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Surviving a Breakup in Your 40s

Surviving a Breakup in Your 40s

There’s no good time in your life to experience a breakup, but I chose to write this article for women over 40 because many times, the breakup was from a long-term relationship.

This means you’ve probably been out of the dating world for a while, perhaps as many as twenty or more years. Dating has changed a lot during that time and knowing how to get over a breakup has changed too.

We’re both older and wiser, and I can say that because I have a few years on you.

This breakup has sidelined you in a big way. When people experience a breakup, there are a few things that naturally occur:

  • Reduced self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth
  • Depression
  • Lower than usual energy
  • A feeling that you’re not strong enough to start over
  • Not wanting to start over at your age

In this article, I’ll help you address those things, but first, I have to tell you that your age is young so there’s no reason for you to feel hopeless in the face of your new-found singlehood. Instead, I encourage you to pull yourself up by your sneaker laces and read on! There’s good news ahead!

how to get over a breakup

How to Get Over a Breakup | Let Him Go

I’m guessing that since you’re here, this breakup wasn’t your idea. If I had to guess, I’d say your guy had some midlife crisis and thinks he can find a younger chippie to service his needs.

He’ll get an ugly surprise if that makes you feel better. Many men leave because they think they can do better than the woman who currently loves them. Many times, they’re wrong and realize it too late.

Your job for now is to let him go. Chances are, you’ve experienced worse things than this in your life and you survived them. Chew on that for a few moments because this tells you that you’re stronger than you believe you are (see bullet #4 above).

You have a lot going for you that younger women don’t. For example, you’ve experienced more of what the world has to offer. You’ve either built a strong career or you’ve worked hard to raise a family; both are important jobs. Perhaps you traveled or started your own business. You may have spent your years raising your kids and chairing committees and coaching soccer.

Younger women don’t have those experiences and that puts them at a disadvantage. If you’re facing the prospect of finding a job when you’ve been out of the workforce for twenty years, rest assured that you’re more employable than you think.

All of this is weighing on you and keeping your thoughts stuck on wanting him back or wishing things were different. Instead, it’s time to let him go. You don’t need a man to be important or to feel needed. You can do this!

Get to Know Yourself Again

Your identity might have several faces. You were your ex’s wife or girlfriend. You may be someone’s mother or even someone’s grandmother. You might be someone’s employee or someone’s boss.

But who are you? Without all those other aspects of your life, what lights you up? What gets you excited? Do you have any hobbies or causes you’re passionate about? Are there volunteer opportunities you never pass up? Are you active in your church or local community?

It’s time to get to know yourself again. Strip away all those other identities and decide what you like to watch, read, play, do, and be. Look in the mirror and examine the strong woman you’ve become over the years.

You’re only at the midpoint of your life. You’ve got at least 40 or 50 more years to go, so giving up isn’t an option! You’re too young for that nonsense! What are you going to do with those 40 or 50 years?

You're a Survivor!

You might not feel like you can survive a breakup when it first happens, but if you look back in your life, you'll see that you've survived breakups before! This is a great article to help you, but there are others! Click the button below to check them out!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Get Out of Your Rut

Did you know that when you turn the same negative thoughts over and over in your brain, they develop grooves that are harder to crawl out of? Your thought patterns make an imprint in your brain, positive or negative.

The more you think the same negative thoughts, the deeper the groove and the trickier it is to repave that spot and replace it with positive thoughts.

This means it’s time to end the negativity! I know it’s not easy but start listening to what you say to yourself about yourself. Are those nice thoughts or are you constantly beating yourself up over past mistakes and decisions?

Which groove do you want to carve in your brain? One with negativity or one with positivity?

Practice Mindfulness

I know mindfulness is sort of the buzzword right now, but that’s because there’s something to it. It goes along with the last point about getting out of your rut.

Essentially, being mindful means being aware of your thoughts and when you find them either anxiously tromping you into the future or mournfully trotting you through your past, bring your thoughts to right now.

What smells are there? What are the sounds around you? What’s going on around you that you can refocus on? If you’re spiritual, this is a good time to lean on that spirituality. It will help you stay present and focused on right now.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Be Grateful

Mindfulness and gratitude can work together for a very positive outlook. When you find yourself focused on what you recently lost, refocus your thoughts on what you have. Some possibilities might include:

  • Good friends
  • Children
  • Loving family members
  • A good job
  • A roof over your head
  • A car that runs without banging on the dashboard
  • A cute dog or cat who loves you unconditionally

You get the idea. There is a lot more to be grateful for than this short list and I’m sure you’ll come up with many more.

Get yourself a notebook and turn it into a gratitude journal. Before you go to bed each night, write three to five things you’re grateful for and challenge yourself not to repeat them from day to day!

Practice Self-Care

Use self-care as a coping mechanism when you feel blue. You’re going through something challenging and taking care of yourself might not be something you’ve done for a long time.

When you practice self-care, you’re sending a signal to yourself that you’re worthy and lovable. It’s a great way to boost how you feel about yourself while at the same time doing something that you can enjoy.

If you struggle with allowing yourself this time, put it into perspective. If you feel beaten down, worn out, and overwhelmed, what good are you to anyone? Taking this time is necessary for your ability to be there for those who rely on you.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Recall Your Coping Strategies from the Past

This isn’t the first thing you’ve gone through that was difficult. What healthy coping strategies have you used in the past to overcome difficult or tragic situations?

Coping strategies are a lot like self-care but can also include sitting down to enjoy a meal filled with comfort food or engaging in activities that make you feel good.

You may find that there is a hobby you’ve enjoyed in the past that helped you take your mind off of something difficult. Get back into that hobby or find another one.

Is there a good friend who is willing to lend an ear? Friends can often see us better than we see ourselves and a good friend will tell it as she sees it. She won’t be mean, but she will be honest.

Whatever works for you, it’s time to call it into action!

Accept Where You Are Today

It’s easy to sit and wish for a different outcome. You can get bogged down in something like that, but it’s not healthy, nor is it productive.

The truth is that no matter how hard you wish for a different life, this is the life you have. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you’ll feel your strength, energy, and power return. I recently read an interesting analogy.

Dealing with where you are today is like walking up against a wall. Our instincts say to claw at the wall and try to get at it, but we’re often better off stepping back from the wall and looking for another way. Let go of the need to work at only that wall as a way to move forward.

In other words, the wall is your broken relationship. You’re clawing at it right now, trying to bust your way into what you want. If you step back from that wall, which also represents the pain and anguish of the breakup, you can gain clarity and see other ways to move forward.

