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The Difference Between Sex and Intimacy

The Difference Between Sex and Intimacy

I was driving the other day, thinking about nothing in particular and somehow, this question came up. Why do people confuse sex and intimacy?

I’m guessing something someone said on the radio prompted this thought, but I got so lost in it, I couldn’t tell you who or in what context. It’s Kirbie today with the difference between sex and intimacy.

The Difference Between Sex and Intimacy

We were intimate.” This phrase bugs me. You were not intimate, you had sex. Intimacy is built without sex. Many couples who choose not to have sex before marriage have built a tremendous amount of intimacy. By the same token, many couples who have a lot of sex together have no intimacy.

Intimacy is the emotional connection between you – the energy and passion. If you come home at the end of a really bad day, someone with whom you share intimacy will be right there to provide you the emotional support you need. He will pull you close, put his arms around you and make you feel suddenly protected from all of the evil which lurks outside.

How do You Build Intimacy if Not in the Bedroom?

Building intimacy happens in those little moments which almost go unnoticed. The late-night stroll in the park, hand in hand, where maybe you hardly say anything to one another. The support you provided to him when his childhood dog died – you were there, with a hug, to hold him as he grieved the loss.

Gregg calls this ‘pennies in the jar’ in some of his books. He talks about collecting great moments together to build up a defense against a break-up. Sitting up all night talking after an old boyfriend announces his engagement, or going out to choose a new puppy from the animal shelter are things which build intimacy.

I remember when my ex-husband and I were in high school – we were both 16. His sister had cystic fibrosis, and at 19, she was a case study doctors wrote about. In 1979, people with CF didn’t live as long as she had. After a final battle with her lungs, she asked to go home – she asked to die.

He came to my house that evening, in obvious and deep pain. Even though we were only 16, this was a very intimate experience for us. I held him in my arms while he cried and cried over his loss. I’ll never forget it. I think of him to this day.

Intimacy also happens in those moments where you know your partner so well, it scares you – and vice versa. He brings you your favorite latte on a Saturday morning, along with your favorite cinnamon raisin bagel, toasted just how you like it.

You recognize at lunchtime he’s having a really bad day, so you plan to take him out to dinner at his favorite place, or cook his favorite dinner at home. You go out of your way to play a fun evening for him and his friends when his team makes the playoffs – you get their favorite beer, order up some pizzas and head off with your girlfriends while they watch the game.

Another way in which you can build intimacy is to express your love in front of others. If this makes him uncomfortable, this might not be a good idea, but if he’s into public displays of affection, this goes a long way.

How to Kill Intimacy

I’ve also been in relationships where I’ve watched intimacy dwindle away. One sure-fire way to begin killing intimacy is to stop spending time together. If you live together, this could mean sleeping in separate bedrooms – or sleeping at the same time. While having sex won’t necessarily build intimacy, avoiding sex with each other is a sure-fire way to kill it.

Becoming a workaholic is another great way to kill intimacy. If all of your energy suddenly goes into your work, you will be too exhausted to devote any time or energy to your partner. You won’t be thinking about stopping on the way home to buy his favorite cut of steak or grabbing the Sunday Times because you know he likes to do the crossword.

Allow your confidence to take a nose dive, or watch his confidence tank. This is another intimacy-killer. If your confidence starts to dwindle, maybe because of a setback at work or some other event in your life, it can begin to put a wall between you – especially if you are one who doesn’t share those things well – someone who internalizes everything.

Building a Lasting Relationship

Whether you’re married or dating, you should always be building those intimate moments. It’s not all on you to do it, but it’s something to always keep in mind. When you see your partner start slipping in some of these activities, it’s a signal to you. If he starts sleeping at different times or working a lot, something needs to be addressed.

These ‘pennies in the jar’ keep your relationship solid. You can even think of them as one way to avoid the dreaded affair. Never stop accumulating them! You’ll be ‘rich’ beyond your wildest dreams – at least in terms of your relationship.

5 Tips on Dealing With the Guy Who Won’t Go Away

5 Tips on Dealing With the Guy Who Won’t Go Away

Got a Guy Who Won’t Go Away?

Some guys just can’t take a hint. Regardless of what you say to them, they keep hanging around. How do you get rid of the guy who won’t go away? Or, how do you get a guy to leave you alone without being mean?

I’ve had a few ladies write to me asking me how to handle an ex that’s still coming around uninvited. Most guys aren’t going to stick around if you tell them that they’re being creepy. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case and some guys just can’t, or won’t, take a hint. This is a guy who won’t go away!

How do you get a guy to leave you alone without being mean?

That’s the problem! Most women don’t want to be mean so they “gently” coax a man away. “Jim you’re a cool guy but I just don’t have the time to date anyone right now.”

Do you know what Jim heard? He heard you say that he is a cool guy so he keeps pursuing you. He didn’t hear the second part of your statement.

Below are 5 tips on dealing with a guy who won’t go away. Of course, if you’re being threatened or deliberately followed by someone, always call the police first. These tips are about helping you get rid of a relatively harmless guy. These tips won’t help if you’re in immediate danger from a stalker.

Tip #1: Clearly state that you want him out of your life

Sometimes you gals can be too nice. You want to let a guy down easy, so you’ll end with comments like “I’m just not interested right now” or “I’m just interested in being friends for the moment.” Adding qualifiers like that can have some guys chomping at the bit thinking they still have a perfectly good chance. For a guy who won’t go away, it can increase unwanted behavior rather than diminish it!

Want to understand men in relationships? Thousands of women have by downloading my free info-graphic! CLICK HERE!

When someone is showering you with too much unwanted attention, you need to put your foot down and say, “I’m not interested and you’re starting to make me uncomfortable.” This would be an appropriate thing to say. “Don’t talk to me and stop contacting me – we’re done,” is another.

And if you’re thinking about lying and saying you have a boyfriend, don’t. While that may get rid of some guys, others may consider that a challenge and pursue you even harder.

Tip #2: Make any changes necessary to avoid him

I know, I know, changing your number sucks. But sometimes when someone clings onto you, you need to take desperate measures. Blocking doesn’t always work. Change your number and only tell friends, family, and the people you work with, your number.

If you sit next to him in class, move away. Show up just before class starts and grab a seat that isn’t next to him. If he works with you, discreetly ask management to schedule you at different times. Change up your daily routine. Take a different bus. Choose a different coffee shop so he can’t run into you. This might make him lose interest and stop.

I’m not asking you to change your name and move away. But depending on just how persistent this guy is, you need to be proactively limit his odds of running into you. The less he sees of you, the more likely he’ll disappear for good.

Tip #3: Tell close friends and family what’s going on

If things begin to escalate – he’s follow you, or you’re getting non-stop calls, and he just won’t leave you alone, then you need to tell your social network about him. Keeping other people around makes it more difficult for this guy to make contact with you.

how do you get a guy to leave you alone without being mean

Tip #4: If things escalate, keep a record of his stalking activities

If things seem to be escalating – he is sneaking around, stalking or saying threatening things to you then you need to take more drastic measures. Record any voice messages he leaves for you, and save any letters he sends you, including texts, which you can grab snapshots of pretty easily.

