Today, I’d like to help you learn how to stop a man from cheating, but I’m here today to tell you that there is such a thing as being 100% faithful!

It’s true that as many as forty percent of couples experience some form of infidelity during their marriage. I think before I share with you how to stop a man from cheating, it might be a good idea to look at why men cheat.

Why Men Cheat

Men are more likely to cheat, which is the bad news, but there’s plenty of good news coming, so hang on! What I want you to remember as you read this is that you aren’t responsible for his actions. Regardless of the reason for his cheating, he made a choice to turn to someone else instead trying to work things out with you first.

Additionally, I’m using the word “you” here to really mean people in general. It might be you, or it might be him. Don’t take it personally!

Sex

One of the more common reasons men cheat is for sex. If he’s asking for sex and being turned down too frequently, he’ll become frustrated, and he may also take that rejection to heart. This will then make him feel insecure and unloved. It’s actually this feeling of insecurity that will lead him to cheat.

Frustration

If a man becomes frustrated with the relationship, he may seek an outside relationship that’s more open with better communication. Of course, many new relationships are great in these two areas, only to falter later.

When there are problems between you that go unresolved, it creates this feeling of frustration. Ultimately, this is often a communication problem, or an inability to solve problems.

Faulty Attachment Styles

Childhood trauma or growing up in a faulty relationship can give you faulty attachment styles, which means you enter into relationships you aren’t emotionally equipped to manage. Problems with attachment can also come from low confidence and self-esteem, making you afraid your partner will leave.

This, of course, causes you to be overzealous in wanting to know where he is all the time because you don’t believe you deserve him and that he’ll cheat. It turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy because the more jealous you become, the more likely he is to do the one thing you fear – cheat.

Addiction

There are many types of addiction, but none of them are good for a relationship, regardless of which partner is battling the addiction.

Alcohol addiction in particular is problematic because alcohol lowers his inhibitions, making him more likely to use good judgment. While he might not consider having an affair when he’s sober, he might not really give much thought to it when he’s drunk.

One of His Parents Cheated

While cheating isn’t hereditary, seeing it and viewing it as how marriages are can skew his idea of what’s right and wrong in a relationship. Sometimes, it seems as if cheating runs in a family, and maybe it does, but not because of genetics.

Mental Illness

Some mental illnesses, like bipolar disease, make someone more prone to cheating. In the case of bipolar disease, for example, when someone is experiencing manic episodes, they’re less sexually inhibited.

Other things may come from childhood traumas, which have been shown to lead to cheating if they’re unresolved.

He’s Cheated Before

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Perhaps you’ve heard this and brushed it off, thinking your guy will be different. He may be, but if he cheated before, he’s more likely to do it again. While many men will think twice about cheating the first time, once they’ve done it, it’s not something they’re as apprehensive about the second time.

I always caution women of this if they’re now dating a man who cheated on his wife to be with them. You think you’re safe. He won’t do this to you. Well, don’t count on it because he just might.

Psychological Issues

Narcissists are particularly prone to cheating, which in their case, is often driven by ego and their own sense of entitlement. Since narcissists are also self-centered, they may lack empathy and not even care much about the impact of their cheating on you.

Dissatisfaction and/or Unhappiness

All too often, couples reach a point in their relationship where they believe they don’t need to put the work into it any longer. They’ve been together for a long time and things seem to be humming along.

This is a very faulty belief. Successful marriages take work throughout the entire marriage. As your marriage goes through different seasons, different types of work are required. For example, early in your marriage, you’re having children, which takes a lot of your energy away from one another. During this time, date nights not only give you a break from childcare but also give you a chance to reconnect.

As your relationship gets older and the kids grow up, you’ve probably each developed your own careers, interests, and hobbies. You spend more of your time on those things and less with each other. Again, a regular date night can be a great weapon against disconnect.

As you slowly grow apart, sex is less frequent too, and you already read about how that goes.

Feeling Unappreciated

This always makes me think of the movie, The Breakup with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. If you’ve seen it, then you have a great idea of how feeling unappreciated can damage a relationship.

In case you haven’t seen it, allow me a moment to explain feeling unappreciated.

He knows you have a busy week, so he offers to pitch in a little extra. He does his usual things, but then he also cooks dinner once or twice, or he offers to help clean up when he usually doesn’t. He might offer to take kids to practice or run some of your errands. In the end, all he gets from you is a quick nod as you dash off to the next thing.

You know how much you like to be appreciated for doing all of those things he’s doing for you now, and he’s no different. It’s like being ignored, and for men, there’s an extra twinge in there because men show their love through their actions, so when their actions go unappreciated, they feel unloved.

