The First Signs He’s Cheating

The First Signs He’s Cheating

Many times, when a woman looks back, she sees the first signs he’s cheating, but that’s only after he’s either confessed or she’s caught him. Then, with a head slap and an instant dip in confidence, she sees all the signs she missed.

But what are those signs? How do you know? Let’s take a deep dive into the first signs he’s cheating so you’ll know if you’re here for the right reason.

The First Signs He’s Cheating | He Becomes Angry

If your guy is cheating on you, he’s carrying around some guilt, but he’s still too much of a coward to admit it to you. He turns that guilt onto you, and he’ll find fault with anything and everything to keep the attention away from his indiscretions.

There are a couple of glaring problems with this. The first is that every time he picks at you and something you’ve done, your self-esteem dips a little lower. You try harder to cook the meals he likes or to make sure you listen to him when he’s sharing something.

The second problem is that he’s blaming the wrong person for his inner turmoil, which isn’t solving anything. Meanwhile, you’re trying harder and harder to be the woman he needs, not knowing there’s no way for you to fix his problem.

If you see this happening, set boundaries. There is no reason for someone to treat you poorly, regardless of what’s going on in his life. We teach people how to treat us by accepting or rejecting their actions.

So far, you’re accepting his angry outbursts, but you don’t need to. Draw a line in the sand and then put your toe on it and don’t budge an inch.

You’re not perfect and you shouldn’t aspire to be, nor should he expect you to be. It’s not okay for someone to vent their anger on you. If he has an issue with you, he should present it calmly and kindly so you can work things out. That’s not what he’s looking for. He’s protecting himself.

signs he's cheating

He Suddenly Takes a New Interest in His Appearance

Taking care of yourself is never a bad thing, but if a man is cheating, he’ll have a sudden obsession with how he looks. He might even change his look to be a bit younger or more in tune with the current style.

Of course, just working out or getting a haircut aren’t signs of infidelity. But when those things become an obsession and he spends more time at the gym than he does at home, it’s time to raise an eyebrow.

If he spends more time admiring his own body than he does caressing yours, something might be going on. He’s trying to look good for someone, but it’s not you.

If you raise a fuss about it, he’ll say you should appreciate that he’s trying to better himself for you. The problem with this argument is that he’s not spending any time with you anymore so why does he want to look so good?

Signs He’s Cheating on You | He Has New Unhealthy Habits

The opposite of getting buff and healthy is initiating bad habits like drinking to excess and smoking. He’ll also put a lot of effort into avoiding you.

The drinking and smoking are signs of his guilt, again, or they could be related to feeling depressed (alcohol) or anxious (smoking) over the situation.

Other bad habits that might flare include gambling or spending more money than usual. Chances are, he’s not spending it on you.

Meanwhile, work has picked up so he’s there more and all he wants to do is hang with his friends on the weekends. He might also avoid you by coming home and going straight to bed, avoiding any chance of sex or discussion.

Here’s the thing. A man will say anything to make his actions appear to be on the up and up, but his actions are what you should pay attention to. Men show their love, or in this case, dishonesty, through their actions.

The guy you first dated who was attentive and enjoyed your company is now avoiding you and wants nothing to do with you.

Are You Dealing with a Cheater?

Do you think your guy is cheating? If he is, does it mean your relationship is over? This article is a great one to help you sort that out, but there are others! Just click the button below to find them.

He Changes His Passwords

Don’t believe him when he says he thinks someone hacked some of his accounts. The only hack in the conversation is him!

If his passwords are suddenly a big secret, he’s got something to hide. He’s getting messages from he doesn’t want you to read.

In today’s smartwatch climate, this might seem less relevant. He can get those messages on his watch, and they won’t even ping on his phone, but they’re still there for you to find later.

For married couples, there should be no secrets, so if you ask for his password, he shouldn’t take issue with providing it. Yes, privacy is important, but he shouldn’t be hiding anything from someone whose life is impacted by his actions.

If you ask and he denies it, be persistent. He’ll tell you that you’re being paranoid, and maybe you are, but then he should be working to help alleviate your concerns. Trust is at stake and if he wants his relationship with you, he doesn’t want to ruin that trust.

signs he's cheating

Signs He’s Cheating | He’s Unavailable More Often

Some jobs require you to be unavailable more, and if that’s the case, it’s not a sign of cheating. The sign is if he was more available and now, he’s not.

The more likely excuse for his sudden unavailability is that he’s with someone and doesn’t want to be disturbed. He needs privacy and blocks of time when he isn’t thinking about what he’s doing to you so he can do something with someone else.

Along with this is a sudden change in his schedule without a job or job position change. Suddenly, he’s working late all the time when he never did before.