Learn Why Do Men Stare at Women

By keeping a record, you can build a case for yourself on the off chance that you need a restraining order. Without this information it can simply be your word verses his in a court of law.

Tip #5: Report harassment with your local police station

If you reach a point of being harassed, it’s time to take another step. This step is part building your case, and part protecting yourself from harm. If an officer pays this guy a visit, it may get rid of him for good.

Have you ever had to deal with the guy who won’t go away?

I hope you never have to take any of these actions against another person, but if you end up with one of these guys, at least you’ll have some ideas on what to do. Remember, your safety and the safety of your family always comes first, so be smart like I know you are!

Are you dating a man who you want be around but you have a sneaky suspicion he is using you? Click Here!

Buzzkill: What to Do If the Guy You’re Dating Doesn’t Drink

Buzzkill: What to Do If the Guy You’re Dating Doesn’t Drink

What to Do if the Guy You’re Dating Doesn’t Drink

Can you date someone who doesn’t drink? Most women I know aren’t interested in dating boring prudes that shy away from a good time. But just because he doesn’t drink doesn’t mean he’s a huge bore. Dating a non drinker can actually be good thing.

You’re all aware of, and on the lookout for, the dreaded guy who drinks too much. This guy could be a loser. Getting into a serious relationship with someone like that is always a bad call. But what about the guy who drinks too little…or even not at all?

Is there something wrong with him? Will he go to bars and clubs with you? Is he even capable of having fun or does he just leech it out of the room? What if you both go out with your friends and he’s standing in a corner drinking a club soda and lime, looking like an abject loser?

And the most pressing question of all: when I get drunk…is he judging me?

Can You Date Someone who Doesn’t Drink?

We all feel uncomfortable when someone we know—a friend, a significant other, the poor bastard that drew the short straw and has to be the designated driver for the night—isn’t drinking up a storm with everyone else in the room.

It’s not just about whether they’re having fun, it’s about whether they think you’re an idiot for just having danced to Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie on the dining room table.

And when this person is a boyfriend, well, you’re that much more aware of what he thinks, and that magnifies how weird you feel about the whole situation.

dating a non drinker It’s likely you found this out quickly, within the first date or two. Either he didn’t order a drink after you did (awkward) or he outright told you he doesn’t imbibe, like, at all. The first step is to figure out whether or not you can live with his reasoning.

You may completely understand where he’s coming from if he grew up in a broken home with a violent drunken step-dad. Or that he has a family history of alcohol addiction. You may not get it if he says his religious beliefs forbid him even taste the stuff.

If the guy made a change to his life because of something you understand, don’t write him off.

Dating a Non Drinker?

The next step is to see how he acts around drunken people, both in a crowd and even when it’s just you. Invite him to a bar with you and do your thing (aka drink like you normally would).

Watch how he acts through the night. Important: don’t listen to the voice in your head saying “oh, he’s not having fun because he’s not drunk.”

Instead, ask yourself whether you’re having fun with him. If he’s cool and he’s making you laugh, why does it even matter? If he isn’t having fun, I guarantee you’ll get the hint. You’ll be bored, which 99% of the time means he’s bored, too.

Lastly, if he’s acting normal at a bar and not bashing people just because they’re hammered, then he’s a keeper. Even if he says he’s uncomfortable around people at bars, that doesn’t mean he’s uncomfortable around you after having a couple glasses of wine.

He may find drunk men to be threatening but you just look cute to him. In order to find out, you have to test the waters, and that means withholding judgment until you know for sure.

Have You Ever Been in This Situation?

Tell me your experiences with men who don’t drink. Were you confident around him? How did it work out for you? Can you date someone who doesn’t drink?

What Does Who You Date Say About You? Part 1

What Does Who You Date Say About You? Part 1

You Are Who You Date

We all get caught in ruts in life – we find ourselves eating the same foods, wearing the same clothes, hanging out in the same bars, and dating the same type of people. You reinforced this in your comments of my last few blog posts and I thought maybe we needed to dig a little deeper to see what this “same” personality type says about you.

Generally speaking, we attract the type of person who exhibits the traits in us that most need fixing. You are who you date. Having said that, we also all probably carry around small pieces of each of these traits – it’s just when they begin to overwhelm your life that they become harmful. What does who you date say about you? Let’s find out.

Mr. Pour-On-The-Charm

I begin with this guy because he has particular appeal to many women. This guy practically charms the pants right off of you with his smooth-talking, perfectly groomed, highly successful persona. At first blush, this guy is G-R-E-A-T, but when you peel back the layers, he’s condescending, demanding, self-centered and egotistical.

And You…

If you are attracted to this type of guy, you may carry the very same characteristics. While it seems as if the person with this type of personality trait is confident, the opposite is actually true – you are lacking confidence.

If You Think This Shoe Fits

If you think this describes you, rest assured there is hope! Probably the best thing you can do is to learn how to listen. Narcissistic people tend to dominate the conversation.

Rather than initiating a conversation, then immediately starting to drum up your response, just listen and really ‘hear’ what the other person is saying. When it is your turn to talk, rather than come up with your ‘better’ story, respond to theirs with empathy.

Want to understand the different types of men and how to date them?

I had some fun writing Manimals because I got to describe different types of men, whether they’re datable or not and how to date them when they are. Because that didn’t seem like enough, I then profiled several types of women and paired them up. Now, you can identify which type of woman you are and learn which type of man might be the best fit for you!

In addition to these different types of men and women, the second half of the book contains:

  • Explanations on why you are dating the wrong type of guy now
  • An in-depth study of what I like to call the Relationship Train To Failure
  • 15 things every woman needs to know about men
  • My best-ever discussion on what challenge and mystery are, why they’re important and how to use both to your advantage!

Mr. Indecision

You know this guy – he can’t make a decision to save his life. He is full of excuses – “I couldn’t call you last night because I had to [insert lame excuse] instead.”

This type of guy is dwelling on the past – whether it’s your past history together, a negative in his past, or maybe one in yours that you have shared. Finally, this guy won’t commit. His standard mantra is “I’m not looking for anything serious right now”. He likes you but…not right now, not ever.

And You…

A woman who attracts this type of man probably feels she doesn’t deserve anything better. It is likely that someone in your past has disappointed you in a big way and you have not moved past it. You may even have been a victim of abuse or neglect.

If You Think This Is You

You need to begin telling yourself that you do deserve a good life and a good guy. You need to build your confidence and learn to forgive your past and everyone in it who may have hurt you. My book, Comfortable In Your Own Shoes can help you develop a new mantra and start a journey to a more confident you.

Mr. Diamond in the Rough

This guy is the one you think you can ‘fix’. He has flaws and you see them, plain as day, but you’re convinced that you are the woman who can turn him around. You’re gonna make him your project! He probably feels, and maybe even says that he doesn’t deserve you.

And You…

If this is your type of guy, then you are probably in the habit of making excuses for others – “He didn’t mean to skip dinner with my parents – he must have gotten caught up at work”.

If You Think This Is You

Look back through your past to see what mistake you are still trying to fix. Your need to overcompensate is rooted there. By fixing someone else, you feel that you are really fixing your past. Well, now it’s time to get to it – fix your past. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and move on. Fixing someone else will never repair your own soul.

