Long Distance Relationships Can Work

Long Distance Relationships Can Work

Long distance relationships can work, contrary to what many people believe. Of course they have their challenges, but so do traditional relationships. Proximity in terms of miles is not a precursor for relationship success or failure.

Back in the day, long-distance relationships (LDRs) were more challenging because there was no Internet, no Facetime, no Zoom. There was no easy and inexpensive way to communicate with your loved one.

If you wanted to call, you needed to be prepared to pay the long-distance phone bill that would result. Today, you can call anywhere in the world without it costing more than your monthly phone bill.

We’ve come a long way, baby.

Not only that, but the possibility of meeting great people has opened up with the dozens, if not hundreds of online dating services that are available now. You can meet anyone in the world.

So what challenges are unique to long-distance relationships? Is it true that long-distance relationships can work, or are they destined for failure based on distance alone? How can you ensure that your LDR will withstand the test of distance?

Summary: There are challenges to any relationship, but the challenges to today’s long-distance relationship are different from those twenty years ago. Today, instead of struggling to pay just to communicate, couples must balance busier than ever work schedules, the expense of travel, unrealistic expectations, and building intimacy from a distance. However, when you go into an LDR viewing it as a challenge from the start, are you creating a bigger problem or being realistic?

long distance relationships can work

What are the Challenges of an LDR?

Long Distance Relationships Can Work With the Right Expectations

When you’re able to see and chat with someone on the daily, you share all of the most mundane aspects of your life, as well as the big stuff. It all gets lumped into the daily conversation.

How are you today, babe?

Oh, I’m ok. I have a bit of a headache but I’m sure it’ll go away.

Great. Are we still on for dinner at The Pub later?

Sure! I’m in. Can’t wait!!

But when you only see your partner once a month, you don’t want to waste time on the mundane. Your expectation may be that when you arrive at his condo, he’ll have candles flitting in the dimly lit room, a romantic dinner, and a magical evening planned.

Still, when you arrive, he’s just gotten home himself from a long day at work. He hasn’t even thought about dinner, let alone had time to go to those lengths. He’s exhausted from a long week of work, and you’re exhausted from work, then travel.

All the two of you want to do is flop on the sofa with some Chinese takeout and a Netflix binge. The weekend flies by and before you know it, you’re back home in your own condo, wondering where the magic was.

The truth is that even though your relationship is long-distance, life still marches on to its regular beat. You both still have chores and things to do on those weekends when you’re hosting your significant other. While a magical evening sounds great, it isn’t always practical.

Jealousy and Infidelity

When you’re in an LDR, it’s so easy to allow your imagination to run wild when you’re apart, and even when you’re together.

You’ve come to town for a visit, and he wants to take you to this great new little hole-in-the-wall place he’s discovered, so you go.

Immediately, your jealousy hackles rise up as the hostess is very very friendly towards your beau.

Hey Gregg, it’s so great to see you again. Same table? It’s available.

WTHeck is going on??? She knows his first name? He has a table?

Now, when you’re not together, you wonder what he’s up to. Is he back there? Is she flirting with him again? Clearly she likes him. Anyone can see that!

The truth might be that good old Gregg isn’t that much into cooking and he prefers to eat out. This place has a lot of the same types of foods he ate as a child and it makes him feel at home. It has nothing to do with the pretty girl at the entrance.

It may also be that Gregg is a social being who enjoys the personal touches that this little place brings. He’s new to town and he really enjoys finding these new friends. You can’t be his only friend in life, especially if he is a social type.

Is infidelity a possibility? Sure it is, but that’s true of any relationship, not just an LDR. Just because he likes that the hostess knows his name doesn’t mean he’s willing to share other things with her…like his bed.

Financial Strain

This one is obvious and is true of relationships today and twenty years ago. In fact, with the cost of travel today, it may be even more challenging than it was back then.

It may be that you can’t afford to take three days off of work every other week to go, especially if you work an hourly job or you don’t get the same days off as your partner.

The truth is that you must budget for visits, and this is true regardless of which side of the travel you’re on. As you saw in the part about expectations, you may feel a strong need to make his weekend with you unforgettable.