Surrender to the fact that everyone experiences loss in their lives, usually multiple times. This is one of those times. By accepting that you can’t change it, you let go of the need to claw at it.

how to get over a breakup

How to Get Over a Breakup | Develop a Workout Routine

Working out is an excellent way of alleviating the many hormones that are flowing through your body. When you feel anxious, it stirs up your fight or flight mechanism, which releases hormones that make your heart race, your blood pressure increase, and your stomach feels a little queasy.

But when you launch into a workout, all those hormones dissipate and send a signal to your brain that all is well. The chemicals subside and now, if your heart rate is increasing, it’s because of your workout.

Working out is also a way to boost your confidence and self-worth. You’re sending a message to your brain that says “I matter.” That’s never a bad thing!

Finally, workouts produce endorphins, which are happy hormones. You’ll be on a natural high for a while after your workout.

Assess the Breakup for What it Was

If I had to guess, I’d say you blame yourself for the breakup. Your ex may blame you too. Instead of taking his word for it, or believing your negative self-talk, do a true assessment of the breakup. Look at your role and his.

The article I just linked to is on the sister site to this one, and it’s Step Two for women who want to get their ex back. It tells you everything you need to know to assess your breakup and come up with real answers that aren’t all about blaming you!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

Denying your feelings is never a good thing to do. Instead, allow yourself to feel your feelings without becoming bogged down by them.

Too often, we’re afraid that if we allow ourselves to feel the pain of something, that painful feeling won’t ever leave.

To combat this, imagine your feelings as if they’re leaves floating down a stream. They come up to you, they linger with you for a moment, then they pass on by and out of sight.

Those negative feelings are the same. They come up on you, sometimes out of the blue, then they linger with you for as long as you allow them to, and when you let them go, they float on by, leaving you as you were before they arrived.

Don’t let someone else tell you how you should be feeling. You’re entitled to what you feel. I just ask you not to either stuff those feelings down without dealing with them or letting them linger too long.

Be Prepared for Triggers

This will get you every time. Once you’ve moved past this feeling of ickiness, you’ll decide to date again, and when you do, the guy you’re dating will probably push a hot button that you didn’t even know existed.

He’ll say something your ex used to say all the time, or he’ll wear a cologne that reminds you of your ex. He might suggest a movie you watched all the time with your ex or enjoy a similar type of music.

Your gut reaction will probably be anger, but I beg you not to lash out at the poor schmuck who unknowingly pushed that button.

These things will happen. I can guarantee it. If you’re mentally prepared for it, you’ll be able to deal with it more healthily, and the next time it comes along, it won’t be nearly as bad for you.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Recognize That This One Relationship Wasn’t Your Entire World

I know it feels like the rug was pulled out from beneath you and your entire world came crashing down.

The truth is you have other facets to your life outside of this relationship. You have friends, hobbies, a job, things you’re passionate about, maybe a dog or cat, and who knows what else.

While it feels like your entire world crashed down around you, it wasn’t really everything. It was the relationship and only the relationship.

Pick up the pieces of you that came apart with that ending and put them back together into a stronger woman. You can find the steps to do that here.

I don’t mean to minimize your pain, but to help you put it into perspective. It feels like everything, but it isn’t. That feeling will lessen with time.

how to get over a breakup

Take it One Day at a Time

It’s so easy to become anxious about the future. Your negative self-talk might have you living alone for eternity, but reel that back in.

For now, live one day at a time. Don’t look too far into the future because your future is still to be determined.

Get up tomorrow morning and go to work or do whatever it is you do during the day. Take care of the kids, look into your goals, and plan for the day if you haven’t yet.

Move through the day, one step at a time, remembering to be mindful and stay present in the moment, instead of spending too much time looking forward or back.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel, then shove it down the stream. Before you go to bed, journal about the day. What was good? What tripped you up? How can you work through those things that are tripping you up?

Tomorrow will be a little better!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Get Rid of His Stuff

You’ve still got all his stuff taking up space in your closet. He took what he wanted and left the rest for later. His books are still on the shelf. His travel coffee mugs are in the cabinet, and his winter gear is stowed in the hall closet.

It’s time to pack it all up and get it out of your house. If you don’t want to deal with him, deal with his stuff. Get some boxes at the local home store, along with a couple of rolls of tape and some bubble wrap, and go to town.

Pack his things in the boxes and then send him a text that says, “Your stuff is all in boxes now. I’ll set it outside this Friday after work and you can come to get it.”

Then, follow through. Set it out where someone won’t steal it but he can still get to it. If you want to be gone, go. You don’t need to see him to allow him to gather his things.

Hopefully, your breakup isn’t contentious, and you don’t have to worry about him coming into the house.

Be careful to give him his things as they were. In other words, don’t bust up his stuff. Just pack it up and give it to him. Resist the urge to rip his shirts if you’re still feeling angry. And no, it’s not a good idea to keep just one shirt.

Inject Loads of Fun!

There’s nothing wrong, and everything right about enjoying a fun night out or two. Gather your besties and head out for a night on the town! Go to a funny movie or go hang out at a favorite hangout spot.

Go to a comedy show or have a Netflix night where all you watch are movies that make you laugh. If you don’t want to hang with your friends, read a funny book or watch those funny movies by yourself.

Laughter truly can be the best medicine!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Forgive Him…and You

Laughter is great medicine, but forgiveness runs a close second. People often balk at the idea of forgiveness because they think forgiving someone for what they did means it’s now okay.

Forgiveness isn’t for the person you’re forgiving. It’s for you. There is peace and solitude in forgiving. You don’t even need to tell him you forgive him.

When you harbor anger and hurt feelings, it eats away at your soul and keeps you closed off to future relationship possibilities.

It also keeps those feelings at the surface where they’re raw. It’s like having a scab on a wound. The scab keeps coming off, reopening the wound.

If you forgive, the wound heals, and the scab disappears. It’s often said that harboring anger or denying forgiveness is allowing someone to live rent-free in your head. Do you want to give this guy any space in your head?

No? Then forgive him, even if you only say it to yourself.

But while you’re forgiving him, forgive yourself for what you believe was your role in the breakup. Remember, neither of you is perfect. You did the best you could in the situation and now it’s time to let it go.

Learn Something New

It’s important for you to get busy and redirect your thoughts, as you’ve already read. One great way to do that is to take a class in something. If you enjoy cooking, take classes in different ethnic regions. If you enjoy art, take lessons in something new.

Whatever it is, it will help you get back out there and give you something to look forward to. It also helps you meet new people and make new friends.