Parts 2 and 3

Next week, in part 2, we’ll go over a few more personality traits that get in the way of successful relationships. Our last conversation on this topic will focus on the best methods for you to begin attracting the right guy – through understanding yourself and working to fix these traits in you.

Do You See Yourself Here?

Do any of these ring a bell with you?

The Importance of a Mentor! Why Your Girlfriends’ Advice Isn’t Cutting It

The Importance of a Mentor! Why Your Girlfriends’ Advice Isn’t Cutting It

You have been in several relationships, and yet, none of them has felt right – none of those guys were ‘the one’, in fact, all of those guys were ‘the same one’. You’ve tried asking your girlfriends for advice, but they aren’t providing anything truly helpful. This is where a mentor can help!

My best-selling book, “To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself”, provides you with the tools you need to uncover the reasons why your relationships so far have not been fulfilling for you. The book gives you a pathway into yourself, bringing you out of your old habits and helping you to develop yourself in a way that enables you to attract that ‘right guy’.

The Importance of a Having a Mentor

So many times, ladies come to me with your stories of dating or marrying a guy, then suffering through the heartbreak of a break-up. You are feeling down on yourself, discouraged and hopeless.

In one such example, one of my readers contacted me regarding a break-up where she was convinced that she was still ‘in love’ with the guy, but after several emails and coaching, she finally began to take my advice and activate the steps in “Who Holds the Cards Now” to grow her confidence and begin moving on.

Ultimately, she began to realize that she actually didn’t want or need the old relationship and also that she needed to take time to explore herself before getting into another serious relationship. She will enter her next relationship a much healthier woman.

Had this woman had a mentor, she may have been able to see where she needed to make changes much earlier in the relationship, saving herself great heartbreak and years of time lost on a doomed relationship.

A mentor can help you to understand yourself. A mentor is someone you know and trust, someone who provides you with a good example of how to live your life. How many times have you wished that you had someone you could talk to, bounce ideas off of or tap into for really good dating advice?

A mentor can be someone from your family, education, workplace, church or other area of your life. It is someone who you look up to, who knows you and understands your life and your challenges. A mentor is someone who has succeeded in the area you are questioning or currently failing at. You can have more than one mentor in your life. In fact, it is a good idea to have a few people in this role.

But how many of us ever find a mentor before we get into trouble? Sure we hire shrinks but that is when it is too late. I want you to be pro-active not reactive.

Having someone like this in your life helps you guide your decisions, both by being there to listen and provide feedback, and also by living their life in a way that provides you with a good example. A mentor sees your life more objectively than you do and holds you accountable for your decisions.

Book Preview

Follow me into the self-discovery process into learning all about YOU! Join me and learn about the power of mentors, financial independence and how “your story” can change your life and create happiness with yourself and your relationships. Meet Meghan and Jennifer and see how their stories merge with yours. It will be fun!

What’s Next?

In my final post on my new book, I will be sharing with you more information about the book and how it will help you understand yourself more fully.

Stop Drawing in the Wrong Guy – Understand Yourself and Get the RIGHT Guy

Stop Drawing in the Wrong Guy – Understand Yourself and Get the RIGHT Guy

Your last relationship just ended. It was with the same type of guy you have dated five times before. You’re left wondering why you keep attracting the same type of guy, the guy who ends up being all wrong for you. What’s a girl to do? How do you stop drawing in the wrong kind of guy?

It’s time to understand yourself better so you can start attracting the right man! “To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself” is one of my confidence books for women. It helps you dig into yourself to understand why you keep attracting a certain type of guy and what changes you can make to get the RIGHT guy!

Do You Have a Story?

As you look back through your life, can you tell an interesting story? Have you developed several hobbies – maybe cooking, hiking, traveling or dancing? Do you get out and hang with your friends, have adventures or otherwise go out and have a good time? Doing these things helps you to develop an interesting past – a story.

Women with a great story are very interesting to men! We love to hear about how you climbed to the top of that mountain! We aren’t interested in women with no story – “I live with my parents and hang out with my friends partying 4 nights a week” is not the story quality men want to hear. In “To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself”, you will learn more about what kind of story men like and how you can develop a great story for yourself!

What is Your Confidence Level?

Often, women – and men – think they are more confident than they really are. Confidence is about not only understanding yourself, but accepting you for who you are. To be confident is to radiate happiness and peace with your life as it is right now. You are you, and you are okay with it. Many times, people think they are confident, but they are really just wishing for that confidence – if you are confident, you don’t need to walk around telling people – they know!

Next…

I’ll be back to you in a couple of days with more information on my new book. We’ll chat about the importance of having a mentor, another way to help understand yourself better.

“You have given me the best advice of anyone in six months including two very expensive therapists.” – Sue

Meanwhile…

Do you have a story? Let’s get a conversation started! Help other women by telling me what you want your story to be in the comments below.

About Me…

I have sold more than 70,000 books, providing dating advice to men and women with several  #1 Best Sellers. If my books aren’t #1 best sellers, it’s because they are #2 or #3 behind my number one! I wrote this book to help women in all stages of dating life, whether you’re currently single, in a relationship, or even married, there is something for you in “To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself”! You will know what to do to before you get into your next relationship, or what to do now to keep your current relationship in a good place.

Why Dating an Older Guy Is Something You Should Do At Least Once

Why Dating an Older Guy Is Something You Should Do At Least Once

Dating an Older Guy comes with Challenges

You’re looking to expand your horizons and date an older guy. But first, you have to kick those age-gap stereotypes to the curb.

This kind of conversation comes up all the time when I’m chatting with some young 20 or 30 somethings at a local bar or event. They tell me their sick of dating guys their age. That they’re immature and have no idea what they want or what they’re doing with their lives.

And then, when I ask whether they would ever consider dating someone older, I get a response like, “sure I’ve thought of it, but isn’t that weird?” Or, “I just wouldn’t know how to act. And what would my friends think of me?”

Dating an older guy is one of those societal stereotypes that just blows my hair back every time I hear it. I can’t believe how many younger women today have this notion that by dating an older man, they’re perceived as an opportunist at best, or some super-traditional, skirts-below-the-knees prude that needs to be taken care of by a man at worst.

They’re worried that walking out of a movie theater hand-in-hand with some guy 5 or 10+ years her senior is a one-way ticket to contemptville. “She must be dating him for the money,” or “she must not feel very confident in herself.”

I’m not going to say that kind of mindset doesn’t exist anymore. There are plenty of idiots out there that enjoy demeaning women for their choice in men. But you can’t live your life trying to make these people think you’re their kind of “normal.” Dating isn’t about age. It’s about the person you’re dating and how you feel with him around. That’s it.

Julieanne Smolinski writes an amazing sex column for GQ. She wrote an article about dating outside your age range. Her take:

“Remember that game, “Guess Who” ? That is the opposite of what picking a person should be like. When you completely remove personality and individual experience from the equation and rely exclusively on stuff like “young,” “blue eyes,” and “no glasses,” you end up with Robert, that weirdo in the beret. Forget about other people, money, and the looming specter of death. It’s so rare that people meet and like each other. If we start writing people off based on this completely arbitrary Z-factor, we’re really going to end up forcing a lot of conversation with a lot of boring, age-appropriate dullards.”

