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Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Final Post: How to Keep a Guy From Getting Bored

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Final Post: How to Keep a Guy From Getting Bored

The last topic in this series on understanding men is how to keep a guy from getting bored. For links to each of the previous articles, scroll to the end of the article.

I embarked on this journey to present the twelve ingredients that go into men because most women don’t know how men tick. Why would you? You’re female. We are also clueless about what makes you tick.

Today’s topic, how to keep a guy from getting bored, is no less important than the previous eleven. One could argue it’s essential. A man who’s bored in a relationship can develop a wandering eye. Not all men, but some.

How do you prevent this from happening? Read on, my beautiful friend. Read on.

It Boils Down to Two Things: Mystery and Challenge

Don’t roll your eyes. Did I just see you roll your eyes? Yes, if you’ve read my books or other articles on this site, mystery and challenge aren’t new topics to you. I understand that, but hopefully, by seeing them repeatedly, their importance will sink in.

If you’re new to the site and my writing, let me give you an overview of each.

How to Keep a Guy from Getting Bored with Challenge

Before I write one more word, let me first say that you don’t do these things every day or they become boring in themselves. Use these once a week or so, as you feel you need to.

Stay One Step Ahead of Him

Staying one step ahead of him is one way to learn how to keep a guy from getting bored. What does it look like?

If he’s planning to go to the gym, you’ve already been there and are back. If he decides to try a new hobby, you have three you love.

When he gets out of the shower before work, you have his clothes lined up, and you’re already gone.

If he announces a golf trip with his buddies, you plan a trip to Vegas with your friends.

When you stay one step ahead, he sees that you’re quick on your feet and you have a life outside your life with him. You love him, but he needs to keep up.

He’s less likely to feel comfortable sitting on the couch playing video games or watching sports if you’re out doing things without him. Can you sit on the couch with him all day? Sure, but not every day.

Be Less Intense

The work environment is sometimes stressful, so when you’re out for an evening of fun, it helps to let your hair down.

It can be challenging to shift from being in charge to enjoying yourself, but the intensity after a full day of stress is just too much.

Let him get to know you slowly, not all at once. Sharing your entire life story over one or two drinks is very intense.

He wants to hear it, but slowly, over several dates. Reveal your story in bits and pieces. This keeps the mystery alive and keeps him intrigued.

how to keep a guy from getting bored

Be Open-Minded

You’ve probably developed a list if you’ve dated for any time. It might go something like this:

  • I’d never ride a rollercoaster
  • No way would I ever touch a snake!
  • I never eat dessert after 7
  • There’s no way on earth I’d try ziplining
  • I would never date a guy who was over six feet tall

This type of list makes you closed-minded. It’s one thing to have fears about rollercoasters, ziplining, and snakes, but it’s another to completely rule out any opportunity to grow. Instead, inject challenge and mystery by being open to new experiences.

If something causes you to break out into a cold sweat, say so, but still keep an open mind about trying. Experiencing something like that with your guy is incredibly bonding, and he’ll wonder what else you’re willing to try!

Mystery!

Learn the 15 tell-tale signs that your guy likes you!

Never Let Him Get Bored

When he zigs, you zag. If he believes you can’t do a push-up, you crank out ten. If he knows your favorite ice cream flavor is butter pecan, you decide it’s black raspberry this week.

Do you always dress in basically the same way for your dates? Change things up with a new style.

The idea here is not to fall into a rut with your relationship. Keep him on his toes by staying on yours. Surprise him with little tidbits.

If you usually text him daily, skip a day and say you were busy.

Keeping him interested is fun, but it’s also good for you. Doing these things helps you keep from allowing your life to become too mundane.

The bonus is that this guy will never become bored, which is crucial.

Share Your Opinion

Men love to share their opinion, and more than that, they love friendly or competitive banter.

When two men have a conversation, they constantly challenge one another by taking opposite stands on a topic.

These aren’t arguments but discussions where each has an opinion, and they rarely back down. It strengthens their bond, and it can do the same for you.

To share an opinion on a subject, you need to cultivate knowledge. You do this by experiencing life to the fullest. Get out there and check out a political rally. Watch a football game or two. Go to the art museum or arboretum.

Your action makes you interesting and enables you to be challenging. To make this work, find out where his passion lies, and then learn what you can about it.

How to Keep a Guy from Getting Bored with Mystery

When you first meet a new man, you know little about one another. The first date is one big mystery, which is exciting for most men. He’s dying to learn what makes you tick and hear your story.

He’s in chase mode, but as time passes and he learns more about you, the mystery begins to disappear. The faster you tell him your entire life story, the faster the mystery dissipates.

For him, this is part of the fun of dating you, but eventually, regardless of how much you spread out your story, he’ll know most of it. Then what?

I get pushback on this because women feel they don’t need to change who they are to please a man. I agree with this, and I didn’t ask you to change who you are.

Answer this: are you the same person today that you were five years ago? Do you think you’ll be the same person in ten years or twenty?

Of course not. We all change and grow. People develop new skills and interests. You learn new things and engage in new hobbies.

Instead of fighting me on this advice, recognize that change is inevitable. Your guy will change, too; if you don’t both change, someone will be left behind.

how to keep a guy from getting bored

Take a Few Risks

Risk-taking is an excellent way to inject mystery into your relationship. You don’t need to risk your life, but take some risks in safe ways.

For example, if you’re afraid of heights, work on overcoming that fear by working your way to higher and higher places. Come home proud that you stood at the top of the bleachers and looked down!

Every person has fears. Some are rational, some aren’t, but that’s not for me to judge. As humans, we grow when we face those fears. You build confidence by acknowledging and then overcoming a fear.

And you become mysterious. If you come home and announce that you finally reached the top of the rock-climbing wall at the gym, your guy will beam with pride and be thrilled for you. Then, he’ll wonder what’s next with a big smile.

How to Keep a Guy from Losing Interest: Keep Some Secrets to Yourself

People are like onions. We have many layers. Part of dating fun is peeling back those layers to see what lies beneath.

