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Date With Your Head And Not Your Heart!

Date With Your Head And Not Your Heart!

What does it mean to date with your head and not your heart? Dating is a tricky business, and it can be challenging to find a great guy. But your chances are hampered if you date with your heart and not your head. It’s Kirbie today, talking to you about dating with your head and not your heart.

Date Confidently, Not Desperately

You know you’re dating with your head and not your heart when you stop feeling desperate to find a man.

Meet Christi. Christi has experienced many changes in her life over the past three years. First, her husband announced he was gay and wanted a divorce. Next, Christi got into the dating scene too soon after her husband’s announcement and found herself a dangerous stalker.

To protect herself and her three children, they moved back in with her soon-to-be ex. During these changes, Christi also broke free from a conservative religious background into something more mainstream.

She was like a rock fired from a slingshot, racing forward with little guidance. Christi is a very beautiful woman who found her photography gift was her way to financial success. Armed with a camera but little confidence, Christi forged on.

She met men online and dated many of them immediately. Finally, at church, she found a man she decided was the one. Did I mention Christi is thirty-four and her fiancé is twenty-four? Yes, they’re engaged after dating for just two months.

Christi is dating from a place of desperation and fear, and I know this from speaking to her. She’s a good friend of one of my daughters, who is now shaking her head in disbelief at the engagement.

Most people in Christi’s life believe she’s making a huge mistake. It’s nothing against the man she’s engaged to but more about the speed at which things are moving. It doesn’t say much about either of them that things are moving so fast.

Then again, we draw people to us who are most like us, so this isn’t a surprise. I fear their union has little hope of long-term success.

Slow Your Roll

What’s the hurry in dating? And don’t tell me your biological clock is ticking. I understand time isn’t on your side if you’re in your thirties. But worse than navigating a high-risk pregnancy after thirty-five is raising children alone because you made a mistake in choosing a mate.

I know. I did it with four kids.

Men and women view dating differently. Men date to have fun first. After they get to know you, they date to chase and for challenge and mystery.

Women date to find a husband.

Slow down and date to have fun. Dating isn’t about a path to marriage, as many women believe. It’s about getting to know someone to see if you fit. Yes, marriage might be the end goal, but you can’t look at a new guy that way on the first date.

Plan fun dates instead of a dinner date. Go bowling or hiking. Take a walk around a quaint downtown nearby. Go rollerblading or find a fun venue with live music. Do different things to learn more about one another.

Not only are these fun dates, but they’re opportunities to build memories together, and that’s key if things get rocky. Sharing wonderful memories is how you build intimacy.

Set aside thoughts of marriage until this guy proves he’s worthy of you.

Is he a keeper? 4 Test Dates to Find Out

What Attracts a Man to a Woman?

date with your head and not your heart

Forget Milestones

When you date with your head and not your heart, you also set aside milestones. You know what I’m talking about.

He held my hand. Milestone.

OMG, he kissed me! Milestone.

He invited me to meet his mother. Milestone.

We’re taking a weekend trip together. Milestone.

Just stop. While these mean something to you, guys are clueless about milestones. He held your hand because he felt like it. Most likely, he kissed you probably out of impulse, not because he wants to marry you.

He invited you to meet his mother because he wanted to spend time with both of you and didn’t know how else to do it.

A weekend trip together doesn’t mean he’s ready to get married, although this might be a sign he’s interested long-term.

Even Gregg got caught off-guard by a woman who was tallying milestones; then, he was disappointed to learn he had to let her down. He was being nice. She was tallying milestones.

Guys don’t understand the markers you have in place to signal deepening interest. As I said before, they date for fun.

Date With Your Head and Not Your Heart | Don’t Have Sex Too Soon

Women with low confidence often have sex too soon in a relationship. We’ve all been there. Right after my divorce, I’m ashamed to say I fell into this trap myself.

When we divorced thirty years ago, I had low confidence. I had low confidence when we married. We were high school sweethearts who began dating between our sophomore and junior years.

Looking back, it’s hard to say it was a mistake because I now have four children and eight beautiful grandchildren. You can’t call that a mistake, but I made many mistakes.

I was raised by a woman whose confidence is still low, so I didn’t have much of a shot of having high confidence myself.

When your confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth are low, you don’t understand your value in a relationship. I didn’t know that having sex too soon in a relationship indicates that you’re dating a schmuck. Any worthwhile guy won’t expect this of you.

I’m not saying men don’t want to have sex with you, but a confident man won’t push you into having sex too soon.