Now, it’s completely understandable if your young-guys-only bias is due to family planning, having kids, etc. But if you feel uncomfortable dating an older guy because he actually has his act together—you know, with a real job, with real responsibilities—then you may want to revisit those biases of yours.

Just because someone has had more years than you to organize their life shouldn’t be a reason to outright deny them a date. But by all means, date that cute 23-year-old dude working at the Sonic drive-thru who’s halfway done with his Associates at the local community college. He’s, like, the most amazing Guitar Hero player you’ve ever met.

As for your friends, well, I can only say that if they’ve drunk the kool-aid that society handed to them, they may not be totally happy for you. But if you’re happy with him, it doesn’t exactly matter, does it? I can only speak for myself, but it isn’t exactly often that you get real chemistry occurring between two people.

Are you going to pass it up because of what you think people are thinking? Or because of your own insecurities? I certainly hope not!

Listen, it’s so easy to hit up a dating website these days and filter by age. Aren’t there better common denominators you can think of besides “we were both born within a year or two of one another?” Try to open up that filter for once and just see who comes up. How many great guys are you missing out on just because of something they literally had no control over?

And the next time you’re hanging out at a bar and some hot older dude asks if he can buy you a drink, you should see where it goes. You may be surprised by the results.

Read more on Dating an Older Man

Do you have your Night Moves down? Are you ready to go out and get a guy to fall for you, using science and not trickery? If so, this is the book for you! I’ve done the research, and you get to benefit. Here are the steps you can take, whether you’re headed out on a first date or going out with your friends to look for men. The science behind attraction is just a few clicks away!

Here are just a couple of things you’ll learn inside this best-seller:

  • Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction…learn why inside
  • Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal…but what signal? Learn inside the book
  • You can get a guy to feel like he’s falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

Why He Won’t Commit but Won’t Leave You Alone

Why He Won’t Commit but Won’t Leave You Alone

It’s frustrating to be in a relationship and wonder why he won’t commit but won’t leave you alone. You want to either advance your relationship or get out of it, but there he is, constantly drawing you back in.

Why won’t he commit? Why is he so stuck on you? What the heck can you do about it?

Keep reading!

why he won't commit but won't leave you alone

Why He Won’t Commit but Won’t Leave You Alone | He Fears Rejection

Women don’t own the market for being rejected in relationships. Men get rejected too and it hurts us just as badly. When a guy has been rejected, it makes it much more difficult for him to commit again.

Oh, he wants to commit. He might even know he loves you, but that fear is eating away at his insides. He’s been here before and it ended with what felt like a kick to the gonads. This is a big reason why he won’t commit but won’t leave you alone.

Because of this, he doesn’t like conflict either, so when the natural disagreements of a relationship occur, he tucks his tail and runs, rather than try to settle things with a discussion. His history is that it doesn’t work.

He might talk to you about the issue over text or email, but not face-to-face. He can’t handle it. So, he withdraws and cools his heels. Depending on how bad the disagreement was, he’ll either come back slowly or continue to retreat until he’s fully gone if you haven’t already broken up with him by then.

Men often have a problem with conflict because they weren’t raised to know how to deal with negative emotions like stress and anxiety. They have a harder time soothing and calming themselves after a disagreement, so they’ll pull back to calm down.

If your guy fears rejection, he might show it by avoiding arguments. He pulls away before you can.

Oh the Mysterious Ways of Men!

There's no way for a woman to know intuitively what to expect from a man. That's why I'm here! There are many differences between men and women and this article shows you a few. But there are others. Click the button below to read those articles too!

He Doesn’t Want to Feel Smothered

Many young boys start life with a strong attachment to their mothers. It’s natural. In many instances, she’s the one nurturing him through infancy and his toddler years. But when he starts striking out on his own, the attachment should begin to dissolve. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen.

Mom stays ever-present, even though junior is an independent young man. The more she smothers, the less he wants to be smothered as an adult.

And you shouldn’t be smothering him anyway. That’s not a healthy relationship. Your need to smother stems from your own insecurity in the relationship and a lack of other things to do to occupy your mind and time.

Some men don’t have the mother issue, but that doesn’t mean they want to be smothered. No healthy person does.

While you might not think you’re smothering him, it might be a good idea to learn what his mother may have done that made him feel smothered. You might be doing something that you don’t think is a problem, but it is to him.

A guy who fears being smothered can feel love, but when it comes to making a commitment, he feels like he can’t be himself. He can’t spend time with his buddies or go off on a fishing weekend for fear of retaliation.

If your guy seems to be harboring this fear, pull back and find your own things to do. Forge new friendships. Develop new hobbies. Join a gym or take a cooking class. Anything to occupy your mind and time and let him have his time.

Once he sees that you aren’t going to smother him any longer, things should improve.

why he won't commit but won't leave you alone

Why He Won’t Commit | You Have Different Priorities

Everyone grows at a different pace. When you’re young and either in college or just out, your priorities are different from someone who’s been working for several years and may feel like their chance to have a family is slowly declining.

As we grow and mature, we do so at different paces. When you met your guy, you were both on a career track. Fresh out of college, the two of you both wanted to get great jobs and move out on your own. That feeling of renting your first apartment or buying your first car is powerful and motivating.

Then you both get into your careers, and he decides he wants to settle down and have a family, but you’ve decided to go for an advanced degree. Now your priorities are different, and a commitment might not make sense.

Things can get sticky if your expectations don’t meet his priorities or vice versa. Sometimes, you can talk this out or come to a resolution, but not always.

You need an open and honest discussion where you each lay out your priorities and expectations to see if there’s a way to line it all up. Sometimes you can find a way; sometimes you can’t.

He May Feel He’s Unlovable

When someone grows up undervalued or not being validated as a child, they come to believe they aren’t lovable. It’s simple – their history is all the proof they need. A man who grew up like this feels unlovable, as if he’s never going to be good enough for you. He’s insecure and has low self-esteem and low self-worth.

He asks for your approval or validation frequently, “Did you enjoy that restaurant tonight?” How he feels is determined by how you feel. This is a classic codependent relationship.

Because he feels unworthy of you, he’ll pull back as soon as commitment becomes an issue. The “L” word strikes fear into his heart in a big way. In the quest to understand why he won’t commit but won’t leave you alone, consider this a strong possibility.

If you flirt with another guy, he’ll be devastated. The same goes for talking to your ex or, heaven forbid, cheating. He won’t fight to win you back if you cheat on him. He’ll just withdraw into a ball of self-hate and believe even less in his ability to be worthy of a good woman.

This type of guy is more comfortable doing solitary things, like playing computer games or solitary sports like golf. He’s probably quiet or shy and seeks approval by appearing to be helpful. He’s unable to talk about his wants or needs because he’s afraid of scaring you.

Why He Won’t Commit | He Doesn’t Believe He’s Good Enough for You

This is a little different from feeling he isn’t lovable. A few of the ingredients that go into men rely on a man’s ability to earn a good living and provide for his family.

