Long distance relationship problems can feel difficult to resolve since you may not be able to do so face-to-face like a more traditional relationship. Something minor can quickly turn into a huge problem if you don’t have the tools to manage and overcome the issues at hand.
Still, all is not lost. You can solve long distance relationship problems by gathering the right tools and knowing how to use them.
Let’s dig into some of the more common problems and how you can move past them in your relationship.
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
Whether you’re long distance or not, communication is the number one best way to keep a relationship on track.
The challenge in a long-distance relationship is that it may be more challenging to communicate sometimes.
Schedule Time for Regular Communication
You don’t need to speak every day, whether you’re long distance or not, however, it is important to set aside some time to talk to one another.
And I’m not talking about the wishy-washy stuff. I mean the important things that people in relationships should discuss. Think of it as part of your regular date night, or maybe a second date night each week.
During these conversations, be open and honest with one another about any concerns that might have popped up since you last spoke, as well as any plans you may have to see one another.
Use this time to really connect, not be superficial.
Be Open and Honest
Relationships are built on your ability to be open and honest with one another. If you can’t trust this person with your stuff, who can you trust?
And trust is at the root of a good relationship, right behind that good communication.
It allows you both to feel comfortable sharing your vulnerabilities, knowing that your partner won’t hold them against you or make fun of you for them.
Even if you think your partner won’t like what you have to say, you must keep this open and honest approach.
Listen First
All too often, we don’t truly listen to the person we’re speaking with. They’re speaking and we’re either just plain not paying attention or we’re working up our own story that’s better than theirs.
Listening engages you in the conversation and lets the speaker know that you value what they have to say. You aren’t scrolling Facebook on your phone while he’s telling you how his boss ripped into him earlier in the week and how crappy that made him feel.
If you’re discussing something important, restate the important thing your partner said in your own words so you’re sure you understand. This helps avoid arguments because you’re both clear on the issue at hand.
Use Facetime or Zoom to Stay Connected
Using a video app helps you stay better connected. Being able to see someone’s face helps you put the conversation in the proper context.
It’s much easier to see if he’s joking or playing around versus saying something in a more serious tone if you can see his face.
It also helps make the distance between you float away, at least for a little while.
Have Some Communication Boundaries
This is a good idea for any relationship, near or far.
There is no good reason to be texting someone every minute of every day. You have jobs, hobbies, friendships, and other activities to do throughout the day and having a phone in your hand isn’t necessary.
Aside from that, if you are back and forth all day, it gives you nothing to talk about when you see one another again, whether through technology or in person.
Set some realistic communication boundaries that the two of you can agree upon, and that establish a balance you can both live with.
Build Trust
Don’t Withhold Important Information
Just because you’re in a long-distance relationship, it doesn’t mean you should keep secrets from one another.
Things always come out in the end, and the longer you keep important things hidden, the more hurt is delivered when the truth comes out.
When you first meet someone, it’s easier to build trust, but if that trust is broken, it’s much more challenging to gain that same level of trust back.
Trust is a big issue especially in long-distance relationships, especially if your confidence in relationships is low to begin with. By being honest and open with one another, you avoid jealousy issues and other problems that come with a lack of trust.
Don’t Borrow Trouble
When you live far away from your loved one, it’s so easy to allow your imagination to run wild.
He always texts you before he goes to bed, usually around ten or so, but last night, he didn’t text at all.
So, now you’re wondering if he was out with another woman, or is he injured or sick? Did he just decide to break up with you and not tell you?
Rather than jumping to conclusions and letting your anxiety run amok, check in with him, kindly, and find out what’s going on.
It may be that he and a friend decided to go out for beers and to watch the football game and he got in too late to text. Maybe he got stuck at work late and didn’t get a chance to text because he was so busy.
Ask, don’t assume.
Share Your Life
This one is tricky because you want to include him in your life, but he doesn’t need a minute-by-minute playback.
Still, share what’s going on in your life. Let him celebrate your wins with you and share in your grief over losses. If you learned a new hobby, show him what you made. I guarantee he’ll think it’s awesome, so don’t worry about it being less than perfect.
Include him as if he lived close by and let him be a part of things too. You’ll not only build trust but a deeper level of intimacy because you’re sharing those things.
