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How to Not be Nervous for a Date

How to Not be Nervous for a Date

We’ve all been there and it’s very nerve-wracking, but today I’d like to share with you 12 tips to show you how to not be nervous for a date.

Your gut is seizing and nausea is roiling and you’re thinking about shooting him a text with an excuse to postpone the date, but did you know he might be feeling the same way? Date nervousness isn’t exclusive to women. Men experience it too!

Still, dates can be great experiences with the right mindset. Instead of worrying about what to wear, how to fix your hair and makeup and whether he’ll like you, focus on the twelve tips below. They’ll help you know how to not be nervous for a date.

Right now, you’re placing too much importance on this date. You’re making it seem as if your entire future hinges on this one date, but it doesn’t. Dating isn’t about getting married or even making a commitment, not the first few dates anyway. It’s about seeing how well you might fit. Can you have fun together? Is he someone you enjoy spending time with? Is he an interesting guy?

This is how men look at dating. They don’t look at dating as taking steps toward the alter. They have fun. They enjoy the challenge of getting to know you and the mystery behind who you are.

how to not be nervous for a date

How to Not be Nervous for a Date: Treat it as a Meeting

The best way to ease your nervousness over a first date is to treat it as a meeting, which is what it is. You and this new guy are meeting to see if there is any spark or chemistry. If you know one another before, you’ve probably never dated until now so this is still a first date or meeting to consider becoming a couple.

Even the next few dates can be looked at in this way because that’s what you’re doing. You’re meeting up with a new friend to see if you can become a couple in the future.

Have some talking points

If you met him online or through friends, you might already know something about him. Use this to your advantage and have a few things you can talk about. If his pride and joy is his ’67 corvette, study up a little on them and show interest. If you love something he loves, he will transfer his love of that thing to you over time.

Men love to talk about themselves, so the more homework you do before your meeting, the more prepared you’ll be to feed him questions.

Understand that He’s a Hot Mess of Nerves Too

Any great guy worth having is probably a bundle of nerves before your first few dates too. If he isn’t, there’s a better than even chance that he’s a player who goes on a lot of dates and has his own system in place.

Assuming your guy is a great guy, he’s just as worried about saying the wrong thing or looking dumb in front of you. How you both survive one of you making some sort of goof will determine how your relationship will go, moving forward. If someone goofs, poke a little fun, in a nice way, maybe with a tad of humorous self-deprecation.

If you trip over your own feet or accidentally spill a little coffee, it’s fine. He’ll love it and it’ll make him feel better about anything that happened to him.

how to not be nervous for a date

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date | Don’t ‘Clear Your Day’

You’ve got a date with a great guy and you’re so nervous about getting ready that you take the day off and clear the schedule for the entire day so you have plenty of time to get ready.

I’ve done this myself. If I had a hot date planned for that evening, I’d clear the day to wash my car, plan my route and prepare myself for the date. The problem is that when it was time for the date, I was so nervous because I’d focused my entire day on it, that I could barely function.

Instead, stay busy with other plans. Go on with your day as normal and prepare yourself as you would for a girls’ night out. Slip on something comfortable, do your hair and makeup as you would for any other occasion and be yourself.

Stop With the Worst-Case Scenarios

Your anxiety is ratcheting up and the what-if’s are starting. Recognize this for what it is – date anxiety. It’s normal, but that doesn’t mean you need to feed it. When those what-if’s start showing up, stomp them down. What if he doesn’t show up? His loss! What if he hates you? His loss! What if he’s an axe murderer? What are the odds, really?

Anxiety creeps in and we don’t often recognize it for what it is. Take some deep breaths and gain control of your thoughts. Instead of allowing this anxious train of thought to continue, find something to watch on Netflix or turn on some music and start singing along. Do anything to change your train of thought.

Desensitize Yourself to Dating

The real issue with dating anxiety is fear. You’re doing something new and you’re afraid of the outcome. There are two things to do to eliminate this fear. One is to realize that just because this guy isn’t into you, or vice versa, doesn’t mean no guy will be into you. He simply isn’t the right one.

The second thing to realize is that the best way to eliminate a fear of something is to desensitize yourself to it. This means exposing yourself to more of what you’re afraid of until the fear dissipates.

What does all that mean? Go on more dates! Yes! The very thing that is striking fear in you now – dating – is the one thing you need to do more of.

But I hear you – “Gregg, there aren’t that many great guys out there.” And my response to you is “Oh, but there are, you just don’t know where to look!”

How to find the man of your dreams

Date a few guys who rank in the so-so category if you must, just to get the exposure. At the least, maybe you come out of it with a new friend. Just make sure he understands that it’s just a friendship so there are no hurt feelings.

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date | Keep it Short

Don’t plan a date that will last for hours. Instead, plan a coffee date where you can meet someplace casual and relax into the comfy chairs. If things go well, you can certainly plan a longer date, but make any first meetings short.

If you’re looking for how to not be nervous for a date, this is a great one because a coffee date is, by nature, a more casual, laid-back experience.

Be Involved with Planning the Meeting

Get involved in planning your meeting so you have some say in what you do and where the meeting will happen. If you allow him to do it, he may be more inclined to either bail on the date or plan it someplace where he’s more comfortable, but you aren’t.

Give him a few suggestions and make them closer to your comfort zone. This not only feels more comfortable to you but it’s safer and will keep your anxiety at bay.

Relax  

One great tip for how to not be nervous for a date is to chill. Relax and remember not to place so much importance on this two hours of your life. Think about it – it’s two hours, if that, of your entire life and, as you recall, if he doesn’t like you, it’s his loss!

Use anxiety-busting tools like playing music or taking a short walk. Splash some cold water on your face before you do your makeup or take a few deep breaths. When you consider what to wear, go with something comfortable, rather than something new or something that makes you squirm because it’s too tight or doesn’t fit properly.

Keep It to Yourself

It isn’t necessary to share this meeting with your entire Facebook friends group or blast it on Instagram. In fact, I suggest you tell one close friend so someone knows where you are, but otherwise, keep it to yourself. Other people will try to be helpful, but they’ll only provide advice you don’t need to hear. Friends will push their own anxiety on you with stressors over what to wear and so on.

Make it Fun!

The worst date is sitting down to dinner with someone in some high-end, or even middle grade restaurant. All you have to entertain yourselves is one another. The stress of carrying on a conversation can become overwhelming, especially if one or both of you are introverts.

Instead, make your first dates and meetings fun. Go bowling or go prowl a farmer’s market. Go watch a sport you both enjoy together or go somewhere that relates to a hobby one or both of you have, like antiques or cars or photography. Even a museum or an art gallery is better than a dinner date because there are conversation starters all over the place.

Workout Prior to Your Date

When you workout, two things happen. One is that it alleviates any anxiety chemicals that are coursing through your veins. The other is that it produces endorphins, or happy hormones as some call them, and you get a lift.

This will help your confidence shine through, instead of your anxiety.

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date

Most long-lasting relationships start out as great friendships. Remember this as you head into your next date or first meeting with a guy. Work on building a great friendship and don’t worry about how long it will be before he buys you a ring.

Date to have fun and learn more about him, not to find milestones that you think show he wants to marry you. I guarantee you he’s oblivious to such milestones so don’t bother with them. Guys date to have fun and you should too! Use this time to determine not only if he’s a great guy, but also if he’s the right guy for you. Take your time and enjoy the process! Take the pressure off by not worrying about getting married after the first date!

Remember the tips you’ve read here and go have yourself a great time!

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Welcome in the New Year, Friends!

Welcome in the New Year, Friends!

How will you welcome in the New Year? Will you do the same things that didn’t work last year,  or will you change things? They say insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.

So, will you continue choosing and dating the wrong type of man? Will you take in strays who should be left outside? Will you let men decide your happiness?

Or will you welcome in the new year by saying enough is enough!

I think it’s time for you. Yes, you. I’ve got two types of readers – those who do the work and those who read the words but don’t do anything different. Which will you be this year?

Great Ways to Welcome in the New Year

  • Get to the gym; not for one month, for good!
  • Eat right, not for one month, forever!
  • Brainstorm new hobbies and choose one or two
  • De-clutter your life by getting rid of the people who bring you down!
  • De-clutter your home of the material things you never use
  • Enjoy nature; there’s nothing more calming and healing

These are just the basics. Look at your job and your career. Is it time for a change?