This might mean going the extra mile for meals, sprucing up your apartment, maybe even getting a new outfit to wow him. None of these things are really necessary, mind you, because he loves you for you, not your stuff or your wardrobe, but still, I get it.

And even just the extra miles of travel, whether by car, train, or plane, can be expensive. Sure, you can get frequent flyer miles for flying but that doesn’t loosen the immediate grip on your wallet.

Long Distance Relationships Can Work With Boundaries

When you’re in a long-distance relationship, you’re sort of living two separate lives when you’re apart. He has his work and friends, and you have yours. These lives are happening while you’re apart from one another.

So, when one visits the other, jealousy can erupt. Not so much over potential infidelity, but just the life being lived without the other partner.

You sit at a bar with your beau and he and his friends are all chuckling over something that happened the last time they got together. But you weren’t there, and you feel left out and jealous of his fun times without you.

It’s possible you even feel like he spends too much time with his friends when you’re around. Shouldn’t he be spending all of his time with you? You’re there for such a short time after all.

It might feel like there are no boundaries – no limit to how he spends his time when he’s with you. This is just like any other weekend he has when you aren’t there.

long distance relationships can work

Not Recognizing Real Problems or Blowing Problems Up

Real problems occur in long-distance relationships, and they’re handled in one of three ways.

The first is that you recognize the problem and work on fixing it in a healthy way, having calm and honest conversations with one another about a potential solution to the problem.

The second is that you ignore the problem, attributing it to the distance or the stress of being apart. It’ll be no big deal when you’re together.

The third is that you blow it way out of proportion and make it a much bigger deal than it really is, causing friction and unnecessary stress in the relationship.

Questions About Relationship Status

When you can’t really see someone regularly, you may make assumptions about whether he’s as committed to the relationship as you are. It’s difficult to read someone’s body language over Facetime or Zoom, and definitely over texts.

Insecurity can cause all kinds of unfounded problems and make you feel like you’re in a constant state of almost losing him.

The problem is that boosting your insecurities, for him, can be tedious and not worth it. He feels like he’s doing everything he can to show you that he cares, but it’s never enough.

Your perception is that he isn’t showing you enough that he cares and his perception is that he’s doing a fine job of it.

Long Distance Relationships Can Work with Great Communication

Probably the biggest problem relationships can have, close or long-distance is communication. I’d like to say it’s a bigger problem in long-distance relationships, and maybe it really is, but from where I sit as a dating coach, I’d say any relationship is at risk.

Some challenges are different, but many are the same.

Oversharing

For example, communicating by text all day long leaves you nothing to talk about when you either Facetime one another later or see each other face to face. You’ve already dribbled all of the bits and pieces of your day to one another. Messages seen and replied to.

So, what’s left to talk about? A stiff silence rests between you until one of you finds something to fill the void.

Varying Communication Styles

Another challenge is the communication styles of men and women. You already know this exists but maybe not why. Men use few words and use them effectively. Every word is important. Just the facts ma’am.

Women use many words, most of which carry emotion and not a lot of fact. You may write him a twelve-line text about something really important, but all he sees is twelve lines and he imagines that nothing good comes from that much of a text. He ignores it and waits a few hours to reply.

Or worse yet, he simply says, “okay” and this infuriates you.

Our Inability to Listen

Other communication problems come from our inability to listen. Listening is a skill that it seems like most people do not have. Instead of truly listening to someone, we’re already formulating our response, a response that will best whatever it is the other person is saying.

You climbed up the rock wall at the rec? Pfffft I climbed a real rock last summer. And off you go. While he was talking about how he overcame a tremendous fear of heights by doing this, you’re already besting him, not even listening.

Fighting From a Distance

Probably the biggest no-no of a long-distance relationship is picking a fight while you’re apart. It’s too easy to text or email hurtful things because you can’t see the face of the person you’re speaking to. It’s impersonal.

It’s also not a fair fight. You might send a text and he’s in the middle of an important work meeting. He either sees your angry text and he loses focus in the meeting, or he ignores the text, maybe even has his phone silenced, and doesn’t see it for hours.

Now, you’re upset because he didn’t reply as soon as you thought he should have, and you’ve added to your anger.