Build & Maintain an Emotional Connection
Plan Your Time Together
How much time you get to spend together will depend on many factors, including how much distance there is between you and the cost of travel. Driving two hours is much cheaper than a four-hour flight.
Your time apart can be used to generate excitement about the next visit. Sometimes, it’s even fun to prepare a goody box to send ahead of your visit with small gifts or things you know he loves.
These gifts might include things like tickets to see a show together or a menu from a new café you want to check out together.
Your visits don’t need to be filled with out of the house activities, though, so maybe you order a grocery delivery that comes the day you arrive so you can cook something together.
The sky is the limit, but by planning, you create excitement and anticipation for the visit, which helps build that emotional connection!
Maintain a Connection While Apart
Even though you’re apart, you can still do things together. Put together a care package full of his favorites and ship it off. You can even be together when he opens it by planning one of those Zoom or Facetime calls.
Something else you can do to stay connected is watch a concert on YouTube or tune into your favorite music and dance together.
Another favorite is to choose a book to read together and choose times to talk about it as you go along – sort of your own book club, just the two of you.
Remember to Appreciate One Another
While appreciation is a love language, it’s also a great way to remind your partner that you’re grateful to have him in your life.
Everyone likes to be appreciated, so showing your appreciation is a great way to make your partner feel special.
Don’t Overlook the Challenges
Every single relationship has challenges. There is no relationship that is perfect, regardless of distance.
Be Patient with One Another
When one of you is feeling particularly stressed, be patient instead of impatient. By not being able to see one another more often, you’re missing visual cues that your partner might be feeling anxious or stressed in his job.
Instead of being judgmental, try just allowing him time to decompress and work through whatever is bothering him.
If he says he just wants a quick chat instead of a longer talk, let it be. He might need some time to sort through things, and men do that best when they have time to themselves.
He’ll let you know when he’s feeling more like himself.
Ask For His Support When You Need It
If you need him to be patient with you while you work your way through something, ask him. He’ll understand. Additionally, if you need help with something, ask him. Just because there’s physical distance between you doesn’t mean that you need to put emotional distance there as well.
Let him know what you’re struggling with. Men love to help solve problems; it’s a way of showing their love.
Practice a Little Mindfulness
When all else fails, a journal is a great tool. Sometimes, when you write, you’re surprised by the things that come out.
Journaling is a great way to sort out your feelings and help you make sense of what’s going on around you.
Life in the moment. Try some meditation. Slow down and just let yourself exist in that one moment.
Maintain Your ‘Regular’ Life
It’s very common to shut out your friends and quit hobbies when you’re in a relationship, but this is a big mistake.
Maintain Your Outside Friendships
Maintain your friendships and spend time with your friends. Keep going to girls’ night. Do those Yoga classes. Keep working on your hobbies.
You were doing those things when you met your partner, so why would you stop, especially since you have plenty of time.
Get Into a Routine
Routines are great for keeping life in order. By having a routine, you build in the time you need to get your work done while still spending time with those friends and working on those habits.
It helps you stay focused on the things that are truly important!
Remember Why You’re in the Relationship
Sometimes, it can be difficult to remember why you chose to have a long-distance relationship. You’re tired and frustrated and you haven’t seen your guy in a while. You might be wondering what’s the point?
Sit down and remember why this guy is special to you. Why is he worth the travel? What makes him the guy you want to spend time with?
Resolve Your Issues ASAP
This goes back to the communication piece, so I’m not going to spend a lot of time here.
Instead of sweeping problems under the rug, be honest and open with your partner. Talk things out, rather than ignore them.
Also, adopt a mentality that you can forgive and move on. Forgiveness helps the wounds heal and keeps us from becoming bitter.
It also enables you to just fight one problem at a time. If you don’t forgive things, they just work their way back into new arguments.
Wrap Up
Every relationship has problems. Every one. If someone tells you their relationship is perfect, they’re lying to you.
It isn’t the fact that you have problems, it’s how you go about solving those problems that matters.
If you remain open and honest with one another and commit to spending time together, even when you’re apart, you’ll find yourselves in a happy relationship, rather than a floundering one.
Maintain outside friendships, hobbies, and activities and continue to be the woman he fell for in the first place.
Give one another grace and make sure to show one another that you appreciate each other.
Those things will help you build a great relationship, regardless of distance!