Of course, to be dating a confident man, you must have confidence, which brings us back to having sex too soon.

Men can sniff out confidence. It’s in your body language. Confident men see a low-confidence woman and won’t approach her. Players and losers see a woman with low confidence, and they swoop in for the kill.

If you’re wondering why you keep attracting these types of men, that’s why.

Sex is not how you keep a guy. It’s how you lose one of any value. Set a boundary and ensure a guy is worthy of you before letting him have sex.

Date with your head and not your heart, and you’ll lose the players.

date with your head and not your heart

Date With Your Head Not Your Heart | Write Your Story

Some of your story is written, but there’s more to write. Make it an adventure story! Those are fun to live and experience.

Your story is a collection of your experiences. What occurred in your life to make you who you are today? That’s your story. There are great chapters and yucky chapters in any story. Nobody has a 100% good story.

You choose how to write the remainder of your story. At first, a man is intrigued by you because you’re new and he knows nothing about you. He wants to have fun and explore. He wants to learn about you, slowly.

After a few dates, he needs more. No, I’m not talking about sex. He needs to be challenged. You need to become mysterious again.

Do that by continuing to add chapters to your story. They don’t have to be glorious adventures, just adventures. For example, try a new hairstyle or color. Take up a new hobby or pursue an old one.

Set some goals and go after them. What do you want to achieve in your life? Do you want a promotion? Do you want to own your own business? Would you like to travel? Figure that out and then decide how to make it happen.

Not only does this enrich your life, but it shows the man you’re interested in that you seek personal growth. It tells him you’re not likely to dote on and smother him. It also tells him you value yourself.

But writing your adventure story does one other thing. It helps you build more confidence. Each time you challenge yourself, you build more confidence and become mysterious to him. He wonders what you’ll do next. Now, you’ve started to date with your head and not your heart.

Understand Men

Much of what you find on this website ultimately boils down to two topics. First is understanding men, and right behind it is helping you build more confidence.

Without a doubt, these are the two most important topics to any woman who is either in a relationship or seeking one.

Do you want to find a great guy? Build or rebuild your confidence.

Would you like to learn how to keep your great guy? Build or rebuild your confidence.

Do you want your ex back? Rebuild your confidence.

Understanding men is always an undercurrent because men and women are so different. We communicate differently. We love differently. Men and women view important things differently.

Until I started working for Gregg, nearly ten years ago, I didn’t get any of this. My confidence needed some work, and I was clueless about men.

Today, my confidence is much higher, and I have a greater understanding of how the male mind works.

As you consider your next dating move, I encourage you to click the links in this article and read the books I’ve added at the bottom. I don’t get anything for encouraging you to do either, other than knowing I’ve pointed you in a good direction.

Gregg is genuinely passionate about helping women. I hear it in his voice every time we speak, and it’s evident in his videos. He wants to help you enjoy an excellent relationship with a great guy! That’s my hope for you as well!

Go forth and have fun! Date with your head and not your heart!

How's your confidence these days? More specifically, how's your dating confidence? The answer to both is easy. They're probably lower than you'd like. Confidence is sexy. It draws great men like bees to a honey pot. The bonus is that the players also sense your confidence and they steer clear of you. Double bonus!

But how does a woman rebuild her confidence? That's easy! Start with this best-seller, Comfortable in Your Own Shoes. It's the definitive confidence-building book written just for women like you. Women who need to rebuild their confidence after one life event after another have left you feeling a little down. This book will walk you through the easy but methodial steps of regaining your swagger and confidence! Great men will be falling all over themselves to date you. Read more about the book here or click one of the buttons below to buy the book now.

Do you have your Night Moves down? Are you ready to go out and get a guy to fall for you, using science and not trickery? If so, this is the book for you! I've done the research, and you get to benefit. Here are the steps you can take, whether you're headed out on a first date or going out with your friends to look for men. The science behind attraction is just a few clicks away!

Here are just a couple of things you'll learn inside this best-seller:

  • Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction...learn why inside
  • Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal...but what signal? Learn inside the book
  • You can get a guy to feel like he's falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

What to do if You are Burned out from Dating

What to do if You are Burned out from Dating

Are You Tired of Dating?

If you’ve been chronically single for a while, you maybe tired of dating and want to jump off a cliff. And who could blame you? The same old places to haunt, the same old small talk to make, and the same old lulls in conversation can get boring and tedious, to say the least.

Don’t forget the worry about whether or not he will call or text you for a second date, and all the awkwardness of whether or not he’ll go in for a kiss. And then there is the whole monotony of having to get ready and all dressed to impress, and for what?