You Aren’t Really Committed to One Another

When you’re less committed to your relationship, you’re more likely to cheat. It makes sense if you think about it. Less of a commitment means less of an attachment to your partner, so what’s the big deal, right?

Well, of course it’s a big deal, especially if one of you feels more committed than the other.

Boredom

Boredom is really an overlying cause for some of these others, like sex. It’s no fun to be bored in anything, especially a relationship.

Early in your relationship, he didn’t know anything about you, and he had to chase you. Now, he has you and he knows a lot about you so that thrill of the chase is gone.

Boredom can also come into play if your sex life is too mundane. Every time you have sex it’s like a script you keep playing out. The same exact thing every single time. Are you even enjoying that? Probably not.

Aging or Faulty Body Image

We’ve all heard of that midlife crisis men are expected to go through. They buy the fancy Corvette, dye their hair to wash out the gray and get a girlfriend who’s half their age.

When a man is going through this, he’s questioning whether he still has his old mojo. Cheating is his way of proving to himself that he hasn’t lost it, whatever it is.

Additionally, a man will blame his wife for letting herself go, which probably translates into she had children, which impacts her body, and she didn’t get back to that size six that she was twenty-five years ago. Of course, he forgets that he isn’t the same buff specimen he was back then either.

Payback

If you’ve had an affair, he might seek revenge by having his own affair. Of course, this tit-for-tat mentality does nothing good for your relationship.

If you want to get back together after you’ve cheated, you really should seek a marriage counselor so those unresolved feelings can be addressed and hurt feelings can be healed.

Secondary Causes for an Affair

While the above are all primary reasons for having an affair, there are some secondary things that can happen as well.

• Online cheating where you don’t necessarily physically meet someone, but you form an emotional bond, taking away from the emotional bond you have with your spouse
• Opportunities like traveling for long periods of time or having a long-distance relationship where spouses are apart more than they’re together
• Poor boundaries like someone coming on to him and him not having the ability to say no
• Pornography can become a gateway to cheating for some, especially as it’s become more readily available through the internet

How to Stop a Man from Cheating

With the causes for cheating in clear view, let’s examine how to stop a man from cheating. Some ways may seem obvious after reading the causes, but I’d like to spell them out anyway.

Enjoy a High Benefit Relationship

Okay, what does this mean? I call it putting pennies in the jar. When you and your guy dated in the early days, everything was exciting and new. I bet you both remember almost everything about your first date.

Those are pennies. Memories you make and share together. That’s how you build intimacy between you. Many people mistake intimacy for sex, but they’re not the same. If they were, people who partake in hookups would feel that intimacy, but they don’t.

When you have a high-benefit relationship, you have loads of those pennies and you’re continuously adding new pennies to the jar. Taking vacations together, strolling downtown together in the winter to view decorated shop windows, going apple picking, or even spending a cold night by the fire binge-watching Outlander are all ways to add pennies.

So, putting that energy into your relationship is very meaningful. Always looking for ways to share a special moment or two helps him not want to cheat. The cost of cheating would be too high. He has too much to lose.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Be Open to Sexual Experimentation

You have fantasies and so does he, but many people feel very vulnerable when sharing those fantasies. In fact, many people never share their fantasies. If he does share his, or if he asks you to do something a little different, don’t immediately shoot him down.

Be open to those new experiences. Who knows, you might even enjoy it more than you thought you would. This keeps him from being sexually bored, which is a huge deal when it comes to keeping him from cheating!

Also, if he shares a fantasy with you, try not to shoot him down too quickly. Again, this makes him feel vulnerable, as it would you. If you dismiss him or make fun of him, he won’t share again, but he might go find someone who won’t laugh at him and is willing to try.

Maintain Your Own Social Life

It’s possible to smother a man by spending too much time with him or demanding that he spend that much time with you.

By staying busy, you’re doing a couple of things. You’re placing value on his time with you and you’re allowing him time to be away from you and miss you.

Couples don’t need to be together 100% of the time in order to be successful, in fact, this is a great way to drive him away. Instead, get a hobby or two, enjoy a girls’ night with your friends, and maybe even do a night of Yoga once a week.

By not being underfoot all the time, you’re giving him time to realize that he wants to be with you.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Let Him Know He’s Wanted

Nobody likes to feel unwanted. Let him know you want him around by showing him you’re still interested in him. Tease him a little from time to time. Entice him with a sexy dress or by offering up a new sex toy or something he’s been fantasizing about.

When he’s thinking about cheating, it might be because he doesn’t think you’re interested in him any longer.

