Should I Move in with My Boyfriend?

Should I Move in with My Boyfriend?

You’ve been pondering the question for a while now, should I move in with my boyfriend? There have been a few sleepless nights, friends and family members quoting negative statistics, and your doubts and questions swirling around in your head.

What’s the right answer? Everyone is telling you that people who live together before getting married end up divorced, but is it true? If you move in together, are you ringing a death knell for your relationship?

Studies that were conducted before the turn of the century indicate that yes if you live together, you run the risk of divorce later, but since the 2000s other studies indicate that there’s more to the story and markers to determine the success or failure of your long-term commitment.

Should I Move in with My Boyfriend? What Are Your Reasons for Shacking Up?

The first thing to consider is your reasons for moving in together. Some poor reasons for living together include:

  • Testing the relationship to see if it can handle living together
  • Saving money
  • To spend more time together

Studies have shown that women are unhappier in their relationships after moving in together if one or more of these reasons was key in their decision.

If you feel the need to test the relationship, perhaps you should try other means that don’t require as much disassembly as moving in together does. The fact that you feel your relationship needs to be tested is problematic.

Moving in together for financial gain is also not a good reason to make such a commitment. While a financial discussion is wise, it shouldn’t be a reason to move in together.

And even spending more time together isn’t a great reason for moving in together, at least as far as women in various studies go. You and your partner can spend time together without taking the huge step of merging your lives.

should i move in with my boyfriend

Have You Considered What it Really Means?

When you dreamily think about moving in with your boyfriend, do you think through what it means?

For instance, let’s say you move in together and decide to get a puppy. If you break up, who gets the dog? Who gets the apartment or home? What about any other joint purchases, like living room furniture or a car?

Those things are very difficult to sort out, especially if you’re already upset with one another.

If you decide to move in together, you need to sort out these things first. Who keeps the home? Who keeps the pets? If one of you owned these things before, you’ll probably keep them, but assumptions can be the cause of many arguments.

I know it’s no fun to start out thinking about the end of your relationship just as you’re taking it to the next level, but it’s a logical thing to do, especially since there isn’t any official paperwork between you, like a marriage license, which comes with legal stipulations.

Should I Move in with My Boyfriend? Have You Discussed Your Roles?

Who will do the cooking and cleaning? Which one of you will go to the grocery store? Whose job is it to do any lawn maintenance?

Who will pay for what? Will you create a joint account, and each put in equal amounts? How will paying the bills go? Is it your responsibility or his? Whose name will the utilities be in?

These things are not fun to discuss, not like choosing paint colors or bed linens, but they’re the things that will bring your relationship down if you don’t sort them out ahead of time.

If you have children, whether they’re yours, his, or belong to both of you, childcare is another issue. Whose job is it to get the child to school every morning? Who’s there when they get home? If you’re hiring a babysitter, where does the money come from?

There are tons of questions that need to be answered but don’t put them off. Thinking these things will sort themselves out is avoidance, which means there may be some doubt somewhere in the back of your mind.

What Kind of Roommates Will You Be?

Some people are neat freaks while others leave a dust cloud behind them wherever they go. This can be a huge friction point for both of you as one is constantly nagging the other to either clean up after themselves or quit nagging.

You’ve seen his place and he’s seen yours. This should give you a glimpse of what he’s like on a day-to-day basis.

In this instance, both of you need to compromise to make living together work. The neat freak may need to adjust her expectations and the messy one probably needs to accept responsibility for his mess and tidy up after himself.

How will you manage it when friends or family come in from out of town? Will they stay with you? Where?

Many roommate issues will come up but heading them off before you move in together will save you aggravation later. If you’ve lived with someone before, even if it was a college roommate or a girlfriend, you’ve been through something similar. What types of things bugged you back then?

should i move in with my boyfriend

Are Your Schedules Compatible?

If you’re a night owl but your partner needs to be up at 5:30 a.m. for work, can you dial it back and get to bed earlier?

If one of you works nights and the other works days, how will you spend time together? There are different expectations when you’re dating versus living together.

If you both work at home, can you find separate spaces so one being on the phone doesn’t disturb the other?

These things aren’t deal breakers, but they are things you should talk about before you move in together. You can work together to make things work, but don’t just assume they’ll work themselves out. It never goes that way.

Should I Move in with My Boyfriend? Are You Both Ready?

