lack of confidence Archives

Mirror Mirror on the Wall – Affirmations for Success

Hi Ladies, Gregg here and today I need to talk to you about affirmations for success!

Affirmations once had a bad rap. I remember an old Saturday Night Live skit with Al Franken where he looked in the mirror and stated; “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” Then, years later, the science behind affirmations started to seep through. Today, they are one of the most powerful tool I use to succeed in my goals.

Affirmations can make you feel silly at first but do NOT underestimate the power of them. I do them myself and have helped hundreds of women, some with serious issues, change their lives JUST by using affirmations.

Many people say bad things about themselves hundred’s of times per day and, unless they counter these thoughts, the negativity slowly poisons them.

Remember, you didn’t say these bad things when you were a little kid did you? No. Society, our parents, our failed relationships etc. etc, told our brains we are bad people and it’s our fault.

And we believed it.

Let’s replace these negative thoughts with positive ones! If you tell yourself good stuff all day long, every day, for about 33-66 days, your brain will start to believe it, just like it believed the bad stuff and BAM, negative Nelly will be dead and you will jumping for joy.

The brain has no choice but to believe what you tell it to believe…this ain’t hocus pocus – THIS WORKS!!!

The mirror is where it all happens for most people, especially women. The mirror is the conduit for the negativity. Every time you see yourself in the reflection, the negativity starts. That’s why written, positive, notes on your mirror are critical! “I can love”, “I can commit.” Whatever suits you, say it.

You won’t believe it at first but that is OK – SAY IT!!

Then move away from the mirror, for 10 minutes, 15 minutes and keep saying the positive thought – the affirmation. You will find your bad thoughts slowly return – that’s normal and okay. Go farther and farther from the mirror until you can stay positive for 1/2 of a day and then 1 full day.

I named my evil voices – Burt (the parrot) and Ernie (the lizard who eats parrots)! Burt was my bad voice who sat on my left shoulder spewing crap and stomping out my dreams.

Suddenly, and purposely, Ernie appeared as my positive voice to save the day on my right shoulder. They did battle! It was silly, stupid, and funny! I found I was talking to myself out loud all day but who cares – I did it anyway.

Then, after 3 weeks, it all stopped because Burt could not take it anymore and he croaked! And WOW, how free I was that day – I will never forget it.

So if you want to learn more and see how Affirmations will work for you, please read my book Comfortable In Your Own Shoes.

I even made a free eGuide to help my wonderful readers like you, Own Your Tomorrow: Gregg’s 20 Confidence Building Tips

The Role of Confidence in Dating

Build Confidence, Understand Men

If you read any of Gregg’s books, or many of the blog posts or pages on this site, you see the word “confidence” quite often, and you’re probably wondering why on earth we harp on confidence so much. It’s Kirbie today, and I’m going to start off by clearly defining what confidence is:

Confidence is knowing what you are good at, what kind of value you bring to other people, and being able to behave in a way that conveys your confidence to those around you.

Don’t confuse confidence with arrogance – something that is easy to do! Arrogance comes about when you believe you are better at something than you really are, but you act as if you’re providing more value than you really are. Confidence is hot. Arrogance is not.

Studies have shown that men are more attracted to the confidence a woman exudes with a smile than they may be to her overall attractiveness.

In the study cited above, men and women were both found to prefer a confident partner. Confidence makes a person seem more trustworthy – in other words, when you’re confident, men will believe your dating sales pitch!

Here are a few ways you may unknowingly be showing your lack of confidence

Giving reasons for things that happen

Let’s say you are walking up to meet your new guy and you trip over something. Someone who lacks confidence will immediately begin with “There must be a bump in the carpet there!.” A confident person will probably chuckle and say “oh well” IF they say anything at all!

Giving reasons for poor performance

Imagine you and your guy are out on a bowling date – you manage to bowl a 75. Your man may say something like – “Wow 75! You’re like a bowling pro!” Whether it’s a high score for you or a low score, a low confidence individual may say something like “Weeelllllll I had a blister on my thumb and my shoes were too tight”. Someone who has great confidence will probably say something like “YAY ME!”, IF they say anything at all! I might note that this type of criticism from him shows his lack of confidence!

Compensating for Inabilities

Nobody, and I mean nobody, is good at everything, despite their desire to be. A person who lacks confidence expects herself to be good at everything and tries to compensate when confronted. For example, let’s say one of your girlfriends says “Girl you look really beat today!” If you’re a confident individual, you may just say “Yea I had a rough night” or something like that. A person who lacks confidence might say “I’m never tired! I don’t need sleep!”

Body Language is Everything

We’ve all heard about using body language to our best advantage. This goes for confidence as well. That arms-folded, legs crossed body language not only shows you as being closed off, it indicates a lack of confidence. Confident people reserve this position for when they’re absolutely freezing OR they have been offended. It really says something when you use it right!

Perfectionism

This kind of goes back to our poor performance above. Perfectionists don’t feel that they can ever make a mistake. This is a dangerous mindset. It can cause you much turmoil and stress. It can even be debilitating to some individuals. Facing an environment where failure may occur can be paralyzing for some folks. This goes back to not having enough confidence to believe in your abilities to overcome mistakes. Confident people know mistakes are part of life. Rather than sweat mistakes, they realize that a mistake is a learning opportunity and they move on.

Inability to Accept a Compliment

If someone pays you a compliment, how do you react? Do you get embarrassed and uncomfortable? If so, this shows a lack of confidence. The confident person will hear a compliment and simply say “Thank you”. Nothing more, nothing less.

Maintaining Eye Contact

If you lack confidence, you probably find it difficult to maintain eye contact with someone. In a relationship, this can be very detrimental as maintaining eye contact helps build intimacy and shows you are paying attention. When you don’t want to maintain eye contact, you are really indicating that you don’t want someone to look too far past your façade.

Decision Making

I once knew someone who took more than a year to buy a car. At the time, I couldn’t understand it, but now I get it. Poor guy (still) can’t make a decision to save his life. This is a typical experience for people who lack confidence. They don’t believe in their ability to make a decision about even the most basic things, so the biggies, like a car, can be paralyzing.

This list of signs is not complete, but these are the highlights. Look through and think honestly about your own life. Do you do any of these things? You don’t have to do all of them, and I think most of us can see ourselves in one of them, but the trick now is to identify whether or not you do lack confidence, so that as you build your confidence back up, you will see it in your actions – and so will others!