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How to be a Good Girlfriend

How to be a Good Girlfriend

How to be a Good Girlfriend

I received an email from Mary the other day, and her question was how to be a good girlfriend. She and her boyfriend Ben have been together for three years and things are great but her question is a great one so let’s dig in and find the answer!

While it might not seem important to ask about being a good girlfriend or boyfriend when things are going well, the truth is that it’s the perfect time! Don’t allow your relationship to slide into autopilot. That’s when things can quickly decline!

How to be a Good Girlfriend | Like What He Likes

When you share a hobby your boyfriend has, a strange thing happens. He begins to equate his love of his hobby with his love for you. The love deepens.

You don’t need to show an interest in every hobby, just one or two. You don’t even need to be good at it, just learn about it and show you’re intrigued.

I’m really excited about my new RV. It’s my mobile office and is wrapped with one of my best-selling books. I call it the “G-Rex.”

I tinker with the electronics and keep upgrading the lithium power. I installed new tables that I probably don’t need. What does my girlfriend do? She comes out, sits inside, and asks questions.

That excites me! I look forward to her visits and enjoy teaching her how the systems work, and I listen to her input on how we can make it better for when we travel.

This forms a bond between us and we grow together.

Now, are there activities that we do not share together? Of course, and that’s okay too.

How to Be a Good Girlfriend

Learn to Compromise

Man, I wish couples would do more of this. Instead, I see both sides holding their ground like it’s a competition. To be a good girlfriend, learn to compromise from time to time to avoid building contempt and bitterness.

Your guy loves watching football on Sunday. You hate it.  Ask yourself why you hate it, and you’ll find your answer. I realized my girlfriend hated it because she didn’t understand it, so I broke out the laser pointer and explained it to her.

Guess what? Now, she loves it!

Maybe your reasons are different. You have separation anxiety and football Sunday means your guy is over his friend’s house. A reasonable compromise might be to encourage him to have his friends come to your house. Take interest. Learn the sport. Entice him with food!

If it’s still a no-go, he needs to learn compromise.

Pay Attention to How You Act in Public

One great way to be a good girlfriend is to avoid airing your dirty laundry in public.

I know a woman who finds pleasure airing her distain for her husband to her friends while they’re together in public. Really? How do you think he feels when this happens?

This is the fast lane to a breakup. We all have our gripes, but they should be discussed and resolved in private.  Humiliating your guy in front of others or on social media is hurtful and will only lead to contempt.

Learn His Love Language

Gary Chapman gave us all a wonderful gift. Use it! If touch is his love language, then touch him more often. Give him massages out of the blue or grab his hand when you are walking.

This is an easy way to be a great girlfriend he’ll want to stay with!

I see couples who are constantly swimming upstream trying to get along when the answers are right in front of them. Ask yourself the most basic question – what does he like? What does he need? What is his love language?

Instead, women (and men) are fixated on what they need and not their partner. Stop this. Relationships only work when each person understands what the other person needs to feel happy and satisfied and takes steps to fulfill these needs.

How to Be a Good Girlfriend | Stand by Him

This one can get tricky when it comes to family. Uncle Joe might take issue with your boyfriend’s politics. How you react goes a long way towards being a good girlfriend.

I’ll argue that you probably spend a lot more time with your boyfriend than Uncle Joe so it would behoove you to support him while in Uncle Joe’s presence, even if you disagree with said politics.

Supporting him doesn’t mean that you need to always agree with him. Maintaining your own set of values is key to a healthy relationship. It’s when outsiders, even family, attempt to throw a wrench between you that you need to stand up for him.

That makes you a good girlfriend!

Give Him His Space

Let him go golfing. Let him go out with his friends. Too many women lock down their guy.

Why? They don’t trust! They need to be with their guy every free minute!

If you don’t have trust, you’re doomed anyway, so why bother. Let him have some fun away from you. He’ll appreciate you. He’ll be excited to get back to you AND he will have fun stories to tell you.

Learn all about men by reading my international best-seller! Get it HERE

And this applies to you when you go have fun with your friends. Anticipation of seeing each other is a great feeling and adds layers and layers of positivity to your relationship!