I make myself feel better by changing my routine. Our nature is to find routines and stick with them, but I say fight it! Instead of doing the same thing in the same place at the same time every day, change something. Heck, change everything!

This isn’t rocket science, and I’m not telling you anything revolutionary. I know that. But if only one person decides to listen to me, they will be rewarded for the rest of their life.

How Will You Welcome in the New Year?

You have spoken, and I am writing. I will welcome in the new year by writing a book you’ve requested on how to get over a breakup. That’s different for me and will require me to research and learn something new! I, too will be changing my routine!

How will you welcome in the New Year?

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for Reading!

I write a lot of books and I answer a ton of questions. I thank some of you individually for reading my books and asking me questions. I try my best to make myself available to everyone. There is nothing worse than “feeling like a number” or feeling like someone is trying to take your money. But I have never said thank you in a blog. Thank you everyone!!! I wake up in the morning, make my coffee, irritate my VA, and open my emails…and I get lots of emails! Some are happy emails, some sad emails, I get desperate emails, and I even get emails from people that are literally on the edge. I answer them all! I even answer emails (when I’m not supposed to) from women that are severely depressed. I do because I know that I can help. I also realize that I might be her only friend at the time. If a woman can’t afford a book, I know she needs, I give it to her for free. I realize that it can potentially help her with her problem. I love every minute of it. Why? There is simply no better feeling in the world than when one of you tell me that I changed your life for the better! It makes it all worth it. So for 2018 I say bring it on! Keep emailing me so I can keep writing and answering the personal questions that you want answered. Tell me when I’m spot on and correct me when I’m missing the point – it’s all good and its how I get better. Remember, I learn as much from you as you learn from me and that’s what makes our relationship so awesome! Let’s all start with a new affirmation for 2018 – “I am worthy of love.” I will say it every day and it would be great if you said it too. Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and God bless you!! Gregg

The Science of Falling in Love | How to Get a Guy to Fall in Love with You

When we think of love, very few people realize that the science of falling in love is a real thing.

When someone falls in love, there are several chemical processes that occur in the brain. One of the key chemicals involved is dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that plays a role in the brain’s reward system. It is released in response to pleasurable experiences, and it creates feelings of happiness and euphoria. In the context of falling in love, dopamine is released when we see or think about the person we are attracted to, leading to feelings of excitement and pleasure.

Another important chemical involved in the process of falling in love is norepinephrine. Norepinephrine is a hormone and neurotransmitter that is associated with the body’s stress response. It is released in larger amounts during the early stages of romantic attraction, leading to increased heart rate, sweaty palms, and a general feeling of excitement. Norepinephrine is responsible for the butterflies in the stomach feeling that many people experience when they are in the early stages of falling in love.

Serotonin is another chemical that plays a role in the brain when someone falls in love. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps regulate mood and social behavior. When we are in love, serotonin levels can fluctuate, leading to both positive and negative emotions. This can explain why people in love often experience intense emotions, ranging from extreme happiness to anxiety or even obsession.

Oxytocin is often referred to as the ‘love hormone’ because it is released during social bonding and intimacy. When we fall in love, oxytocin levels increase, promoting feelings of trust, attachment, and bonding. Oxytocin is particularly important in long-term relationships, as it helps strengthen the emotional connection between partners.

Finally, the brain’s reward system, which involves the release of dopamine, is also activated when someone falls in love. This reward system reinforces the pleasurable feelings associated with being in love, making us want to seek out and spend time with the person we are attracted to. It creates a positive feedback loop, where the more time we spend with our loved one, the more dopamine is released, and the stronger our feelings of love become.

But all of that is after you fall in love. What I want to examine with you today is the science of falling in love – what happens when you see someone you’re attracted to?

the science of falling in love

Love at First Sight: Exploring the Science of Falling in Love

Let’s burrow into the details a bit further, shall we? Here’s an interesting perspective to consider: love at first sight isn’t typically a ‘bonafide’ affection—it’s more likely a potent combination of physical attraction and intrigue sparked by uniqueness or familiarity.

But first, let’s get something straight. Simply put, physical attraction is visually triggered by hormone-driven preference for specific physical characteristics in a prospective mate. Quick glances lasting only moments can incredibly elicit an immediate and powerful response. Think about it—you’re at a social gathering, swiping through a dating app, or just walking down the street, and your eyes suddenly lock with another’s. In an instant, your heart flutters and your stomach churns. Ring a bell?

This is where biology plays its part—the “love hormone,” oxytocin, dashes through your system, causing a rush of attraction enveloped with joy, comfort, and a craving for closeness. Don’t get this wrong; it’s purely biological, but sets the field for deeper emotional connections that could eventually lead to love. “Boom!” — an intriguing start but not love, not just yet.

Still with me? Good, because there’s more. Alongside physical attraction, there’s this sense of intrigue that often gets overlooked. The potential love interest might look or behave in a way that’s either unique or mirrors something familiar. This spark of difference or similarity piques your interest, and you’re drawn to know more about them. This, in scientific terms, forms the cognitive aspect of attraction. Nonetheless, even with physical attraction and intrigue combined, you haven’t quite reached love yet. 

Yes, it’s a misconception that love at first sight is outright love. Rather, it’s the spark for intrigue and a declaration of physical attraction. A promising prelude to love, but not essentially love itself.

Consequentially, what we name as ‘love at first sight’ could more accurately be seen as the potential for love. It acts as the springboard from which you step to know someone deeply, in hopes of intensifying that initial spark into the all-encompassing flame of love. So by all means, let your heart flutter and your stomach churn, but remember – real love takes time.

The Power of Attraction: What Makes Someone Physically Appealing

When it comes to the power of attraction, physical appeal isn’t just about having a chiseled jawline or stunning eyes—it’s a complex combination of factors that draw us towards another person. It’s an interplay of biology, psychology, and cultural standards. 

From a biological viewpoint, physical attractiveness can be seen as a sign of good health and strong genes. Certain features, like clear skin or symmetrical facial features, suggest potential for a healthy offspring. This is deeply rooted in the animal kingdom and human beings aren’t exempt. Research shows that we’re all subconsciously attracted to physical attributes indicating good health, for reasons of potential procreation. 

But, beauty isn’t purely biological. There’s also a psychological component. Personal experiences, childhood memories, and the media can shape what we find attractive. These aspects influence how we define beauty and to whom we’re attracted. For instance, if you grew up surrounded by people with dark hair and light eyes—you might naturally find people with these characteristics more attractive. 

Beyond biology and psychology, cultural standards play a pivotal role. Different societies have diverse standards of beauty, which often translates into what we find attractive. In some cultures, plump figures are considered attractive, a symbol of wealth and abundance. In others, slim figures are the ideal, representing modern notions of health and fitness. Despite the differences, a key factor remains consistent, the desire to conform to societal expectations and trends. 

Physical appeal is a multidimensional concept. It encompasses biological instincts, psychological impressions, and sociocultural paradigms. It plays an essential role in the science of falling in love, setting the stage for emotional connection and a deeper sense of intimacy. It’s the spark that can ignite the flame of love, yet it’s important to remember that, while important, it’s just one piece of the puzzle. 

  • Biology: Physical appeal perceived as a sign of good health and reproductive potential.
  • Psychology: Personal experiences and media influencing our perception of beauty.
  • Culture: Societal standards of beauty dictating what is attractive within a given culture.

Remember, physical attractiveness may spark the interest, but it’s the shared experiences, emotional connection, and personality compatibility that fuel the flame of long-lasting love.

the science of falling in love

The Science of Falling in Love: How Compatible Traits Affect Relationships

When you think about falling in love, do you think of that electrical connection? A spark that lightens up your whole being? But, what really causes such a spark? Well, science has a say on that too! It’s not just physical appeal that attracts us to our partner, our personalities play a significant role too.

Strong compatible personality traits often form the foundation of long-lasting relationships. Scientists have identified some key aspects that significantly impact the dynamics of a relationship.

Similarity

Believe it or not, similarity plays a critical role in establishing strong bonds in a relationship. Like-minded people often understand each other better, paving the path for a smoother relationship.

Complementarity

Though similarity is important, the beauty of love lies in the balance. Love embraces an intriguing concept called complementarity. It’s all about how differences in your personalities can beautifully harmonize each other’s life.

