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What Do Guys Really Want for Valentine’s Day

What Do Guys Really Want for Valentine’s Day

What Does a Man Want for Valentines Day?

Ah, the stress men face when Valentine’s Day nears. For me, and many men, it’s as tough or tougher than Christmas because it needs to be romantic. It needs to be right or we are screwed!

But what about men? What do we want? I mean it’s our day too right?

Well, I got on it and I surveyed my vast network of guys and here are the surprising results.

Make it about us too

Surprised? I wasn’t. Getting some nice cologne is okay, but if I must then shower you with gifts the rest of the night, well that doesn’t seem fair. We want it to be our day too. Somewhere along the way, Valentine’s Day became more about women than men. At least that’s how my guys felt. Don’t shoot the messenger!

Okay, okay. How about 75% you and 25% us? That will work.

Spend quality time

Yep, we want to be together alone too. You and me against the world! A cool restaurant maybe, with white linens and candles glowing. The real ones, not those fake plastic flickering things. It’s fun to look around at other couples enjoying themselves and think just how lucky we are today.

Many guys I talked to live in cold climates and they loved the idea of cooking at home together and snuggling up around the fireplace.

Others were fine doing whatever their significant others wanted to do as long as it was quiet and intimate. Yes, I’m talking about men!

What Do Guys Really Want for Valentine’s Day | Recognition for their effort

This may sound odd, but the guys told me that they get worried about not spending enough or doing something that every other guy does like getting flowers or chocolates.

Gary said, “I worry about Beth looking disappointed at me because I didn’t make it special enough.”

It’s important for women to realize that most of us are not good at this romantic stuff. We try, but we still need your help to make us better. Tell us that we made you happy and recognize the effort. If you do, you’ll find that we can and will get better.

Go for it in the bedroom

Let’s face it, sex can get a bit boring after years together and three kids running around. Make tonight special for both of you and mix it up this year! Spend some extra time doing some fun stuff with your hands and your tongue. Set a new precedent in the bedroom by teasing him.

He should be in as a romantic state as he ever will be on this day so go for it!

Massage!

This is my favorite. I’ll take a massage without having to reciprocate (I know, selfish) over a gift any day. And most men agreed with me. Follow up with a some oral givings and we will be in heaven!

What Do Guys Really Want for Valentine’s Day

My big takeaway is this: Valentine’s Day should be fun for both of you, but through the years, it has become a chore for men. Yes, that is our fault but help us be better won’t you?

And on behalf of all the men that screw up on Valentine’s Day, let me say, “There is always next year to get it right!”

Check out my great infographic and get some ideas churning for the big day!

4 Roadblocks which are Keeping You from Love

4 Roadblocks which are Keeping You from Love

Why Can’t I Find Love?

Hi, Tiffany here. Women ask Gregg all the time, “Why Can’t I Find Love?” We all want to love and be loved. It’s amazing to feel a real, lasting connection with another person — to be lucky enough to find that someone who makes our hearts race, someone we can actually settle down with for the long haul.

But the road to love can be bumpy, with some serious twists and turns. If we’re not careful, we can lose control or worse, hit a roadblock that completely stops a relationship in its tracks. Best advice? Avoid these 4 roadblocks which are keeping you from love.

Why Can’t I Find Love? #1 Beware of the Superficial

It’s easy to get lost in a superficial checklist of qualities you look for in a partner. But remember, you are not buying a car! A hot body and shiny good looks only take you so far. If you can’t find love, then stop stressing about things that don’t really matter. So far, you have only dated blonds (because you have thing for Brad Pitt), or guys taller than you in heels. How far has that gotten you?

Physical attraction is important, but did you ever notice how a guy gets more (or less) appealing the more you get to know him? That hunky man who treats you poorly can quickly drop to a zero, while the sweet man who makes you laugh can suddenly rev your engine.

Don’t get stuck on a checklist. Instead, open yourself up to new possibilities and see where it takes you. Have you dated an older man? Tried dating a younger guy? How about a guy that loves motorcycles? The happiest relationships share fundamental values, compatible interests, and travel deeper than what is on the surface.

#2 Don’t Let Anxiety Hold You Back

Dating is filled with uncertainty, and it can be intimidating. Instinctively, you may feel a bit of anxiety about the whole thing, and start to avoid dating altogether. Or if you are putting yourself out there, you may decide to floor it in reverse once things really get going.

Instead of worrying and focusing on the negative, imagine the best-case scenario. Picture the two of you reaching that destination together. Let yourself feel happy. Don’t let worry halt your chances of finding love.