Don’t overshare your life with a new guy. Hold things back for much later. Don’t do this with the important stuff, like whether you have kids or if you live in another city. Instead, hold back that great trip to Europe during college or the time you got up in front of the entire student body to win the spelling bee.

You can also save more intimate things like any sexual fetishes or fantasies you may have. This makes you very mysterious indeed!

Keep Him Guessing – Break His Label

Have you ever seen a stranger and immediately placed a label on them? Of course, you have. We all do it because it’s human nature. It’s a defense mechanism. You assess someone for their threat level, whether you realize it or not.

Well, when your guy first met you, he labeled you too. Maybe he even placed a label on you before you officially met.

Imagine that the first time he saw you was when he was watching a buddy play soccer. He saw you on the field and immediately labeled you as a jock.

Then, the next time he saw you, you were dressed up for a charity event in a beautiful dress with your hair and makeup done.

This is a great way to be mysterious without even intending to be. He labeled you when he first saw you; then you busted it when he saw you again. He doesn’t know what to expect, and he loves it!

How to Keep a Guy from Getting Bored | Break Your Routine

Breaking your routine is more about when you’re in a relationship than when you’re dating early on. You’ve been together for a while, and he knows your daily routine by heart.

But then you turn it upside down. Instead of getting up and going to the gym right away, you get up and make his favorite breakfast. Another day, instead of ordering your favorite coffee on your Saturday morning date, you order something different.

These seem like small things, but they break a routine, and that’s always good.

Routines are fine, but they’re boring. Sometimes we need them to ensure we get things done, but that doesn’t mean every moment should be part of some routine.

Don’t be afraid to shake things up from time to time. It shows that you’re willing to live outside your comfort zone and that you’re a confident woman. There is safety in a routine, so breaking it forces you to step outside that safety net.

Give Him Space

Giving him space comes in two forms: emotional and physical.

To give him physical space, let him have a place that’s all his. When a man is dealing with something emotional or stressful, he needs to be able to retreat and lick his wounds while coping with the emotional stuff.

To give him emotional space, let him go to that physical space and lick his wounds until he’s ready to discuss it.

Men aren’t equipped to manage emotionally difficult situations like women are. Most men are raised to suck it up and deal, not to show emotions because it’s a sign of weakness.

Therefore, they need a retreat so they can figure things out. Don’t trail along behind him, begging him to talk to you. Find something to do, like getting into your hobby or going out with friends.

How to Keep a Guy from Getting Bored

Follow the advice above, and your guy won’t become bored in your relationship. All the things you read about above will also help you write your story and grow as a woman.

Learning how to keep a guy from getting bored is learning how to live your life to the fullest, and there’s nothing wrong with that!

Take Control of Your Relationship by Understanding Men | The Entire Series

The remaining twelve articles in this series are linked below. Each covers a nuance of being male that many women don’t understand. They highlight the differences between men and women and hopefully help you enjoy a successful relationship.

Series Introduction

Winning

Competition

Rejection

Feelings

Money

Status

Challenge

Appreciation

Cheating

Providing

To date a man, you must understand a man. Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations. To a man, his financial status indicates how well he can take care of you and your family. It's a source of pride for him to be able to do so, even if you make your own money and can support yourself.

It's how he was raised.

Men also love differently. Many relationships breakup for the simple reason that a man is showing a woman how much he loves her, but he isn't saying the words she longs to hear. He's taking her car to get the oil changed, building the shelves she desires in her office and helping with the outside chores. You're probably missing many of these signs that he loves you.

You gain so much insight into the male mind that you'll be amazed at what you suddenly see and understand in the behavior of all men around you. Not just the man you're in a relationship with, but the men you work with and those in your family.

Read more about the book here or click the buttons to buy it today!

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 10: Why Do Men Cheat and How to Stop This From Ever Happening!

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 10: Why Do Men Cheat and How to Stop This From Ever Happening!

Why Do Men Cheat?

The age-old question, why do men cheat, has some clear answers, and while answers might be what you think you’re looking for, it’s only part of what will help you heal.

While researching this article, I came upon a few other pieces that proved interesting, including this one, which takes an interesting spin on it.

I also conducted more scientific research and landed on the same things I think you’ll find enlightening.

Multiple studies I discovered said that while roughly eleven percent of women cheat, the number is closer to twenty-two percent for men. These studies also indicate that men are more likely to cheat from age forty on for men and between ages forty to fifty for women.

First, let’s look at the anatomy of an affair, then we’ll uncover the answer to the question of why do men cheat, and finally, we’ll look at some things you can do to avoid cheating or deal with its aftermath.

In This Article:

The Anatomy of an Affair

Why Do Men Cheat?

What’s the Aftermath of Cheating & How Can You Deal With It?

What Can You Do?

why do men cheat

The Anatomy of an Affair

Affairs last different lengths and have different depths of feeling, depending on the reason for the affair.

When an affair is due to anger, feeling unloved, or needing variety, the affair is more likely to last longer than an affair of opportunity.

When a man feels a lower connection to his partner, he often feels a deeper connection to the woman he’s having an affair with. Still, only around ten percent of affairs use the “L” word.

Interestingly, more affairs involve kissing and cuddling than intercourse, bolstering the argument that some people seek affairs due to feeling less of an emotional attachment to their partner.

While most cheaters don’t want to get caught, those cheating out of anger want to get caught to punish the partner they’re angry with. Additionally, cheaters who feel neglected or who lack self-esteem are less likely to care if they’re seen on a date with someone else because it boosts their self-esteem. The final group who may want to get caught are those who want out of their current entanglement.

I bet you’re wondering how often cheaters confess. When the cheating is due to neglect or anger, the cheater is more likely to confess. Those who confess are more likely to form a committed relationship with the affair partner.

Why Do Men Cheat?