You’re never too old to learn new things, especially if you’re only in your forties!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Wrapping Up

You might feel old right now, but to me, you’re a young woman who has a lot of life left to live. Don’t allow this breakup to sideline the wonderful woman you can be.

Take some time to process the breakup, then get out there and engage with the world again. Pursue some hobbies. Make new friends. Learn something new. Join a gym.

Whatever it is, do it.

You have the capacity to be the woman of your dreams. All you need to do is set your mind to it and then hit the go button!

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

2 Ways to Get Over Your Breakup Fast

2 Ways to Get Over Your Breakup Fast

He’s gone; you’re miserable and looking for clues on how to get over a breakup. You want this feeling, whatever it is, to go away. One minute, you feel angry, then you morph into sad, and sometimes from there you move to hopeful, but eventually, you land on sad.

You want to know how to get over a breakup so you can feel happy again. This rollercoaster of emotions you’ve been on for the last few days is no joy ride.

Not to worry! You’re about to uncover several tools that will guide you in how to get over a breakup and feel better!

Stay Single

I know this isn’t a tool you were hoping for, but the best thing you can do for your future relationships is to stay single right now.

I also understand that you have a deep desire to feel wanted again, to be desired by a man. That’s your body, which is currently addicted to love hormones. There are nine stages of grieving a relationship that everyone goes through. Wanting a rebound relationship is a direct result of those stages.

All a new relationship will do for you now is give you a false sense of belonging. Rebound relationships, including any your ex gets into, are a way of hiding from the pain of the breakup. They rarely, if ever withstand the test of time.

Use this time to focus on healing and regaining your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth, all of which just took a big hit.

how to get over a breakup

How to Get Over a Breakup | Get Rid of the Reminders

One of the worst things you can do right now is sit and stare at old photos of the two of you or his clothing in your space.

There may come a time later when you can look fondly at the old photos, but this isn’t that time. Get some boxes and tape and box up his things. He should have them back anyway. As for the photos and other mementos that you have from your relationship with him, box them separately and put them away.

And yes, this also means that you need to box up the t-shirt of his that you’re keeping under your pillow. You know the one – it smells like him and makes you feel less lonely. Put it in his box.

While you’re removing reminders of him, unfollow him on social media. They’re just more painful reminders of what you lost.

Extend Yourself Kindness and Patience

I bet you’re beating yourself up over things you either said or wish you’d said, things you did or wish you’d done.

What if it was your best friend going through a breakup? Would you be so hard on her? Would you tell her the same things you’re saying to yourself? Would you be telling her to stop moping and get back out there?

No.

Instead, consider this to be similar to suffering a physical injury. Give yourself the same time to heal from your broken heart that you would give if you broke a leg or sprained a wrist.

Allow time to heal. Don’t push down the feelings, but feel them and let them pass through you. Sometimes, we fear feelings because we’re afraid that if we let them come, they won’t go away.

When you’re feeling something, let it come. Remember the last time you felt that same thing – sad, disappointed, anxious, or whatever. Recall that the feeling left and you survived it.

Envision feelings as if they’re leaves. I often use the analogy of leaves floating down a stream. They float up to you and linger in front of you for a few beats before they float away. Feelings are similar. Let them come up, linger for a few beats, and then send them on their way.

They’re survivable, even though it doesn’t feel like they are. 

You're a Survivor!

You might not feel like you can survive a breakup when it first happens, but if you look back in your life, you'll see that you've survived breakups before! This is a great article to help you, but there are others! Click the button below to check them out!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Remember the Bad Times

When you’re mourning someone, you often focus on the good times, but I encourage you to remember the bad times too.

Your relationship wasn’t nearly as perfect as your mind is making it out to be. There were times when things weren’t going so well.

Remember those times so you can keep the relationship in perspective. It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t always great.

This helps you to realize that you can find another relationship that is as good, or even better than the one that just ended, instead of imagining that you’ve lost the best thing in your life and will never experience it again.

It also reminds you that that relationship was broken, and your ex was not the perfect man. Keeping him on a pedestal he doesn’t deserve to be on will only keep you stuck in a mourning phase.

how to get over a breakup

Rejoin Life

At first, you might want to be alone, but don’t allow this time to last too long. Instead, find your strength in your friends and family.

Accept their invitation to go out and have fun. Go to dinner with the family or lunch with your bestie.

Get back out there and live life again. You may still feel sad, but if you’re out doing things, you’re in a positive space.

Additionally, either find a new hobby or reignite your interest in an old one. If you always loved doing something, get back to it.

Doing this helps you divert your thoughts away from the breakup and moves you toward being more active again.

It’s so easy to isolate yourself for too long and that isn’t healthy or productive in getting over your breakup. By staying busy, you’re less isolated and more engaged in the world around you.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Avoid Revenge Posting

Social media is not the place to post derogatory things about your ex. This is a childish and petty way to manage your breakup.

You also don’t need to post things you think will get back to him about how well you’re doing so he’ll realize what he’s missing.

Yes, if you wanted to get him back, at some point I would encourage you to post about your life, but you want to get over your breakup, so this isn’t wise.

All it’s doing is keeping your mind focused on him instead of moving forward.

Embrace Being Single

I know you want to have a man in your life again, but you aren’t ready. You need to allow yourself time to regroup and that’s best done when you’re single.

At the bottom of the article is a link to a book designed to help you do exactly this. The book is called Riding Solo and it’s laid out to help you embrace being single so you can prepare yourself for a new relationship.

There seems to be some kind of stigma associated with being single, but I encourage you to ignore people who say that. Your mother will probably start first. Mothers always want us to be with someone. Tell her you’re healing and when it’s time and you’re ready, you’ll get back out there.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Work on Your Confidence

I mentioned this at the beginning. Building your confidence again will help you attract a great new man into your life. Great men are confident and are attracted to confident women.

If you’ve attracted players and losers before, it’s because your confidence was low, and those types of men recognized it. A player knows better than to approach a confident woman. He knows she’s out of his league.

How do men know? Confident women carry themselves differently. Their body language signals confidence. They walk with their head up, hair not covering their face, shoulders back, and they often have a confident walk that just tells you.

People use the phrase air of confidence and what they’re referring to is mostly body language, with a little attitude thrown in.

Get Healthy

Great health is something you should always work on, but it’s more important than ever now because you need the strength that healthy food provides and the endorphins that working out gives you.

I often take a little heat for suggesting to women that they work out, but I don’t suggest it as a way for you to be more attractive to a man. I suggest it because when you take care of yourself, it improves your self-worth, confidence, and self-esteem.