#3 Ditch The Baggage and Travel Light

In To Date A Man, You Must Understand A Man, dating coach Gregg Michaelsen teaches us all about baggage handling. And as usual, it’s is a great bit of relationship and dating advice! The message is simple, and as plain to see as a flashing street sign. Don’t let your baggage slow you down.

Remember, men have baggage too, and they find it refreshing when we are honest and unload it right from the start. As long as you keep it light and positive, you should have nothing but green lights ahead. He will, in turn, feel comfortable enough to let you in on his baggage as well. Get it out there and leave it all behind. That’s the best way to start your journey together — traveling light!

Why Can’t I Find Love? #4 Stay on Track and Keep Moving Forward

Many of us get scared when we get too close. That old baggage resurfaces again, and we start making comparisons. We don’t want to get hurt again. We become unsure, or we become afraid to make a commitment. So we put up walls and distance ourselves from love, making it virtually impossible to move forward.

Don’t get stuck in your own head. You may think you are protecting yourself from a major disaster, but in reality, you are just preventing yourself from reaching the place where you really want to be. If you’re not open to love, you will never get there. Stay on track, move past the fear, and make a choice to keep your heart open.

There is a lot of dating advice for women out there. Because love CAN be a difficult road filled with obstacles. But the fact is, we may just be responsible for some of those roadblocks. Like a good Driver’s Ed refresher course, sometimes we need a little reminder to avoid the things that get in the way of our happiness.

Click HERE and learn How to Enjoy Being Single!

The finish line is in sight — so avoid those roadblocks, and enjoy the ride!

5 Tell-Tale Signs You’re Being Used by a Man

5 Tell-Tale Signs You’re Being Used by a Man

Signs You’re Being Used by a Man Don’t Just Include Sex

Users take advantage of women for financial gain or to improve their social status.

Not knowing the signs you’re being used by a man leaves you vulnerable to their ploys. I like to use the term wet kittens to describe users. You take them in, they pee on your rug, and they leave without saying goodbye, and without a reason.

They’re also hard to spot, they don’t show their true colors until you’re firmly committed, and once you’re in a relationship with one, he’ll be nearly impossible to shake until he has sucked the life out of you!

Users often lie. Many women give them the benefit of the doubt when they shouldn’t. There’s no excuse for staying with a man like this. Read the signs below, and if he fits the mold and you determine you’re being used by a man, send the wet kitten to the shelter!

Instead of dating a wet kitten, date a LION!

Learn how to date lions.

You’ll find the signs you’re being used by a man below. Check them out and if your guy is doing more than a couple of these, you need to split—and fast.

Sign #1 You’re Being Used by a Man | He Relies on Your Income

Unless you’re married, there is absolutely no excuse to be supporting a man financially. And by supporting a man, I mean paying for more than just a night on the town every couple of weeks.

If he can’t pay his phone bill, rent, or some other critical item, it’s time to reassess your status with him. Even if he gets laid off from work, a guy who cares for you would be horrified to ask for money.

He’ll either step up and find another job before his cash runs out, cut back on his expenses, or both.

How to deal with a stage 5 clinger

signs you're being used by a man

Sign #2: He’s Proud of What You Have and Wants to Show it Off

Wet kittens are drawn to women who have what they want. A great sign you’re being used by a man is when he wants something you can offer, like a new iPhone, or a penthouse on the Florida Keys. A user dates you solely because you have, or can offer him something he wants.

How to stop attracting losers into your life.

Essentially, he’s improving his status without doing anything himself. Dating someone who has everything you want is almost as good as having it yourself. Status isn’t always about possessions but can come from being famous or well-known for something.

He Only Calls When He’s Having a Bad Day

Have you noticed that he only calls when he’s frustrated, depressed, or horny? That’s one of the warning signs you’re being used by a man.

Quality men aren’t on the lookout for an emotional handout, so if you notice this happening a lot you need to take a stand and talk to him about it.

This is by far the most difficult type of user to get away from.

How to enjoy being single.

Sometimes these men are mentally unhealthy and rely on you as their emotional support because they can’t find it anywhere else.

They use manipulative statements like, “I’d be lost without you to talk to” or “I’d kill myself without you” to coerce you into staying with them. Now that you feel guilty for thinking of leaving him, he’s content and will continue his wet kitten behavior. He plays on your guilt to prolong the relationship far past its expiration date.

used by a man

Sign You’re Being Used by a Man#4: He’s Inattentive

A user doesn’t think about you until he wants something from you. He doesn’t care about your wants, needs, or feelings because it means he has to take action and do something for you.

