relationships Archives

What Does Who You Date Say About You – Part 2

In Part 1 of this “What Does Who You Date Say About You” series, we talked about three distinct types of personalities: Mr. Pour on the Charm, Mr. Indecision and Mr. Diamond in the Rough. Some of you didn’t see your guy, but I think you will this week.

In Part 2, we are going to look at a few more types: Mr. There’s Plenty of Time to Settle Down, Mr. What’s Yours is Mine, Mr. It’s All YOUR Fault, Mr. Sure Baby, Anything You Say and , of course, Mr. Married. This post is a bit long, so hang in there with me.

Mr. There’s Plenty of Time to Settle Down

This guy likes to use the phrase “maybe some day”. He probably has never been married and has had a string of short-term relationships in the past. There are all kinds of reasons why this guy hasn’t found ‘the right one’ yet. This type of guy has a fear of intimacy.

When you begin asking for more out of the relationship, he disappears. You might ask him to meet your friends or your parents and all of a sudden, you don’t hear from him for a week or more. You’re left wondering what you said or did to make him mad.

More signs that he’s commitment phobic:

He has a job that requires a lot of travel
You haven’t met his friends/family and he hasn’t met yours
He has never taken you to his house/apartment – or if he has, it’s a very sterile environment\
When you’re together, he’s Mr. Pour on the Charm
Your plans are always last-minute
He turns into “Mr. It’s All Your Fault”
He loves to chase you, but he’s not really interested in capturing you

And You

Dating this type of guy most likely means you’re needy. You attract men who want to rescue you but they don’t want to commit to you. You thrive on the snippets of attention that are thrown your way – it’s your crack.

When you come into a relationship as the needy one, you give up all of your power. My book, “Who Holds the Cards Now” can help you regain that power.

If You Think This is You

If this is you, you probably spend a lot of time asking “What if” – “What if he found someone else?” “What if I made him mad?” “What if he wants out?” You need to learn how to squash those “what if” moments like a bug.

You probably hold a vision of your guy that is based on how he was on your first date – charming, caring and willing to do anything to make you happy. That is not who this guy really is and you have blinded yourself to that truth.

Mr. What’s Yours is Mine

This guy is a leech. He takes from you – your money, your energy, your time, and he has nothing to give back, or if he does have something, he isn’t giving it to you. You may be putting yourself at risk in some way to be the giver this guy wants you to be. Whether it’s a financial, physical or emotional risk, it’s bad for you with no consequences for him.

Want to learn all about the different man types and how to date them? Get my best seller Manimals!

And You

Dating this type of guy all of the time means you are probably insecure and you have low self-esteem. You will take any guy who comes your way and the needy, clingy type is right up your alley.

If You Think This is You

The steps are clear here. You need to improve your self-esteem and become a secure, high value woman. All of my books address this in some way, but the most direct path to esteem and confidence is Comfortable in Your Own Shoes.

You need to step back from the relationship scene long enough to regain your confidence. You should also read my newest book, To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself, which will help you take a journey of self-discovery to a more healthy, high value woman.

Mr. It’s All Your Fault

This guy treats you like a child and when he behaves badly, often like a bully, he blames you for his actions. “I had to yell at you, you can’t do anything right”. He probably treats you like a child, talking to you in a condescending tone of voice or sounding intimidating.

And You

If you’re dating this type of guy, then you may have trouble establishing and maintaining emotional boundaries. You would rather please someone else to win them over. You probably feel like nothing you do is good enough – no matter what, your partner is always unhappy.

If You Think This is You

This feeling of powerlessness comes from within you, and you are craving freedom from oppressing the emotions of anger and frustration that you feel all of the time. An excellent first step is to begin labeling what you feel when you feel it. You are driving in traffic and someone cuts you off – rather than suppressing your feelings, say out loud “that really made me angry!”

The next time you just can’t seem to figure something out, say “I’m really frustrated right now”. It seems silly on the surface, but this will help you to truly identify your emotions and allow yourself to actually feel them.

Mr. Sure Baby Anything You Say

This time, it’s clearly your fella who has self-esteem issues. Mr. Sure Baby is an agreeable guy who has no opinions about anything and doesn’t have the confidence to express any that he might actually have. He thinks, and maybe says things like, “I don’t know why you want to date me” – negative thoughts about himself that confirm his lack of belief in himself.

He’s also an apologizer – “I’m sorry” is something you hear ALL of the time. He is always looking for validation from outside sources – sort of a “look at me and tell me I’m great” type of deal, mostly because he doesn’t believe it.

Surprisingly, this type of guy is also likely to be a perfectionist. He feels that nothing can be done unless it’s perfect, so nothing ever gets done. Of course, this is really because he has no confidence in what he is doing, not because it’s imperfect.