How to be a Good Girlfriend Summary

There are so many ways to be a good girlfriend. Sit down and make your own list and have your guy make his how to be a good boyfriend list too. Make a date of it. Then, check things off each other’s list as he or she fulfills them.

You can even add to each other’s list – who better knows how they would like to be treated!

Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you'll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They're added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

To learn more about it, click here. To purchase the book, click one of the buttons below.

Little Ways to say I Love You without saying the Words

Little Ways to say I Love You without saying the Words

Tiffany here. Who would have thought three little words could be so huge? You feel it in your heart, but actually saying, “I love you” for the first time can be a tricky situation, and it’s often difficult to know just when the time is right. Say it too soon, and you risk scaring him away. Wait too long, and he may begin to doubt your feelings, and maybe even the relationship. Good news – it doesn’t have to be all or nothing! There are lots of little ways to show your love without ever uttering a word. You can build your emotional bond by letting him know you care through your actions. It’s the little things that count.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Boston dating coach, Gregg Michaelsen tells us men communicate differently than women. While they may not shout their feelings from the rooftop the way we tend to, we need to look closely at the things they do to show us they care. Does he put air in your tires and fill your gas tank before you leave to visit your sister who lives in another state? Does he call and check on you when you have to work late, or bring you your favorite coffee to help you get through a rough day? Does he fix the leg on the antique table your Grandmother gave you, or rub your back when you have a headache? It’s little things like this which prove his love for you. His actions are much more powerful than words. We can do the same with our own little ways to say, “I love you.”

Little Ways To Say I Love You

Keep this list handy for inspiration, and think of your own uniquely sweet ideas which symbolize something special about him, and your relationship.

  • Always kiss him hello
  • Leave little notes on his car windshield or bathroom mirror, or sneak them into his pocket
  • Cook his favorite meal, just for the two of you
  • Bake him cookies – just because
  • Bring him breakfast in bed after a romantic evening together
  • Take the time to get to know, and like, his friends
  • Take the time to bond with his family
  • Text or call him once during the day to let him know you are thinking of him
  • Hold hands whenever you can
  • Watch the Super Bowl with him, even if you hate football
  • Wear that red dress he loves so much
  • Make him a love song playlist, the modern equivalent of a mix tape
  • If you see something he would love, don’t be afraid to get him little surprise gifts to show he was on your mind, and how well you know him
  • Make him a handmade Valentine
  • Laugh at his corny jokes
  • Cut his hair or shave his beard – it’s actually surprisingly intimate!
  • Show appreciation when he does something nice for you
  • Give him the last french fry or bite of dessert
  • Show up with beer, pizza and his favorite movie if he’s had a rough day
  • Listen when he needs to vent
  • Ask him about his day, look him in the eyes, and give him your undivided attention
  • Cheer him on when he needs encouragement, and be supportive, not critical
  • Make a big deal of his accomplishments
  • Try your hand at golf if he loves to play, or a hobby he has a passion for. Who knows, you may develop a new interest!
  • Compliment him
  • Send him a letter if you are away and tell him you miss him
  • You chose him for a reason – don’t try to change him
  • Go with him to boring work functions
  • Ask his advice and respect his opinion
  • Help him with a difficult or tedious task
  • Back him up when someone puts him down
  • Three letters — PDA — because you are proud to be with him
  • Give him a foot massage when you are relaxing on the couch
  • Tell him when he does something you like in bed
  • Always kiss him goodnight

Eventually, if all goes well, one of you will finally say those three little words and mean it! But until that moment, treat him the way you like to be treated, and show him you care through your actions.

If you would like more suggestions on things you can do to strengthen your relationship, check out my book, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life.

Things Women Do That Drive Men C-R-A-Z-Y!

Things Women Do That Drive Men C-R-A-Z-Y!

We focus a lot on what men do that drive you crazy. Today we are focusing on things women do that drive men crazy! I get it. We drive you nuts. But, I have to say that there are also things that we men wish you would understand about how we’re wired. I put together a little (okay not so little) list of things women do that drive men crazy. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Things Women Do that Drive Men Crazy

You act coy

Women have this one nailed. You seem to want us to guess whether or not you like us and want to keep going out. Well, first of all, we graduated high school a while ago, so we’re not going to go ask Don to go talk to Linda to see if you told her that you liked us. Just tell us, we can take it, and we’d rather know that you’re not interested up front or not so we can move on. If we like you, we show you.

