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How to Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship

How to Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship

Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship!

Houston, we have an emotional problem! Do you ever wonder how you can stop being so emotional in a relationship?

Imagine if the Apollo 13 astronauts broke down and began yelling and screaming at each other while their chances of returning to earth alive dwindled? They needed every second they had to work out their power issues with ground control.

They did it! They worked through their issues, found a solution, and lived to tell the world about it.

How many times have you unloaded on your boyfriend and later wished you could stop being so emotional in your relationship? I know I have felt bad after cutting off a driver and then following up with my middle finger!

I felt like a loser. I felt even more of a loser when I found out the driver was 75 and I almost gave her a heart attack.

Learning to deal with life’s curve balls logically, without all the emotions is a much better plan. I like to count to ten and take two deep breaths before I do or say anything. It works!  I have also learned that when I have the time, I can write the problem down and examine the source of my toxic emotions.

I am better armed to deal with it in a logical manner if I take this time. The few minutes spent thinking, diffuses my emotions and helps me think more clearly.

I now know the person who is on the receiving end of my rant might never look at me the same again. He or she might never compromise on the issue because I was so over the top.

This means handling situations with emotion instead of logically and realistically becomes a lose/lose situation. People want win/win solutions to their problems and arguments.

Of course, bottling up your emotions can be problematic too, especially if you are a guy. Guys tend to keep things to themselves. Women naturally lead with their emotions so what are they to do? Bottle them up also? What’s the secret answer to help you stop being so emotional in a relationship?

How to Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship

Dial Back The Neediness

Everyone is emotionally needy to some point but the problem is when your neediness becomes smothering to your partner. Yes, there are times where you will want to lean on him – the loss of a loved one, best friend, or treasured pet, but there are other times when you need to learn to manage your challenges without dragging him in.

If you must unload your suffering on someone, call a friend or family member. It isn’t that your guy doesn’t want to hear about what’s upsetting you. He does care. What he doesn’t want is to be the catch-all for your drama.

Burn Off Your Negative Energy, Stress And Anxiety

It is scientifically proven that exercising will help alleviate stress. It helps release chemicals that counteract the fight or flight hormoones surging into action during those stressful, anxiety-laced moments. When you’re feeling highly emotional, go for a 3 mile run, head to the gym or kick box the crap out of a punching bag. This is a great way to stop being so emotional in a relationship!

Resist The Urge To Text-Bomb Him

Whether he’s the source of your emotional upset or not, he doesn’t want to hear about it in texts. Women have sent me the texts they send their boyfriends before and I’m blown away by how long they are. If a guy has to scroll to read your text, he’s more likely just not going to read it. Again, it isn’t that he doesn’t care – he does. He just doesn’t want to deal with the highly emotional state you’re in at that moment.

Calm down and, when you’re feeling less stressed and anxious, shoot him a fun text – maybe even poke fun at what had you so worked up, if you’re feeling okay about it.

Examine What You’re Really Feeling And Why

Sometimes, we mislabel our emotions. We might think we’re sad when really, we’re mad as a hornet. Sometimes, hurt feelings can come across as anger. Take time to really examine what you’re feeling and where it’s coming from. Is it really that he didn’t screw the cap on the toothpaste or is it that every time you forgot as a kid, you got blasted for it?

Many times, we are blindsided by things from the past. They hit us, but they do so because someone else triggered that old anger, humiliation or hurt accidentally. It can be a real ah-ha moment if you dig deep enough to see where that’s really coming from. That’s when you can really get it off your chest.

What Would You Say To Your Best Friend?

If your best friend were going through what you’re feeling, what would you tell her? We often give our friends and family great advice but when we’re in the throes of a similar situation, all logic and reason flies out the window. Take a step back and treat yourself as well as you treat others. You’re not perfect. Cut yourself some slack – just like you do with your friends!

Build Your Confidence!

It’s when we aren’t confident that we are most reactive. We don’t believe in ourselves, so we don’t believe in our own ability to control anything but you do have control! You can learn to control this and in doing so, you will build your confidence! If you want help doing this, read about your inner game in my confidence book for women, Comfortable In Your Own Shoes.

He Wants To Help!

Your guy does want to help you but guys are fixers of things. We don’t understand your need to just unload without expecting us to do something to fix the problem. You got rear-ended and the insurance company is giving you the runaround? We want to call them and get it straightened out! Your pipe under the kitchen sink burst and sent potato peels and mashed up food shooting all over your cabinets? We want to fix the pipe.

Of course, the problem is that you’re usually just venting. You don’t want us to fix it – not yet anyway. We don’t understand this so now we’re frustrated too. He wants to show you he loves you by solving your problems but he’s not going to listen to those problems if you’re crying your eyes out or slamming cabinet doors.

Once the situation has calmed for you, share it with him and let him help you.

 

Fact or Fiction: Men Enjoy Showing Emotions as Much as Women Do

Fact or Fiction: Men Enjoy Showing Emotions as Much as Women Do

Male Emotions vs Female Emotions

From a woman’s perspective, finding a man who will show his emotions is about as likely as catching Big Foot. But there’s more than one way to understand male emotions vs female emotions.

We’re all well acquainted with the stereotypes of men and women. Women are too emotional, men aren’t emotional enough. Confusion ensues, miscommunications happen, hearts get broken. You know the drill.

But is it really as simple as that? Do the stereotypes hold any weight in our interaction with the opposite sex? And more importantly, as the title of this blog suggests, are men really that uninterested in showing their emotions?

Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: your man isn’t going to show emotions the same way you do, period. This is scientifically IMPOSSIBLE—so for the love of God, stop expecting the guy you’re dating to weep outright whenever you’re watching My Sister’s Keeper.

Women have a more active right brain (emotional side) and men have a far more active left brain (logical side).

male emotions vs female emotions

Women can multitask, men can’t!

Furthermore, a woman’s corpus callosum, the central pathway between the left and right brain, is bigger in women than it is in men.

This lets women express themselves with both sides of the brain, while men are often decidedly in the logic camp at all times.

It also makes women much better multitaskers. If you’ve ever been frustrated that your guy can’t talk to you while he’s dutifully cooking an egg, you now have scientific proof that he’s not ignoring you on purpose.

The truth is ladies, guys do indeed have feelings, but they won’t show those feelings the same way you do.

They may even show completely different emotions than the ones you’re feeling. Maybe something that gets you sad will get him angry.

Male Emotions vs Female Emotions

As long as his anger isn’t destructive, then it should be just as acceptable an emotion as your sadness.

At the same time, our society is still focused on the stalwart, silently heroic man. This isn’t your man’s fault—it’s Tom Cruise’s fault for putting out so many bad macho man movies.

It’s also due to a very ingrained family pattern, where the men of the household feel obligated to keep their emotions to themselves during tough times. If things are bad, a show of emotion isn’t very useful.

Remaining “strong” (hence, emotionless) for the family is token manliness, and it persists to this day in most societies around the world.

Lastly, all guys are different, with different backgrounds and different brains. Some show as much emotion as a rock, while others will share your Kleenex box during romantic movies.

You’ll be hard pressed to understand just what kind of man he is until you get to know him better. And remember: if you’re getting frustrated that he’s not responding the way you’d like him to, there are many other factors involved than just “he doesn’t feel like showing his emotions to you.”

In fact, he may be showing those emotions in different ways (like buying you flowers or a gift) instead of showing them to you with deep, doe-eyed looks of devotion and love.

My team here at Who Holds the Cards Now would love to hear your thoughts!

 

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