If a guy feels he’s falling short of being able to provide, he’ll also feel he isn’t good enough for you. While men are usually okay with having a girlfriend or wife who works, what’s sometimes hard to swallow is when she earns more than he does.

Many men grow up believing that they need to succeed at everything they do. It’s not a man thing, but I think it’s probably more prominent in men. If a man falls short in school, sports, gaming, relationships, as a lover, parent, or breadwinner, he’ll feel less than worthy of you or any other woman.

Another way this happens is if a boy is raised by a single mom who constantly tells him he’s the man of the house before he’s physically and emotionally prepared to be that person. The spoken and unspoken expectations are too high, and he’ll always feel like it’s failing. This leaves him feeling unworthy of being the man he thinks he should be before he’s even had a chance to truly be a man.

The more he’s into you, the worse his fear of not being good enough for you. You’ll see signs of his insecurity:

  • Bragging and exaggerating about his accomplishments, often to the point of lying
  • Making sure you know about his wins
  • Shrinking away from you if he experiences a setback
  • Finding another woman who makes him feel good about himself
why he won't commit but won't leave you alone

He’s Ashamed of Something from His Past

When a person has something in their past that they either feel ashamed of now or were made to feel ashamed of then, they feel vulnerable. Many men don’t handle vulnerability well. It’s not how they were raised. It seems to be getting better now, but men of my generation were raised to suck it up and deal. Don’t show emotions. Never let them see you sweat. That sort of thing.

Consequently, if he has something in his background that he’s ashamed of, he might shy away from a commitment over a fear of being discovered.

The thing he’s ashamed of might not even be that big of a deal to you, but somewhere in his past, it was made a big deal, so it’s a big deal to him.

The other way in which a man might feel shame is if he perceives he has a flaw of some sort. It might be his height or lack of hair, or something else like a scar or other physical defect.

He may feel like he’s always falling short of other men. He doesn’t get the big promotion, but he gets a smaller one. Instead of earning valedictorian for his graduating class, he came in second. These things don’t matter to you as much as they matter to him, so you might not understand why it’s such a big deal, but it is.

Why He Won’t Commit but Won’t Leave You Alone | He Can’t Trust Women

Divorce can be ugly for many couples. The disdain they feel for one another filters in and everything blows up. I have a friend who went through this very thing.

Jerry was happily married for ten years. He and his wife Maggie have three children, now all adults, but at the time of their divorce, their two younger kids were still in elementary school. Maggie decided she wanted a divorce when the goals she and Jerry had seemed to be at odds.

Their divorce was epic. They went to court every six months because Maggie refused to be compliant with court orders that enabled Jerry to see and spend time with his kids. Jerry fully supported his kids with child support, even though they slowly gravitated to living with him. He also offered her more alimony than was required because he wanted her to be able to go back to college and get a degree.

Meanwhile, Maggie falsely accused him of things like abusing their kids and other similar behaviors, all of which were found to be untrue.

None of it mattered and Jerry is now in a position where he loves a woman but is terrified of making a commitment. He doesn’t trust this girlfriend because of everything Maggie put him through.

Often it is a divorce that causes a man to distrust women, but this can also come from a childhood where his mother or another important female figure wasn’t there for him when he needed her. Often the answer to the question of why he won’t commit but won’t leave you alone involves this problem.

When a man suffers from a lack of trust in women, he’ll often speak negatively about his mother or his exes. He’ll claim to be a victim of things women have done to him and might even say he doesn’t believe in marriage.

You’re Locked in a Power Struggle

When an alpha woman and an alpha man date, a power struggle is as certain as the sun setting in the evening and rising in the morning. Two alphas can be in a relationship, but a lot of negotiating is often required.

The attraction between two alphas is mesmerizing, but the power struggle that results can be polarizing.

Two people in charge rarely works because of the personalities behind each of them. An alpha man will rarely concede control to a woman. It’s not in his nature to do so. If you’re an alpha woman and you’re dating an alpha man, you’ll probably need to give up leadership in the relationship if you want it to survive.

When two alphas meet, there is a natural fight for position. For animals, this fight is physical, but for alpha humans, it’s often a mental fight.

The problem is that alphas, male and female, know what they want and they aren’t afraid to go for it. The high level of intelligence and drive that attracts you to him is what also causes strife.

Alpha men will date alpha women, but they’ll often marry women who aren’t alphas because they don’t want the fight. They need to be in control and the only way to do that is to date a woman who isn’t an alpha.

If you’re an alpha woman, the best man for you might be a beta.

10 Advantages of Dating a Beta Man

why he won't commit but won't leave you alone

Why He Won’t Commit but Won’t Leave You Alone | He Fears He Can’t Make the Right Decision

Many people have problems making what they perceive to be the right decision. He’s never sure about which car to buy, which neighborhood is the best to live in, whether he really likes where he works, and so on.

As soon as he makes one choice, he thinks of all the reasons to regret it. It can take a man with this issue years to decide on what car to buy, which, of course, is problematic because cars are always changing.

The same applies to deciding on what woman to choose for the rest of his life. As soon as he thinks about committing to you, his mind becomes anxious over whether there are other women out there who are better for him.

People going through this often face analysis paralysis – they analyze something so much that a decision becomes impossible.

This type of guy is usually very intelligent and intellectual. It’s that intelligence that is his worst enemy. He overthinks things and obsesses over decisions. He’ll spend hours on Google® researching possibilities and will think he’s decided numerous times before he does. He spends a lot of time second-guessing himself.

The best way to get this type of guy to realize you’re the woman for him is to allow him to miss you in his life. Yep – leave. You aren’t getting anywhere with him as things are anyway, so your best plan is to move on without him.

Sometimes a guy will wake up and realize what he’s lost, and he’ll come back to you. Other times, he’ll continue in the same destructive relationship pattern.

How to Overcome His Fear of Commitment

The first step in overcoming his fear of commitment is to find out why he carries this fear inside. It could be one or more of the things you’ve read above, but how can you find out?

Have an Open and Honest Discussion

I know this strikes fear right away. You’re thinking, “But Gregg, if I ask him about this, it’ll push him away!!” He’s already pushing away from you, so you can either try to pull him back in or shove him out the door.

Either way, a discussion is a great step. He probably realizes he’s carrying some anxiety over the commitment, but he might not be sure why. Sometimes just talking to someone can push that why to the forefront. He has an ah-ha moment and recognizes what he needs to do next.

He may say he thinks you’re moving too fast. In that instance, you can establish a timeline you can both agree upon and stick to it. Regardless of what his reason is, talking about it helps you both understand what you’re dealing with.

Work Together to Fix Problems

If the problem is different priorities or that he feels smothered, you can work on those things. Compromise is necessary in any relationship, but you first need to know where those compromises need to be.

Both of you need to be great listeners so you can truly hear what the other person is saying. Don’t try to inject your own stuff into whatever he’s saying. Hear him out and think about what he’s said before you reply. Hopefully, he will do the same, and if he doesn’t, kindly ask him to hear you out.

Fixing problems starts by recognizing what the problems are. If you can do that, you can often come to some sort of agreement on how to move forward in a way that supports you both.