It’s okay to be upset with someone but fight fair. Hold off the conversation for when you can at least talk on Facetime if not in person. This allows cooler heads to be present for working on the problem. You’ve had time to think about things, and you can be more reasonable in the discussion of the problem.

long distance relationships can work

Long Distance Relationships Can Work, Right? What Does Science Say?

My associate, Kirbie, loves to do research and she did some on this topic for us. Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot of science on this topic that is recent enough to account for the newer technology that couples can use to maintain closeness.

Still, some of the research that’s a little older tells us that long-distance relationships have no greater chance of breaking up than relationships of closer proximity. The overall consensus is that a relationship is a relationship, regardless of distance.

The challenges mentioned above are more common challenges of LDR’s but many of those are also challenges of closer relationships too.

Perhaps It’s More About Perspective and Other Factors

I’m a firm believer that we think our way into how situations will play out.

For example, a person who lacks confidence is more likely to anticipate jealousy, not because their partner shows signs of looking for someone else, but because they don’t believe that they’re lovable and can enjoy a happy relationship.

This is something that is true of any relationship.

It’s also possible that your expectations are negative right from the start.

This will never work out.

I can’t imagine being in a relationship where I can’t see him every day.

Long distance relationships are hard.

These are called limiting beliefs, and they can have a serious impact on the outcomes we experience. You might even call them self-fulfilling prophecies. You end up getting what you expected to get.

Long distance relationships can work when the circumstances are right.

Many people in LDRs experience very satisfying relationships, so they can’t be impossible. These people don’t cheat, don’t feel jealousy, and have the right expectations of how their in-person visits will go.

How Close-Proximity Relationships Struggle

Just for fun, let’s take a moment to examine how people in closer proximity relationships can struggle with the same issues.

Expectations

While you get to see your guy more often, in a close proximity relationship, you still have expectations of special dates. Perhaps these are singled out for special occasions like Valentine’s Day or anniversaries, but there are still expectations.

And these expectations can go unmet just as easily. You think he’ll plan out some elaborate Valentine’s Day experience and the truth is that like many men, he’s standing at the grocery store at lunchtime scavenging for the best card from the well picked over selection.

He stops on his way home and grabs a bouquet of flowers – one of just a few left and runs home to meet you for the date. This is the truth about how many men to holidays and anniversaries.

If you don’t believe me, sit in a grocery store parking lot between five and six o’clock on any given day. You’ll see numerous men, sometimes with kids in tow, coming out with a bouquet of flowers and a couple of grocery bags of goodies.

So, nothing really different here except that the expectations might be a little different.

Jealousy and Infidelity

This is definitely not exclusive to LDR’s. This is more common for people who lack confidence and/or self-esteem.

There is either a belief that you aren’t capable of a great relationship, therefore your guy will ultimately cheat on you and leave. Or there’s a belief that you don’t deserve a great relationship and it’s just a matter of time before this one ends, just like the others.

Distance isn’t the problem here. Confidence and self-esteem are the real issues.

Financial Strain

While it’s true that a closer proximity relationship doesn’t have the challenge of travel expenses, there are other expenses associated with life in general that can still play a role.

This can be especially true of people who are financially irresponsible, spending more than they make, not saving, and so on.

Financial strain is something people should work out before they get into a relationship. A hallmark of a great man is one who is financially solid, and he will shy away from women who exhibit financial irresponsibility.

This means that two financially irresponsible people are more likely to find one another, thus creating a bigger problem.

Are you Counting the Days until you see your guy again? Do you wish for a long distance relationship that felt as if it could go that distance? This book helps you learn ways in which you can make the most of your time apart. You’ll learn new ways to communicate and share time together, even when you’re apart. It’s a great book for helping you find the answers to the probing questions people seem to have no problem asking.

You can learn more about the book here or you can buy it now by clicking one of the buttons below.

Boundaries

Challenges with boundaries exist in close proximity relationships as well. They often just relate to different problems.

A lack of boundaries is often a problem of low confidence also. Are you seeing a theme here that has nothing to do with distance?

People who have no boundaries often do so because they are insecure in their ability to build and maintain relationships.

If I say no, he’ll leave me.