They Don’t Believe It’s Wrong

If a man grew up in an environment where one or both of his parents cheated on the other, he might not see anything wrong with cheating. It was the normal state of things in his own family.

While research indicates that nearly 80% of men believe infidelity is always or almost always wrong, twenty percent still think otherwise. The percentages are the same for women, by the way.

Some are Emotionally Immature

Boys, and then men, are encouraged to be stoic and not to be afraid or vulnerable. Men should be autonomous, independent, in charge, successful, competitive, and strong.

As boys grow up, they identify more with being action-oriented problem solvers than individuals who understand their emotions.

To further the problem, since men aren’t allowed to be in touch with their emotions, there are very few emotions that are more difficult for them to process: anger, fear, sadness, and shame.

Rather than deal with these difficult emotions, they seek a distraction, sometimes in the form of an affair.

In the case of some men, emotional immaturity comes from a lack of experience in romantic relationships. His past experiences haven’t taught him that his actions have consequences, especially if he didn’t learn it as a child.

Monogamy might be something he puts on and takes off like a favorite sports jersey.

They’re Experiencing Other Issues

Suppose a man is struggling with his emotions or has an addictive personality. In that case, he may be battling a drug or alcohol addiction, which lowers inhibitions and distorts his decision-making ability.

Drug and alcohol addiction is a relationship deal-breaker. Someone battling addiction must first acknowledge the addiction and spend months, if not a year or more, overcoming that addiction. There’s no room for a relationship in recovery.

If his issue is sexual addiction, his desire for sex is a compulsion he uses to numb the pains of his life and avoid dealing with them.

Why Do Men Cheat? They Have Low Self-Esteem

Even if your guy was a confident man when you first met him, things come along to chip away at that confidence and self-esteem. A job loss or loss of income is one prime example of how this can happen.

He might feel he’s getting too old or losing his looks. If he’s lost income, he may fear he isn’t financially stable or smart enough anymore.

To pull himself out of his doldrums, he might seek affairs with women so he can begin to feel wanted or important again.

why do men cheat

They Want Out

Sometimes, a man wants out of a relationship but cheats rather than asking for a breakup, separation, or divorce.

Cheating accomplishes either getting the female to initiate the breakup or finding someone else to be in a relationship with before the old relationship ends so he isn’t alone.

Either way, it’s the cheap way out. Rather than owning that he’s done with the current relationship, he cheats and forces the issue.

Why Do Men Cheat? They Lack Male Companionship

It is healthy and arguably necessary to have friends of the same sex. Men should have male friends, and women should have female friends. These friendships form bonds you can’t have with a spouse or mate.

They also help you have an active social life outside your love relationships. For a man, having male friends helps him socially and sometimes with his emotional struggles. Another guy understands what he’s going through better than you. Sorry.

If he doesn’t have those male friendships, he relies on his female counterpart to meet the emotional needs she probably can’t because she isn’t a guy and doesn’t fully understand. Inevitably, she’ll let him down, and he’ll seek another woman, thinking she will understand.

They Don’t Understand the Difference Between Lust and Commitment

At the beginning of a relationship, there is a chemical heat that can also be called romantic intensity. That initial heat, or lust, can be confused with love. While there are certainly instances where that chemistry and heat lead to long-term commitment, that intensity transitions into a less intense but more meaningful connection.

If he’s always seeking the heat, not waiting for the next stage of a relationship, or not understanding that he’s transitioned to that next stage, he’ll continue seeking the heat.

They Have Attachment Issues

There are traumas in childhood that cause both men and women to have attachment and intimacy issues. If someone has suffered abuse, for example, he may be unwilling or unable to commit to just one person fully.

Additionally, rather than dealing with those wounds, sexual excitement might serve as a distraction from the emotional pain of his youth.

Do Emotionally Unavailable Men Change?

why do men cheat

They’re Selfish or Narcissistic

If your guy cheated, you might have snagged a guy who’s too selfish or narcissistic to be in a committed relationship.

In this case, a guy cheating has little to no regard for how his actions impact you. All he cares about is how his actions are affecting him. This type of guy sees monogamy as something he does not want.

His selfishness might also lead him to believe he deserves a life different from that of other men. The usual rules don’t apply to someone as special as him.

Why Do Men Cheat? Opportunity Knocked

In several studies I read, men were more likely to cheat on someone from work if the workplace had many women to create the possibility. If the workplace only had a few women, the odds of cheating were lower.

A man might never consider cheating until that opportunity arises, and then he finds it irresistible.

They Have Unrealistic Expectations

This might sound like the selfish or narcissistic guy above, but that doesn’t always fit. If a man grew up in a home where his mother took care of his or his father’s every need, twenty-four-seven, he might have unrealistic expectations of a real relationship.

Someone doting on him from day one of his life sets him up for the belief that that’s how his life should always be.

He doesn’t understand that you have a life of your own. Your life should only involve doting on him and meeting his every need.

They Weren’t Committed to The Relationship

A man may claim that he was never very committed to the relationship, thus justifying his infidelity. This occurs more often in a dating scenario than in a marriage. He may argue that while you thought you were a couple, he wasn’t there yet, and maybe he wasn’t.

How to Tell if a Guy Likes You

Why Do Men Cheat? They Feel Neglected

Women often think that men don’t have feelings because they don’t express them. Nothing could be further from the truth.

If a man feels neglected in his relationship, he’ll cheat. He will seek out the emotional attachment and sense of belonging he misses with his wife or partner.

While it’s essential to have a life outside your relationship, it’s also important to nurture your partner and your relationship.

The challenge is in finding the right balance. Encourage him to develop and maintain friendships with other men, and you establish and maintain female friendships. Spend time together, but don’t be disappointed when your partner wants to spend time with his friends.

The Sex Isn’t What It Once Was

There are stages in a relationship when sex becomes hotter or cooler. When couples are young, and there are young children, sleeplessness might diminish sexual desire. If you’re experiencing challenges at work or with your children, the stress might make sex less desirable.