Determine What Your Limits Are

You should have a limit – a timeframe by which things need to change, and so should he. For example, if the issue is that he has issues with trust or feels unworthy, he probably needs to seek professional counseling to help him overcome it. You need to allow him time. Time to get the nerve to make the appointment, then time to work with that professional to overcome his issues.

Additionally, if he needs some sort of therapy, he may ask you to participate. His bottom line might be your participation or lack thereof. Yours might be that he participates in counseling for some period.

Either way, you need limits. If he puts off seeking professional help for three months, you’re out. If he makes the appointment but doesn’t go, you’re out. Decide what your limits are and be generous enough to allow him time to do what he needs to do.

Once the limit is passed, you should follow through, unless you can see some slow progress and you’re willing to wait. Don’t wait forever for a man who won’t put in the effort to be with you. You deserve a man who will work hard for your relationship.

why he won't commit but won't leave you alone

Why He Won’t Commit But Won’t Leave You Alone | What the Risks are for You

You wonder why he won’t commit but won’t leave you alone, but have you considered the risks for yourself?

You Develop an Unrealistic Acceptance of the Situation

You’re having fun with him. The sex is great and you have fun together. Eventually, he’ll commit, right?

Wrong. Your delusions are keeping you from seeing how dysfunctional the relationship really is. You only see the actions he performs that seem to indicate he’s into you and you ignore all the signs that he’ll never commit.

That leads to the next risk.

Your Self-Esteem Decreases

As he strings you along, not committing but not setting you free, you begin to feel as if you’re unworthy of love. He never sends you a card or brings you flowers. He never surprises you in the spur of the moment.

Those little things are signs of caring, so if you aren’t seeing them from him, you may begin to believe you’re unworthy or unlovable, just like he does.

You Lose Time

The more time you spend on a man who won’t commit, the less time you’re spending on finding a man who will.

If you’re young, you might not care much right now, but as you get older, time becomes more precious to you. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow, so it’s important to Live Like You’re Dying.

Of course, you have two options. You can stay with him, considering him to be good enough, or you can ditch this effort and find a man who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.

You’re Risking Heartbreak

At some point, if he doesn’t work out his issues, he’ll break your heart, then you’ll come to me wanting to get him back. This is assuming you don’t settle for whatever minimal attention he gives to you and your relationship.

Sticking with a man who won’t commit and won’t work through the issues that are preventing him from committing is setting yourself up for heartbreak.

Why He Won’t Commit but Won’t Leave You Alone | Conclusion

Ultimately, the decision is yours. You can continue to date a man who won’t make a commitment to you, or you can move on and find a loving man who will make a commitment to you.

Many of the reasons why he won’t commit aren’t his fault. They’re the result of how other people have treated him in the past. Regardless of how much you think you’ve proven yourself to be different, those scars still remain.

Remember, it’s not your job to fix him, but that doesn’t mean you can’t discuss the problem with him and provide him the support he needs to fix it on his own.

For some men, this means retreating from the relationship entirely. That’s what many guys do when they need to deal with their emotions. If so, be patient, and if you say you’ll wait, then wait. Don’t become part of the problem by breaking a promise to him.

Set limits for how long you’re willing to wait so he has the motivation to work hard and not poke around. This way, you both have a hard deadline or rule for when you’ve waited long enough.

Just because he can’t commit to you now doesn’t mean he won’t be able to if he works things out.

It's Time to Understand Men!

Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations.

Men view finances, love, dating, dealing with difficult situations, and communication differently than women.

Inside this book, you’ll discover how to improve your relationships by understanding these differences and learning how to overcome them and use them to your advantage.

This isn’t about playing games. It’s about understanding what he’s thinking and how he’ll best understand you.

Writing an Irresistible Online Dating Profile for Women

Writing an Irresistible Online Dating Profile for Women

Are you venturing into the realm of online dating but feel clueless about writing an online dating profile? Perhaps you’re getting ready to take the plunge, or maybe you’re just updating your profile. Regardless of where you stand, I’m here to help you in this exciting journey to find a meaningful connection online. In this guide, I’ll show you how to create a dating profile that truly reflects who you are, and resonates with the kind of person you’re hoping to attract. 

“Your online dating profile is your personal advertisement in the dating world, the exciting first impression that showcases your personality, interests, and unique characteristics. It’s often the first touchpoint for potential matches, so it’s important to get it right.”

With practical tips and personal insights, we’re going to dive into the nitty-gritty of crafting a compelling online dating profile. Get ready to make a lasting impression and find your perfect match!

online dating profile

First Impressions Matter: Crafting a Captivating Profile Picture

You might be asking yourself, “How can I make my profile picture stand out?” A great image goes beyond the perfect selfie; it’s about creating a snapshot of your personality, displaying your uniqueness, and standing out from the crowd. Everyone appreciates authenticity. Therefore, make sure your photo reflects who you truly are.

Don’t take the importance of choosing the right photo lightly. Studies show that profile pictures are very significant in online dating, often making the difference between getting swiped left or right.

Your profile photo should be bright, clear, and high quality. Avoid using filters excessively, as you want your potential match to see the real you. Full body shots are also encouraged as they often generate more interest.

Additionally – and here’s a photographer’s secret – use the rule of thirds. Place yourself slightly off center to create a visually dynamic image. This technique is widely popular because of its professional touch and its captivating effect on the viewer.

Lastly, don’t forget to smile! Body language is critical in first impressions, and a warm, welcoming smile can instantly draw someone in. It’s the universal sign of friendliness and it communicates that you’re approachable and open to possibilities.

Always remember, your goal is to find someone who’s compatible with the real, wonderful you. Your first step in achieving that is through – believe it or not – your profile picture. So step into the best, most genuine version of yourself and let your profile picture do the talking!

Photograph Selection: Choosing Pictures that Represent You Best

Once you’ve taken the perfect profile picture, it’s time to complement it with a variety of other images that display various parts of your life. You know you’re much more than just a pretty face, and potential matches should too. A great online dating profile isn’t complete without several photos that speak volumes about who you are and what you love.

Consider including pictures that show off your lifestyle, your hobbies, and the things that matter most to you. Do you love to travel? An image of you exploring a new city or hiking in the mountains can help show this. Are you a foodie? A picture of you cooking or eating at a new restaurant could do the trick. This gives a comprehensive picture of your real-life experiences, making your profile more engaging and inviting.

Remember, each photo you choose is a chapter of your life that you are sharing with potential matches. It gives them an insight into your life and helps them visualize a life together with you, before even meeting you. Not only that, these photos can serve as excellent conversation starters!

However, always keep in mind the quality and clarity of the photos you add. Blurred or poor-resolution photos may not serve your purpose and could end up doing more harm than good. Also, ensure that you are the focus of each photograph. Group photos are fine as long as they don’t confuse potential matches about who you are.

In essence, be sure to choose photographs that accurately represent you. They ought to show the world who you really are, not just what you look like. They should illuminate your life, captivate potential matches, and ideally, spark a conversation!

Unveiling Your Personality: The Art of Writing an Authentic Bio

There’s a fine art to writing an online dating profile that authentically communicates who you are in a way that’s attractive and engaging. Yet, it doesn’t have to feel like an insurmountable challenge. Let’s break it down together.