Emotional Stability

Love tends to flourish when emotional stability is present. It’s the backbone of any relationship. Emotional support during tough times can reinforce the bond, helping you understand each other’s feelings and emotions.

The “Big Five” Personality Traits

Ever heard about the ‘Big Five’ personality traits? They hold a significant place in love science. These are Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism.

Big Five Trait Preference in a Partner
Openness People value partners who are open-minded and creative
Conscientiousness Conscientious people are reliable and organized, desired traits in any relationship
Extraversion People often look for partners who are outgoing and sociable
Agreeableness Kindness and understanding are the traits adored by most
Neuroticism While low levels of neuroticism can be good, everyone has their own threshold

Whether it’s about being similar or having complementing differences, or being stable emotionally, it’s your personality traits that drive the path of your love life. So, next time when you feel that spark, understand that it’s your personalities dancing in harmony, creating a beautiful love story to cherish.

The Brain in Love: Examining the Neuroscience of Falling for Someone

Have you ever thought about what’s happening in your brain when you’re falling in love? Well, buckle up, because we’re about to take a wild ride through your neural pathways and explore the neuroscience of love!

The Phenomenon

The process of falling in love kicks off a potent mix of neurotransmitters, responsible for creating the various emotions you experience. This emotional cocktail includes dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin, serotonin, and adrenaline, each playing a critical role in the feeling of being in love. Just to review:

  • Dopamine: This chemical, associated with reward and desire, creates intense joyous feelings when you see or think about your loved one.
  • Oxytocin: Often dubbed as the ‘bonding hormone’, it is released during touching or intimate moments, strengthening the special bond between two people in love.
  • Vasopressin: This hormone is important for long-term commitment and is believed to be critical for sustaining attraction over time.
  • Serotonin: Its decrease in the brain can cause obsessive thoughts about the beloved person.
  • Adrenaline: This neurotransmitter is responsible for the sweaty palms and heart pounding, that classic ‘flight or fight’ response, which is activated when seeing, or even thinking about, the person you love.

It’s a chemical roller coaster, and it explains why love often feels like a heady rush of feelings, a whirlwind of emotions that can feel both euphoric and nerve-wracking.

From Lust to Attachment

According to studies, the process of falling in love can be divided into three distinct phases: Lust, Attraction, and Attachment. Each phase is associated with unique hormonal responses.

Phase Key Hormones Description
Lust Testosterone and estrogen Dominant in the first phase, these hormones trigger desire.
Attraction Dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin This is the love-struck phase. Your brain releases a ton of these neurotransmitters, making you feel overwhelmingly in love.
Attachment Oxytocin and vasopressin These hormones help create the affectionate bond that keeps couples together.

By studying these stages and the associated hormones, scientists want to understand not just the science of falling in love, but also why things go wrong, and possibly how to induce the feelings of love, a question that draws us back through the ages.

“Falling in love is a thrilling, transcendent, and ultimately inevitable part of the human experience. Understanding the neurochemical reactions at play can give us greater control over our experiences and allow us to better appreciate the joy and connection of romantic love.”

So the next time your heart skips a beat, remember it’s not just an empty cliché, it’s a glimpse into the fascinating neurochemical ballet unfolding in your brain. The process of falling in love can be as complex and beautiful as love itself!

the science of falling in love

The Science of Falling in Love: Exploring the Influence of DNA on Attraction

So, you’re probably wondering – does our unique genetic blueprint hold any sway over who we fall for? To answer this question, we need to delve into the fascinating intersections of genetics, biochemistry, and romantic love.

Researchers have found that, to a certain degree, our DNA does play a pivotal role in who we are attracted to. It’s not as simple as saying ‘genetics determines love,’ however. It’s a complex co-dance of nature and nurture, where our genetic makeup influences our preferences, and our lived experiences shape how we interpret those preferences.

One of the ways DNA influences our love lives is through the major histocompatibility complex (MHC), an important part of our immune system. A groundbreaking study revealed that women are likely to prefer the scent of men whose MHC genes are dissimilar from their own. Simply put, opposites—at least in genetic terms—do attract! This makes biological sense as potential offspring with a diverse set of immune system genes are likely to be fitter and have greater survival chances.

Love, Genetics, and Hormones: The Biochemistry of Attachment

Aside from MHC genes, certain hormones, largely determined by our genes, play key roles in love. Oxytocin, also known as the ‘love hormone’, and Vasopressin, both come into play in long-term relationships.

Again, oxytocin is a hormone that is released during moments of intimacy, from hugging to childbirth. This hormone is crucial in forming a strong bond between two individuals. Netting it down — oxytocin helps us stick with our partners and feel attached to them.

Similarly, vasopressin also plays a role in bonding and attachment and together they contribute to the feeling of being deeply in love.

It’s important to remember that while our genetic makeup and hormones influence who we fall in love with, they don’t dictate our actions. Personal choice, values, and experiences also play a crucial role in romantic love and long-term relationships.

To put it all into perspective: science can certainly add clarity to the mystery of love, but it doesn’t have all the answers. Love is a beautiful complexity of biology, experience, and emotion. And perhaps, that’s what makes it so extraordinary.

The Role of Communication in Love: Building Strong Connections

It’s time to delve into the art of connection. Communication plays an integral role in fostering love and developing deeper, more meaningful relationships. It’s not merely about exchanging words but it’s the key to mutual understanding, problem-solving, +and projecting authentic emotional openness.

Expressing your thoughts and feelings is a fundamental aspect of building connections. It is essential to effectively communicate your desires, aspirations, fears, and insecurities to your partner to strengthen the bond and foster emotional intimacy.

Moreover, active listening is also a significant part of communication. A good listener not only hears, but understands, processes, and responds appropriately to the information received. A relationship where both parties actively listen to each other evolves into a stronger connection, enabling them to navigate through misunderstandings and conflicts with ease.

  • Understanding non-verbal cues: Non-verbal communication contributes significantly to overall communication. Gestures, body language, eye contact, and facial expressions can speak volumes about a person’s emotions and feelings. Within a loving relationship, decoding these cues with empathy can enhance mutual understanding.
  • Transparent communication: Be clear and open in your messages to avoid misunderstandings and misinterpretations. This plays a crucial role in building trust.

Communication isn’t just about talking, it’s about connecting – understanding and being understood. It is the bridge that helps two individuals come together, creating the foundation for a loving, long-lasting relationship.

Remember that effective communication within love is a skill that one can learn and improve upon. It’s not always easy, but it’s certainly worth your effort. After all, it’s through communication that we share our worlds and intertwine our hearts.

Love and the Five Senses: How Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste, and Touch Impact Relationships

You may wonder how each of our five senses plays a pivotal role in the grand spectacle that is falling in love. Let’s go on a sensory journey together, examining how sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch all contribute to the fascinating science of love.

First off, let’s talk about vision. Remember the phrase, ‘Love at first sight’? It’s not just a romantic cliché, rather, there’s science behind it. A significant part of our initial attraction comes from visual cues. Physical attractiveness does play a crucial role in romantic love, mostly due to our innate biological leanings for certain traits that suggest good health or reproductive capabilities.

Next, sound. The cadence of one’s voice, their laugh, or even just the gentle hum of their breathing could create a symphony that resonates with your heart. Interestingly, research has found that women may be more attracted to men with deep voices, potentially related to primitive instincts for a strong and protective mate.

Moving onto smell. Oh, the allure of a captivating scent! Our sense of smell can play a surprising role in attraction. While it may sound strange, it’s potentially connected to our subconscious assessment of another person’s immune system through scent cues. This might lead us towards partners with complementary immune systems, enhancing the chances of our offsprings’ survival.

Now, let’s explore taste. Those shared meals, that first kiss; taste carries intimate, exquisite significance. The taste of a potential partner’s kiss could potentially give subconscious information about their health, another key factor in the dance of attraction. Additionally, sharing food or drinks could symbolize unity, bonding, and mutual care in a relationship.

Lastly, touch. The warmth of a hug, the softness of a held hand, the intimacy of a shared personal space; touch not only creates physical connection, but also emotional closeness. It’s a way of communicating empathy, care, and love on a primal level. Studies even suggest that physical contact can release oxytocin, often dubbed the “love hormone”, fostering a sense of trust and bonding.