Just to waste time meeting and having to let down another guy you don’t connect with — or worse, another guy who will eventually bruise your heart?

Dating burnout is bound to happen at some point, but it doesn’t mean all hope is lost forever. Rest assured, it’s just a temporary setback, and you will get over it, if you know how. Here’s what to do if you find yourself tired of dating.

Tired of Dating? Dating Detox

If dating is dragging you down, it’s okay to step aside and check out for a while. Stop being over-scheduled and overwhelmed with one date after another. Instead, drive to the beach and enjoy a vacation with your best girlfriends, visit family or your old college roommate for the weekend, or just take a few weeks (or months) to focus on refreshing your outlook with a little me-time.

It’s okay to be alone, and you should embrace the freedom to do what you love, with no strings attached. Take up a new hobby and take your mind off of what’s troubling you. Or find excitement and joy in the little things, like reading a good mystery novel while drinking a Grande Mocha Frappuccino at Starbucks — table for one.

tired of online dating

Take a break from dating!

You could just veg on the couch in your comfy sweats with a blanket, a bowl of popcorn and your favorite movie — no boys allowed. Take a breather, recharge your batteries, and detox from dating for a while. We promise you will feel much better if you do.

Attitude Adjustment

Think of it this way. When you are sick, you take care of yourself and take the time to rest and recuperate. The same should hold true when you are sick and tired of dating. You may even learn a little something about what you want in a relationship after your dating detox.

Now is the time to make a change for the better. Dip your toes in the dating pool instead of diving right in, and take the time to feel out the situation before saying yes to another date. You may just save yourself from becoming burned out and tired of dating again!

Think of the types of men you have dated in the past. Why didn’t it work out? Now count how many dates you’ve been on in the recent past. Did you agree to go out with these people because you thought you had to, or because you wanted to?

Instead of saying yes to every Tom, Dick, and Harry or Tucker, Declan, and Holden, be selective and only say yes when you feel there might be a connection, and when you actually feel like going out! You are not obligated as a single girl to always say yes to a date. With that said, of course, keep an open mind.

tired of dating sites

Some unexpected and not-so-obvious guy may surprise you if you give him a chance, while another who is attractive on the surface may be all wrong for you deep down inside. If you consistently are drawn to a certain type and it never turns out well for you, maybe it’s time to reconsider what is really important and attractive to you in a mate.

If you are tired of dating, take a break, focus on yourself for a while and don’t be afraid to be alone. Figure out what you want, adjust your outlook and attitude towards men, and dating, in the process. When you decide you are ready to start dating again, you will feel refreshed, renewed and maybe even excited about dating!

Being comfortable with yourself and feeling confident and independent is attractive, and it will show. Guys will want to be around you, and you’ll find yourself surrounded by options. And you can choose whom, when and if you are ready.

Tired of Dating Final Step

How about getting back to the more traditional ways of meeting men? Brainstorm 50 ideas (hobbies/passions/new adventures) narrow to ten. Pick one or two, sign up and go! The goal here is to get exposure and join groups that you have things in common with. This takes the pressure off from meeting a man while you are having fun.

This is the perfect cure for dating burnout. Your social life will expand and become vibrant – like your it was in your younger days. Heck, you will probably meet some women who are tired of dating too. This will make going on so much more fun.

So close down the online dating accounts, re-group, and go get your MOJO back!

Want to Make Your First Dates Better? Try These Tips

Want to Make Your First Dates Better? Try These Tips

  I’m not here to tell you to take a shower before a first date and make polite small talk. Here are a few things often overlooked—but they make a big difference!

Try not to pepper us with questions

Women like it when men ask them questions but it doesn’t necessarily work the other way around. I get it if you’re nervous—trust me. Nobody wants an awkward silence on the first date. My best advice is to calm down, find a topic that you’re both interested in and then have a great conversation! Talk about what you think and he should follow suit (without you having to ask what he thinks about something every time.) Bonus tip: avoid the true terrors of first dates: dumb questions! “Have you ever traveled,” “What hobbies do you like?” and the truly ugly “What’s your favorite (enter food, color, etc. here)?”

Spice it up—ditch the restaurant!

Restaurants are go-to first date spots because they’re more or less neutral territory. But it may be a good idea to hit up something a little more ‘off-the-beaten-path’ like a hookah bar or a bookstore. Heading to Barns & Noble for a coffee and some book browsing is way better than sitting around waiting for your dinner—especially if you need to duck out early because your date has zero personality.