If I tell him I don’t want to have sex on the first date, he won’t call back.

Someone whose standards are that low isn’t worth dating anyway. Any man would most likely love to have sex too early with a woman he finds attractive. The difference is that a great man may want to have sex, but he’ll wait until he realizes he’s earned that place in her life.

A confident woman will have that boundary to keep players out of her bed.

Not Recognizing Problems or Blowing Problems Up

This isn’t unique to LDR’s either. People put blinders on when it comes to problems, often letting them simmer to a boiling point.

For some, it’s a desire to avoid conflict. For others, it’s a fear of losing the other person. And for others still, it might be an inability to deal with problems in an appropriate way.

Sometimes, we just aren’t raised to manage problems, so we don’t know how. Our parents argued and that’s what we know.

And then there’s blowing problems out of proportion. Both men and women are great at this, and distance doesn’t matter here either.

Other factors might. When we’re stressed or anxious, problems feel bigger. Problems that are left unresolved for too long are also bigger, either by imagination or avoidance.

For example, not having enough money to pay the rent might be a small problem you can overcome in the first month, but left unresolved for several months, becomes a bigger problem as you fall further and further behind.

So this one isn’t unique to LDR’s either.

Questions About Relationship Status

This is most definitely not an LDR only problem.

Wait for it…it’s a confidence problem.

People who lack confidence and self-esteem often spend a lot of time questioning their relationship status, for the same reasons they get jealous and suspect infidelity.

You can see your guy every day and still question your relationship status. He might not respond to a text as quickly as you think he should, so you immediately assume he wants to break up with you.

Perhaps he’s been tired from work lately, but you view it as a lack of interest in you and fear he’s about to bolt.

The problem is that every time you question the relationship status, which he thinks, or thought anyway, was fine, you put a little pin prick into the relationship. An annoying little pinch for him that builds over time.

Before you know it, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy – you expect him to want to break up, so you question him all of the time about his dedication to you, and due to the constant pressure, he decides he’s had enough, and he leaves.

Which is what you were expecting him to do all along.

Communication

Ahh communication. There isn’t anything new I can say here. Everything I said above holds for close proximity relationships too.

You don’t need distance to have poor communication in a relationship.

Poor communication is present in many relationships, romantic, business, and personal. People who have ineffective communication styles can be challenging to speak to. Other people, many in fact, have very poor listening skills.

These challenges cause problems no matter where you live or how far apart.

Long Distance Relationships Can Work

Yes, it’s true. Long distance relationships can work, for the same reasons that close proximity relationships can work.

Two people who are confident with high self-esteem will enjoy very happy and satisfying relationship, regardless of where they live.

The challenges of distance are easier to overcome when you have the confidence to avoid some of the common pitfalls.

There are different strategies you can use to build an LDR versus a closer proximity relationship for sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. It’s just different.

Be sure to read about Long Distance Relationship Activities here!

Love is a Verb: How to Improve your relationship with action

Love is a Verb: How to Improve your relationship with action

Relationships falter and arguments occur because people don’t understand one fundamental truth: love is a verb.

Yes, love is a feeling. You can be in love with someone, but ultimately, to maintain a happy relationship, you must recognize that love is a verb. An action.

In the early stages of a relationship, acting on your feelings is natural, in fact, it can feel overwhelming. The chemistry and the hormones created by the feeling of love kick in and you want to do things for one another.

He may bring you flowers or offer to walk your dog. You might stick a note in his computer bag when he isn’t looking or make his favorite meal.

These are actions that show your love for one another.

This is how men show their love all of the time, but women are more verbal.

The breakdown later in a relationship comes because you want to hear the words I love you while he’s busy showing you that he loves you. You don’t understand that his actions, to him, are very telling of how he feels and you think he doesn’t love you.

I see it time and time again. I’ve written on it a few times.

Men love in different ways

How will I know if he really loves me?

Let’s first dig into how man and women fall in love differently.

love is a verb

Men and Women Fall in Love Differently

The differences between men and women when it comes to love are clear right from the very first.

From the very first moment you meet a guy, you share experiences. These experiences sometimes enable your body to create certain neurotransmitters, which, in turn, creates a feeling of love.