So there you have it! Love truly is a multi-sensory experience, a complex interplay of different signals and responses. Each sense plays a unique and significant role, and together, they help create the incredible experience that is falling in love. Love indeed isn’t just about the heart – it’s about all your senses too!

the science of falling in love

The Role of Culture in Love: How Societal Norms Shape Relationships

Understanding love requires a dive into diverse aspects of life, including culture. Cultural norms and values heavily influence our idea of love, affecting not only who we fall in love with, but also how we express and experience it. Culturally dictated rules and expectations create a unique paradigm of love in every society, often with significant differences seen across regions and generations. 

Let’s explore how numerous cultural factors often shape our relationships.

Familial Influence and Arranged Marriages 

In some cultures, love isn’t just about personal feelings but is deeply intertwined with familial relations and duties. For instance, in many South Asian communities, arranged marriages are common where the decision of life partners is largely affected by family approval. Here, love is often an emotion that is expected to grow over time after the marriage rather than preceding it. This can also lead to a culture of endorsed collectivity over personal romantic autonomy.

Societal Norms and Love Expression 

The societal norms prevalent in a given culture often moderate how love is expressed. Some cultures encourage the open display of love and affection, viewing public expressions of passion as a norm. On the contrary, others value discretion and modesty, leading to subtler expressions of love. The idea of PDA (Public Display of Affection) can mean entirely different things depending on the cultural lens one applies.

Gender Roles in Love 

Every culture has prescribed gender roles which can influence how love is experienced. In some cultures, men are expected to be the main initiators, while women are supposed to be passive recipients. This often works to create a power dynamic in relationships, influencing how love is pursued and nurtured.

Cultural Value Systems 

Cultures that emphasize individualistic values often put personal happiness and love compatibility at the forefront of relationships. In contrast, collectivist cultures might put a stronger emphasis on factors like social approval, economic stability, and family cohesion in deciding their love and marriage choices. 

While love remains a universal emotion, it’s fascinating to see how much one’s cultural milieu can affect the perception and manifestation of such a fundamental human experience. 

Love and Technology: How Digital Platforms Influence Modern Romantic Connections

In our rapidly digitizing world, technology is playing an increasingly important role in the way we form romantic connections. But exactly how does it impact our pursuit and experience of love? 

In the past, finding a romantic partner often revolved around physical proximity—neighbors, schoolmates, or coworkers were often the object of affection. However, digital platforms have significantly broadened our romantic horizons. Now, the possibility of finding love is not just within a ten-mile radius, but from anywhere around the globe. 

Online Dating and Romantic Selection 

Online dating has revolutionized how we meet potential partners. Instead of relying on traditional methods, many couples today meet through apps or websites. These offer an array of choices and the ability to filter potential matches based on personal preferences, greatly expanding the pool of potential partners beyond our immediate physical surroundings. 

In the realm of online dating, we tend to make judgments about potential partners in mere seconds, often based on a few photos or a short bio. This rapid decision-making process, while efficient, often leans towards superficial judgments, placing increased importance on physical attractiveness. 

As you navigate these digital platforms, remember, while technology aids in finding a match, the success of a relationship ultimately relies on mutual understanding and emotional connection. So, don’t forget to look beyond the screen!

Digital Communication and Relationships 

Technology has also transformed the way we communicate within our relationships. Text messages, video calls, and social media have become integral channels of communication for couples. 

While these platforms allow us to stay connected 24/7, they can also impact our relationships in complex ways. The misinterpretation of a text message or overanalyzing a partner’s social media can lead to misunderstandings and potential tension within relationships. On the plus side, digital communication can keep the flame of love burning for long-distance relationships, allowing couples to connect no matter where they are. 

Remember: How we use technology can either make or break our relationships. It’s essential to create a balance and foster open, honest communication for a healthy connection. 

Technology and Relationship Quality 

Is there a correlation between technology usage and relationship quality? The answer is not straightforward. While technology can bring couples together, excessive use can also create a divide. 

Studies have shown that intrusive technology use—like using a smartphone during a dinner date—can lead to lower satisfaction levels within a relationship. Therefore, it’s essential to set boundaries when it comes to technology use within relationships. 

Despite all the changes brought about by technology, the core principles of love have remained the same. Honesty, respect, and compassion are values that count both offline and online. As we continue to navigate the intersection of love and technology, let’s keep these principles at the forefront of our digital romantic ventures.

the science of falling in love

The Science of  Falling in Love Long-Term: How Relationships Evolve Over Time

Relationships – they’re beautiful, intricate, and can sometimes be perplexing. And that can make us wonder, “How do these romantic bonds transform over time?” This section touches upon the nuances of long-term love, studying the course it typically takes and the transformations that come along its path.

The beginning of a romantic liaison typically sparks with an intense passion called the honeymoon phase. Here, infatuation is the star of the show, and partners often find themselves delighting in every minute spent together. However, it’s essential to understand that this stage is temporary and serves as a launching pad into subsequent stages of long-term love.

As relationships progress, so does the understanding of the other person, leading to something we call a deepening bond. This stage brings about shared intimacy, where partners start becoming a ‘we’ rather than ‘I’. They begin to understand each other’s quirks, values, and world-views, further solidifying the bond.

Past this stage are phases marked by attachment and commitment. Here, the chemistry between partners has now evolved into a mutual understanding and a feeling of security. The love becomes more profound, transcending beyond physical attraction and the initial heart-fluttering moments. It’s now based on trust, a sense of partnership, and the shared history between the two.

It’s important, however, to mention a crucial aspect of long-term love – dealing with challenges. After all, no relationship is blissful at all times. There will be disagreements and conflicts, which, contrary to popular belief, are natural and even healthy for relationships. They serve as opportunities for individual and mutual growth, helping you to better understand your partner and yourself.

Yet, for all their importance, these stages aren’t rigid classifications but more of a flexible guideline. Relationships are as unique as the people in them, and so is their journey of love. The key takeaway here is that love develops and morphs over time, growing stronger and deeper with shared experiences, challenges, and the ongoing mutual understanding between partners.

What’s also worth mentioning is the vital role played by communication, trust, respect, empathy, and patience in evolving relationships. While the cocktail of romantic feelings makes a compelling beginning, these essential ingredients help keep the relationship afloat over time, making the journey worthwhile.

“In the end, love doesn’t just happen to us. We navigate it, for better or for worse.” ― Stephanie Coontz

The Role of Trust in Love: Building and Maintaining Strong Bonds

Trust is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, particularly a romantic one. You might have thought it was all about heart-pounding passion and endearing sweetness, but it’s much more layered than that. Trust is symbolic of safety and security in a relationship, the belief that your partner will respect and honor you and your relationship’s boundaries. It’s that steadying ship that sails you through turbulent waters and keeps you more resilient than you might have imagined you could be.

But let’s rip the band-aid off right now: Building trust? It’s not always a walk in the park. It takes time, patience, and the ability to be vulnerable – which yes, can seem downright intimidating. But the payoff? It’s worth every ounce of effort. When trust exists, you can feel genuine love, without fear, without hesitation.

The creation and perpetuation of trust involve:

  • Consistency: Consistency is key to building trust. It’s important to be able to rely on your partner. Being consistent in your words and actions helps foster that assurance.
  • Honesty: Honesty in communication fosters transparency. This openness allows for trust to take root and grow.
  • Empathy: If you can put yourself in your partner’s shoes and feel empathetic towards their emotions, you’re laying a strong foundation for trust and mutual understanding.
  • Patience: Trust requires time to form. It needs patience to cultivate it and make it strong.

Trust isn’t built overnight, it grows with the passing of time and the accumulation of shared experiences – the good and the challenging – and it can take different forms for different people.

Trusting too quickly or too much can leave one exposed and vulnerable, especially if the other party doesn’t uphold the same value for trust. It’s necessary to be able to judge character, observe actions over time, and make informed decisions about the degree of trust to place in someone.

But it’s equally important to remember that no one is perfect. Mistakes will be made. But if these are handled with empathy, honesty, and open communication, they can even serve to strengthen the bond of trust.

Here’s a little more food for thought: Trust is not a static entity. It’s a living, breathing part of your relationship that’ll require nurturing and care over time. Regular meals of open conversations, shared experiences, and respect for boundaries feed this, making it resilient and strong.

So, the next time you feel your heart flutter with attraction, remember: Love is a beautiful, multifaceted emotion – and at its center, trust holds it together.