Still, taking time for that special aspect of your relationship is essential. Sex isn’t just about having an orgasm; it’s about spending quality time with your partner and sharing a physical closeness. It’s the heat and the chemistry, but it’s also the time after when you’re snuggling or talking or even drifting off to sleep.

If a man feels your relationship is lacking sexually, he’ll look elsewhere. The best way to combat this is to keep things exciting between the sheets. Be sure to set aside time for one another. Find some sex games to play or read sexual fantasy books together. Don’t allow your sex life to become mundane, for your own sake, as much as his.

Why Do Men Cheat? They’re Angry

Yes. Cheating may be the result of your guy being angry with you. Whatever has occurred between you, he’s decided that cheating on you is his best way to seek revenge. In this case, he’s unlikely to hide his cheating. He wants you to know he’s cheating so you can hurt as much as he does.

why do men cheat

What’s the Aftermath of Cheating and How Can You Deal with It?

The Affair Partner

The affair’s impact on the partner who is part of the cheating relationship depends on the reason for the cheating. In cheating due to anger or neglect, there is a greater likelihood that the relationship will last longer.

However, if the affair is opportunity-based or due to a lack of sexual variety at home, the affair is less likely to continue.

In only one in ten affairs, the relationship transitioned into a long-term committed relationship. In nearly sixty percent of the affairs, there was either occasional contact or a residual friends-only relationship. Roughly one-fourth of affair partners are entirely shut out with no contact whatsoever.

The Primary Partner

I was surprised to learn that only twenty percent of all relationships that suffer through an affair end in divorce. Another twenty percent remained together despite knowing about the affair, and almost thirty percent of the relationships stayed together because the primary partner never discovered the affair.

Of course, as you’ve read, an affair based on anger or neglect will be more likely to continue than the other types. An affair out of opportunity lasted the least amount of time and was less often discovered.

The Conversation

After you discover that your guy has cheated, you can do a few things to determine your next steps.

Involve a Counselor or Unbiased Friend

The first thing to uncover is what caused the cheating to occur in the first place. Knowing why he cheated will help you understand what steps to take next. Involving a counselor is recommended if you both decide to repair the relationship.

A counselor can help you work through the issues that caused the cheating, rebuild trust and develop a deeper understanding of one another.

Do Either of You Want to Continue This Relationship?

Ask your partner what he wants to do. Is he committed to his new relationship, or does he regret his mistake and want to return?

At the same time, however, you must examine your feelings. Can you trust him again, with time? Rebuilding trust takes time, and if he’s genuinely remorseful, he understands he has a lot of work ahead of him. However, if you feel you can’t trust him, it’s time to end things.

Do You Still Want the Relationship?

Another difficult question is whether you still want a relationship with this man. Are there underlying issues that you’re willing to work on? Is he willing to work on them? Is this relationship worth fixing, or would you rather start with someone new?

why do men cheat

Why Do Men Cheat? What Can You Do?

While everyone automatically assumes that the answer to why do men cheat is that they do it for sex, the truth is in the numbers. In the anatomy of a cheater section above, you read that many affair relationships involve cuddling and kissing, but not necessarily sex.

When anger and neglect aren’t an issue, men cheat because they’re missing an emotional connection in the relationship.

While I’ll never go as far as to say an affair is your fault, that doesn’t mean there aren’t things you can do to help prevent an affair in your relationship. Let’s look at a few.

Encourage Date Nights

One great way to avoid an affair is to set aside one evening a week for a date night. This gives you and your partner a chance to reconnect and discuss anything that might be going on.

Make your date nights technology-free times, except for needing your phone for a babysitter or in the event of one of you being on call for work.

While I don’t encourage you to discuss complex issues on date night, discussing them while you’re both in a good mood is always better than discussing something while you’re angry.

Why You Should Never Stop Dating Your Husband

Learn How He Loves

Men Love in Different Ways

I wish I could tell you how many women reach out to me because they think their guy doesn’t love them. There is a massive disconnect between how men express love and how women want it to be expressed.

There is every likelihood that your guy is showing you his love every day in the little things he does for you, yet because you’re waiting for three words, you miss the cues.

The next thing you know, you’re angry because you think he doesn’t love you, and he’s feeling neglected because you shut off the sex tap out of that anger.

Pay attention to those little things he does, like:

  • Fixing something for you
  • Doing chores to help you
  • Getting you your favorite cookie or cup of coffee
  • Sending you to the mall with his credit card to get that dress for your sister’s wedding

Those are just a few. Your guy may show it by appreciating that you cooked his favorite meal. He might give you a back rub or massage your feet after a long day. Men are action-oriented, and they show their love in actions.

Spice Things Up

Get a little risqué in the bedroom from time to time. Don’t always have sex in the same way. Try new positions or places. Read up on different ways to spice up your relationship. Find sex games to play if you feel stuck.

A man with sexual variety at home is much less likely to seek it outside the home, but this is as much for you as it is for him.

It isn’t just men who become bored with sex. Spice things up for your own sake too!

Twenty Turn-ons That Will Drive Him Crazy

Bring Back the Sexual Tension in Your Relationship

Five Ways to Spice Up Your Soon-to-Become-Boring Relationship

Let Him Chase You

Just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean he can’t chase you from time to time. Men love to chase after things – promotions, better cars, women. If he’s chasing you, he won’t try chasing another woman.

To get him to chase you, try some of these:

  • Maintain a healthy social life outside of your relationship
  • Be happy, playful, and receptive to his advances
  • Make him think about you when you aren’t together by giving him a good long kiss before you leave or sticking a note in his briefcase
  • Be mysterious; stop trying to prove to him that you’re the right one – let him figure it out on his own
  • Do activities together; develop a mutual hobby or combine a hobby you each have into a new hobby to share
  • Send him a flirty text
  • Let him be the one to reach out after a date
  • Be the first one to…; find out something he’s fantasized about or has always wanted to do and be the first one to do that with him
  • Don’t force the relationship; let it develop naturally
why do men cheat

Trigger His Hero Instinct

Four Ways to Trigger His Hero Instinct

All men want to be your hero. Even though you don’t need a hero, he still needs to be your hero.