Keep some of the most interesting bits about you out of the conversation

This might feel like you’re not putting your best foot forward, but it’s an extremely good tip for two reasons. First, we all want to impress our dates and to do that we tell them about the cool places we’ve been and the interesting things we’ve done. But if we start blabbering on about it without any context surrounding it, it’s going to come off conceited, like you’re saying it just to say it. If you’re dying to tell him you snowboard, don’t blurt it out while discussing his family. And if the subject never comes up at all—keep it under wraps until the next date! Secondly, if you tell him all the coolest parts about you on the first date, it makes you a bit less interesting the next time you go on a date with him. If you speak Spanish and bring it up on date 4 or even later, that drives the point home: “wow, what else does she do that I don’t know about?”

Never call him after

It was sound advice decades ago and it remains the same today. Ladies, wait for him to call you after your first date. He’s going to find you more exciting if you don’t call him and if he doesn’t call, who cares? You’re not going to woo him on the second date if you didn’t knock it out of the park on the first. Wait for the call—it will keep the suspense going and make him that much more interested (as long as he was interested to begin with.)

Plan some conversation topics ahead

You don’t want to wind up talking about something you can’t stand. The best way to avoid this is to make sure you have some control over where the conversation is going. If you want to talk about skiing, make up something, like, “Yeah, I’m loving this weather, I’m such a snow rat.” From there you’re an inch away from a skiing conversation. Either he’ll bring it up with his response or you can shortly after. This ensures conversations are natural and flowing—and more importantly, on your terms. First dates are full of anxiety and nervousness. By following some of these tips, hopefully you can be more at ease and have a great time! Remember, we’re nervous too!

What kinds of first date disasters or successes have you had?

What Does Who You Date Say About You – Part 2

What Does Who You Date Say About You – Part 2

In Part 1 of this “What Does Who You Date Say About You” series, we talked about three distinct types of personalities: Mr. Pour on the Charm, Mr. Indecision and Mr. Diamond in the Rough. Some of you didn’t see your guy, but I think you will this week. In Part 2, we are going to look at a few more types: Mr. There’s Plenty of Time to Settle Down, Mr. What’s Yours is Mine, Mr. It’s All YOUR Fault, Mr. Sure Baby, Anything You Say and , of course, Mr. Married. This post is a bit long, so hang in there with me.

Mr. There’s Plenty of Time to Settle Down

This guy likes to use the phrase “maybe some day”. He probably has never been married and has had a string of short-term relationships in the past. There are all kinds of reasons why this guy hasn’t found ‘the right one’ yet. This type of guy has a fear of intimacy. When you begin asking for more out of the relationship, he disappears. You might ask him to meet your friends or your parents and all of a sudden, you don’t hear from him for a week or more. You’re left wondering what you said or did to make him mad. More signs that he’s commitment phobic:
  • He has a job that requires a lot of travel
  • You haven’t met his friends/family and he hasn’t met yours
  • He has never taken you to his house/apartment – or if he has, it’s a very sterile environment\
  • When you’re together, he’s Mr. Pour on the Charm
  • Your plans are always last-minute
  • He turns into “Mr. It’s All Your Fault”
  • He loves to chase you, but he’s not really interested in capturing you

And You

Dating this type of guy most likely means you’re needy. You attract men who want to rescue you but they don’t want to commit to you. You thrive on the snippets of attention that are thrown your way – it’s your crack. When you come into a relationship as the needy one, you give up all of your power. My book, “Who Holds the Cards Now” can help you regain that power.

If You Think This is You

If this is you, you probably spend a lot of time asking “What if” – “What if he found someone else?” “What if I made him mad?” “What if he wants out?” You need to learn how to squash those “what if” moments like a bug. You probably hold a vision of your guy that is based on how he was on your first date – charming, caring and willing to do anything to make you happy. That is not who this guy really is and you have blinded yourself to that truth.

Mr. What’s Yours is Mine

This guy is a leech. He takes from you – your money, your energy, your time, and he has nothing to give back, or if he does have something, he isn’t giving it to you. Understand the different types of menYou may be putting yourself at risk in some way to be the giver this guy wants you to be. Whether it’s a financial, physical or emotional risk, it’s bad for you with no consequences for him. Want to learn all about the different man types and how to date them? Get my best seller Manimals!

And You

Dating this type of guy all of the time means you are probably insecure and you have low self-esteem. You will take any guy who comes your way and the needy, clingy type is right up your alley.