It’s also good for making sure you live a long life, and of course, those endorphins don’t hurt.

Exercise also helps you burn off any stress and anxiety because working out releases chemicals that counteract the chemicals released by stress and anxiety.

Do it for yourself. Never do anything in your life strictly to get a man. He either likes you for who you are now, or he doesn’t. His loss if he doesn’t! Adopt that attitude and you’ll be happier!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Go for Healthy Touch

Part of your grief might be from losing the touch associated with being in a relationship. Scheduling a massage can help your body, which might have become accustomed to experiencing touch on a regular basis.

While someone giving you a massage isn’t the same as getting a hug or touch from a man, it does give your body the touch it craves.

Additionally, massages have been proven to reduce cortisol levels and cortisol is a stress hormone, so reducing its levels in your body is a great thing!

Kick Fear to the Curb

At some point, you’ll be healed enough to re-enter the dating scene. If you read Riding Solo, it will walk you through that process, but if you don’t, you might let fear dictate your next steps.

Your thoughts can take over if you let them and a fear of making the same mistakes or not being able to find someone new can override your desire to meet a new guy.

If you work on your confidence, which the book helps with, and you don’t rush things too much, your fear will naturally dissipate.

While you’re kicking fear to the curb, be sure to face some of those fears head-on. It will help you build your confidence even more. Every fear you overcome gives a boost to your confidence. That’s never a bad thing!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Develop a New Support System

Your ex was probably one of the main pieces of your support system, but now, when you have a bad day or something goes wrong, you can’t reach out to him.

This is what your girlfriends and family are for. If you’ve let those relationships go, it’s time to rebuild them. You need a strong support system to help you get through those rough patches.

Once you find yourself in a new relationship, be sure to maintain your friendships and connections. There are many times when bouncing something off a girlfriend first is a great move.

Girlfriends are the people you should go to when you’re feeling the highest emotions. Men can’t handle those emotions and are, in general, fixers. When you come to your guy with your problem, his gut says “what can I do to fix this for her?” That’s how he shows his love.

When you come to him sobbing and deeply upset, he struggles to know what to say to make it better for you. In his experience, suggesting how to fix it gets him in trouble, but that’s all he knows to do.

By going to a woman first, you burn off most of the energy from the situation. Then when you talk to your guy about it, he’s better able to manage the situation and you’re more ready to receive his offer of help.

Recall Past Breakups

Unless this is your first-ever relationship, you’ve experienced at least one breakup before this one.

Look back to how you felt back then. It was probably very similar to how you’re feeling today. You probably thought you’d never get over that breakup, but you did.

Rest assured that these feelings of despair and hopelessness will pass, just like they did before, and you will meet a new guy who’s even better than your ex.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Try to Avoid “All or Nothing” Language

Along with recalling past relationships, try to avoid language that is too dramatic:

  • I’ll never find another guy who’s as great as ….
  • Nobody will ever love me like he did
  • There’s no other man for me

These types of statements aren’t true and if you’ve recalled those past breakups, you know that they aren’t. While these statements might be great for a dramatic effect when you talk to your besties, they aren’t helpful in your recovery.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Wrap Up

Reading about how to get over a breakup isn’t the same as actually getting over one, but it’s a great first step.

You might not believe that these things can help, but they’re all tried and true ways to move forward.

Right now, everything feels dismal and bleak, but if you put in the time and effort, you’ll feel a little better each day.

Rely on your support system to help guide you through.

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

He’s Gone Now What? How to Get Over a Breakup

He’s Gone Now What? How to Get Over a Breakup

Knowing how to get over a breakup just got a whole lot easier! Breakups are terrible, and they do their own kind of damage to your confidence and self-esteem. Much of what you find on this site is designed to help you find a great guy or keep the great guy you have, but there is a sad side to relationships, too, and sometimes I have to address it.

When you experience a breakup, your knee-jerk reaction is to get back out there and find another guy. Your friends and family are even encouraging you to do so! Forget about that jerk, and find someone who deserves you! They’re right. However, it would help if you held off for a while.

Why?

Entering a new relationship right now will not end well for either of you. Before you can get back out there, you need to process the breakup. You’re experiencing many things that you need to address.

This breakup has impacted your mind and body in ways you can’t even imagine. Those effects cause you to react to things in certain, sometimes counterproductive, ways.

There are scientifically proven physiological responses to a breakup. Not only does your body react to a breakup, but it does so in a big way. My friend, Helen Fisher’s study indicates that your body goes through a legitimate withdrawal process after a breakup.

When you are happy and in love, you produce higher than normal amounts of happy neurotransmitters: dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin.

how to get over a breakup

How to Get Over a Breakup | Science Says…

Research shows that recovering from this addiction to love hormones is more complicated than overcoming a cocaine addiction; those chemicals are that powerful in your body.

When you suffer this withdrawal, you feel physical pain more intensely. You may seek activities that boost your dopamine levels, like binge eating, shopping, or being sexually promiscuous.

Without knowing why you’re doing those things, you engage in them because they make you feel better, even if temporarily.

Instead of binge eating, you may lose your appetite, indicating that you’ve slid into a depression. You may also have many restless or sleepless nights. This often happens when you’re fixating on the happy moments of the relationship or the breakup itself.

My new best-selling book, He’s Gone Now What? is divided into three phases:

  • Phase 1 explains everything going on in your mind and body and helps you understand the strategies you need to counter them
  • Phase 2 delivers the process of healing from the breakup, including strategies for handling your pain more healthily; you’ll also find help rebuilding your self-confidence
  • In Phase 3, you’ll discover new methods for finding Mr. Right; you’ll learn new tools which will work for you

Readers Say…

Here is just one testimonial on Amazon:

“Must Read
Yet another great book from Gregg!! Love all his stuff. This book teaches you how to face the hurt/pain when a relationship ends. To go through the grieving process…So many people just rebound into another (I used to do this), and it’s one of the worst things you can do!! This book goes deep and helps you discover parts of yourself that you never looked at contributing to the quality of your relationships…Must read if you want healthier and happier relationships!! – Mary”

If you're ready to move on from this relationship, you're ready for He's Gone, Now What? This book walks you through the many aspects of dealing with a breakup, even if you're the one who initiated the breakup. Regardless of who started it, as they say, your body becomes addicted to the chemicals associated with being in love. The withdrawal process is as daunting as the withdrawal from cocaine.

You'll also learn about the stages of grieving a relationship and how to begin moving forward. You'll walk through the steps of preparing yourself for dating again and gain an understanding of how you can do so in a healthy, happy relationship.