Ask him for help sometimes, even if you don’t need it. Don’t just ask for the sake of asking, and don’t be fake because while he’s a male, he’s not stupid.

Give him the chance to help and then appreciate his effort.

Also, don’t always be available when he asks. If you have other plans, keep them and suggest a different time to spend together. This makes him work for the relationship, which makes it that much more precious to him.

And finally, challenge him. Superheroes don’t show up for every problem, just the major emergencies, so challenge him with a competition of some sort. Split the grocery list and see who can get their items the fastest. Challenge him to a game of tennis or see who can take the furthest run.

Why Do Men Cheat?

While most men will cite lame excuses for cheating, a few reasons resonate, as you’ve seen above. Answering the question why do men cheat provides insight and knowledge on how to avoid the problem.

Working to avoid cheating isn’t just something you do for him; it’s something you do for yourself and your relationship. While I would never blame you for having a man cheat on you, I can suggest ways in which you can hope to avoid cheating altogether.

Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you'll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They're added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

To learn more about it, click here. To purchase the book, click one of the buttons below.

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 8: Men Love Challenge

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 8: Men Love Challenge

How to Challenge Your Man

How to keep a man chasing you involves understanding the male mind. I have been answering your emails, every day, and the subject of “understanding men” from a man’s perspective has become very popular.

Let’s get to it!

On February 24th I blogged about the 12 ingredients that go into men. Can you name all 12?

Today I want to talk about the 7th ingredient – How to Challenge Your Man and why it is so important to guys and why it’s important for you to execute.

I’m currently coaching an incredible girl, Hana. She is married but the sex has fallen off. Everything else is fine. Her guy, Jack, is a decent man but was spending more time with friends and less time with Hana.

She contacted me and asked what she can do to get Jack to want her more, both sexually, and in general.

Hana told me, “I miss him chasing me.”

The very first tool I pull out of my kit is challenge! Hana described their routine in my questionnaire. I knew exactly what was going on. They were home all the time, in fact, Hana worked from home.

I explained that Jack is bored, but we can fix it.

Then, I coached Hana to resurrect her social life. I had her sign up for two local networking/social events through Meetup.com. Now, she has a vibrant and expanding social life outside of Jack’s to run too…and she does!

How to Keep a Man Chasing You

Hana changed her look too. She cut her hair and went blonde from brunette. She even shocked me! This wasn’t necessary but she had always wanted to do it, so she went for it. This just added more shock value and doubled down on the whole strategy.

How to Keep a Man Chasing You

How to Keep a Man Chasing You

What happened? Jack’s interest was piqued. He began asking Hana why she was acting strange. She told him she was bored, and decided to take on some new hobbies – things she has always been interested in. She also told Jack she missed her friends. All these things got Jack to thinking that he might be losing her!

How to Make a Guy Chase You Using Male Psychology

Like a bear to honey, Jack took the bait because challenge is a strong pull for all men. Yep, we are using male psychology to lure him in.

Internally, Jack’s adrenaline started kicking in. His wife was acting odd and he believed that she was getting bored with him. He thought he might lose her.

He realized he had to do something about it (fix the problem, another DNA trait) so he stepped up his game and started chasing his wife all over again.

Hana and Jack started doing new things together and racking up more memories. The sex returned!

She kept her vibrant social life alive to keep Jack on his toes so he would not “fade on her” again. I taught her to gauge Jack’s responses going forward so she could implicate this powerful tool when necessary.

Jack got trained and he didn’t even know it…sit boy, sit!!

Do you see what happened?

Hana learned how to challenge her man.

She did not get upset and start bitching at Jack’s poor attitude like most women would do. Heck, she had every right to. Instead, she picked from the DNA tree, matched it up to her situation, realized what she had to do, and executed!!

Hana did to Jack exactly what he was doing to her (started caring less about him and more about her needs) and it worked. Man Mode strikes again! Jack accepted this challenge and started trying harder. Jack’s change of behavior was fixed in days – not weeks or months!

Remember the movie Fried Green Tomatoes? Evelyn Couch’s (Kathy Bates) husband barely acknowledges her when he gets home. Evelyn goes full on crazy on him when she gains inspiratiion from Ninny Threadgoode (Jessica Tandy), a colorful elderly woman in a nursing home who brightens Evelyn’s outlook by sharing tales from her past.

what do men want

Watch Kathy Bates fix her relationship!

Her husband witnessed the change (her increase in confidence) and suddenly becomes much more interested. This is the concept I am trying to convey!

Learning how to challenge a man is easy with the proper tools!

I can take ANY scenario, pick from the DNA tree (or the conveyor belt to manhood as I like to call it), and solve the problems you have with men, and now you can too!!

Next week, I will discuss DNA Imprint #8 – Men Need to Feel Appreciated!

 

To execute tactics like the ones above, you need confidence. One great place to get it is in my book, Live Like You’re Dying. To buy your copy, click the title text or the cover to the left.

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 7: The Importance of Status in Our Lives!

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 7: The Importance of Status in Our Lives!

Why is Social Status so Important to Men?

I have been answering your emails, every day, and the subject of “understanding men” from a man’s perspective has become a very popular subject, so let’s continue!

On February 24th I blogged about the 12 ingredients that go into men. Do you know them? You need to.

Today I want to talk about the 6th ingredient – Why is Social Status so Important to Men? And why it’s important for you to know.

We’ve covered winning and competition so status fits right in. Looking back as early as elementary school, I can remember battling for social status with my friends. I didn’t know, obviously, what was happening but I remember that school was a battle and I embraced it.

It was a fight to be liked. I needed to be appreciated and respected. It was a fight for the girls!

I wanted my voice to be heard and wanted to be seen and be the one setting the trends.

But I had Steven to contend with!