How to Know if a Guy is Playing You

If you feel like you’re being ignored, or he seems conveniently busy on days that are special to you, it’s time to show him to the door.

Do You Get the Feeling You're Being Used?

Do you feel like the man in your life is using you or is up to something he shouldn't be? This is a great article to help you figure it out, but there are others. Click the link below to read those.

Sign #5: You’re the Only Responsible One in the Relationship

Ideally, you and your guy split any responsibilities you have between you. If you live together, you both contribute to the bills and household maintenance. But, we both know it doesn’t always work like this, and this is one of those signs you’re being used by a man.

When you feel you’re always working while he’s lounging around, having fun, you must address it. All relationships have some kinks to work out, so don’t automatically assume he’s a user. Talk with him first, when you’re both in a good mood, and determine a way to split the workload.

A guy who puts up a token resistance but ultimately agrees to help is okay but if he tries to switch the blame and argues with you, you’re being used by a man.

signs you're being used by a man

Signs You’re Being Used by a Man

If you are looking for signs you’re being used by a man, you already suspect you are. Ignore all of the emotional responses you have, put them out of your head, and look at things from a logical standpoint.

What does your intuition say? Do you feel used? Are the scales pretty even, or do you feel like you’re the only one putting effort into the relationship? If the answer to those questions is yes, it’s probably time to break it off for good.

If you dump him, learn how to tell if a guy really likes you so you never pick a user again!

Wouldn't you love to know how to Weed Out the Users, the Couch Potatoes, and the Losers? Well, good news! Help has arrived! You'll learn how to spot the various types of losers roaming the dating scene, and how to recognize the great men. Discover how to dump a loser if you've got one in your life right now and attract great men. Learn more about this book here or click one of the buttons below to get your copy today!

Women are Their Own Worst Enemies

Women are Their Own Worst Enemies

Are You Your Worst Enemy?

When it comes to love, women are their own worst enemies. Heck, we are ALL our own worst enemies!

Kirbie, Gregg’s sidekick, here today. I once worked with a woman who wouldn’t go anywhere without mascara – even when she had a colonoscopy, she refused to go without mascara. It made me sad for her.

She had tried online dating, but due to being overweight, had not posted a photo. She scored a date with a man and when he showed up and saw her, he left after just a few moments.

She is over 50 and, to this day, has never been married and cannot see herself in a relationship, even though at last check, she had 3 men who were trying to pursue her.

She allowed one negative event to completely sum up who she was: an ugly, overweight woman who deserved to be alone in life. She is none of those things, of course.

Women are Their Own Worst Enemies

I’m not about to tell you anything you don’t already know – we (women) are our own worst critics, and by extension our own worst enemies. Nobody is harder on you than you. We don’t see our true selves in the mirror, we don’t believe in ourselves. I know this one well – I am a retired pro!

Perhaps you remember a Dove® video that circulated on social media a while back:

This video is intriguing to me as a sociologist, but also as a woman. It enlightened me and saddened me, all at the same time. It made me wonder what my daughters think of themselves when they look in the mirror – do they see the beautiful women I see? It also made me wonder how that man would have drawn me, with my help.

Women are Their Own Worst Enemies

Why Do We Do It?

The truth is that, rather than compare ourselves to what we were like a few months or years ago, we insist on comparing ourselves to other women – women in magazines – women on television and in movies. I ask you this – what is ‘perfect’ or ‘normal’?

Who defines the traits that are perceived as being ideal for us? We do. That’s right – it’s me and you, sister! We take what we see and we think that we should look like those women, and when we don’t, the only thing we can do is complain about what we don’t have.

They say there is someone for everyone, and I believe that, although I do wish my “someone” would show up already! Not every man is looking for high cheek bones, long flowing brunette hair or golden curls flowing down your back.

A good man is looking for a woman with a good heart who is confident in who she is and can take care of herself. Sure, he’s looking at the wrapper, but do you want a man who only likes you for what you look like – really?

Of course not, so my challenge to you is to stop seeing the wicked witch when you look in the mirror and instead, see the beautiful person you are inside for she is oozing out through your smile, your good deeds and your warm heart.

My Challenge for You

Are You Your Worst Enemy?

My Challenge to you!

Here is my challenge to you. We don’t all have the ability of the artist in the video to draw someone’s face, but get some girlfriends together one evening and try this – have everyone in the room write down the features of the other women in the room, one by one (depending on how many of you there are).

