How do you know if someone is right for you? Sure you’re attracted to him, and you get along great, but if you commit to a relationship you are closing yourself from possibly meeting Mr. Right. If you just aren’t there yet, it’s probably best to keep things casual for now and keep you options open.
Is He Your Friend?
It’s true. There is no romantic relationship without that physical, chemical spark. But if you ask happily married couples what their secret is, chances are they will say they married their best friend. When you think back on past failed relationship, chances are you were lovers but never really friends. Think of the qualities you look for in a friend — shared interests and values, mutual respect and trust, appreciation for one another, compatible personalities, and the ability to feel comfortable and happy when you’re just hanging out, spending lots of time together. Do you have that? You may be into him physically, but you can’t be hot and heavy all of time (even if you want to). He may be a good lover, but when it comes down to it, he should be a good friend too.
Does He Communicate?
In any good relationship, you must be open and honest with each other. Conversation by nature is a give and take, back and forth kind of thing! If he is normally a Chatty Charles but shuts down when it comes to certain topics, or if he sits there silently scowling while you are talking, it may be time to wonder why.
He should be someone you can talk openly and honestly with about the important stuff without worrying about whether he is judging you or withholding information. You should trust him with your secrets and he should trust you with his.
On a related note, are your conversations stimulating or do you find yourself bored and yawning, staring into his dreamy eyes? Just like you click in the bedroom, the two of you need to click conversationally. Sure, it’s nice to enjoy some quiet time together now and then, but in the end, you don’t want to be stuck in a marriage with someone who will not or cannot communicate.
Do You Really Know Him?
Trust and friendship take time. You may really want to have a boyfriend or you may really want to be engaged, but make sure you really know the guy before you rush into anything. Don’t let your biological clock blind you! Do you know what he wants for the future (besides you)?
It’s important to make sure you are both on the same page with your relationship. I have more than one friend who married and divorced because one wanted kids and the other did not. Another reason why open and honest communication is so important!
A great way to really get to know someone is to meet his family. There is a reason people traditionally “meet the parents” before getting married — It just makes sense! His upbringing has set the foundation for who he is as an adult, and can really be en eye opener. Spend some time with his parents and siblings, and observe him closely. How does he treat them? How do they treat him? What is the family dynamic? Do you like what you see?
Does He Love You?
You know how you feel about him, and it should be obvious how he feels about you. It does not matter if he says he loves you a hundred times a day or not at all. We women wear our hearts on our sleeves but men are different. They show their love through their actions. Is he proud to have you by his side? Is he protective of you? Is he generous? Does he treat you with kindness and respect? One thing you need to understand is how men love. These actions cannot be faked. When you know, you know. There are lots of men in the dating pool. Don’t settle for anything less than love.
Hopefully your answers to these four questions will give you some clarity when it comes to making the decision to finally commit to one man. By now, you should be on your way to becoming an exclusive couple, or staying open to the possibility of finding your one and only one day soon!