And You

Dating this guy means that you’re probably a controlling person who likes to come off as if you have your stuff together. Mr. Sure Baby is your type of guy! He seeks out women like you because he sees things in you that he thinks he lacks.

You probably have a set of expectations about every aspect of your life. Your house should be this way, your car should be that way. Your job should be progressing down a specific path. Everything must be in order.

If You Think This is You

It’s time to change your mindset about life. Your apartment doesn’t have to be spotless for you to have your friends over – they won’t notice anyway. Let go of your need to have everything follow a specific course or be perfect. You also need a boost in self-esteem. You are probably controlling because you think people won’t accept you if they can see your flaws.

By wanting everything perfect or wanting to micromanage every step of a process, you can keep people from seeing your true self. It’s time to realize what a wonderful woman you are. Recognize your accomplishments and accept that most things don’t go as planned.

Finally, examine how much anxiety you feel when you think things are not perfect or out of control. Read your body for signs of tension or anxiety like jaw or shoulders clenched or a racing heart. A good way to manage anxiety is through meditation or another form of relaxation like getting a massage or aromatherapy.

Mr. Married

Mr. Married may not actually be married, but he is in a committed relationship, maybe even engaged. Even if he is separated, he’s still married.

And You

Again, you probably lack self-esteem, and you most likely don’t like yourself very much either. You are not only dating a cheater, but you are one. This is a very low level of self-esteem and self-hate.

You are seeking out relationships that are guaranteed to fail. “He’s never going to leave her” is a line in a popular old movie “When Harry Met Sally”, where one of the supporting characters, dating a married man, is constantly trying to woo him to leave his wife. The standard response from her friends is “Nobody thinks he’s going to leave her”.

Mr. Married has also been vetted by one of your cohorts – he’s married, so there must be an okay guy in there somewhere. He’s safe because you know another of your species has accepted him.

He is also immediately unavailable for any real ‘future’, thus alleviating you of any worry about being all that he needs you to be, since you don’t have the esteem to believe you can deliver anyway. When he leaves, it is to be expected and you don’t have to consider yourself a failure.

If You Think This is You

You need to work on your self esteem NOW. You are better than this and it’s time you start acting like it! Read my books, see a counselor or do whatever it takes to begin to see the value you have. It goes without saying that you end the relationship – today.

He’s never going to leave her – and even if he does – do you really want him? Find out who you are by reading To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself and begin to build a high value woman story.

Whew! What’s Up Next Week?

That was a long post, and thanks for hanging in there, but this is important information! Many of you are great at telling me what’s wrong with your guy, but often it’s hard for you to see what type of individual he is, or what it says about you.

We never want to look for the flaws that we have, and yet, in order to date high value men, it’s necessary. Before you dismiss my suggestions, take a long hard look at yourself. If you don’t believe me, do a Google search on that type of guy – you will find all kinds of information to back me up!

So, Which One?

How many of these men have you dated in the past? Are you dating one right now? What are your next steps? In Part 3 I want to focus on talking about how you can begin to attract the right guy.

Buzzkill: What to Do If the Guy You’re Dating Doesn’t Drink

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

What to Do if the Guy You’re Dating Doesn’t Drink

Can you date someone who doesn’t drink? Most women I know aren’t interested in dating boring prudes that shy away from a good time. But just because he doesn’t drink doesn’t mean he’s a huge bore. Dating a non drinker can actually be good thing.

You’re all aware of, and on the lookout for, the dreaded guy who drinks too much. This guy could be a loser. Getting into a serious relationship with someone like that is always a bad call. But what about the guy who drinks too little…or even not at all?

Is there something wrong with him? Will he go to bars and clubs with you? Is he even capable of having fun or does he just leech it out of the room? What if you both go out with your friends and he’s standing in a corner drinking a club soda and lime, looking like an abject loser?

And the most pressing question of all: when I get drunk…is he judging me?

Can You Date Someone who Doesn’t Drink?

We all feel uncomfortable when someone we know—a friend, a significant other, the poor bastard that drew the short straw and has to be the designated driver for the night—isn’t drinking up a storm with everyone else in the room.

It’s not just about whether they’re having fun, it’s about whether they think you’re an idiot for just having danced to Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie on the dining room table.

And when this person is a boyfriend, well, you’re that much more aware of what he thinks, and that magnifies how weird you feel about the whole situation.

dating a non drinker It’s likely you found this out quickly, within the first date or two. Either he didn’t order a drink after you did (awkward) or he outright told you he doesn’t imbibe, like, at all. The first step is to figure out whether or not you can live with his reasoning.

