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How to Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship

How to Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship

Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship!

Houston, we have an emotional problem! Do you ever wonder how you can stop being so emotional in a relationship?

Imagine if the Apollo 13 astronauts broke down and began yelling and screaming at each other while their chances of returning to earth alive dwindled? They needed every second they had to work out their power issues with ground control.

They did it! They worked through their issues, found a solution, and lived to tell the world about it.

How many times have you unloaded on your boyfriend and later wished you could stop being so emotional in your relationship? I know I have felt bad after cutting off a driver and then following up with my middle finger!

I felt like a loser. I felt even more of a loser when I found out the driver was 75 and I almost gave her a heart attack.

Learning to deal with life’s curve balls logically, without all the emotions is a much better plan. I like to count to ten and take two deep breaths before I do or say anything. It works!  I have also learned that when I have the time, I can write the problem down and examine the source of my toxic emotions.

I am better armed to deal with it in a logical manner if I take this time. The few minutes spent thinking, diffuses my emotions and helps me think more clearly.

I now know the person who is on the receiving end of my rant might never look at me the same again. He or she might never compromise on the issue because I was so over the top.

This means handling situations with emotion instead of logically and realistically becomes a lose/lose situation. People want win/win solutions to their problems and arguments.

Of course, bottling up your emotions can be problematic too, especially if you are a guy. Guys tend to keep things to themselves. Women naturally lead with their emotions so what are they to do? Bottle them up also? What’s the secret answer to help you stop being so emotional in a relationship?

How to Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship

Dial Back The Neediness

Everyone is emotionally needy to some point but the problem is when your neediness becomes smothering to your partner. Yes, there are times where you will want to lean on him – the loss of a loved one, best friend, or treasured pet, but there are other times when you need to learn to manage your challenges without dragging him in.

If you must unload your suffering on someone, call a friend or family member. It isn’t that your guy doesn’t want to hear about what’s upsetting you. He does care. What he doesn’t want is to be the catch-all for your drama.

Burn Off Your Negative Energy, Stress And Anxiety

It is scientifically proven that exercising will help alleviate stress. It helps release chemicals that counteract the fight or flight hormoones surging into action during those stressful, anxiety-laced moments. When you’re feeling highly emotional, go for a 3 mile run, head to the gym or kick box the crap out of a punching bag. This is a great way to stop being so emotional in a relationship!

Resist The Urge To Text-Bomb Him

Whether he’s the source of your emotional upset or not, he doesn’t want to hear about it in texts. Women have sent me the texts they send their boyfriends before and I’m blown away by how long they are. If a guy has to scroll to read your text, he’s more likely just not going to read it. Again, it isn’t that he doesn’t care – he does. He just doesn’t want to deal with the highly emotional state you’re in at that moment.

Calm down and, when you’re feeling less stressed and anxious, shoot him a fun text – maybe even poke fun at what had you so worked up, if you’re feeling okay about it.

Examine What You’re Really Feeling And Why

Sometimes, we mislabel our emotions. We might think we’re sad when really, we’re mad as a hornet. Sometimes, hurt feelings can come across as anger. Take time to really examine what you’re feeling and where it’s coming from. Is it really that he didn’t screw the cap on the toothpaste or is it that every time you forgot as a kid, you got blasted for it?

Many times, we are blindsided by things from the past. They hit us, but they do so because someone else triggered that old anger, humiliation or hurt accidentally. It can be a real ah-ha moment if you dig deep enough to see where that’s really coming from. That’s when you can really get it off your chest.

What Would You Say To Your Best Friend?

If your best friend were going through what you’re feeling, what would you tell her? We often give our friends and family great advice but when we’re in the throes of a similar situation, all logic and reason flies out the window. Take a step back and treat yourself as well as you treat others. You’re not perfect. Cut yourself some slack – just like you do with your friends!

Build Your Confidence!

It’s when we aren’t confident that we are most reactive. We don’t believe in ourselves, so we don’t believe in our own ability to control anything but you do have control! You can learn to control this and in doing so, you will build your confidence! If you want help doing this, read about your inner game in my confidence book for women, Comfortable In Your Own Shoes.

He Wants To Help!