Steve was my arch rival. He was as good as or better than me in some areas and it pissed me off! Some days I would even punch things when I got home. Social status was that important to me.

There were followers too. Peter was a close friend of mine and he followed guys like me. He was a beta male. Peter, and many others, were submissive so we got along. We held different levels of status and they were constantly in flux.

Steven on the other hand ?

Looking back we were all fighting for social status. We wanted to be picked first on any team and we wanted the girls to only like us and no one else.

The Conveyor Belt to Manhood was being powered up and we were on it!

The boys who thrived had the upper hand in life. They had the confidence and the self-esteem to take on new challenges. Sure, some still failed later on in life but they had better odds because they carried status wherever they went thanks to their positive upbringing.

So where do you fit into this silly little boy social status stuff?

Women need to pick the guys that have status. If they don’t, they will be forever trying to fix a man and that never works.

4 Signs a Man has Social Status:

  • His friends respect him. They rarely break plans and they talk highly of him to others.
  • His family loves to talk about him. When Mom can’t stop telling stories of her son, then you know he carries status in the family too.
  • Strangers act quickly when he asks for things. Yes, even strangers can tell when a guy of status is around because of his voice and body language. Look back when you were on a date at a restaurant and the guy orders exactly what he wants and he requests the perfect accompanying wine for the two of you.
  • He has a good paying job and he makes enough money to provide, and then some.

Look for this in a man. If you do, you will be picking from the Lion Den and avoiding the wet kittens! This sounds simple enough but I can guarantee that many times you have ignored a man’s status and the role it plays in his (and your) life.

Why is Social Status so Important to Men? Summary

I can take ANY scenario, pick from the DNA tree (or the conveyor belt to manhood as I like to call it), and solve your problems that you have with men and now you can too!!

Next up, I will discuss DNA Imprint #7 – Men Love Challenge!

 

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 6: Money and Its Importance to Men

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 6: Money and Its Importance to Men

Money and its Importance to Men

I have been answering your emails, every day, and the subject of “understanding men” from a man’s perspective has become a very popular subject, so let’s continue!

On February 24th I blogged about the 12 ingredients that go into men. Do you remember them?

Today I want to talk about the 5th ingredient – Money and its importance to men. This is DNA imprint #5 on our list.

I bet you have no idea how important money is to men, do you? Many of you are saying that’s crap.

Is it?

Let me set the record straight.

Let’s Talk about Money

Men are taught to provide food, shelter, and other material things for our family. To accomplish this requires money. We can’t pay the rent, buy a car, and shop for food without it. When a man loses his job, he loses his identity and quickly struggles with anxiety and depression.

Don’t worry this is the only part of the male brain that is larger than yours!

Men have larger amygdalas than women (trust me this is not always a good thing.) This is the part of the brain that orientates, warns of danger, sees objects in 3-D, and tracks moving objects. This is the “caveman DNA” in us, also known as the “fight of flight” mechanism.

Money is just the modern day form of protection from our enemies. Instead of a spear, we have money to protect us every day. With money we can defend and hold our own.

It makes sense right? Money keeps our territory and shelter (our land, and house) protected. The more we have the “safer” we feel. Money protects “our women” (trying not to be sexist here) from other alpha males. If I have money and the guy next door does not, I have a better chance of convincing her to stay with me because I can provide better things.

Men Can’t Love if they Can’t Provide

Our caveman days are gone (except when I smell barbecue) and money is our new form of survival!

Many men can’t love without being able to provide. They might try but most fail because they feel like a part of their DNA is missing. What’s missing is his ability to show his family and his peers that he can fend for himself without help.

Women feel that if they have their own money, what’s the problem? They can pay for things.

Wrong!

This emasculates a man. I wish I could share some of my many emails I get from women who have supported their guy only to see him exit without any reason. They think that it is OK to pay for them while they get through school only to get dumped when he gets his dream job.

The reason is so obvious to me. He needs to make his own money to feel good about himself and the person he is with.

The man had not fulfilled his ride on the conveyor belt to manhood, which states he must be able to provide, which means having money! Look back to your list. Remember?

Yes it sounds shallow. Yes, you are saying, “How can a pile of cash compare to a wonderful relationship?”

It compares because we don’t think like you! My book, The 10 Secrets You Need To Know About Men, hammers home this concept.

I would not fight me on this, instead, take it as fact and use it to your advantage. You now hold one more key to getting what you want from a man by knowing the importance of money in his world.

Now you know not to date a man who can’t afford to take you out on a night on the town. Red flags should flash when you find out your 35 year-old date still lives with mom.

Supporting him will be futile.

Are there exceptions? There are always exceptions. If you are married and your husband loses his job, he might temporarily be unable to provide and that’s OK. A quality guy will rebound and make getting a new job his priority.

If you are dating a dude who is broke but is soon to graduate school with an excellent skill-set, then he is motivated and will soon have money – that’s OK too. Just don’t support him through it. Live apart until he can provide.

So now you know how important money is to a man and you can choose more wisely!

Now you know Money and its Importance to Men

I can take ANY scenario, pick from the DNA tree (or the conveyor belt to manhood as I like to call it), and solve the problems you have with men and now you can too!!

Next week, I will discuss DNA Imprint #6 – Status and why it’s so important for men!

 

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 5: Why Men Hide Their Feelings

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 5: Why Men Hide Their Feelings

Today I want to talk about the 4th DNA ingredient – why men hide their feelings and rarely listen.

I have been answering all your emails, every day, and the subject of “understanding men” from a man’s point of view seems to be what resonates the most.

On February 24th I blogged about the 12 ingredients that go into men. Do you remember them?

Holding in our emotions is DNA imprint #4 on our list.

Why Men Hide Their Feelings

Guys are brought up to hide their emotions. And when we do show them – it usually isn’t pretty.

We are taught to be self-reliant and to fix things. Crying is not a part of that. A strong man never cries, instead he analyzes his problem and finds a solution. Stoic and reserved – that is a true man!