Appreciate Him

Men show their love for women through their actions. When he does things for you like getting your oil changed, buying your favorite coffee drink, or stopping to get your laundry, he’s showing you he loves you.

A simple thank you, baking him his favorite cookies, or preparing his favorite meal from time to time goes a long way in showing him that you appreciate the things he does.

For some people, appreciation is their love language, which intensifies the meaning and impact of it.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Be the One to Initiate Sex Sometimes

It’s the twenty-first century so it’s okay to initiate sex. In fact, your guy would love that. Men sometimes feel like they’re the only ones interested in sex, so if you initiate it from time to time, it shows him that you want him and that you’re interested in him.

For him, this might be how he measures how desirable he is to you and if you’re not initiating sex with him, he may believe, falsely or not, that you don’t find him desirable.

Don’t Lose Yourself in the Relationship

This kind of goes along with maintaining your social life, but it’s a little different. When you’re with someone you like, you have the urge to change who you are to be who you think he wants you to be.

But he didn’t fall for who he thinks you might be. He fell for you as you are or were. He fell in love with your quirks, your uniqueness, your style, and your personality.

Don’t try to change that because that is the woman he fell for, not some image of yourself that you think you need to become. Stay true to yourself.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Don’t Be Controlling

Fear makes you feel like you need to control him. You fear he’ll leave you if you don’t keep a tight rein on him, but that’s actually what may push him away.

Control comes in many forms, including manipulation through criticism, nagging, threatening, punishing, and even rewarding.

Let him be who he is, just like you want him to accept you for who you are. The behaviors you’re using to control him are the same ones that will push him out of your arms and into someone else’s.

Allow Him His Social Life

Just like you need to maintain your social life outside of your relationship, so does he, but many women feel this need to keep their guy from his friends.

He had those friends long before he met you. Some of those friendships may go back to childhood. Trying to eliminate those relationships can lead to resentment.

Just because you allow him to hang out with his friends doesn’t mean he’s automatically going to cheat or do something you don’t want him to. He was hanging out with them before he met you and you liked him then. He’s no different now.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Let Him See that He Lights You Up

Nothing pleases a man more than seeing your face light up when he walks into a room. For anyone, this is a very nice, yet indirect way of telling someone how much value they have in your life.

He needs to know that he’s having a positive influence on your life and that you truly enjoy being with him. A great way to let him know that is to show it on your face.

Also, let him know that you’re happy to be with him. Men aren’t intuitive when it comes to subtle hints, so tell him you’re happy.

Treat Him Like He’s Your Best Friend

I don’t know why, but sometimes people treat their partner like more of an enemy than a friend. Your guy might not be your best girlfriend that you share everything with, but he’s probably still your best friend.

Treat him with kindness, consideration, and respect. This shows him that you care for him and lets him know that you value him as an important part of your life.

Men aren’t intuitive like you might think they are, so don’t drop subtle hints.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Show an Interest in His Life

Your lives are intertwined. His work might be a mystery to you because you’re in totally different fields, but that doesn’t mean you can’t ask him about it. When you know he has an important presentation or a big meeting, be sure to ask how it went or offer to help him prepare. Maybe slip a You’ve got this, Babe type of note into his computer bag as a quick pick-me-up for him.

You can also show an interest in his hobbies. This is a great way for the two of you to bond. It’s even better when you can combine a hobby of yours with one of his. If you can’t combine, showing an interest in his hobby causes him to transfer some of his love for that hobby onto you.

You can do this by learning more about his hobby or buying him gifts related to his hobby. I have a friend who’s into taking apart cars that don’t run and putting them back together with new parts. He turns them into rat rods as a hobby. For Christmas, his wife got him tools and other items to help him finish his current project, which is a Jeep Wrangler.

Encourage Him to Be the Best Version of Himself

We all need a cheerleader. Be there to back him up, support him when he needs it, and give him a little nudge when he’s a little unsure of his path.

If you’re the one who’s there for him in his pursuit of greatness, his love for you will only grow. When he experiences something great, be there to celebrate with him and encourage him to try something new.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Take Care of Yourself

I get a lot of flak for this one because people misunderstand what I’m saying, so hear me out before you move on. When you take care of yourself, I want you to do it for yourself, not for anyone else. Here’s why it’s important to your relationship, though.

When you take care of yourself, it’s a signal to the outside world that you have high self-esteem and self-worth. If your confidence is a little low, taking care of yourself can help you build it.

Additionally, taking care of yourself, which means drinking plenty of water, eating healthy meals, getting plenty of sleep, and working out in some way, helps you alleviate stress and anxiety.