You can learn more about the book here or you can purchase it by clicking one of the buttons below.

Dating Over 40: Middle Aged and Kickin It

Dating Over 40: Middle Aged and Kickin It

Whether you’re just divorced or are pulling your head up above your career-focused life, dating over 40 can feel very daunting and challenging. If you’re just out of a relationship, you’re experiencing not only the feelings of loss, but also the angst of wondering if and when you’ll find someone new.

If you’ve been career-focused for the last few years, that’s okay, but you most likely still have the anxiety associated with dating, along with a few stigmas and myths about dating over 40.

Rest assured that I’ve got all aspects of this covered for you today! First, we’ll talk about those myths of dating over 40 and determine if any of them have any validity.

Then, we’ll look at how you should approach this new dating life you seek.

Finally, I’ll share some common mistakes women over 40 make when entering or re-entering the dating scene.

I’m ready if you are!

Dating over 40 Myths

Myth #1: All the Good Men are Taken

Whether you’re looking online or in person, this simply isn’t true. Are there slimeballs out there? Yes! BUT, if you’re a confident woman when your stilettos hit the dating scene, those slimeballs will steer clear of you.

The truth is that if you go into dating assuming that all the men you find are not good men, that’s exactly what you will find.

Great men can sniff out a jaded woman from fifty paces, just like they won’t approach a woman who lacks confidence, so going into dating over 40 with this mindset will indeed cause you find only slimeballs, but not because the great men aren’t out there. They’re just avoiding you because they see you very clearly.

The truth is that there are millions of single men over 40 and they’re looking for the same thing you are, a healthy, happy relationship.

Of course, there are those out there who are catfishing and you need to learn how to be on the lookout for them, but going into it thinking that every man is a schmuck won’t get you anywhere.

Myth #2: I’ll Only Date THESE Men and I’ll be Fine

If you’ve been in a relationship or two, you’ve likely also been bitten by a bad relationship or two. This often causes you to form a list that goes something like this:

  • I’ll only date college-educated men
  • My man must have a professional degree (doctor, lawyer, etc.)
  • I’ll only date men who are six feet tall or taller
  • I won’t date men with children
  • Men who ride motorcycles are OUT
  • The man I date must be a true gentleman

I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. While it’s fine to have a list of things you’re looking for in a man, it can also fix the situation so no man will ever meet your criteria. This is actually your dating fear hard at work.

Create a list. Go ahead. I encourage it. But make this list with knowledge and be flexible. Go back through your past relationships and make two lists – one of things you liked about each man, and one of things you didn’t like about each man. Find the things that repeat on those lists, like college education or profession.

Those are your guidelines. They aren’t hard and fast rules. There will be one or two must-have and must-not-have items on your list, but don’t make every item a must.

The man you’re attracted to may surprise you, but you’ll never find him if you aren’t flexible.

Also, don’t include too many superficial items, like how they look or how much money they make.

Think of your own values and goals in life. If you value hard work, you’ll want someone who does also, regardless of the color of his hair. If you want to retire at fifty-five and travel the world, a family man might not work out very well.

Myth #3: All Men in Online Dating are Liars

Whenever you use all or nothing phrasing, you’re asking for trouble. Not all men in the online dating world are liars, well, not about the big stuff anyway. Lying on a dating profile can probably best be described in degrees.

Everyone lies about the last ten pounds, hoping that when you meet, it won’t matter. Everyone posts the absolute best picture of themselves, regardless of the fact that it was taken five years ago. Generally speaking, those lies are harmless enough.

What you need to look out for are men who try to pull a fast one on you to get money from you. Hopefully, you already know not to send money to a stranger, and yes, he is a stranger. I don’t care how many emails and messages you swap, he’s a stranger.

Dating Over 40 Myth #4: I’ll Lose Myself

It’s so easy to get comfortable in the life you’ve built, and a common misperception is that if you start dating, you’ll lose who you have worked so hard to become.

This is a low-confidence fear centered around not having enough boundaries to protect that woman you’re working so hard to become.

Before entering the dating scene, it’s important that you build that dating confidence and learn what boundaries are necessary to help you maintain your sense of self.

We attract people who are most like us, so if you want to attract kind, confident men, then you must become that woman. The boundaries you set will help you hold onto your confidence and kindness, or whatever other attributes you find important. This goes back to that values conversation we had a little bit above.

Determine what your values are and live up to them. Set goals around them and work toward those goals. Set boundaries around those values and protect your journey to achieve your goals.

You won’t lose yourself in the right man. The right man will join you on your journey, value many of the same things you do, and help you maintain the many layers that make you the woman you are.

Myth #5: I’m Not Good Enough

This is another low confidence, low self-esteem myth. I read a phrase that rings true in this situation – it’s called obsessive comparison disorder. This is when you spend too much time comparing yourself to others.

Nobody has traveled the road you’ve been on. Nobody is exactly like you, so comparing yourself to anyone else is like comparing apples to oranges. It’ll never work, but if your self-esteem is low, it will always confirm your beliefs that you aren’t good enough.

Let me ask you this. What aren’t you good enough for? You’re certainly good enough to have happiness. You’re absolutely good enough to be worthy of a great man, and I know without a doubt that you’re good enough to deserve a loving relationship.

But you won’t believe me, and if these types of thoughts are banging around in your head on a regular basis, it might be worthwhile to seek professional help. These thoughts usually originate somewhere else – like a parent who always told you that you weren’t good enough when you were growing up, either in words or by their actions. It can also come from dating verbally abusive men in your past.

Regardless of the source, a professional can often help you overcome those thought processes and set you on a course of happiness.

Dating Over 40 Myth #6: I Have Too Much Baggage

Imagine a great man who was handsome, has the same values as you, has similar life goals, and seems confident and solid introduced himself to you. If you found out a few dates in that he has two kids, an ex-wife, and a demanding job, would you dump him, just because of those things?

Unless you totally hate kids, you’re probably saying, “Heck NO Gregg! Send me that guy!”

So why do you think having those same things in your life makes you unattractive to a man? Men in their forties don’t expect you to be a twenty-year-old teenager with a perfect body, no kids, and all the time in the world to dote on them.

Most men in their forties are just like you – looking for love the second time around. Sure, one or two of them might be looking for a much younger girl, but even those men often learn that a twenty-year-old isn’t all she’s cracked up to be.

The truth is that your baggage isn’t any heavier than that of most other people your age. Young people also have baggage, just different baggage. If something comes up, focus on what you learned from the experience, instead of the negatives of the event. A confident man will appreciate the learning experience.