The Role of Memories in Love: How Shared Experiences Shape Emotional Connections

When it comes to love, we often overlook the significant role that shared experiences and memories play in shaping emotional connections between individuals. Science tells us that shared memories are more than just nostalgic recollections; they can be powerful bonding tools that contribute to a richer, more fulfilling relationship.

In the context of romantic love, these shared experiences don’t just include the grand gestures or milestone events. Everyday moments, such as laughing at a funny movie together or experiencing the taste of a new cuisine, can foster bonding and rapport. The more shared experiences we have with someone, the greater the likelihood of developing a deep emotional connection.

Why are shared experiences so powerful?

Researchers suggest two main reasons. First, shared experiences foster a sense of joint identity and unity. It’s the thought of ‘We did that together’. It initiates something called ‘in-group bias’, a kind of positive bias towards those whom we perceive as part of our group. This enhances a sense of closeness and belongingness.

Second, shared experiences help us understand each other well. It makes it easier to interpret each other’s feelings, actions, and reactions. Knowing someone on this personal level encourages empathy, compassion, and understanding, all of which are foundational components of love and connection.

But what about memories? How do they tie into love?

According to science, it’s about the process of remembering. When two people share a memorable experience, each person’s recollection of that event will inherently include the other person. Hence, when one person recalls that memory, it prompts thoughts and feelings about the other person and their relationship, leading to a mentality of ‘us’ rather than ‘me’.

However, it’s important to note that it’s not just about creating memories, but also how these memories are communicated and reminisced. Science suggests that re-telling shared memories, a process called ‘replay’, helps to keep the bond strong and the connection alive. Don’t underestimate the power of those ‘Remember when…?’ conversations.

To sum up, the science of love tells us that shared experiences and memories are essential ingredients in cultivating a robust emotional connection. They form a bond, improve understanding, and create a shared identity, making love stronger and deeper. So, keep creating those shared experiences and cherishing those memories because they’re adding a whole new dimension to your love life!

the science of falling in love

The Role of Self-Love in Romantic Relationships: How Self-Esteem Impacts Love

Sometimes overlooked is the important role of self-love in romantic relationships. Before delving into this intriguing aspect, let’s first establish what is self-love? Simply put, it’s a high regard for one’s own well-being and happiness. It’s about taking care of your needs, not sacrificing your well-being to please others, and not settling for less than you deserve. 

Now, imagine radiating that kind of energy in a romantic relationship. How significant do you think it could be? Let’s find out.

The connection between self-esteem and love is substantial. The way you view and value yourself directly influences the way you perceive love and, by extension, how you handle your relationships. This can manifest in various ways; let’s touch on a few. 

Confidence in Expressing Needs and Desires 

When you have a high level of self-love, it fuels confidence. You are not afraid to express your needs and desires within a relationship because you recognize your worth. You also are less likely to tolerate being treated poorly because you understand you deserve love and respect. 

Healthy Boundaries 

Strong self-love enables the setting of healthy boundaries. Asserting yourself and setting limits is essential for a balanced relationship. It shows that you value your rights, feelings, and needs at the same level as those of your partner. 

Impacts on Your Partner’s Self-Esteem 

Intriguingly, your self-love and high self-esteem can rub off on your partner. Your positive self-image can inspire your significant other to develop a healthier view of their self-worth, leading to a more fulfilling romantic relationship. 

Less Dependency on Partner for Happiness 

Persons with high self-love are less likely to be excessively dependent on their partner for happiness. Because they have the ability to find joy and satisfaction within themselves, they can add to the relationship rather than draining from it. 

Now, this doesn’t mean that the relationship road will forever be smooth for those with high self-esteem. It’s also important to note that self-love is not an remedy-all solution. Nevertheless, from the scientific perspective, it has been proven to play a crucial role in fostering healthier, more rewarding romantic relationships.

Feel good about yourself first, and watch how it transforms your journey to love!

The Science of Love Languages: Understanding and Communicating Emotional Needs

Dr. Gary Chapman coined the term ‘love languages’ to describe the ways people feel loved and appreciated. Depending on our individual personality types, we may feel loved differently than how our partners do. Understanding these differences can significantly improve relationship success. 

What are Love Languages? 

In his book, “The 5 Love Languages,” Chapman outlines five ways that people prefer to give and receive love: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. None of these are inherently better than the others; they’re simply different ways that people feel loved.

“Being in a relationship and understanding love languages is about giving to your partner in a way they understand and receive the best, even if it’s not natural or easy for you.”

Words of Affirmation 

For people who prefer the Words of Affirmation love language, they feel the most adored when their partner is open with their feelings and expresses love and appreciation through words. Compliments, verbal encouragement, and frequently saying, “I love you,” mean the world to these types of individuals. 

Acts of Service 

Acts of Service is a love language for individuals who believe that actions speak louder than words. Instead of hearing their partners say, “I love you,” they prefer their partners to show their love by helping with tasks and chores, making meals, or even filling up their gas tank. Small, thoughtful gestures like these are considered expressions of love. 

Receiving Gifts 

Receiving Gifts, as a love language, doesn’t have to be materialistic. Sometimes, it’s the thought that counts. Individuals who favor this language feel most loved when their partner surprises them with a gift. A little present that shows you were thinking about them can mean the world. 

Quality Time 

People with Quality Time as their love language cherish full, undivided attention from their partners. They deeply appreciate dedicated time without distractions. Simple activities like taking a walk together or having a quiet dinner can provide fulfilling bonding experiences. 

Physical Touch 

Last, but not least, individuals who feel loved through Physical Touch often treasure hugs, holding hands, and affectionate touches. For these people, physical intimacy and close, personal instances are direct routes to their hearts. 

To better understand and communicate with your partner, it’s essential to understand not only your love language but theirs as well. This understanding promotes better communication, reduces confusion, and enhances the connection because it communicates to each partner that they are loved in a way they understand and prefer.

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The Role of Attachment Styles in Love: How Early Experiences Shape Adult Relationships

You’ve likely heard the phrase “the past shapes the future”, right? Well, when it comes to love, it couldn’t be more accurate. Your early life experiences, especially those regarding attachment, have a significant influence on how you forge and maintain romantic relationships in adulthood. Let’s delve a little deeper into this fascinating science. 

Attachment styles in psychology refer to the different ways we approach and respond to situations, particularly those that stress us or need us emotionally. Initially observed in parent-child interactions, these styles later manifest in our adult relationships as well. There are mainly four types: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. 

Secure Attachment 

Those with a secure attachment style tend to have satisfying, stable relationships. As children, they likely had their needs met consistently and learned that they could rely on others. In adulthood, they trust their partners, can express their needs comfortably, and are resilient in the face of relationship challenges. 

Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment 

On the other hand, individuals with an anxious-preoccupied style are often insecure and crave approval and reassurance. As kids, they might have experienced inconsistent attention, leading them to become anxious about their relationship status as adults. This could translate into clingy or demanding behavior in romantic settings. 

Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment 

The dismissive-avoidant types are the lone wolves of the attachment world. They value their independence to a high degree and somewhat keep others at arm’s length. They’re comfortable being alone and can appear detached in relationships. This.style often stems from early experiences where their needs were overlooked or even ignored. 

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment 

Lastly, those with fearful-avoidant attachment style can be paradoxical. They yearn for close connections but fear them at the same time. This behavior is likely a fallout of traumatic or unpredictable childhood experiences. They may find it challenging to fully trust their partners or to rely on them. 

Recognizing your own attachment style and understanding your partner’s can greatly enhance your relationship. It allows for better communication, deeper understanding, and ultimately, more powerful bonds. Keep in mind that it’s possible to move away from unhealthy attachment styles through therapy, personal growth, and supportive relationships. After all, love is not just about understanding the science, but also about making the personal transformations that it inspires.

The Power of Intuition in Love: Listening to Your Gut When It Comes to Matters of the Heart

Ever been in a situation where a ‘feeling in your gut’ guided you towards a decision about a potential partner? You’re not alone. This phenomenon is often referred to as intuition and it plays an essential role in love and relationships. 

Intuition, sometimes called a ‘gut feeling,’ can be considered as a rapid response mechanism that operates outside of conscious thought. It makes use of our subconscious observations, experiences, and cues to make swift, often immeasurably complex judgments and decisions. When it comes to love, intuition is essentially our brain gathering, analyzing, and interpreting the complexity of interpersonal interactions, subtle cues, and emotional signals that escape the sphere of conscious thought. 