When you’re taking care of yourself, your guy can’t use the excuse that you’ve let yourself go, as men tend to do in the middle of their own midlife crisis.

Focus on Your Own Personal Growth

While you’re being a cheerleader for your guy, he might also be your greatest fan. Personal growth is something I believe we should never abandon. I’m always in search of something new to learn or try.

Personal growth happens in many ways. You can learn new skills or hobbies, advance your career, or read self-help and educational books. Travel to new places and explore new cultures or just change things in your life, like where you live or what you do for your job.

Personal growth keeps your confidence up and also keeps you interesting and challenging to your guy. It also injects a bit of mystery. If you come home saying you’ve decided to take up rock climbing or candle making, your guy will shake his head with a smile and wonder what’s next.

This keeps him interested in you and intrigued.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Give Him Personal Space When He Needs It

Men and women manage most things in their lives differently. One example is how Men Love in Different Ways. I’ve already mentioned this a couple of times. While women are verbal, men take action.

You want to hear him say “I love you” so badly that you miss the signs that tell you he does love you. Men aren’t verbal. Yes, a man will say “I love you” because he knows you expect it, but his real signs that he loves you come in the things he does for you.

One way men and women are different is in how they manage stress and emotional situations. For a guy, it’s difficult sometimes to manage emotions. Many men are raised to believe that the only acceptable emotions are anger and frustration, leaving them unable to cope with emotions like sadness and disappointment.

So when your guy is feeling something he doesn’t know how to manage, he needs space. Meanwhile, you’re probably a nurturer who wants to help and soothe him, and when he turns you away, you take it personally and get upset.

It’s a major disconnect between men and women that causes many problems.

Instead of trying to nurture him, leave him alone. Let him work things out on his own. When he’s ready, he’ll come to you if he needs you, but forcing him to talk to you about it won’t help him. He needs space and time to work through this by himself, so please give it to him. Find other things to do like working on your hobbies or hanging out with your friends.

He’ll come around and be grateful to you if you allow him this time.

Take control of your relationship by understanding men

Control Your Own Emotions

Since men can’t often manage their own emotions, this leaves them also unable to manage yours.

Every human on the planet experiences difficult emotions, but few understand what I’m about to tell you – that you can control your reactions to what you’re feeling. Please don’t be upset with me for telling you that. This is a life lesson that, once learned, will make you a much happier person.

If you do experience something that’s emotionally difficult, call a girlfriend, your mother, or your sister and unload the brunt of your emotions on them first. Share the details, scream, cry, stomp your feet, or do whatever it takes to burn off that initial energy.

Of course, better yet is to choose how to react to the situation and use less aggressive emotions, but that’s for another post.

Once you meet up with your guy, you’ve burned off all that energy from the situation and you’re calmer. Just know that he’s going to want to fix the problem, so when you start telling him about it, only wanting a sounding board, try not to step on his natural urge to fix it.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Make Your Relationship a Priority

Earlier, I said that you can’t put a relationship on autopilot and expect it to survive. Instead, make your relationship a priority. Set a day of the week that’s only for date night. That’s a sacred appointment on your calendar that you don’t break unless it’s a true emergency.

Setting aside this time allows you to spend time with one another alone, and it provides you with the chance to reconnect. This is especially important as your relationship ages and you drift off in different directions.

Make the commitment to one another to always prioritize your relationship. Think of it this way, if your relationship falters, it hurts your children and other family relationships, so making it a priority is making your family a priority at the same time.

Don’t Talk About Your Relationship to Everyone

It’s fine to have a bestie to share your relationship woes with, but don’t post them on Facebook, Instagram, or any other social media platform. It’s petty and cheap and it’s there forever, long after whatever disagreement sent off in that direction to begin with.

Ideally, you don’t share your relationship with anyone, and you solve your problems by communicating with one another, but I know that isn’t realistic. Sometimes, you just need to burn off that anger or frustration and I just told you to do that with a friend. When you’re talking about your relationship, make it a trusted friend – someone you know won’t go off blabbing to everyone.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Wrap Up

I hope you searched this topic out of curiosity and not because you truly fear that your guy may cheat, but if that is your fear, I hope what you’ve read here has helped you a lot.

Keeping a relationship on solid ground isn’t difficult, but it does take an effort on not just your part but his too.

If you’re still dating, make sure this guy isn’t one who has a wandering eye. I would caution you against a guy who seems to be relationship-hopping. This means he lacks the confidence to maintain a great relationship.

If you’re already in a relationship or married, you now have the tools you need to keep things going smoothly.

Be sure to check out my book, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, which is linked below, for more tips on how to keep your relationship great!