If You Think This is You

The steps are clear here. You need to improve your self-esteem and become a secure, high value woman. All of my books address this in some way, but the most direct path to esteem and confidence is Comfortable in Your Own Shoes. You need to step back from the relationship scene long enough to regain your confidence. You should also read my newest book, To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself, which will help you take a journey of self-discovery to a more healthy, high value woman.

Mr. It’s All Your Fault

This guy treats you like a child and when he behaves badly, often like a bully, he blames you for his actions. “I had to yell at you, you can’t do anything right”. He probably treats you like a child, talking to you in a condescending tone of voice or sounding intimidating.

And You

If you’re dating this type of guy, then you may have trouble establishing and maintaining emotional boundaries. You would rather please someone else to win them over. You probably feel like nothing you do is good enough – no matter what, your partner is always unhappy.

If You Think This is You

This feeling of powerlessness comes from within you, and you are craving freedom from oppressing the emotions of anger and frustration that you feel all of the time. An excellent first step is to begin labeling what you feel when you feel it. You are driving in traffic and someone cuts you off – rather than suppressing your feelings, say out loud “that really made me angry!” The next time you just can’t seem to figure something out, say “I’m really frustrated right now”. It seems silly on the surface, but this will help you to truly identify your emotions and allow yourself to actually feel them.

Mr. Sure Baby Anything You Say

This time, it’s clearly your fella who has self-esteem issues. Mr. Sure Baby is an agreeable guy who has no opinions about anything and doesn’t have the confidence to express any that he might actually have. He thinks, and maybe says things like, “I don’t know why you want to date me” – negative thoughts about himself that confirm his lack of belief in himself.

Is he an apologizer?

He’s also an apologizer – “I’m sorry” is something you hear ALL of the time. He is always looking for validation from outside sources – sort of a “look at me and tell me I’m great” type of deal, mostly because he doesn’t believe it. Surprisingly, this type of guy is also likely to be a perfectionist. He feels that nothing can be done unless it’s perfect, so nothing ever gets done. Of course, this is really because he has no confidence in what he is doing, not because it’s imperfect.

And You

Dating this guy means that you’re probably a controlling person who likes to come off as if you have your stuff together. Mr. Sure Baby is your type of guy! He seeks out women like you because he sees things in you that he thinks he lacks. You probably have a set of expectations about every aspect of your life. Your house should be this way, your car should be that way. Your job should be progressing down a specific path. Everything must be in order.

If You Think This is You

It’s time to change your mindset about life. Your apartment doesn’t have to be spotless for you to have your friends over – they won’t notice anyway. Let go of your need to have everything follow a specific course or be perfect. You also need a boost in self-esteem. You are probably controlling because you think people won’t accept you if they can see your flaws. By wanting everything perfect or wanting to micromanage every step of a process, you can keep people from seeing your true self. It’s time to realize what a wonderful woman you are. Recognize your accomplishments and accept that most things don’t go as planned. Finally, examine how much anxiety you feel when you think things are not perfect or out of control. Read your body for signs of tension or anxiety like jaw or shoulders clenched or a racing heart. A good way to manage anxiety is through meditation or another form of relaxation like getting a massage or aromatherapy.

Mr. Married

Mr. Married may not actually be married, but he is in a committed relationship, maybe even engaged. Even if he is separated, he’s still married.

And You

Again, you probably  lack self-esteem, and you most likely don’t like yourself very much either. You are not only dating a cheater, but you are one. This is a very low level of self-esteem and self-hate. You are seeking out relationships that are guaranteed to fail. “He’s never going to leave her” is a line in a popular old movie “When Harry Met Sally”, where one of the supporting characters, dating a married man, is constantly trying to woo him to leave his wife. The standard response from her friends is “Nobody thinks he’s going to leave her”. Mr. Married has also been vetted by one of your cohorts – he’s married, so there must be an okay guy in there somewhere. He’s safe because you know another of your species has accepted him. He is also immediately unavailable for any real ‘future’, thus alleviating you of any worry about being all that he needs you to be, since you don’t have the esteem to believe you can deliver anyway. When he leaves, it is to be expected and you don’t have to consider yourself a failure.

If You Think This is You

You need to work on your self esteem NOW. You are better than this and it’s time you start acting like it! Read my books, see a counselor or do whatever it takes to begin to see the value you have. It goes without saying that you end the relationship – today. He’s never going to leave her – and even if he does – do you really want him? Find out who you are by reading To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself and begin to build a high value woman story.

Whew! What’s Up Next Week?