Dating After 40: A New Approach

Step One: Take Some Time Off

While your gut, and maybe your Aunt Mary, are telling you to get right back out there and find a new guy, that’s your insecurity talking.

You’re better off to take some time off to heal and to prepare yourself for love again first. The sooner you rush back in, the more likely you are to find the wrong types of men.

Step Two: Check and Rebuild Your Confidence

If you were to evaluate your confidence right now, what would you say it is? Low, medium, or high?

Maybe if I give you a definition of confidence, you’ll be better able to assess it.

Confidence is feeling sure of yourself and your abilities, not to the point of arrogance, but in a realistic and secure way.

By definition, you can have high confidence in some areas of your life and lower confidence in others. For example, if you’re a great artist, your confidence in your artistic ability is probably pretty high, but if you’ve been through a few bad relationships, your dating confidence may be low.

So, if I ask you again now, what’s your confidence, and I narrow it down to dating, what is your reply?

Once you assess where your confidence is, you can boost it as needed. Each area of your life will be a little different as far as bringing your confidence up, but if you work on yourself in general, you will find that it raises across the board.

For example, if you really want to work on your dating confidence, get a friend and go out for an evening to a place where you believe you’ll see single men. This might be a local pub or a jazz club. It might be a volunteer opportunity or some other type of event, like a wine tasting.

The key for this outing isn’t to get a date, but merely to bring yourself to smile at a few men who interest you. If someone walks by and says “Hello,” it’s okay to reply with a quick hello. All you’re looking for here are a few innocent interactions.

Step Three to Dating Over 40: Be Patient

Dating isn’t a sprint, it’s a cross country stroll. Men and women view dating in very different ways, much like they view everything else.

Don’t rush the process. Linger and enjoy it. Dating is meant to be fun, but we often put too much pressure on ourselves, and it makes it more like a chore.

Be patient. If you’ve built your confidence, you’ve put an armor around yourself to deflect the losers and players. Once they sense your confidence, they’ll avoid you and move on to an easier target. The confident men you’re trying to attract will be drawn to you.

But don’t find one guy and latch on for dear life. Date several men at once and figure out what you really want. I know this goes against what you think, but you don’t have a commitment to these men yet and I guarantee that they’re dating other women.

This also means not applying pressure to become exclusive too soon. Dating should be fun. The sole purpose of dating is to figure out if you’re a good match and to learn more about one another.  Too often, many women view each date as a step toward the alter. Drop that mindset and just enjoy the process.

Get to know the men you choose to date. Do fun things on dates instead of dinner dates. Go hiking, bowling, to a sporting event, or whatever activities interest you. These are real life activities where you can see how he responds to real life situations.

But most of all, be patient. Don’t rush things. Date several men and slowly weed out those who don’t feel like a good fit. Most importantly, never give a man the right to have sex with you until he’s proven himself worthy of you!

Step Four: Try New Things

You’re single now. It’s time to branch out! And don’t tell me you can’t because you have kids. If they spend time with their father, you have that time. If they don’t, you can always trade babysitting with a friend or ask a family member to watch them for you.

Try new hobbies. Learn a new skill. Plan a trip, even if it’s just for a day, to explore new places. What have you always wanted to try but you’ve been afraid to do? It’s now time to go for it!

This gives you another benefit. You’re adding chapters to your story, and exciting chapters at that! No, a man might not be interested in quilting, but he’ll be fascinated by the process of cutting large pieces of fabric into small pieces, only to put them back together into another large piece. He’ll be totally intrigued by how you get the wick to stand up in a candle.

When you go out on dates, you have these new experiences to share, and that makes you mysterious.

When men date, they date to have fun. When they meet a woman, the best thing about her is often that she’s a complete mystery. Men love to unravel the mystery, one bit at a time and coming to a date with the news that you just tried scuba diving for the first time or that you walked three chihuahuas, a beagle, a German shepherd, and four yorkies earlier in the day will fully intrigue him.

Step Five of Dating Over 40: Get Up to Date

If you haven’t been in the dating scene in a few years, you need to realize that things have changed. The longer you’ve been out of dating, the more things have changed.

This isn’t just true about dating apps either. Dating in general has also changed, for better or worse in some cases. Men don’t always come to pick you up for a date – you meet at the venue. This is a good thing if you’re meeting someone from an online dating site, but it’s also a good idea for the guy you met last week while watching football at the pub.

Ask your friends who’ve been dating for a while how to navigate the dating scene today. Read up on the assorted apps so you know which ones are for hookups only and which ones are more about what you want.

Other Tips on Dating Over 40

Don’t Follow ‘Old Fashioned’ Etiquette

Back in the day, a woman sat and waited on a man to reach out to her. That’s one of those things you need to get up to date on.

Women reach out now. Whether it’s in person or online, it’s okay for you to approach a man you’re interested in.

Don’t just put a profile online and wait for men to reach out. Put up a profile and then start winking, giving a thumbs up, or whatever to men you find appealing.

If you’re out with your friends, don’t be afraid to offer to buy a man a drink or challenge him to a game of pool. This is a show of confidence and strength that a confident man will admire.

Don’t Say “Yes” to Every Inquiry

Yes, I told you to date other men and yes, I just said you should be proactive, but that doesn’t mean you should say yes to every inquiry a man makes.

Every man who reaches out on an online dating app won’t be for you, and just because you find a man visually appealing doesn’t mean he won’t turn out to be a frog later.

You’re under no obligation to date anyone. Even if a guy buys you a drink, it doesn’t mean you owe him anything, just like you buying a man a drink doesn’t mean he owes you anything. Never let a man, or anyone for that matter, pressure you into something your gut is saying no to.

Saying “Yes” to everything also will exhaust you. While it’s important for you to get back out there, it’s also important for you to maintain the singles life you’re building, even when you start dating just one guy.

Set aside time for hobbies and time with your friends and keep that time, even after Mr. Wonderful comes into your life (and let him keep those things for himself too).

Don’t Make Elaborate Date Plans

I mentioned earlier that dates should be fun. Yes, the traditional date is a dinner or coffee, but that doesn’t provide you with the privacy you need to get to know one another, nor does it give you a good glimpse into who you each are.

Plan a date in public where you can do something fun together and still be visible to others, without having people breathing down your neck. I mentioned bowling before. This is a great first date because it’s something very few people are good at, so you can easily get caught up in laughing at your abilities or using bumpers to keep from throwing gutter balls.