How often do you stay at one another’s places? If you’re already spending four or five nights a week together, moving in together will probably go smoother. You’re aware of some of the pitfalls and may have an easier time working out some of the things mentioned above.

Still, if you’re moving your stuff into his place, will you be able to decorate with some of your things? Whose furniture will you use and what happens to what you don’t use?

As far as being ready goes, there’s also being emotionally ready. This is a big step in a relationship and just because you are spending several nights a week together doesn’t mean the natural progression is living together. This is a new level of commitment for both of you and you should make sure everyone is on the same page.

Where do you stand?

Sometimes it's hard to know where your relationship is. Men aren't great communicators, making it even more challenging. This is a great article to help you and there are others too. Just click the link below.

Have You Taken a Trip Together?

This is a great way to learn more about your partner. Taking a trip together is like a trial run for living together, especially if you’re gone for a couple of weeks. You get to test out who pays for what, how you’ll keep your space clean, and how to negotiate schedules.

You’ll also get a glimpse into one another’s habits and ways of dealing with things. Vacations are great opportunities to handle the unexpected. Learning how you both navigate those situations helps you understand how it will go in the future.

If you’ve taken a trip or two together and you can still stand to be together, you’re off to a great start.

should i move in with my boyfriend

Have You Discussed if and How You’ll Share Your Lives on Social Media?

This is becoming a bigger deal as people spend more time on social media. Your beau might not be into sharing his living space with the few thousand followers you’ve gained on assorted platforms.

There are safety and privacy concerns to take into consideration. Sometimes, careers don’t lend themselves to social media, or you must be very careful what you post. Teachers, lawyers, and other professionals whose credibility can be damaged are often wary of posting too much about their personal lives.

Can you be respectful of one another when it comes to social media? This is a conversation you need to have first.

Should I Move in with My Boyfriend? Have You Survived a Big Fight Yet?

No relationship exists without a disagreement from time to time. The question is how you both managed the situation.

There are ways to fight fair and solve disagreements without completely undoing the relationship. Surviving a big argument is a sign that you two can work through things together.

Learning how to recover from that big fight is huge when it comes to compatibility. Those tools will come in handy as your relationship progresses and more potential disagreements come along.

Do You Already Have Relationship Issues?

If your relationship is already fraught with issues, moving in together and making a bigger commitment to one another might not be your best next step.

Are the same issues coming up repeatedly? Why haven’t you worked it out yet? This is a big deal because whatever the issues are, they’ll be amplified when you live together and can’t each escape to your own homes.

If you’ve been able to work through things, great, but if you keep rehashing the same stuff over and over, moving in together isn’t the right next step for you. Instead, you should work on why these issues aren’t being resolved.

Should I Move in with My Boyfriend? Are You on the Same Page About Your Future?

Some people are okay with moving in together and keeping the status quo. For others, marriage is the goal, somewhere down the road.

Make sure you know where he stands on this and whether that aligns with your dreams and plans.

Don’t compromise either, just because you want to be with this guy. If you want marriage and kids and he wants to spend his life traveling the world and living with you, it might be time for a breakup conversation instead of a moving-in conversation.

should i move in with my boyfriend

Are You Moving in Because You Want to?

Families can apply a lot of pressure in your relationship. A well-meaning mother or aunt might be applying a lot of pressure for the two of you to move in together or take your relationship to the next level.

This should be something you’re doing because you both want to, not because there is external pressure to do so.

Even if there is a child in the mix, that doesn’t mean you must move in together. Women cite this as their excuse more often than men, probably because it feels like it will bring more financial and emotional support.

If it will, fine, but if you’re doing it because your parents are pressuring you into it, it may not end well.

Should I Move in with My Boyfriend? Are You Both Willing to Allow the Other Independence?

Maintaining your friendships and hobbies is crucial to your mental well-being. It’s important that you both maintain a level of independence. Just because you’re moving in together doesn’t mean you need to be in front of one another 24/7. That’s unhealthy and you’ll get sick of one another quickly.

Be aware of the other person’s independence and yours and vow to allow each other to maintain that as you move forward.

So Gregg, Should I Move in with My Boyfriend?

Only you and your boyfriend can truly answer this question. You’ve read above some of the things to be aware of and the conversations you should have before you make that kind of commitment to one another.

Don’t go into it starstruck with rose-colored glasses on. Spend plenty of time having some of these difficult conversations first. It will save you some headaches and heartache down the road.

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