Or so we are taught.

I grew up with 3 older sisters. I remember falling off my bike. My dad said, “Stop your crying, get over it – it’s just a scratch!”

When my sister Cheryl fell down crying, my folks asked, “where does it hurt?”

Then she would get a friggin’ ice cream! No wonder why men hide their feelings.

how to get a man to express his feelings

You can get him to express his feelings!

My family listened to Cheryl. She was nurtured when she fell down. My sister learned that showing her feelings got rewarded. No one listened to my feelings when I wiped out and no one cared about my wounds.

No wonder I don’t open up and show my feelings in a relationship.

Not understanding men and their emotions can have you making statements like:

“Gregg won’t tell me how he feels” or “He never listens to me!”

Provide and protect, that’s what we do. Communicate, listen, and nurture? Uh no.

Fix the kitchen sink? I’m on it!

There is science behind men and their feelings. It’s not that we don’t have them, we do, we just process things differently. Men reason – we use the left side of our brain. Women use the right side where emotion lies.

We don’t understand your display of emotions. We have our way but it is not your way. Few women understand this. In fact, I bet you would be horrified if your man started acting emotionally like you do.

If I broke into a nonstop crying fit after my car broke down, my girl would be calling me a shrink and packing her things!

You are in the talking business, we are in the fix it business.

How to Get a Man to Express his Feelings

Now that you know this, how can you get what you want while a man gets what he needs too? Can we make it a win/win for both?

Let’s start with what you don’t do:

  • Don’t try to get him to show his feelings
  • Never chase him when he retreats
  • Don’t tease him when he does show his feelings

An even better way to manage this situation is to let him retreat and give him space. This is when he contemplates his next move and decides how he is going to fix whatever issue is bugging him. Give him this time and you will be amazed at how much he opens up when he is ready.

Patient women are rewarded when they do what he does – retreat and just be patient. I call this Man Mode and it works great!

Let’s look at a practical example of how you to use this DNA trait (hiding his feelings and not listening) to your benefit…

Why do Men Hide Their Feelings

Get what you want from him!

Imagine you want a fence installed around the yard and your husband keeps procrastinating. You complain. He won’t listen, instead, he withdraws.

Now try things my way. Put it in “fix it” terms! “Honey, is there a way to keep the dog from chasing the cars? A fence or something? Is that hard to do?”

WHOA! I just got a twitch running down my leg. “A fence? The dog? I love the dog.”

You can even add in a little compliment too; “Honey, is there a way to keep the dog from chasing the cars? A fence or something? I bet you can build an awesome fence!”

I am now listening and willing to express my emotions because you are speaking my language.

Some of you will yell at me and say, “Gregg, why do I always need to change for him?”

I don’t want you to change! I am helping you understand him so you can react differently, and in a way he understands – that’s all.

Why Do Men Hide Their Feelings Summary

Remember, I am also on the other side teaching men about women so we don’t keep doing the same stupid things that we are notorious for!

I can take ANY scenario, pick from the DNA tree (or the conveyor belt to manhood as I like to call it), and solve your problems that you have with men and now you can too!!

Next week, we will talk about DNA Imprint #5 – Money is very important to us!

 

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 4: Rejection!

Why Do Guys Fear Rejection?

I have been answering all your emails, every day, and the subject of “understanding men” from a man’s point of view seems to be what resonates the most. Even my podcasts with pros like Lorna Poole, Suzanne Oshima and Dr. Allen Darbonne, are about my strategies to understand and get what a woman desires from a man.

Everyone, even the pros, want to hear more about my game changing strategies.

On February 24th I blogged about the 12 ingredients that go into men. Do you remember them?

Today I want to talk about the 3rd ingredient – Why Do Guys Fear Rejection?

Let’s face it, we all dislike rejection. I remember the first time I asked a girl to the prom.

I got shot down, OUCH!

Rejection comes in all forms and when it hits a man early in life it has a lingering effect. Those who get through their childhoods relatively unscathed are the ones who turn into confident men.

But many do not.

Many men have been rejected so many times by women, employers, and their own friends, that they decide it’s easier not to engage.

Why risk being rejected when you can just follow the pack and not rock the boat?

When you understand the effect rejection has on guys, you can use it to your advantage when attracting men. For example, when a man approaches you, give him a chance. Give him a full 60 seconds before you consider rejecting him.

Why Do Guys Fear Rejection?

Growing up, a kids confidence was directly related to how he compared to his peers. Did he date the pretty girls? Did he get picked first for the kickball team? Did he get picked at all? Was he popular?

I was lucky growing up but many were not. I never realized how much the rejection hurt the others. It bothers me today how I (and my popular friends) treated the ‘kids that didn’t rank’ as if they were second rate. Now I see why rejection must be included on my list of ingredients that women need to know about. 

A man struggles in the first 30 seconds and needs your help! Root for him, help him out. If he struggles this is a good sign, this means that he is not a player. Players have smooth lines because they are careerists. Good guys are not.

What normally happens? Women reject the guy that says something awkward or “wrong” and waits for the comedian with the blue eyes and chiseled chin to walk over.

Two weeks later, they (the player and the woman) are at the same bar repeating the process with different people.

If you are in a relationship, understanding men and how they relate to rejection can help you too. Make sure you communicate in a winning way. Your boyfriend or husband is going to screw up and how you react makes all the difference.

If he tries to fix your car, or he tries to paint the room and does a crappy job, save him the lecture. Instead, give him an A for effort so he will take the steps to get it right the next time.

Again, many women will go for the jugular and say things like, “You have no mechanic skills!” or “Really, that’s the best painting job you can do?”

OUCH…just like my prom date!

We are simple creatures, we don’t need much, but we do need a few things to keep us happy and thriving in life and with you – handling rejection is one of them.

I can take ANY scenario, pick from the DNA tree (or the conveyor belt to manhood as I like to call it), and solve the problems you have with men and now you can too!!