Why is Intuition Important? 

The power of intuition in love is profound. It can give us insight into our compatibility with others, help us navigate the complexities of relationships, and even act as an early warning system when something isn’t quite right. In many cases, it’s this instinctual gut feeling that can steer us towards or away from potential partners, often long before our conscious mind has fully processed the situation. 

Consider intuition as a loving friend who’s looking out for your best interests. Even if their advice sometimes seems a little blurred or hard to comprehend, in the end, it’s usually for the best. Embracing your intuition might be a leap of faith, but it’s an exciting one that can potentially lead to exhilarating experiences. 

The Connection between Intuition and Relationships 

Navigating the maze of romance can be complicated. Our intuition can help us make sense of those complex situations. In relationships, this might involve intuitively responding to a partner’s needs, navigating conflict, or deciding when to express ourselves. While our gut feelings aren’t always right, they can be incredibly valuable if we acknowledge them and use them alongside other decision-making strategies. 

To leverage your intuition effectively in your love life, you should learn to trust and respect these feelings. Recognize that your intuition is giving you valuable information that deserves consideration. Ultimately, your dating and relationship experiences should not be based on intuition alone, but rather a mix of intuition, rational thought, open communication, and mutual respect. 

Whether it’s choosing a lifetime partner or making daily decisions in an ongoing relationship, intuition can be a reliable guide. Listening to your gut doesn’t mean discounting logic or ignoring the facts. Rather, it suggests taking into account our instinctive feelings and using them in conjunction with conscious thought to reach a balanced decision. 

Remember. Like any skill, honing your intuition takes practice. So, start tuning in, and let this instinctive wisdom play its part in your journey of love.

the science of falling in love

The Science of Lust vs. Love: Understanding the Difference and Overcoming Infatuation

When it comes to understanding the complex world of human emotions, two commonly confused feelings are lust and love. But in truth, these emotions are as different as night and day in terms of their biological foundation, their effect on our psychology, and how they play out in relationships. Let’s try to unravel the science behind them to help you better navigate your romantic journey. 

Understanding Lust: The Biological Imperative 

Consider lust as the biological motor that keeps our species going. It’s primarily driven by the primitive part of our brain known as the hypothalamus, which signals the release of hormones like testosterone and estrogen. These hormones, in turn, trigger a simplistic desire for physical intimacy – a stark contrast to the deep emotional connection associated with love. Yes, lust feels intense and even a little intoxicating, but it usually lacks the emotional depth and commitment found in genuine love. 

Defining Love: A Deeper Connection 

Love, like a well-written symphony, is multilayered and profound. It combines the physical attraction that sparks off a relationship with emotional closeness and a mutual bond of trust and commitment. Love engages a broader range of our brain, involving areas that govern emotion, reward, empathy, decision-making, memory, and even stress. While the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, often referred to as the “love hormones”, are critical to the deep attachment indicative of love, it’s the profound interpersonal bond that sets love apart from lust. 

Spotting the Differences: Lust versus Love 

You might wonder, then, how to distinguish between lust and love in your own experiences. To make it easier, here are a few key differences: 

  • Fleeting vs. Long-lasting: Lust is typically short-lived and can fade after the initial burst of passion. Love, on the other hand, tends to grow and evolve over time, deepening with shared experiences and mutual understanding.
  • Physical Desire vs. Emotional Depth: Lust generally concerns a strong desire for physical intimacy, with less focus on personal and emotional connections. Love is a deep attachment that combines both physical attraction and emotional bonding.
  • Self-focused vs. Other-focused: With lust, the focus tends to be on satisfying one’s own needs and desires. In contrast, the nature of love often centers on caring for the other person’s needs and desires, sometimes even over our own.

Overcoming Infatuation: From Lust to Love 

So, if you find yourself caught in the intoxicating whirl of lust, how do you move towards a more authentic love? Remember, it’s not necessarily about suppressing lust. After all, it’s a natural and healthy part of our biological makeup. However, try not to let it be the sole basis for a relationship. Cultivate deeper emotional bonds, learn more about your partner on a personal level and invest time in shared experiences. Remember, genuine love is about understanding and accepting your partner, both for their strengths and weaknesses. 

Moving from lust to love is a journey that requires patience, effort, and an understanding of yourself and your partner. But with maturity and mindfulness, it’s a transformation that’s rewarding in ways that lust alone can never be.

The Science of Falling in Love: That’s a Wrap!

It’s clear that the science of falling in love is far from simple. It’s an intricate tapestry woven from threads of biology, psychology, sociology, and individual experiences. But I hope that understanding these mechanisms gives you a new appreciation for the complexity – and beauty – of human love. 

Remember: 

  • Attraction is influenced by a cocktail of physical, emotional, and sociocultural factors. Don’t discount the power of personality or the importance of a shared cultural worldview.
  • Love and attachment are rooted in both our brains and our genes. The rush of feel-good hormones is more than just a pleasant sensation – it’s nature’s way of bonding us to the people who matter most.
  • Communication is key in sustaining healthy relationships. Just as you learned to express your needs clearly and asserted your boundaries, engaging in open, honest dialogue helps maintain a strong emotional connection with your partner and foster mutual trust.
  • Don’t overlook the role of self-love in a romantic relationship. Your confidence and respect for yourself set the tone for how others treat you and establish a positive, supportive environment for love to grow.

Whether you’re single, dating, or in a long-term relationship, understanding the science behind attraction, attachment, and long-term love can make the journey a little bit clearer – and perhaps more rewarding. However, remember that at the end of the day, every person and every relationship is unique and cannot be simplified to mere scientific theories and research findings. 

At its core, love is a human experience – a messy, glorious, and profoundly personal experience. It’s hard to put into words and harder to quantify. But perhaps that’s what makes it so special. So go forth, keeping in mind the science of love but also embracing the unpredictable, wonderful mystery that it is. 

Because that’s the beauty of love – it transcends beyond science, becoming something far greater and more powerful. It’s an emotion that guides us, shapes us, and at times, defines us. It is a force of nature that is just as scientific as it is, ultimately, profoundly human. 

In sum, love is science and art, pattern and chaos, familiarity and adventure. It’s falling in sync with someone else, hand in hand, embracing the journey together.

Getting What You Want From a Man

Getting What You Want From a Man

How to Get What You Want From a Man

Gregg here. I want to give you a couple of tips to help you get what you want from a man by communicating in a way that motivates him.

This is a dating advice tip but also can be used in your everyday life. It works with all people.

Let’s face it, all day long we are dealing with other people and usually we want to get something from another person. If you are married, you might be looking for affection. If you are single, you may be looking for a phone call. If you are employed, you may be looking for a raise. If you have kids, you want them to behave.

How to Get What You Want From a Man | Example #1

So why can’t most of us get what we want? The answer is because we never “ask” from the other person’s point of view. We just come out and state our own needs. A woman might say, “Can you please mow the lawn today, the kids are having a tent party and you have put it off for 2 weeks.”

This is criticizing and almost insulting. I have a better way. Always think in terms of the other person’s point of view. Maybe your husband has been very busy with work or maybe it’s been raining when he wanted to cut the grass.

Try this instead:

“Honey, the lawn needs to be mowed. If I help you write up your work proposal tonight, will that free up some time for you to cut it tomorrow?”

See the difference? You provided something that helps him. Now your hubby is much more likely to get the lawn cut because you thought of his needs too. The bonus? You start working together as a team on his project and he will love you for it.

How to Get What You Want From a Man | Example #2

My next example is about me trying to get what I want from another man but the same principles apply to a woman in the same situation.

Recently, I had my car in the shop twice for the same problem. When I took it in for the third time and I could tell the mechanic was on the defensive.

Instead of yelling at him to fix it right this time, I noticed a picture of his family on his desk so I asked about his kids. “Are these your little ones?” He is all smiles and answers “Yes”. We talk about his little girl playing baseball better than the guys and how proud he his.

When he finished, I casually mentioned my car being fixed and asked if he needed a few extra days to get it done. I acknowledged I might have rushed him last time which may have caused him to overlook something.

He perked up and said he would get right on it, blamed himself, and told me to grab a loaner vehicle. He said he would call me in a few hours. When I got back four hours later, the car was not only fixed, it was washed and waxed for me!

Again, instead of going in guns blazing like I normally would, I decided to take a different tact. I thought of how he felt. Through observation I knew that he had kids and loved his kids so why not talk about them and not my car for ten minutes?