First and foremost, embrace honesty. Truthfulness is a universal trait highly appreciated in the world of online dating. Explain what you’re truly passionate about, your life goals, and the defining elements of your personality. Remember, you’re not crafting a job application, so allow your personality to shine through.

Write as you Speak: If you’re humorous in nature, let your words reflect that. If you’re more on the serious side, show that too, but remember, a touch of lightness can be appealing. Try to reflect your natural communication style, as it makes you more relatable and helps potential matches envision actually having a conversation with you. 

Another crucial element to consider is staying positive and focused on what you do want rather than what you don’t want. Accentuate your positive qualities and communicate the type of partner you’re looking for.

Finally, stand out from the crowd by adding specific details about your life and interests. Instead of saying, “I like to travel,” share a memory or a favorite location. Details make your profile more interesting and give people more topics to initiate a conversation with you.

Yes, writing an authentic online dating profile takes some introspection and effort. Yet, by being honest, expressive, and positive, your profile will stand out, attracting people who are genuinely interested in getting to know the real you.

Digging Deeper into Writing a Bio

The art of creating a bio not only includes expressing the real you, but also strategically positioning yourself attractively for the type of person you want to attract. It’s as much about revealing who you are, as it is about subtly screening potential matches. Here is where the magic of storytelling comes to life.

Begin your bio by sharing small anecdotes or personal experiences that shaped who you are. This could be something as simple as a family recipe that ignited your passion for cooking or a childhood vacation that sparked your love for travel. These stories make you more relatable and paint a vivid picture in the reader’s mind.

While it’s crucial to be genuine, consider your bio as a curated presentation of yourself. Be selective about the stories and facts you share. Choose the ones that reflect the image you want to project – whether that’s a fun-loving adventurer, a compassionate animal lover, or a driven career woman.

You should also pay attention to the narrative tone of your bio. Even when discussing serious topics, try to maintain an upbeat and positive outlook. Online dating should be a fun experience, both for you and for the people who read your profile. A positive, engaging tone will make your profile an inviting place for potential matches.

Finally, an effective bio isn’t just about telling; it’s also about asking. Include conversation starters or interesting questions in your bio. This invites the person reading your profile to message you with their answer. It could be as simple as “What’s the best book you’ve read?” or “If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?”. It’s a subtle yet strategic way to get the conversation started.

With these tips in mind, craft a bio that not only tells your story but also invites others to become a part of it.

Highlighting Your Interests: Making Your Hobbies Attractive

Striking a balance between showcasing your individuality while staying relatable is crucial. Remember, what seems normal to you might be incredibly interesting to someone else. Discovering shared interests and activities can be a wonderful avenue for starting relevant conversations, so let’s explore some ways to make your hobbies more appealing on your online dating profile.

First, aim for specificity. For instance, instead of simply saying that you enjoy reading, state that you are an avid fiction lover with a special fondness for dystopian novels. Instead of declaring you love to travel, mention that you’re a wine enthusiast who loves exploring vineyards in France or perhaps you’re an active adventurer who’s always on the lookout for the next challenging mountain to climb. Detailed descriptions give people a better understanding of who you are and what you value, and can spark connections with like-minded individuals.

However, steer clear of overly complex jargon that may fly over the heads of potential suitors. This doesn’t mean hiding your passions, but merely making them easily digestible. For example, if you’re a passionate bird-watcher, instead of sharing intricate details about ornithology, tell about the thrill of spotting a rare bird species or the serenity that comes with immersing yourself in nature.

Furthermore, have an open mind. While expressing your hobbies, you may also want to convey a sense of enthusiasm about learning or embracing new interests. This illustrates your flexibility, openness and that you’re not averse to growing and evolving alongside someone else.

Ultimately, your interests are a reflection of who you are. The key is to present them in a way that’s genuine and exciting. By doing so, you’re likely to attract those who resonate with your personality and interests. Happy presenting!

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Creating Curiosity: Leaving Room for More Inquiries

But how exactly do you create intrigue without giving everything away? It’s a fine line to draw, but the idea here is to drop breadcrumbs that provoke curiosity about you, rather than laying out all the details in one go. After all, a little mystery goes a long way in making someone want to discover more about you.

When constructing your profile, remember: Leave room for questions and conversation starters. For instance, instead of just saying you love to travel, mention that you’ve been skydiving in Switzerland. Instead of declaring a love for cooking, describe your signature dish that people always request. These little tidbits not only provide depth to your profile, but they also serve as intriguing nuggets that will make someone want to message you and learn more.

Think of your profile as a trailer to a movie. You want to give enough details to pique interest, but not too many to avoid spoiling the plot. It’s all about balance, about being authentic without bearing your whole soul in one go. And remember, the goal of online dating is to get to the first date. It’s from there that you start the process of really getting to know each other.

Defining Your Deal-breakers: How to Set Clear Expectations

Just as you would in a face-to-face date scenario, it’s important to know what your non-negotiables are in a potential partner. These might include a lifestyle choice like smoking or a particular world view. Identifying and communicating your deal-breakers can prevent you from wasting either yours or a potential match’s time on unworkable relationships. So, let’s get into how we can express these boundaries without closing off possibilities.

Firstly, it’s crucial to remain positive and open; it’s about expressing what you prefer, not what you dislike. For instance, rather than stating “I won’t date a smoker”, you might frame it as “I prefer someone who prioritizes health and fitness”. This way, you’re aligning your preferences with positive lifestyle traits rather than highlighting negative ones.

Balance is key. While it’s important to be clear about your non-negotiables, ensure your profile isn’t dominated by them. You wouldn’t want potential matches to perceive you as inflexible or too choosy. Remember, your profile is an invitation for others to get to know you, so make sure it gives them something attractive to dive into.

Lastly, be selective about what you classify as a deal-breaker. Ask yourself, “Is this truly a deal-breaker, or am I inclined to compromise?” If the answer leans towards compromise, it may be worth omitting that aspect from your dating profile. After all, love, like life, tends to be full of surprises.

Defining your deal-breakers is all about balancing honesty with attractiveness. By being upfront about what truly matters to you, you can attract the right kind of interest and set the stage for a potentially successful online dating experience.

Engaging Emoticons: When and How to Use Emojis in Your Profile

Emojis, these small digital images or icons utilized to express an emotion or idea, have gradually become an integral part of online communication. They are fun, expressive, and can add personality and color to an otherwise bland text, even in the realm of online dating. Yet, as captivating as they might be, emojis can be a double-edged sword. The key lies in knowing when and how to incorporate them into your profile to create the right balance and make your personality shine.

Integrating emojis in your profile can be a boon to your online visibility. It’s a known fact: our brains are wired to respond to visual stimuli, and emojis certainly qualify. A playful wink, a sparkling heart, or a laughing face can instantly create a sense of connection with a potential match. However, a note of caution here: emojis are not a replacement for words, but companions to them. They should be used to accent your interests, not to overshadow them.

When considering which emojis to include, always strive for relevancy. Pick those emojis that resonate with your personality, hobbies, and lifestyle. A book emoji for a bookworm, a musical note for a music lover, or a paintbrush for an artist, for instance. This way, you are playfully displaying your tastes and passions while reinforcing the honesty in your bio.