Then, pair off and describe yourself to someone and have them write that down. Then return the favor. You only need to describe yourself once. Now, take your description of yourself and compare it to the things other people have written down about you. I think this could be a good eye opener.

Tell Me

What do you perceive as your best feature? How often do you compliment yourself on this feature? Do you beat yourself up all day long without recognizing it?

Women are their own worst enemies! This stops today. Start here and let’s Build your Confidence!

Want to Make Your First Dates Better? Try These Tips

Want to Make Your First Dates Better? Try These Tips

  I’m not here to tell you to take a shower before a first date and make polite small talk. Here are a few things often overlooked—but they make a big difference!

Try not to pepper us with questions

Women like it when men ask them questions but it doesn’t necessarily work the other way around. I get it if you’re nervous—trust me. Nobody wants an awkward silence on the first date. My best advice is to calm down, find a topic that you’re both interested in and then have a great conversation! Talk about what you think and he should follow suit (without you having to ask what he thinks about something every time.) Bonus tip: avoid the true terrors of first dates: dumb questions! “Have you ever traveled,” “What hobbies do you like?” and the truly ugly “What’s your favorite (enter food, color, etc. here)?”

Spice it up—ditch the restaurant!

Restaurants are go-to first date spots because they’re more or less neutral territory. But it may be a good idea to hit up something a little more ‘off-the-beaten-path’ like a hookah bar or a bookstore. Heading to Barns & Noble for a coffee and some book browsing is way better than sitting around waiting for your dinner—especially if you need to duck out early because your date has zero personality.

Keep some of the most interesting bits about you out of the conversation

This might feel like you’re not putting your best foot forward, but it’s an extremely good tip for two reasons. First, we all want to impress our dates and to do that we tell them about the cool places we’ve been and the interesting things we’ve done. But if we start blabbering on about it without any context surrounding it, it’s going to come off conceited, like you’re saying it just to say it. If you’re dying to tell him you snowboard, don’t blurt it out while discussing his family. And if the subject never comes up at all—keep it under wraps until the next date! Secondly, if you tell him all the coolest parts about you on the first date, it makes you a bit less interesting the next time you go on a date with him. If you speak Spanish and bring it up on date 4 or even later, that drives the point home: “wow, what else does she do that I don’t know about?”

Never call him after

It was sound advice decades ago and it remains the same today. Ladies, wait for him to call you after your first date. He’s going to find you more exciting if you don’t call him and if he doesn’t call, who cares? You’re not going to woo him on the second date if you didn’t knock it out of the park on the first. Wait for the call—it will keep the suspense going and make him that much more interested (as long as he was interested to begin with.)

Plan some conversation topics ahead

You don’t want to wind up talking about something you can’t stand. The best way to avoid this is to make sure you have some control over where the conversation is going. If you want to talk about skiing, make up something, like, “Yeah, I’m loving this weather, I’m such a snow rat.” From there you’re an inch away from a skiing conversation. Either he’ll bring it up with his response or you can shortly after. This ensures conversations are natural and flowing—and more importantly, on your terms. First dates are full of anxiety and nervousness. By following some of these tips, hopefully you can be more at ease and have a great time! Remember, we’re nervous too!

What kinds of first date disasters or successes have you had?

Fact or Fiction: Men Enjoy Showing Emotions as Much as Women Do

Fact or Fiction: Men Enjoy Showing Emotions as Much as Women Do

Male Emotions vs Female Emotions

From a woman’s perspective, finding a man who will show his emotions is about as likely as catching Big Foot. But there’s more than one way to understand male emotions vs female emotions.

We’re all well acquainted with the stereotypes of men and women. Women are too emotional, men aren’t emotional enough. Confusion ensues, miscommunications happen, hearts get broken. You know the drill.

But is it really as simple as that? Do the stereotypes hold any weight in our interaction with the opposite sex? And more importantly, as the title of this blog suggests, are men really that uninterested in showing their emotions?

Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: your man isn’t going to show emotions the same way you do, period. This is scientifically IMPOSSIBLE—so for the love of God, stop expecting the guy you’re dating to weep outright whenever you’re watching My Sister’s Keeper.

Women have a more active right brain (emotional side) and men have a far more active left brain (logical side).

male emotions vs female emotions

Women can multitask, men can’t!

Furthermore, a woman’s corpus callosum, the central pathway between the left and right brain, is bigger in women than it is in men.

This lets women express themselves with both sides of the brain, while men are often decidedly in the logic camp at all times.