That was a long post, and thanks for hanging in there, but this is important information! Many of you are great at telling me what’s wrong with your guy, but often it’s hard for you to see what type of individual he is, or what it says about you. We never want to look for the flaws that we have, and yet, in order to date high value men, it’s necessary. Before you dismiss my suggestions, take a long hard look at yourself. If you don’t believe me, do a Google search on that type of guy – you will find all kinds of information to back me up!

So, Which One?

How many of these men have you dated in the past? Are you dating one right now? What are your next steps? In Part 3 I want to focus on talking about how you can begin to attract the right guy.
What Does Who You Date Say About You? Part 1

What Does Who You Date Say About You? Part 1

You Are Who You Date

We all get caught in ruts in life – we find ourselves eating the same foods, wearing the same clothes, hanging out in the same bars, and dating the same type of people. You reinforced this in your comments of my last few blog posts and I thought maybe we needed to dig a little deeper to see what this “same” personality type says about you.

Generally speaking, we attract the type of person who exhibits the traits in us that most need fixing. You are who you date. Having said that, we also all probably carry around small pieces of each of these traits – it’s just when they begin to overwhelm your life that they become harmful. What does who you date say about you? Let’s find out.

Mr. Pour-On-The-Charm

I begin with this guy because he has particular appeal to many women. This guy practically charms the pants right off of you with his smooth-talking, perfectly groomed, highly successful persona. At first blush, this guy is G-R-E-A-T, but when you peel back the layers, he’s condescending, demanding, self-centered and egotistical.

And You…

If you are attracted to this type of guy, you may carry the very same characteristics. While it seems as if the person with this type of personality trait is confident, the opposite is actually true – you are lacking confidence.

If You Think This Shoe Fits

If you think this describes you, rest assured there is hope! Probably the best thing you can do is to learn how to listen. Narcissistic people tend to dominate the conversation.

Rather than initiating a conversation, then immediately starting to drum up your response, just listen and really ‘hear’ what the other person is saying. When it is your turn to talk, rather than come up with your ‘better’ story, respond to theirs with empathy.

Want to understand the different types of men and how to date them?

I had some fun writing Manimals because I got to describe different types of men, whether they’re datable or not and how to date them when they are. Because that didn’t seem like enough, I then profiled several types of women and paired them up. Now, you can identify which type of woman you are and learn which type of man might be the best fit for you!

In addition to these different types of men and women, the second half of the book contains:

  • Explanations on why you are dating the wrong type of guy now
  • An in-depth study of what I like to call the Relationship Train To Failure
  • 15 things every woman needs to know about men
  • My best-ever discussion on what challenge and mystery are, why they’re important and how to use both to your advantage!

Mr. Indecision

You know this guy – he can’t make a decision to save his life. He is full of excuses – “I couldn’t call you last night because I had to [insert lame excuse] instead.”

This type of guy is dwelling on the past – whether it’s your past history together, a negative in his past, or maybe one in yours that you have shared. Finally, this guy won’t commit. His standard mantra is “I’m not looking for anything serious right now”. He likes you but…not right now, not ever.

And You…

A woman who attracts this type of man probably feels she doesn’t deserve anything better. It is likely that someone in your past has disappointed you in a big way and you have not moved past it. You may even have been a victim of abuse or neglect.

If You Think This Is You

You need to begin telling yourself that you do deserve a good life and a good guy. You need to build your confidence and learn to forgive your past and everyone in it who may have hurt you. My book, Comfortable In Your Own Shoes can help you develop a new mantra and start a journey to a more confident you.

Mr. Diamond in the Rough

This guy is the one you think you can ‘fix’. He has flaws and you see them, plain as day, but you’re convinced that you are the woman who can turn him around. You’re gonna make him your project! He probably feels, and maybe even says that he doesn’t deserve you.

And You…

If this is your type of guy, then you are probably in the habit of making excuses for others – “He didn’t mean to skip dinner with my parents – he must have gotten caught up at work”.

If You Think This Is You

Look back through your past to see what mistake you are still trying to fix. Your need to overcompensate is rooted there. By fixing someone else, you feel that you are really fixing your past. Well, now it’s time to get to it – fix your past. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and move on. Fixing someone else will never repair your own soul.

Parts 2 and 3

Next week, in part 2, we’ll go over a few more personality traits that get in the way of successful relationships. Our last conversation on this topic will focus on the best methods for you to begin attracting the right guy – through understanding yourself and working to fix these traits in you.

Do You See Yourself Here?

Do any of these ring a bell with you?

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