You’re out in public, but you have your own lane, many offer food and beverages, so you can still eat if you want, and you get to know his personality under more ‘natural’ circumstances.

Look at Early Dates as Meetings

This is especially true if you’re meeting someone you met online. Set a time limit of maybe thirty minutes for the date. Agree to meet in a public place, and then stick to your guns.

This isn’t a date, regardless of what verbiage you use when you plan it. Try to keep using the words meeting and meet instead of date. This sets a different expectation.

It is a meeting where you get together with your new friend and determine what, if any, chemistry may be between you. Enjoy a tea or coffee and relax. If you don’t like him or he doesn’t like you, it’s okay. It’s a meeting, not a lifetime commitment.

If you view your first few dates in this way, it will take some of the pressure off of the experience and will help you be less emotional during the meeting. This, in turn, helps you use our logical thought processes instead of emotional.

Don’t Rush into Sharing Your New Beau with Your Kids

Your kids are not dating your new guy, but they will ultimately. Still, this doesn’t mean you invite someone you’ve known for two weeks to meet your children.

For one thing, you should be dating multiple men at this point, and parading multiple men in front of your kids is a poor example for them to see.

Wait until you know a man before you introduce him to your kids. While there’s no specific timeline for this, you should at least wait a couple of months.

Of course, I’m assuming also that you didn’t get divorced last week and now you’re dating someone new. You’ve taken some time off and rebuilt your confidence first. In doing this, you also give your children time to adjust.

Be Patient with Sex

Insecurity forces women to have sex with men sooner than they should. Any man who makes it seem like you either must have sex with him or lose him altogether is worth losing.

A great man may insinuate that he wants to have sex with you, but he will respect you more if you make him wait and earn it.

No, you won’t lose him, and if you do, good riddance. He’s not the great guy you thought he was.

The exception, of course, is if you’re just in it for hookups, but I’m assuming that if you’re here, that’s not what your ultimate goal is.

Wait until your relationship is headed in a good direction. You’ve weeded out the other men and you’re feeling pretty good about this guy being a keeper, at least for now.

A man will respect you if you make him wait. It shows him that you respect yourself and have boundaries. Those are both good things!

Trust Your Gut!

Your intuition is your best friend. If your gut is telling you there’s something hinky about a guy, listen. Chances are that your intuition is right.

Too many times, we ignore our gut instincts, only to later wish we’d listened. I’m sure if you think back, you can recall a few of those instances in your own life.

Don’t Get Upset with His Outside Life

Now that you’re in your forties, your life is more complex. When you were in college, you had your studies and maybe a part-time job to worry about.

Today, you may have children, professional obligations, workout routines, and hobbies that keep you busy.

So do men.

If a man tells you he can’t meet with you at a desired time, it’s okay, unless it becomes a habit. Things happen. Plans with the kids change, work demands creep in, and other things come up.

Additionally, you might not be the night owl you once were, and neither is he. Dinner at seven might be too close to bedtime for both of you.

Just don’t try to read between the lines if he changes your plans. It might mean that he legitimately has something else he needs to do.

Dating Over 40: That’s a Wrap!

Dating over 40 might seem like a scary thing, but if you take some time to regroup, rebuild your confidence, and are patient with the process, you’ll thank yourself later!

Dating requires patience, regardless of your age, and confident women will always draw confident men into their orbit.

If you’re patient, you build a life outside of dating, you will find true happiness and a rewarding relationship.

Are you Middle Aged and Kickin' It? What I mean is are you one of those fortunate women who finds herself a little older than a teenager and looking for love? Things change and it can be tough to keep up with the dating scene. That's why I wrote this best-seller for women just like you. Maybe you've been in a relationship for a while and you're now getting back out there. Where do you start? What do you do? All those questions are answered for you! Learn more about the book here or buy it today by clicking one of the buttons below.

Get Over Your Ex | How to Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend

Get Over Your Ex | How to Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend

A breakup can feel like a sucker punch to the gut. You feel like the wind was knocked out of you and breathing almost takes too much effort.

How can you make this awful feeling go away? How do you breathe again? What on earth is going to help you get over your ex?

There is good news amidst your heartbreak. You can get over him. You will breathe again. Soon, you’ll want to get back out there.

I promise.

Meanwhile, what can you do?

how to get over your ex boyfriend

Get Over Your Ex by Recognizing the Stages of Grieving a Relationship

I wrote about this topic here, and in that article, I outline the stages of a breakup, so I won’t do that again now, but I will give you the summary.

Basically, there are nine stages of grieving a relationship. They are:

  • Shock
  • Denial
  • Desperate for answers
  • External bargaining
  • Internal bargaining
  • Relapse
  • Initial acceptance
  • Anger
  • Hope

With the exception of shock, which is usually the first stage, you may visit these stages multiple times, each time feeling a little better than the last time. You also won’t move through them in the order listed above. You bounce around them. You may stay in one stage for a few hours or a few days.

While you’re in these stages, you may experience binge behaviors, promiscuity, self-doubt, and other negative feelings and behaviors. Recognize that you’re in the middle of this grief process, try to modify your behaviors so you don’t harm yourself or your finances, and move through the stage.

Cry it Out

Crying often doesn’t feel good because it makes you feel as if you’re out of control, but you aren’t.

Crying allows you to dump some of that negative emotion and burn off some energy at the same time.

Someone you thought was at least a semi-permanent fixture in your life has now exited. While it isn’t a death, it’s still a significant loss, so take a day off work and allow yourself time to heal.

Your mind and body are going through a withdrawal from the body chemicals and hormones associated with love and that can be brutal. Once you’ve had a good cry, it’s time to move on to the next step.

how to get over your ex boyfriend

Get Over Your Ex by Getting Rid of His Stuff – ALL of His Stuff

Don’t break anything valuable! Just go to a big box store and get a box or two for his stuff. Do a few football spikes of his shirts, toothbrush, and other items into the boxes and burn off some of the emotions you’re feeling.

And no cheating either. Don’t keep one t-shirt to put under your pillow so you can still have his scent close by. Put it ALL in the box and give it some storage space where you won’t see it all the time (i.e. not right outside the garage door into your house or by the kitchen door).

Implement the No Contact Rule

The no-contact rule is often discussed in relation to getting him back, but you also need to use it if you don’t want him back.

Maintaining contact with him is like picking off a scab. Every time you do it, you bleed a little, and the pain returns.

If no contact is impossible because you work in the same place or share children, keep your contact to discussions of those topics and not your relationship.