You always want to know what we’re thinking

It’s like you have a crystal ball! And, I’ll admit, most of the time you are right. Come on, you know you’ve asked your guy this “What are you thinking?” – Probably even after sex or some romantic movie or some equally high emotion moment. I’ll save you the mystery – we’re gonna say “nothing”, and we’re probably going to mean it. Spend more time watching our actions – sometimes we just aren’t really thinking anything, but when we do something that pleases you, we are showing you that we care.
things women do that drive men crazy

I swear you guys own a crystal ball!

Let us have “me” time

Before we met you, we had hobbies. We golfed, hunted, played soccer, or had a wood shop that we loved to retreat to, but once we started dating you, we had to stop doing those things that make us who we are. Let us keep playing golf, go hunting with our buddies, or whatever other hobbies we have and we will be better able to give you the time and attention you want.

You have double standards

This goes along with the next one (You see us as projects). You know the drill – we’re going to go out on a date, we ask you what you want to do, and you say…..come on, you know what you say! “I don’t care, you pick.” So, after some verbal wrangling, we finally pick the latest sci-fi movie. Later, you make it clear that you didn’t enjoy one moment of that movie and you didn’t want to see it. THEN TELL US BEFORE WE GO! If you ask us to pick, then you should be happy with the result. If you really wanted to pick the movie all along, then say so. We can sit through another Brad Pitt movie if it makes you happy.

You see us as projects that need fixing – “if he could only…”

things women do that drive men crazy

I know I need fixing but please!

I know you don’t believe this, but we got along quite nicely before you came along. We’re not perfect, but we’ve settled into our imperfections and we get by. We probably even know what those imperfections are. If we want to change, we will, and we might, if we see that there is a good reason. You forcing us to do so will create resentment, and we will probably slingshot right back into our old, comfortable habits anyway.

We aren’t men out of a hot steamy romance novel

We are not that hot hunk with an airbrushed six-pack set of abs on the cover of the latest romance novel. We don’t know just how to please you or when to say the right things and we will probably struggle to remember your birthday. Let us be real men with our own romantic gestures. We’ve got ‘em!

Stay focused more in the here and now

Men don’t like to focus too far into the future, but women are always looking at the next landmark – getting engaged, getting married, etc. Enjoy the here and now with us and the future will take care of itself.

Keep your emotions in check

I pissed you off…again

We get derailed by tears – if we continue to try to push our side, we’re being a bully, if we cave in to the emotions, we are being weak. If we need to talk to you about something, we need you to stay with the conversation and not manipulate us with tears.

Be a little less critical

For some reason, women tend to be critical creatures, while men tend to want to watch sports and basically be left alone. If you want to criticize, call your girlfriends and have at it, but we’re just not interested.

We like to hear compliments too

 
things women do that drive men crazy

You didn’t f***k up this time. Nice Job!

“Honey, that suit makes you look very professional” or “boy I love those jeans on you” goes a long way with us, just like it does with you. We like to hear compliments, and we aren’t always so sure of ourselves, just like you. Don’t forget to let us know you think we’re hot.

We are brutally honest when we care

We’re not going to blow smoke up your skirt unless we really don’t give a hoot. If we’re being painfully honest, we really do care about you and want to talk about it. You might not like our directness, but that’s how we’re wired. Please keep in mind to keep your emotions in check from above too!

We like you because you’re women

We like that you smell nice and like to look pretty. Don’t let the feminist movement take all of the female out of you. Sure, if we’re out on a hike or taking a bike ride, we don’t expect you to be all frilly and prim, but don’t be afraid to smell and look like a woman sometimes too!

Take charge in the bedroom

We really want to please you, but we’re not likely to ask how, so you have to tell us…we’re waiting for you to guide us. It doesn’t matter how old we are, each woman is different and what has worked before might drive you crazy, and we might be leaving out something that you really, really like. TELL US!

Give us credit when we deserve it

You women tend to hang onto every little mistake we make and forget to acknowledge the big things we do – after all, we fixed your washing machine last weekend, was not putting the lid on the toothpaste that big of a deal?

Well? What say you about things women do that drive men crazy?

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