Your guy does want to help you but guys are fixers of things. We don’t understand your need to just unload without expecting us to do something to fix the problem. You got rear-ended and the insurance company is giving you the runaround? We want to call them and get it straightened out! Your pipe under the kitchen sink burst and sent potato peels and mashed up food shooting all over your cabinets? We want to fix the pipe.

Of course, the problem is that you’re usually just venting. You don’t want us to fix it – not yet anyway. We don’t understand this so now we’re frustrated too. He wants to show you he loves you by solving your problems but he’s not going to listen to those problems if you’re crying your eyes out or slamming cabinet doors.

Once the situation has calmed for you, share it with him and let him help you.

 

7 Things Guys Will Tolerate – For a Little While

7 Things Guys Will Tolerate – For a Little While

If a guy likes you, he’ll put up with a lot. He’ll say he doesn’t mind things that he really can’t stand. Why? Because he’s with you, that’s why! That said, once a relationship begins to settle down, you may begin to notice he isn’t as interested in, or tolerant of, certain things as he once was. That’s because he really wasn’t interested all along! Here are 7 things guys will tolerate – or do – only because they really, really like you.

Chit chat about everything that happened that day

You may have heard men are simple creatures, even dunces, but we’re cunning masters when it comes to making you believe we’re listening to you. In the beginning, we’ll hang on your every word, seriously! But as time goes on, even the most kind-hearted fella will start to zone out. Tricks to avoid this one: don’t go into heavy subjects while he’s reading, watching TV or relaxing. Don’t start with “I had a miserable day” every day and expect us to tune in to find out what happened this time.

Crying once a week…or MORE

Are you addicted to crying? Do you just love getting your guy in a corner and unleashing your sorrow on him? Is he the ear you can always count on? Well I’ve got news for you – he’ll be very intent on helping you through for a while, but if you keep it up, he’s going to start wondering what the heck is going on. Eventually he’ll take you for an emotional wreck and leave you. Tricks to avoid: cry to a friend over the phone. Get it all out and THEN talk to him about it.

Shopping at the mall

Of course you knew this already…but women will drag a guy into clothing stores anyway! In the early days and weeks of a relationship he’ll be more than happy to do this. But, unless he’s as serious about shopping as you are, his interest in it is going to fade away—fast. My suggestion: go with friends, not him. He’ll wonder what you’re doing and why you’re not hanging out with him, putting you in a position of power, which is right where you want to be.

Wierd dieting methods

We’ll profess to find your new diet fascinating, and even decide we want to do it, too! But if you’re bouncing around from Paleo to South Beach to Atkins we’re going to lose our minds. Guys you’ve been living with for a while will show extreme resistance unless their doctor tells them they’re going to die if they keep eating the way they are. In any case, find one diet, stick to it, and you may be able to keep a guy from going nuts.

A spiritual awakening

He’ll accept your decision to search the spiritual world for who you are and what the meaning of life is. He’ll even push you to make those life changes you want so much. But if you’re in a long-term relationship and you suddenly start going to incense-drenched yoga classes three days a week, don’t expect us to be too excited to join you.

Dinners out with your family

He’ll be happy to hang out with your parents and family if it means scoring points with you. But once he realizes it’s an obligation and not a point-scoring mission, he’ll be much less interested in joining you for the affair. My tip: be super nice to him, tell him how awesome he is for going, and give him great sex afterward. He’ll get so used to the attention you give him on those nights he’ll be more than happy to keep going.

Your taste in music

He’s going to tell you he loves One Direction and can’t get enough of Taylor Swift, but as soon as the relationship transitions into cruise control, he’d much rather be listening to Tool or Stone Temple Pilots. Tip: iPods and a pair of headphones is all you need!

Final Thoughts

I want to say this is partly our fault as men. We’re so happy to hang out with a girl we like initially and we’ll do just about anything to make her happy. It’s not lying so much as it is sidelining our annoyances until things settle down and we realize you’re not going anywhere! If you want to make sure this doesn’t happen, keep him on his toes in the relationship, keep him guessing about whether or not you’re sticking around for good, and reward him when he does something you want. Simple!

things guys will tolerate

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