Remember, no contact also means no social media contact. Block him from all your social media platforms and remove him as a friend or someone you follow.

Additionally, you may need to do the same with his friends because you may see stuff about him in their posts.

Get Over Your Ex by Forgiving Him

Everyone thinks that forgiveness is like saying that whatever he did was okay, but that isn’t what forgiveness is at all.

When you hold onto anger and grudges, you’re wasting precious energy and mental space on someone who doesn’t want to be friends with you or someone who wants to hurt you. Why?

Why do that to yourself?

Forgiveness is for you. You don’t need to walk up to someone and tell them you forgive them. Forgive them in your mind, body, and soul. This allows you to let go of the anger and bitterness and move forward.

You're a Survivor!

You might not feel like you can survive a breakup when it first happens, but if you look back in your life, you'll see that you've survived breakups before! This is a great article to help you, but there are others! Click the button below to check them out!

Get Real with the Relationship

Often after a breakup, there’s a tendency to remember things as more of a fantasy than what they were really like. You want the good back, but not the bad, so you recall only the good.

Every relationship and I mean every relationship has both good and bad. If you’re going through heartbreak, you’re probably remembering the good.

You want to go back to the time when you were in a fantasy relationship, except that relationship doesn’t really exist, except in your mind.

Get real with the fact that the relationship wasn’t all good. That’s probably especially true for the last few weeks or even months. You want the fantasy but try also to remember that it wasn’t all fantastic.

Get Over Your Ex by Loving Yourself Again

Self-love isn’t the same as arrogance or egotism or even narcissism. Loving yourself means you know you’re a valuable human being who deserves wonderful things.

It’s about knowing you’re valuable and that you deserve to be taken care of. It’s your sense of self-worth and self-esteem working together.

Having self-worth and self-esteem helps you have self-confidence as well. You believe in your ability to do something, like enjoy a great relationship, run a company or paint a masterpiece.

The best way to start loving yourself again is to practice self-care.

Take time out of your busy schedule to pamper yourself. Read a good book. Go outside and enjoy the sights and smells. Take a bubble bath. These are all great ways to practice self-care.

Acknowledge Your Role in the Breakup

Before you can enjoy a healthy relationship again, you need to assess what happened in the old one. While I’d like to tell you it’s all his fault, the truth is that it takes two people to make a great relationship and it takes two people to break one too.

Nobody is blameless in a breakup. Each of you played a role, whether you realized it at the time or not.

By taking a real look at the relationship and what role you played, you can learn and try to avoid those mistakes again. This is how we grow as individuals.

how to get over your ex boyfriend

Take Your Time Re-Entering the Dating World

Everyone is encouraging you to get right back out there. Find a new guy and everything will be fine again.

The rebound guy isn’t going to be the one. Dating on the rebound is a great way to avoid doing all the things you really need to do to heal from the breakup.

Sure, dating again feels great. You feel wanted again and attractive, but you won’t draw in a great guy on the rebound because your confidence is low and your frame of mind isn’t really on a new relationship, it’s on making the pain go away.

There’s a great line in an old movie, When Harry Met Sally, with Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan. She has just broken up with a man she had been with for five years. One of her best friends whips out her man-o-dex (rolodex full of potential husbands) and starts pulling out cards.

In response to her friend, Ryan says, “Look, there is no point in my going out with someone I might really like if I met him at the right time but who right now has no chance of being anything other than a transitional man.”

And she’s right. Your Mr. Perfect might be out there, but you may waste meeting him if you aren’t ready yet.

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

Get Over Your Ex by Realizing You Will Love Again

Right now, it might seem like there is no other man you will love as much as you love or loved your ex, but there is.

The trick to feeling the same, or even a deeper level of love again is to let go of this one. No man wants to play second-fiddle in your life, so don’t make him.

Your next love might be even more awesome and deeper than the love you just experienced with your ex.

Begin to Envision What That Guy Looks Like

Okay, so I don’t mean what he physically looks like, but what’s the man you want to date like?

A great way to do this is to go back over your past relationships and make two lists for each guy. One list is his good qualities and the other contains his bad qualities.

After you’ve done that for each man, look for trends. You’ll begin to see things like:

  • He works with his hands
  • He’s college educated
  • He’s funny
  • He loves sports

This begins to outline for you some of the qualities you should look for in a new man. When you review the list of negatives, you might see:

  • He’s never on time
  • He hates sports
  • He has a dog (and you’re allergic) – hey it still counts
  • He’s too clingy

Knowing what good and bad qualities to watch out for helps you begin to envision who the next man in your life might be. This takes your attention away from your ex and puts it into the future.

Get Over Your Ex by Having Fun

It’s okay to have fun, even when you’re grieving. This is a great way to focus your attention on something besides the breakup for a while.

Whether you choose a weekend getaway with a few girlfriends, a girls’ night out, or even a mini-vacation, choose something that you’ll truly enjoy, but not something with too much alone time for thinking!

You can also dig into a new hobby or dredge up an old one. The point is to refocus your thoughts into something you enjoy so you spend less time ruminating and wallowing in the past.

Write Him a Letter

Put your grief into words by writing your ex a letter. You aren’t going to send it. In fact, you’ll destroy it, but get it all out on paper.

A few things that appear will probably surprise you and that’s part of the benefit. If you begin to let your thoughts wander through your arm and onto the paper, surprising things happen.

You can also put your forgiveness in the letter. This is a great way to dump that anger and bitterness and move forward in a healthy way.

After you feel you’ve said all you need to say in the letter, burn it or shred it. Destroy it in some (safe) way. It’s very freeing.

how to get over your ex boyfriend

Ditch the Woe is Me Playlist

It’s fine to have a sad song playlist. In fact, go ahead and play it while you cry things out, but then, find a new list that energizes and empowers you. Find songs that make you want to dance around your living room.

These songs will make you feel uplifted and happy and it’s okay to try to feel happy right now. In fact, I encourage it!

Get Over Your Ex by Working Out

I will never tell you to work out so you can attract a man. Forget that. Work out for you. When you work out, a few good things happen. Of course, the most obvious is that you get into better shape.

But another thing happens when you work out – your body produces endorphins, and those endorphins are great for alleviating stress and anxiety.

It also sends a signal that you are worth taking care of. Let’s face it, the last person most of us take care of is ourselves. You read about self-care above, but it doesn’t often feel like it should come from working out.

That’s a Wrap!

I know that right now it doesn’t feel like you’ll ever get over him, but if you implement the suggestions above, you will start to feel better sooner.

Before you know it, he’ll be a distant memory, maybe even a fond one.

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