But here’s the kicker. Men and women require different neurotransmitters to fall in love. Who knew?

It turns out that men require three neurotransmitters to fall in love while women only require two.

Women’s Neurotransmitters vs. Men’s

For a woman, dopamine and oxytocin are required for that loving feeling to be created. These chemicals must build up in your system to a certain level for you to feel attraction and ultimately fall in love.

Men, as I mentioned, require three neurotransmitters: testosterone, vasopressin, and dopamine. These combine to enable him become attracted to you, bond with you, and ultimately commit to a relationship with you.

How Neurotransmitters Impact the Speed of Falling in Love

Dopamine is the neurotransmitter both men and women need for love, but they need them differently.

For women, they fall in love when their dopamine and oxytocin levels reach a certain level. Oxytocin increases faster than dopamine for women.

In the case of men, all three neurotransmitters must be present. Testosterone shoots up, then the increase nearly levels off, going up much slower. Vasopressin shoots up, then goes through a period of increasing and decreasing before shooting up again to meet up with the testosterone. Dopamine takes a slower journey, going up slightly, leveling off, then increasing slightly again before finally increasing at a more rapid rate.

The end result is that women’s chemicals reach peak level faster than men’s levels. It can be frustrating for a woman who’s sure her guy is in love with her but isn’t showing it yet. The truth is you beat him to it.

If you can be patient and give him time, his levels will get there too. If you push him too hard without accepting that he’s moving slower, you run the risk of pushing him away.

The Neurotransmitters & How They Work

You may recognize dopamine as the ‘feel good’ chemical. It’s something your body produces every time you’re doing something you enjoy. Rewards like food, sex, and drugs increase your dopamine. You like how it makes you feel and you want more of it.

Testosterone, as you probably have heard, makes men into men. It gives him the drive to chase a woman he finds attractive. His levels shoot up and the pursuit is on. It will ultimately be the chemical that makes him want to claim you as his own and to commit to a relationship with you.

Oxytocin is sometimes called the love hormone. It not only creates a loving bond between men and women, but also mothers and their children. It’s also a hormone released after you experience an orgasm.

Vasopressin is found in men who are attracted to a woman. It’s this that makes a man feel like he can count on you. He produces it when he overcomes a challenge or stressful situation. It’s vasopressin that helps men see people as team players.

The challenge with the timing of the male vs female chemicals is that for women, love feels risky and causes anxiety because it happens so quickly. The fact that the man is falling in love slower adds to her anxiety, making this time in between you both falling in love feel very stressful. Patience is the necessary element for success.

Love is a Verb: Moving Past the Science

Okay, now that we’re done with the sciency stuff, it’s time to get into the meat of our discussion.

Men and Women Send and Receive Love Differently

I get emails all of the time from women who are afraid their guy doesn’t love them, and yet, when I dig in, I often find that their guy is 100% in love with them, and they just don’t see it.

Look For Small Gestures

Men show love through small gestures, like taking you out to lunch or doing small chores. A man might take your car for an oil change or get up early with the kids so you can sleep in on a weekend morning.

It’s these small gestures that show his love for you. He’s trying to ease your load or make your life easier in some way.

Watch for Signs of Vulnerability

Men aren’t raised to show their soft underbelly to anyone. Being a macho man means showing anger or aggression and facing dangerous situations. Emotional vulnerability is a sign of weakness.

Because of this, sometimes all a man can say to you is, “Wow, Babe, you look great.” It’s all he is able to share in that moment.

And then, you’ll find in other moments that he opens up a little bit and shares something, making him feel very exposed and vulnerable.

How you react in these moments is crucial. If you ignore it or worse, demean him for it, it won’t happen again for a very long time, if ever. But, if you treasure this moment for the rare gift that it is, you’ll find more of them in the future.

Ask questions and validate whatever feelings he’s sharing with you. It might even help to share something that makes you feel vulnerable sometime soon after as well.

The more he feels accepted by you, the more likely he’ll be to share that soft underbelly at another time.

Let Him Navigate His Emotions How He Needs to

Because sharing his emotions probably isn’t a familiar feeling for him, he might not always want to talk about something that’s bothering him.