It also makes women much better multitaskers. If you’ve ever been frustrated that your guy can’t talk to you while he’s dutifully cooking an egg, you now have scientific proof that he’s not ignoring you on purpose.

The truth is ladies, guys do indeed have feelings, but they won’t show those feelings the same way you do.

They may even show completely different emotions than the ones you’re feeling. Maybe something that gets you sad will get him angry.

Male Emotions vs Female Emotions

As long as his anger isn’t destructive, then it should be just as acceptable an emotion as your sadness.

At the same time, our society is still focused on the stalwart, silently heroic man. This isn’t your man’s fault—it’s Tom Cruise’s fault for putting out so many bad macho man movies.

It’s also due to a very ingrained family pattern, where the men of the household feel obligated to keep their emotions to themselves during tough times. If things are bad, a show of emotion isn’t very useful.

Remaining “strong” (hence, emotionless) for the family is token manliness, and it persists to this day in most societies around the world.

Lastly, all guys are different, with different backgrounds and different brains. Some show as much emotion as a rock, while others will share your Kleenex box during romantic movies.

You’ll be hard pressed to understand just what kind of man he is until you get to know him better. And remember: if you’re getting frustrated that he’s not responding the way you’d like him to, there are many other factors involved than just “he doesn’t feel like showing his emotions to you.”

In fact, he may be showing those emotions in different ways (like buying you flowers or a gift) instead of showing them to you with deep, doe-eyed looks of devotion and love.

My team here at Who Holds the Cards Now would love to hear your thoughts!

 

What Who You Date Says About You – Part 3

What Who You Date Says About You – Part 3

Attract the Right Guy!

We have spent the last couple of weeks in “What Who You Date Says About You” talking about a variety of different personality types that men and women have and how they impact a relationship. Today, I want to focus on talking about how you can begin to attract the right guy.

If you’ve read any of my books, you know that I am all about giving the power in a relationship to the woman. In Who Holds the Cards Now, this is the central theme! What happens, though, if you’re not really in the right place to take that power? How can you get there?

The answer isn’t as tough as you might think. First of all, you should identify the type of guy you typically date, using Part 1 and Part 2. You may have dated more than one of those types in the past, but look at the “If You Think This is You” section under those different types.

Want to Understand the Different Types of Men and How to Date Them?

I had some fun writing Manimals because I got to describe different types of men, whether they’re datable or not and how to date them when they are. Because that didn’t seem like enough, I then profiled several types of women and paired them up. Now, you can identify which type of woman you are and learn which type of man might be the best fit for you!

In addition to these different types of men and women, the second half of the book contains:

  • Explanations on why you are dating the wrong type of guy now
  • An in-depth study of what I like to call the Relationship Train To Failure
  • 15 things every woman needs to know about men
  • My best-ever discussion on what challenge and mystery are, why they’re important and how to use both to your advantage!

That should help you begin to identify the areas you need to work on. Many times, it’s self-esteem, and that is definitely going to be part of building the new you, but you also need to dig deeper and understand yourself.

I want you to attract the right guy! I want you to have your pick of the litter – as long as you’re not picking wet kittens! Choose from the lion cubs instead! You’re asking – HOW?

Look at your life today. Are things in order? Where are you financially? Are you able to support yourself or are you taking help from Mom and Dad? You will need to get your financial house in order before you bring a guy into the fold.

What have you done so far in your life? Do you have great experiences to share? Even if you don’t have a lot of money, you can have great experiences – and I’m not talking about partying either! I mean real life experiences – the things that change you, even if it’s just a little bit.

This could be college, a trip to someplace new and kind of far away, learning a new skill or hobby, or even doing something a little off the wall like sky-diving.

Who do you look up to? Who do you go to for advice? Is there someone special in your life that you depend on for guidance and advice? If there is nobody, then it’s time you found someone.

Attract the right guy!

A mentor is a highly valuable resource. This person is the person you can count on to tell you the truth, not like your friends, who tell you what they think you want to hear.

Looking back through your life can be a lot of fun, or it can be a real drag. If it’s a drag, then you definitely need to do some work. Even if it is a fun exercise, you can still learn something from it.

My best selling book, To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself will give you more in-depth information on looking at these areas of your life, and more. It will give you a guide to follow to gain a better understanding of yourself and to begin attracting high value men, instead of those we have talked about over the last two weeks.

Part 1 What Who You Date Says About You

Part 2 What Who You Date Says About You

Are you ready to attract the right guy?

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