbies
Therefore, it's crucial to keep doing what you were doing before you met him. If you did a weekly girls' night with your friends, don't skip it now. If you always spent Saturdays sc