You may completely understand where he’s coming from if he grew up in a broken home with a violent drunken step-dad. Or that he has a family history of alcohol addiction. You may not get it if he says his religious beliefs forbid him even taste the stuff.

If the guy made a change to his life because of something you understand, don’t write him off.

Dating a Non Drinker?

The next step is to see how he acts around drunken people, both in a crowd and even when it’s just you. Invite him to a bar with you and do your thing (aka drink like you normally would).

Watch how he acts through the night. Important: don’t listen to the voice in your head saying “oh, he’s not having fun because he’s not drunk.”

Instead, ask yourself whether you’re having fun with him. If he’s cool and he’s making you laugh, why does it even matter? If he isn’t having fun, I guarantee you’ll get the hint. You’ll be bored, which 99% of the time means he’s bored, too.

Lastly, if he’s acting normal at a bar and not bashing people just because they’re hammered, then he’s a keeper. Even if he says he’s uncomfortable around people at bars, that doesn’t mean he’s uncomfortable around you after having a couple glasses of wine.

He may find drunk men to be threatening but you just look cute to him. In order to find out, you have to test the waters, and that means withholding judgment until you know for sure.

Have You Ever Been in This Situation?

Tell me your experiences with men who don’t drink. Were you confident around him? How did it work out for you? Can you date someone who doesn’t drink?

Unlock Your Potential: How a Personal Growth Coach Can Transform Your Life

Build Confidence

What is a personal growth coach?

Imagine having a supportive partner dedicated to helping you reach your potential and achieve your personal and professional goals. That’s what a personal growth coach can do for you! Coaches specialize in guiding you through critical aspects of your personal development, offering a unique approach tailored to your unique situation.

A good personal growth coach doesn’t just provide one-size-fits-all advice; he dives into various aspects of your life to get a complete picture. A personal growth coach like me can offer targeted strategies and provide actionable steps to help you succeed.

He’ll align his strategies with your long-term goals, making sure that every step you take leads you in the direction of your ultimate goals. By leveraging a coach’s expertise, you’ll find yourself not just dreaming about a better future, but taking positive steps toward it.

What is the difference between a personal growth coach and a therapist?

While personal growth coaches and therapists both strive to help you improve your life, they differ significantly in how they approach helping you.

A personal growth coach focuses on helping you uncover your potential, set and achieve goals, and enhance various aspects of your personal and professional life. The approach often includes forward-thinking and goal-oriented coaching.

A therapist, on the other hand, works to diagnose and treat emotional or psychological issues you’re battling. This person may help you take a deep dive into your past so you can better understand and overcome trauma or mental health issues. Their job is to help you learn more about and understand the root causes of your struggle.

One big difference is in how they approach helping you. A personal growth coach places a high priority on actionable strategies that will help you get where you want to go and realize immediate results. A therapist uses more of a therapeutic approach and focuses on your past and helping you understand it so you can heal and enjoy long term positive mental health.

Each type of assistance plays an important role, but ultimately which you choose will depend on your needs. You’ll find many times in my books and articles that I recommend a professional therapist for certain situations. This is because I fully recognize that I cannot help you with everything.

What are the benefits of hiring a personal growth coach?

Hiring a personal growth coach is an investment in your future. He’ll work with you to help plan your journey forward. You’ll identify roadblocks and develop strategies for overcoming them. When you work with a personal growth coach, you’ll benefit in several ways.

A Personal Growth Coach Helps You Develop a Positive Mindset

I have a saying framed in my office that goes something like this: “A beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset.” Mindset is everything and developing a positive mindset goes a long way in your journey to personal growth.

Elevated Self-Confidence

A personal growth coach will help you set small goals that you can reach easily, giving your self-confidence small continuous boosts. He’ll also be your cheerleader and the personal to hold you accountable.

Here’s more on building your confidence

Improved Communication Skills

Communication is everything, whether it’s in your personal or professional relationships. A personal growth coach can help identify the areas in which you can use improvement, which for most, means helping with listening skills, but aso in how you use communication to get what you want.

The Power to Communicate lies here

Identifying and Overcoming Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs hold you back, but once you identify them, you’re better able to propel yourself forward. A coach helps you identify and challenge those limiting beliefs so you can put them behind you. Doing this is a huge step in your own personal growth journey.

Develop Great Resilience and Adaptability

Setbacks are a part of life, but they can be paralyzing if you don’t know how to deal with them. With a coach, you can learn how to bounce back from those setbacks and embrace new situations. He’ll provide you with the tools and help you develop the mindset to grow beyind your wildest dreams and navigate those setbacks.