If you sense he’s battling something, don’t push. If he asks to be left alone, let him have his time, but if he doesn’t, suggest going for a walk or out to eat. Sometimes these activities will help him feel like he can open up.

The key is to suggest but not force. Most of the time, if you let him sort things out on his own, he will share what was bothering him with you later. He just needs time to process what happened and find a solution.

The Pursuit of Intimacy

Men and women also see intimacy differently. For a man, emotional intimacy often comes through sexual intimacy. In other words, being invited to have sex with you makes him feel more emotionally connected to you. This is because men are more physical, and touch is often powerful for them.

Women, on the other hand, find sexual intimacy through emotional intimacy. Your desire to feel wanted and emotionally safe helps you feel more open to sex.

While it’s the opposite for you, it doesn’t mean they’re oppositional to one another. They’re actually complimentary traits.

So, what does this mean? It means that you should be more intentional with physical affection. Kiss his neck. Rub his back. Hold his hand. It won’t always lead to sex, so don’t be afraid that if you hold his hand he’ll want to jump in the sack. He requires affection too, and this is how you can give it to him.

Face to Face Interaction vs Side by Side

Intimacy isn’t just sex. It’s the little moments you share together, but you experience them differently than men do.

For women, face to face communication is more meaningful, while for a man, doing something side by side feels intimate.

For example, a man can say to you, “You’re really beautiful” and it will be meaningful to you, but if you reciprocate and say, “And you’re quite handsome tonight”, he won’t feel that same boost.

Instead, he will enjoy doing something with you, like cooking or working on a hobby. I often encourage women to take interest in their guys’ hobbies and this is why. He will enjoy doing something with you than he will whatever pretty words you say to him.

love is a verb

Behaviors of Love vs Emotions

What does anger mean to you? Is it when someone pulls out in front of you in traffic? Is it when someone lies to you? Is it when your sister steals your favorite boots, then gets them dirty?

And what about love? You love hamburgers. You love your new purse, and you love your dog. Do you consider all of these different loves as being the same?

When we think of love as an emotion, it becomes harder to define because everyone defines their emotions differently. Abuse to you might be someone slapping you across the face, while to someone else, that isn’t abuse, but being punched in the gut is.

So, when we instead consider the idea of love is a verb, it becomes definable. It’s an action. It’s something you do to show another person that you admire and love them.

Just today, my mother asked me if I was tired of taking care of her. I didn’t even flinch before I said, “No!” and I meant it. I love my mother and I would do anything for her. I feel the same way about my sisters. I would do anything for any of them. And I often do.

My actions show my love.

Think about it this way. It’s easy to say the words, “I love you” and perhaps the person saying them doesn’t even mean what they’re saying. But, to show someone you love them through your actions takes effort and energy. You’re taking time out of your schedule to focus on helping them.

Isn’t that so much more meaningful than just blurting out some words?

Wrapping Up: Take Love off of Autopilot

Too many times, once a relationship has moved past a commitment stage and you’re a year or two, maybe more, into it, love goes on autopilot.

“He knows I love him.”

Yes, somewhere deep down inside, he probably does know, but that doesn’t mean you stop showing him and vice versa.

By doing things for your loved ones, including your partner, you’re putting your precious time and energy into something selfless for someone else. It’s a true act of love and sacrifice, no matter how small it may seem.

The trick is to continue doing things for one another, and these actions don’t need to be grandiose. Put a note in his briefcase or computer bag that says something sweet or promises a treat later, like his favorite cookies or meal.

Run his clothes to the dry cleaner or pick them up. Get his car washed or fill up the gas tank. If he’s bogged down at work, do one of his chores for him or bring him dinner.

Keep the love going by doing things that show your appreciation for one another. Don’t put love on autopilot and expect it to survive because it won’t.

Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you’ll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They’re added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

To learn more about it, click here. To purchase the book, click one of the buttons below.

Advice on relationships for women

Advice on relationships for women

Nobody ever gives us advice on relationships as we grow up. We learn by example, or we wing it if we don’t really have an example to go by.

This is unfortunate because it often means we go into relationships clueless as to how to make them great.