Getting What You Want | Summary

This is powerful stuff! These examples help you get what you want from a man (or woman) by communicating in a way that motivates him. In order to execute this, simply address the other persons needs and not just care about our own.

For more on getting what you want in your dating life and everyday life get my best seller; “Power To Communicate: Get What You Want by Knowing When to Listen and Making Your Words Matter” Click Here!

Men Love in Different Ways!

Men Love in Different Ways!

How Men Show Love

This information is very important! I am not going to sugar coat this one. You wouldn’t want it any other way!

We (men) say, “I love you” OUR way! Our way consists of these ACTIONS:

How Men Show Love – Solving your problems

I know this sounds very unromantic, but it’s true. We give you a back rub when your back aches. We stay up with you when you can’t sleep. If we love you, we start paying for things because we are providers. It doesn’t matter if you don’t need us to pay. We will fix your car or get your car to a mechanic who can fix it. Household issues? We’re on it!

Cutting the lawn, building a shed or changing out the kitchen cabinets – no matter what it is, let us show you our love through actions. When you say, “The lawn looks great, honey, can you do the backyard too?” We jump for joy! Then, we want to do MORE things for you. Backyard? Done.

“Gregg, it can’t be that simple.” YES IT CAN! AND IT IS! We are that simple. This is how men express love. Men love in different ways than women do. Keep a tasty treat above our jowls and we will do the trick over and over. Or do it YOUR way: “I thought you said you were going to cut the back yard too. You never finish anything you start.”

Ugh. We go limp, fetal and head to the couch with a beer. Backyard? Screw that.

He loves you!

Your choice. But only one of the way above hits our love language button. This is how we feel and show love. We do silly “manly” things for women. Granted, cutting the lawn is not as romantic as flowers, but believe me it will lead to flowers if you compliment us on our duties.

Are you getting this?  So the next time a guy fixes something for you or does a favor, he might be saying, “I love you.” As silly as this may sound, you need to realize this. If you don’t, contempt will build on both sides and chip away at the relationship bit by bit.

Often times, a man will say, “I love you” because you are making him.  He figures it is easier just to say it when he doesn’t necessarily mean it. Ultimately, the words will flow out of his mouth but they need to come out naturally.

How Men Show Love – Protecting you

I always tell women to look for chivalry. This trait is POWERFUL. If a man opens doors, walks next to you against the traffic and helps you sit down at a restaurant, he LOVES you! He will defend you at all costs too.

 How men show love

Another sign he loves you!

In a dark alley walking to the car, we are in protection mode for you. It’s built in to our DNA. Again, it’s not as romantic as saying, “I love you”, but it is OUR way.

How Men Express Love | Socially announcing you

This is huge. If we post FB photos of you, we’re hooked. When we are happy to meet your Mom, friends and attend your hobbies, we are hooked. When we want you to meet OUR Mom and friends and attend our hobbies, again, we are SHOWING you that we are in LOVE!

When we put our friends on the back burner? WOW, we are in love. When a man socially announces you to the important people in his life, he is showing you that he truly loves you. Look for it. And if you don’t see this in your man, move on.

Taking on Responsibility

This is another big way men express their love. When a guy helps you with boring stuff, he is probably starting to fall in love with you. Let’s face it, moving your furniture to a new apartment is no fun for any man. Bringing you soup when your breath stinks and your makeup is all over the place because you are sick with the flu means we love you.

Or staying home from work to help you with a project.  All of these are positive signs of a guy showing you his love. You’re buying a car and the salesman is treating you like crap? Watch as we take control, waste that salesman and get you that car cheap.

Mmmmm— watch as Tarzan take on salesman!

How Men Show Love – Sex

Big subject! Huge! Back when we were growing up, one of our most coveted “rites of passage” was to have sex with as many women as possible. Maybe this is the caveman reproduction thing, who knows.

But somewhere, we were judged, and our status stamped by our male peers based on how many women we could have sex with.

I am not proud of this male fact. And I’m sure, right now, you aren’t proud of me. But it is true. In fact, of all our achievements, I think sex ruled us the most in our late adolescent/ early adult years.

We would lie all the time to our friends and tell them we slept with girls even if we didn’t. We would pray they would not find out. I now know they were all lying to me as well.

My point is that being proficient at sex is very important to men. We need to believe we are good at it. Consequently, this affects you as well. You need to be gentle with our feelings. More gentle than you think. Say, “I love that, now slow down with your tongue.” Don’t say, “Ow! That hurts, haven’t you ever done this before?”

Ouch.

If a guy wants sex often – he’s hooked!

Remember, men THINK they are great in the sack. In reality, most of us suck. But DON’T tell us we suck! Teach us slowly and with great sensitivity to our little boy feelings, and watch how good we can become. When we get good at sex, we want to satisfy you more. And let’s face it – all women are very different when it comes to pleasure and orgasms.

So many women get angry at their guy for not “trying harder” when we have no friggin idea what you want because we are afraid to ask. This deflates our manhood and our dicks! So understand this point and talk about it with your guy and things will stay HOT in the bedroom. It’s just another one of our differences in showing love. Now, obviously, there are exceptions. Some guys rock in the bedroom. But don’t assume this.

When we want sex all the time, we are hooked. Look for this and keep an eye on it. One of the first things I ask a woman (to her shock and horror) is how often does she have sex with her guy. When I hear barely once a week, there is a problem. Men need sex often but we don’t always want a long drawn out session. Understand this. If you come with an owner’s manual on “how to get you off” and it involves 3 chimpanzees and an albino midget riding a bike— we are going elsewhere.

This could be to porn or another woman but understand this is HOW we are. That said, we WANT and NEED to please you. Communicate with us in a positive way and we will be more than happy to reciprocate. We know we can’t “just get off” all the time without pleasing you. But allow us before work, maybe, to get rough and selfish without the  dreaded speech of your sexual needs not being met in every session.

This is HUGE. Let’s face it, we can stare at a glass of milk and get off. You, on the other hand, need much more emotion and foreplay. So the reality is we are going to get off much more than you. It’s OK! Let us and don’t fall into the justice trap of “you orgasmed, so I need to.”

We will reciprocate. Show us how, but dumb it down and be gentle with our feelings.

How Men Show Love Conclusion

So you see, men express their love in different ways. How men love is based more on actions and not the words, “I love you.”

Oh, and don’t worry, I am on the other side teaching men to change too – this is not one-sided!

If this stuff makes you stop and think then you might want to keep reading! You need to understand more how the male mind works.  Check out my #1 Amazon Best Seller “To Date A Man, You Must Understand A Man”.

Is “The List” Really the Right List?

Is “The List” Really the Right List?

What Women Look for in a Man – Are they the Right Things?

We all have “the list” – you know – the list of things we want and don’t want in our partners. Hi all, Kirbie today and I wanted to share with you why you may want to re-evaluate “the list” – make sure your list is the right list.

First, I’ll share with you what qualities I look for in a man:

  • Educated (at least some college, preferably graduated)
  • A true gentleman – you know, opens doors and that sort of thing
  • Lives in my town – I don’t want to relocate
  • Not obese
  • Belongs to certain ethnic groups
  • Is not a couch potato
  • Someone who doesn’t have young children
  • No motorcycles
  • Shares my religious beliefs

Those are the basics – but how many of them should I really hang on to when I look at potential suitors? Is this the right list?

qualities of a good man

Everyone needs their must have list!

The key is to stay away from the “always or never syndrome”. It goes something like this – “I would never date someone who didn’t graduate from college!” Why? Truly, I could give some on this one, but my experience with men (limited as it is) tells me that I relate better to men who have at least attended college – I don’t know why – and yes, I have dated men who did not – I’m still single.

Of course, I have dated men who did go to college and I’m still single – so that one might not be as important as I think. What is more important to me is that he’s not a slacker. I was raised to believe that means he went to college. I’m working on it, okay?

In his work as a dating coach, Gregg often encourages women to make a list of things they want in a boyfriend or husband, and this is a good thing to do, don’t get me wrong, but the question is are we holding too tight and fast to that list, or is the list full of the right criteria – I ask again – is it the right list?

Generally speaking, try not to rule out things you’ve never experienced. I did once ride a motorcycle – it was a high school friend – I doubt he went over 2 miles per hour with me screaming in his ear – we were chasing my dog, who ran like a jack rabbit.