Enhanced Overall Well-Being

Many believe growth is strictly professional, but it isn’t. It’s about every corner of your life, personal and professional. As a personal growth coach, I’m more interested in your personal growth, but I also know that with personal growth comes growth in all areas of your life.

You’ll learn how to manage stress, manage your emotions, and maintain a healthier lifestyle. You’ll enjoy positive mental and physical health as a result.

A good personal growth coach personalizes your growth journey to meet your needs and helps you create the journey that meets your goals. He guides you on how to manage setbacks and prepares you for growth in your future.

How can I measure my progress with a personal growth coach?

Whenever you’re working on personal growth, it’s important to be able to measure your progess. The best way to do this is to set goals. Regardless of which goals you choose, a personal growth coach is there to help you develop that journey and see it through.

How to Set Live-Changing Goals

Use regular assessments

I find that the best way to do this is with regular assessments of where I am. I prefer a weekly review where I examine what went well, what didn’t go so well. Additionally, I review what I learned, and what I want to focus on during the upcoming week.

These assessments help me get real with myself and recognize where I can do better and also where I did really well. It’s important to recognize both, not so you can beat yourself up, but so you can realize that you have good things happen that you may otherwise overlook.

I teach you how to do this in Live Like You’re Dying, one of my many best-selling books!

Accept objective feedback

One great way in which a personal growth coach helps is by providing objective feedback. He can help you see those positive things and will also help you identify the growth opportunities in the areas in which you need a little more help.

Having someone to be accountable to keeps you honest and helps you stay on track. Fexibile excuses go out the window because a good coach simply won’t accept them, as they shouldn’t.

Of course, you can use a friend for accountability, but a friend might not want to help you identify the areas in which you need to improve or call you out on your excuses.

Measure your progress

In order to fully assess your progress, you need to measure your goals and your progress toward achieving them. I’ve developed a great workbook to help you with that, which you can find below. It’s very inexpensive but also very effective!

If you want to get started on goals, this book will help: Comfortable in Your Own Shoes.

How can a personal growth coach help me build self-confidence?

Personal growth almost can’t happen without building self-confidence along the way. Everything positive you do in your life boosts your confidence, even if it’s already high.

When you have self-doubt, a personal growth coach will help you identify where it’s coming from by looking through past experiences. He’ll help you evaluate and eliminate negative self-talk and identify the impact of the influences that have caused your confidence to decline over time.

Your personal growth coach will work with you so you can set realistic, achievable goals, enabling you to see that progress you just read about. When your goals are large, a coach will help you identify ways in which you can break them down into smaller, manageable steps. With each bit of progress, whether it’s a small goal, a milestone toward a bigger goal, or achieving a big goal, your confidence will grow.

A personal growth coach may encouage you to use journaling or guided meditations to develop a deeper understanding of your strengths, as well as areas in which you need improvement. When you do this, you develop a more compassionate and forgiving view of yourself, which also helps you build your confidence.

Don’t be surprised when you coach provides you with constructive feedback and holds you accountable for your progress. It’s his job to do both. His objective point of view gives you a more realistic look at where you are in your journey. He’s there to movitave you and help you stay committed to your journey, even when it feels like it’s too hard.

That’s a wrap on having a personal growth coach!

The partnership you form with a personal growth coach is invaluable and transformative. If you do the work and stay true to yourself and your coach, you’ll realize significant and positive change in all aspects of your life. Your confidence will grow and you’ll achieve your goals and you’ll feel so much better about everything!

Here are my final tips:

Don’t fight the journey!

I’m in my 60’s and I still embrace personal growth. I’m looking for new ways to grow and change all of the time. Celebrate your victories and learn from the challenges.

Listen to your coach!

Your coach will provide you with strategies he feels are the best for you. Some of what he suggests might be scary, and that might make you want to bolt, but remember, he has your best interest at heart!

Develop a relationship with your coach!

Your coach cannot help you if you don’t open up to him. This means learning to trust him, even if the coaching is all online. If you’re unsure of something he’s asking you to do, do a little research on your own and find out more about it.

Don’t give up on yourself!

Your coach isn’g going to give up on you and I don’t want you to give up on yourself or him either. Depending on how deep your wounds are, this journey can take some time, and you may find that you need a therapist after all. If that’s the case, get one! Giving up is not an option!

One final recommendation for you is this great workbook: How to Create Your Ideal Life. If you can’t afford coaching, the links in this article will help you go where you need to.

The first confidence building book for women and a best-seller, Comfortable in Your Own Shoes will prepare you to meet great men and enjoy a happy and fulfilling life. And not just any life, but a life you design for yourself. YOUR life your way!

Are you ready to start planning that great life? Click below to get started today! There’s no time like now to live your life on your terms!

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