Remember, however, that less is more. Just as cluttering your bio with too many details can be off-putting, overloading your profile with emojis could be perceived as an attempt to overcompensate or even hide something. A good rule of thumb is to add one or two emojis for every paragraph in your bio and not more than three in a text message.

Using emojis effectively can be a great way to stand out in the online dating sphere. They not only allow us to convey our individuality but also to communicate our messages more colorfully. So, while crafting your online dating profile, don’t hesitate to let those charming little icons brighten up your digital charisma!

Staying Safe Online: Privacy Tips for Your Dating Profile

Even if you’re eager to jump into the online dating pool, it’s crucial to prioritize your privacy. To protect your personal information, here are a few measures you can take:

Restrict Personal Details

While authenticity is key, avoid sharing overly personal details like your full name, address, or workplace. Stick to first names or nicknames until you feel comfortable and safe with the individual you’re communicating with.

Limit Geotagged Photos

Posting photos with identifiable backgrounds or geotagged locations can lead to unwelcome tracking of your whereabouts. Make sure to disable geotagging features or choose photos taken at non-specific locations.

Choose a Unique Username

Your handle on dating platforms should be different from other social media profiles. This minimises the risk of potential stalkers finding out more about you than you’d like them to know.

Set Up a Secondary Email Account

Establishing a different email for online dating can help keep your primary email address safeguarded. Furthermore, it helps with organization and separating your dating life from personal or work matters.

Use Built-In Chat Features

Most dating sites offer built-in messaging systems. Use these instead of giving out your personal phone number to maintain an additional layer of privacy.

Remember, while it’s exciting to meet new people and explore potential romances, safety should always be your first concern. These steps will help you create an engaging profile while keeping your personal information secure. Happy dating!

Catchy Headlines: Creating an Irresistible Profile Tagline

Just like a catchy news headline draws you into a story, your profile tagline serves as an invitation for others to delve deeper into your profile, so it’s essential to get it right. Let’s look at how.

The key to a tantalizing tagline is conciseness and intrigue. Keep it short and sweet, but make sure it leaves people curious enough to want to learn more about you. Try a short, intriguing quote, a witty or clever play on words, or a phrase that encapsulates your personality or interests.

Step 1: Be Honest Yet Engaging

Begin by thinking about your most defining characteristics. Maybe you’re irreverent and quirky, or perhaps you’re kind-hearted and adventurous. Try to capture this in one or two words, then build a brief phrase around it. For instance, if you’re a travel junkie who’s also a dedicated foodie, why not try something like “Globe-trotting food lover seeking spice in life and love”?

Step 2: Create Intrigue

Don’t give away too much — a hint of mystery keeps potential matches interested. Create a tagline that prompts questions. If you love books, simple phrases like “Lost in literature” or “On a never-ending book spree” can pique curiosity and invite conversation.

Step 3: Keep it Positive

Avoid negative language. Phrase things in a positive, upbeat tone to draw people in. Instead of saying “Not a fan of drama,” try “Loves laughter and good times.”

Step 4: Be True to Yourself

Stay authentic. Trying to be something or someone you’re not will only lead to disappointment down the line. Be you — that’s who your ideal match is looking for.

Please remember, your tagline is part of the overall picture you’re painting, so ensure it’s in line with the rest of your profile and represents who you are genuinely. So go ahead, get creative, and pen a tagline that encapsulates the amazing, unique person you are.

Editing and Reviewing: The Importance of a Well-Polished Profile

Creating a magnetic online dating profile is an art that necessitates meticulous attention to detail, perseverance, and a bit of editing magic. Editing and reviewing your profile is just as crucial, if not more critical, than writing your first draft. Your final profile should radiate authenticity, charm and transparency while keeping the mystery alive.

A profile full of typos or grammatical errors is a turn-off, regardless of how attractive you look in your photos or how interesting your life may seem. It reflects negligence and might give the impression that you’re not committed to finding a partner. Hence, proofreading your profile is vital. Use spell-check tools, but also read your content aloud to catch awkward phrasing or homophones (words that sound alike but are different in spelling or meaning).

Equally important is the thoughtful evaluation of the tone of your profile. Even if you’re harbouring a serious intention of finding a partner, it doesn’t mean your profile needs to be stern or boring. Make sure your text conveys a balance of seriousness and light-heartedness, and your words mirror the real you and not someone you think potential partners might want.

Furthermore, it’s a good idea to have a trusted friend review your profile. They can provide valuable insights about things you might have overlooked or offer suggestions about what to include or exclude. A second opinion can help ensure your message is clear, concise, and representative of who you genuinely are.

In last, don’t be afraid to update and review your profile frequently. This doesn’t mean making drastic changes weekly, but occasional updates may boost your chances of meeting the right person. Perhaps you’ve picked up a new hobby, read an interesting book, or travelled to an exciting place. Sharing new developments could entice someone who shares similar interests, aiding in sparking a meaningful connection.

Frequently Asked Questions: What to Include in Your Profile

Should I disclose my occupation?

While an occupation gives a clear glimpse of one’s lifestyle, the decision to disclose it rests entirely on you. If you’re comfortable sharing, ensure you do so strategically. You can either mention the field you work in or elaborate a little without revealing too much. Never specify where exactly you work for privacy concerns.

How specific should I get with my interests?

Being specific with interests is highly recommended. You don’t just “love music”—you “adore 80s rock” or “can’t get enough of jazz blues”. Generic interests could potentially match you with more people, but specific ones can attract those who share them, thus resulting in more meaningful conversations and potential connections.

Is it good to mention past relationships?

While your dating profile is about you, it’s best to exclude past relationships from it. This information isn’t relevant to starting new potential relationships and may deter possible matches. Focus on who you are now and what you’re looking for in a partner.

What about my education?

Education can be a significant determinant for some people, so it’s worth considering including. However, it’s not a necessity. If you believe your education plays a significant role in defining who you are or could be meaningful to your potential matches, feel free to add it.

Do I mention why I’m online dating?

Letting potential matches know why you’re dating online isn’t mandatory. Still, it can provide context that helps others understand your expectations. Are you looking for serious relationships? Casual dating? Friends? Putting this up front can ensure you match with people looking for the same thing.

Wrapping Up: Your Online Dating Profile

As we draw the curtains, remember that creating that excellent online dating profile is all about self-expression. Think of your profile as your tool for showcasing your genuine self, helping others understand who you are and what you’re on the lookout for.

Building an appealing profile might seem like an overwhelming task at first, but take your time and enjoy the process. Everything, from your profile picture to your bio, should tell your story uniquely and honestly. Consider it an exciting opportunity to present yourself to the world, and better still, to your potential partner.

It’s essential not to lose heart if things don’t click immediately. Online dating is a journey filled with highs and lows. Sometimes it might take longer to connect with the right person, and that’s okay. Keep refining your profile as you evolve and grow. You’re not static, and neither should your online dating profile be.

Remember, safety should always be your top priority. While it’s essential to be open and honest, you must remember to protect your sensitive personal information.

Last but not least, relax and have fun! Online dating is an adventure. Embrace every moment with optimism and patience, after all, you’re one swipe or click away from potential romance. Good luck!

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