I was terrified! Is that one based on real experience – maybe a little, but I was probably 17, so it might be worth a re-evaluation. It’s important not to generalize one experience to all men – good or bad.

For heaven’s sake, don’t look at someone’s income. I wish dating profiles didn’t contain this piece of information. If a man puts his income down and it’s rather high, I immediately feel like a gold-digger if I click like, even though I am definitely doing it for other reasons.

How much money a man makes says nothing of his character. He could be a real jerk, or he could be a true sweetheart. His bank account won’t tell you this, but there are other ways to find out if he’s a keeper.

You may want a guy who comes from a ‘good family’. This is all well and good, but I know a number of men, my father included, whose family leaves a bit to be desired in the “good” category, and he is a great man, admired by many and quite successful. good qualities in a man

I know other men who fall into the same category. Give a man a chance to be better than his family. Yes, if you get married, you’re ‘stuck’ with these people, but find out how he feels about them and how he reacts to them before you make any blanket statements.

What Women Look for in a Man

If you are contemplating dumping him because he’s not so hot in the sack, give him a break. Maybe you aren’t either – and he’s still around. The key here is that you’re not communicating. You need to gently guide him toward making your experience better, and you need to inquire about the job you’re doing. People are so embarrassed to talk about this and they’d rather go look for someone else, than open up. Just talk for Pete’s sake.

Suppose your guy has health issues – maybe even an STD. Well, forewarned is forearmed. I once dated someone with an STD. He was very open and honest about it, we took the proper precautions and I have no residual impact from dating him.

I did not get his STD. For other health issues, I ask you this – what if this health issue had not come along until you were married for 10 years? Would it be cause for a divorce?

What about a guy who won’t give up Mommy – or living with the folks? Well, let me tell you that a Momma’s boy is often a man who treats women with the utmost respect. What’s so wrong with that? If he lives with his parents, it’s worth investigating the reason before immediately dismissing him. If he considers this a temporary situation – i.e. he is getting back on his feet after a divorce or he is saving up to buy a house – it might not be such a bad thing.

Of course, you do want him to feel motivated to move out, but it shouldn’t be an automatic deal-breaker. As for mom – you need to see just how attached they are and decide whether or not you can deal with it. As Gregg mentions in Manimals, if you are committed to making friends with mom, you two can be a great team, both looking out for her baby.

Does your potential guy take medication for depression or anxiety? You probably think this is something worthy of cutting the cord, but I ask you to reconsider. Yes, he has some mental health issues, but so does about 10% of the population. This guy is seeking medical treatment, which many of the others are not. Give him credit for trying to work through his problem.

My point is this – yes, you should definitely have some criteria that you hold fast to, like religious beliefs and core values, but outside of that, how important are some of your criteria? Are you using these criteria to keep men away? Is this more a symptom of your fear of dating or your lack of confidence?

A while back, I wrote an article, Women are Their Own Worst Enemies, in which I spoke about how we perceive ourselves and our ability to attract a great guy. It may be worth checking out that article and asking yourself the questions above again after you do.

What Women Look for in a Man

What is your criteria – where would you be willing to compromise? Is your list the right list?

Confidence Course for Women is Here

Confidence Course for Women is Here

Confidence Course for Women

Self-confidence is in play everyday of our lives. Unfortunately, most people’s confidence has taken a beating through out our lives. Childhood and failed relationships are just two easy ways to put a dent in the old confidence armor. There are other things that occur throughout your life that may ding you up a little bit. Do not despair – I am here to help you get it back – permanently! That’s why I have developed this confidence course for women.

This course will help you get your confidence back. It’s simple, easy and powerful. This confidence course for women provides you with practical examples and a special toolbox, created just for you! By the end of this course, you will be a new and confident woman with goals to pursue and a busy life! Have you ever listened to that little voice in your head? The voice which says “you can’t do that” or “you are too fat” is about to go. That type of self-talk is counterproductive and it stops today! You will learn the value of affirmations and how to change your self talk from negative to positive, recognizing the good you do in your everyday life. You will learn to set goals, understand the value of meditation and you will begin to concentrate on meaningful things that are important in your life. Why should you involve yourself in a confidence course for women? Not only will this help you develop a higher level of confidence and self-esteem, but you will be attracting men – and not just any men either – high value men! High value men are attracted to women who light up a room when they walk in, proud, confident and standing tall. When a confident woman enters a room, she does so with her shoulders square, a contagious smile and eyes that are dancing around the room, looking for the first of many people she will engage in conversation. This can be you!

Get your confidence boost by working your way through this confidence course for women! Your journey to higher confidence and self-esteem begins the minute you start reading! There’s no time like now to get started! Your life is waiting!

5 Rules To Follow on Your Journey to Catch Mr. Right

5 Rules To Follow on Your Journey to Catch Mr. Right

How to Know if You Found the Right Guy?

In To Date a Man, You Must Understand A Man: The Keys to Catch a Great Guy, Gregg says, “Cast a net off your boat and fill your bucket with men. Then throw back the losers and keep a few in your koi pond.” So how do you know if you should reel him in or cast him overboard?

It’s Tiffany today to remind you that you are the CHOOSER! It’s all up to you to decide whether or not he’s a keeper. And it’s not that hard to figure out, once you have the right gear. I’m not talking fishing poles and actual nets, but solid tools and rules to follow on your journey to catch Mr. Right.

Write It Down

So, you’ve been on a few dates and you have him firmly in your net. Before you go any farther, stop and write down at least ten sentences that detail exactly how you want to be treated by a guy.

Do you want a man who puts you first? Someone who makes you laugh? Someone respectful? Thoughtful? Romantic? Once you have a solid ten, narrow it down to a good three to five items that are non-negotiable.

Now promise yourself you will not fall for the guy unless he proves — consistently, through his actions — that he is the quality man you are looking for. No exceptions. If he doesn’t realistically meet your standards, cast him overboard.

Take A Step Back

When we are really into someone, we tend to view everything with blinders on. It’s hard to assess the relationship clearly when we only see the good. But is he truly a decent guy?

Or is he just hot, without any real substance? In Who Holds The Cards Now? 5 Lethal Steps to Win His Heart and Get Him to Commit, Gregg Michaelsen advises us to slow down and take a step back to discover his true worth.

This is especially important before sex gets in the way, and clouds our minds even more. Remember, YOU hold the cards. Keep it in lock-down mode until you are sure he is a man of value.

Have Your Friends Meet Him

You may have blinders on, but your friends surely don’t! Good girlfriends have your back, and can help you see if he’s the real deal, or just a blowfish. Try not to get defensive when they give you their unbiased opinion.

Listen to what they have to say and trust that they want what’s best for you. If the guy isn’t all that, they can help you give him the heave ho. Cast him overboard. But if they think you found the right guy, reel him in!

Is He Mr. Right?

Meet His Friends

This can be a real game changer. If he doesn’t want you to meet his buddies, there is something wrong. Cast him overboard. If he wants you to meet his buddies, and wants to show you off — great! Take this time to find out what they have to say about your man.

Do they respect him? Is he a reliable, stand up guy? Or is he a girl chaser? Is he a slob? Also pay attention to how your man behaves in this situation. Is he attentive to you? Is he confident and relaxed? Does he put you first? Or is he always siding with the guys? Is he nervous? Insecure? Clingy? Is he crudely checking out other girls? Is he an obnoxious drunk?

Does his personality change in a negative way when he’s with his crew? Remember, if his friends are immature, or if they are all players, chances are he is too. If you find that’s the case, get rid of him — fast!

Follow Your Intuition

Does he make excuses all the time? Does he fail to step up when you need him? Is he too busy to meet your family and friends? Is he controlling? Self-centered? Rude? These are all red flags!

Whatever the behavior may be, if it gives you those uneasy vibes, it’s wrong! When in doubt, follow your intuition. We women are famous for it, so use it — and lose him. Cast him overboard!

On your way to “The One,” you are bound to catch a few bad fish. But remember, there are plenty of men in the sea, so keep casting your net and reel in the good ones! Who knows, you might just score the catch of a lifetime!

Hi, I’m Tiffany — the new girl! Gregg has summoned my powers to help his blog grow by leaps and bounds. Gregg, Kirbie and I will help bring you the complete gamut of ideas, solutions and issues we all face in the name of love.

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