A consistent pattern of being unavailable or having a new schedule is a big red flag.

His Friends Seem Awkward Around You

His friends know he’s cheating on you, and they probably don’t like being caught in the middle. When the two of you are around, they’ll act differently because they know about his affairs or indiscretions.

He may have even had the nerve to bring her around his friends, thinking they won’t mind, and maybe some of them won’t mind, but some of them will.

It might be difficult for them to hide his secret from you, so being around you makes them feel anxious and uncomfortable. If one of them is a good enough friend to you, he might spill the beans, but there isn’t a great chance of that happening.

Signs He’s Cheating | There’s a Noticeable Change in the Frequency of Sex

Most people love sex, so if there’s a change, it’s noticeable. For a guy to avoid sex with you is telling. It’s a sign that he’s getting sex somewhere else and doesn’t want or need it when he’s home with you.

On the other hand, if he’s feeling guilty, he might initiate sex more often to assuage his guilt.

A third possibility is that he times his sex with you to fit into his new schedule. Sex may occur at different times than before. For example, if you often had sex in the mornings, he might avoid that because he has a hot lunch date. The same goes for evenings. He might initiate sex earlier in the evening or late afternoon, so he’s rested enough to go at it with his date later.

You Don’t Get Invited to Stuff Anymore

He was once proud to show you off to his coworkers and friends, but now, you rarely get an invite or even know when things are happening. If his job includes wining and dining potential clients, vendors, or other companies, he may have taken you along to entertain any women at the event.

Now, he’s off doing those events alone…or so it seems. He might not be cheating yet, but he’s thinking about it at the very least.

He’ll likely have some excuse like he doesn’t feel like he can be himself when you’re around, but if you can’t be yourself around the woman you love, who can you be yourself with? This is a bogus excuse meant to dismiss your concerns.

signs he's cheating

Signs He’s Cheating | He’s Less Territorial and Indifferent

Men are competitive and a little healthy jealousy in a relationship isn’t a bad thing. Your guy should at least raise an eyebrow if another guy looks at you with interest.

But if he’s cheating, he might be happy you’re getting attention from someone else. He might be secretly hoping you’ll find someone new to alleviate his guilt.

He might also seem indifferent to things he once took an interest in, like something you’re proud or excited about. Before, he would have been over the moon when he found out you got that promotion you’d been working on. Now, you barely get acknowledgment that he heard what you said.

He might also avoid making long-term plans with you. In the past, you’ve scheduled your summer vacations a year in advance but now, he wants no part in planning something that far out.

He might also remove himself from family events like holidays and birthdays. This is because he can barely face you, let alone family members.

He Avoids All Conversations Around Cheating

Eventually, you’ll call him out on his bad behavior, but I can almost guarantee you he’ll avoid that conversation or tell you you’re crazy. He might even show that anger you read about above.

He’ll do anything to deflect your attention away from him and back onto you, so prepare for an onslaught of insults or accusations to come your way if you accuse him of cheating. The fact that he can’t look you in the eye and deny that he’s cheating is a huge red flag.

If he has any feelings for you at all, he won’t be able to do that.

What to do if You Discover the First Signs He’s Cheating

A relationship can survive infidelity, but it requires a desire by both parties to fix things and professional counseling.

Cheating breaks the trust in a relationship, and trust is one leg in the three-legged stool of marriage. The other two legs are great communication and commitment. If one leg is pulled out, the stool can’t stand. If you remove one of those three elements, a good relationship can’t survive.

If he tells you he’s been cheating but has decided he wants to come back to you, then you have a decision to make. You can take him back, of course, but with stipulations that either you seek counseling individually or together, perhaps both.

Cheating is a symptom of a larger problem most of the time, so if you don’t address the root of the issue, it will happen again.

The other option is to end the relationship. You may decide that you don’t think you can trust him again, and that’s reasonable and realistic. There’s nothing that says you must stay with him, even if you share children.

Of course, the other possibility is that he says he wants out of your relationship so he can pursue another. Chances are, you’ll feel like you’ve had the wind knocked out of you if this happens, as well you should.

Again, I suggest counseling. This type of blow does a number on your self-esteem and confidence and a professional can help you get them both back where they belong. He can also help you determine what happened in the relationship so you don’t fall into a similar situation again.

Ultimately, the success of any relationship is excellent communication. Without it, you have nothing. Learning to control the pace of a relationship is all about using your communication skills.

In The Power to Communicate, you learn these skills! This book isn't written as a relationship building book, and yet, without great communication, no relationship can survive.

Improving your communication skills benefits all your relationships, at work, at home, with friends and family. If you're going to read one book this month, make it this one!

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