Next week, we will talk about DNA Imprint #4 – We men hide their feelings!

Uncover the mystery behind all male behavior in this best-seller, 10 Secrets You Need to Know About Men

Once you understand these secrets, changing his bad behaviors is easy, and you can do it without yelling, crying, slamming doors or pouting. He won’t know you’ve done a thing!

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 3: Competition!

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 3: Competition!

Male Competition for Females

Since the stone age, male competition for females remains vibrant. We stopped clubbing women over the head, thank God, and now we use blunt weapons like smartphones to compete.

Let’s dig into the 2nd DNA ingredient that makes a man tick so you can understand his desire for competition and how you can use it to your advantage.

On February 24th I blogged about the 12 ingredients that go into men. Do you remember them?

Today I want to talk about the 2nd ingredient – Competition. Ultimately there is the male competition for females but that comes later in our lives. When we are kids, there are no women, it’s just the competition part.

Little boys are brought up to compete. My Dad bought me a motorcycle when I was around 10 years old, he taught me how to ride and said, “Now go race your older cousin’s ass through those woods!”

I slammed into a tree, bruised my leg, and cried all the way home.

Thanks Dad!

I was taught to compete and to win! Everything started to become a competition in my life. I wanted to date the hottest girls, beat my peers in hockey, and even win the spelling B!

When I won, I felt good. When I lost I was angry and upset. Men are this way because they are raised to be competitive. We compete with our mouths first and then through our actions.

So it makes sense that you want to date a guy who feels he is successfully competing in life right? If he is, he is happy, and if he is happy, he is in a better state to love because he has fulfilled his quest to manhood – at least one the 12.

I call this quest, The Conveyor Belt to Manhood.

Male Competition for Females started early in our lives

A man who can’t compete is dragged down like a ship sailing with its anchor out. His confidence and self-esteem are low. This hurts his ability to love. If he doesn’t love himself, he cannot love a woman. The sad part is he will still engage in male competition for females and sometimes he will get the girl.

That’s bad news for the girl. Don’t pick this type of guy!

If you understand a man’s need to compete, you accept my second principle, and you have a huge clue into what makes us tick and how you can make it work for you.

Your guy likes to compete so set things up so he can. This is his modus operandi!

My girlfriend is a pro at this. We go grocery shopping and she challenges me to get my half of the food and beat her around the store. We start off with 2 carts and tear the joint up.

Is it fun? Hell YES! Suddenly, a mundane chore like grocery shopping becomes a memorable and fun moment with my girl (and I’m the one who taught her this stuff)!!!

Did you see what she did? I have NO interest in grocery shopping, I hate it. BUT, she isn’t taking me grocery shopping, she is challenging me to a competition around the store! So now I go and if means shopping for food – so be it!

Why did it work? She got what she wanted out of me by “framing” the act of grocery shopping in a way I can understand and I crave. She turned my need to compete into something she needed…FOOD!

Can you imagine the possibilities?? Think of one or two right now.

Male Competition for Females

I can take ANY scenario, pick from the DNA tree (or the conveyor belt to manhood as I like to call it), and solve your problems with men, and now you can start to also!!

Next week, we will talk about DNA Imprint #3 – Why Do Guys Fear Rejection!

You can find more information like this in my best-selling book, 10 Secrets You Need to Know About Men. Women are buying this book in droves! Don’t be left behind! To buy your copy, click here.

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 2: Winning!

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 2: Winning!

I have been answering all your emails, every day, and the subject of “understanding men” from a man’s point of view seems to be what resonates the most.

Even the podcasts and video summits that I have been asked to do with Helen Fisher, Lorna Poole, Suzanne Oshima and, Dr. Allen Darbonne are about my strategies to understand and get what a woman desires from men.

People who hear about these strategies are amazed!

On February 24th I blogged about the 12 DNA ingredients that go into men. Do you remember them?

Today I want to talk about the 1st ingredient – Winning, and why winning is so important to men as they progress through their lives.

Guys are taught to win at everything very early.

My Dad slapped skates on me when I was 3, skis when I was 3 ½, and said, “Kid, get out there and show the world what you can do!”

I fell down, peed myself and cried!

Understand Why Guys Need to Win and Use it to Your Advantage

That said, I quickly learned that beating my peers was an important thing. Winning was good and losing, well, was for losers.

Right or wrong this is how I, and my counterparts, were brought up. Today, very little has changed!

If you understand that a man needs to win and you accept this first principle, you have a huge clue into what makes us tick and how you can make it work for you.

For example, you want to choose a winner in life to date and pass on the losers.

Sounds simple and obvious but most women choose losers and try to fix them – big mistake.

Losers haven’t completed their quest to “manhood” and are not ready to love even though they will lead you to believe otherwise.

While dating a winner, you can feed things to him that keeps him winning. This keeps him happy and addicted to you.

If he is happy, you are going to be happy too, right? You will also remain confident with him.

Yes!

It’s Time to Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men

So if your goal is to get him to paint the rest of the house after he just painted the master bedroom, which statement would work to your advantage?

1) ”Will you please finish what you started for once? I have the furniture being delivered on Friday and all you care about is watching the f**** Miami game!”

OR

2) “Honey, the master looks awesome! If I make the popcorn and put you down for a massage can we crank out the other rooms?”

The answer is obvious. The second scenario turns him into a winner! He gets complimented, gets popcorn and a massage!!!

Now he is highly motivated to take on the rest of the project.

You win also because you are getting what you want. This works because now you understand how a man ticks and you are using it to your advantage!

But, you would be surprised how many women will answer with #1. Now her man gets placed in the loser category and has absolutely no motivation to finish his painting.

Why would he? Furthermore, contempt gets built up and the relationship slowly starts to rust away.

Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men

See how this works? I can take ANY scenario, pick from the DNA tree (or the conveyor belt to manhood as I like to call it), and solve your problems that you have with men and now you can start to also!!

Next week, we will talk about DNA Imprint #2 – Competition!

 

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