Today, I’d like to share some advice on relationships that I’ve gathered over the years through various forms of research. I hope you find these tips useful in your own relationships.

Best Advice on Relationships – Learn How to Communicate

Poor communication is one of the leading problems in relationships. Oh, we know how to speak our minds well enough, but what many people don’t know how to do is listen.

Often, we’re too busy trying to best the other person or plead our case to truly listen to what’s being said.

This is especially true when the discussion is more of an argument.

In my book, The Power to Communicate, you learn about different communication styles and how you can communicate with people who are often difficult to talk to. Knowledge is power!

When you’re in a romantic relationship, especially when the relationship is new, you might be afraid to speak out about something that’s bothering you, but this isn’t fair to you, or your partner.

Of course, part of the male-female communication challenge lies in understanding different communication styles you both have.

Men use few words, and the few words they use are effective and efficiently get their point across. Women use many words, often with emotion.

Neither is right or wrong, they’re just different, and these differences begin in childhood.

Studies have shown that little boys can play together without saying a single word to one another. Little girls, on the other hand, use language to build relationships, so they talk a lot more.

Of course, this few words versus many words thing is a real dilemma because it creates problems. You send your guy a twenty-word text asking him his opinion on something and he says something like “It’s okay.”

You were looking for more, but that’s all he felt was necessary. You’re frustrated and he’s clueless as to why.

Learn how to understand how men think

Develop Your Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is your ability to understand, manage, and express your emotions. It includes your ability to recognize and appropriately respond to other people’s emotions. It’s your feelings smarts.

So, how do you develop emotional intelligence?

Label Your Feelings

Sometimes we feel something, but we never take the time to identify exactly what it is. What seems like anger might really be frustration or disappointment.

If you stop and take the time to label your feelings, you can appropriately deal with them.

Dealing with anger when you’re really frustrated doesn’t get you anywhere. You need to instead determine what’s frustrating you and deal with that.

Accept Your Feelings

Somewhere along the way, feelings became bad things. Someone, and I have no idea who, determined that stuffing bad feelings deep down inside was better than accepting and dealing with them and now we have a lot of people who are unable to deal with those feelings.

The problem with stuffing them is that they don’t go away. Even if you think they’re gone, they aren’t.

They’re like a giant festering wound that won’t go away. They get worse and worse until they explode, and you have an even bigger mess.

Instead, once you’ve labeled those feelings, accept them. Acknowledge that what you’re feeling is real and it’s okay to feel that way.

There is not a right or wrong feeling, and nobody should tell you how to feel something either. We all do that in our own way.

When you feel anger, for example, instead of saying something like this is wrong I shouldn’t be angry, say I can handle this problem, and I can figure out how to do that without losing my temper.

If you’re feeling lonely, say something like this: I am worthy of having someone wonderful in my life. I just haven’t found that person yet.

Manage Your Feelings

Now that you’ve labeled and accepted your feelings, it’s time to manage them. This is where people kind of drop off of the emotional intelligence ladder.

Did you know that at all times, you are 100% in control of your emotions? I felt really badly once because I told a woman this and she got very angry with me. I was trying to help her feel more in control and she wasn’t having any of it.

So, what does managing your feelings look like in real life?

Let’s go back to anger – it’s an easy emotion that everyone can relate to. If you’re feeling angry, you can manage it by taking a deep breath and stepping back for a moment. Collect yourself and give your mind a chance to get out of reactionary mode and into a mindset where you can rationally deal with the situation.

This is also sometimes called self-regulation. You’re learning how to regulate your emotions by evaluating them and choosing how you want to respond. People who do this enjoy much happier relationships and feel more in control of their lives. They live with less regret as well.

As soon as you feel you’re becoming emotional, stop yourself and take a moment to label and assess what you’re feeling. Step back and take a deep breath to evaluate what you should do next. Then, your response is at least more appropriate for the situation.

Share What You’re Feeling

Sometimes it helps to talk to someone about what you’re feeling. If that someone is the person you were experiencing the emotion over, then it’s definitely a good idea to discuss what happened, once cooler heads prevail.

Trying to talk when one or both of you are angry will never end well. Instead, take some time, maybe even a couple of hours, to redirect yourself and really think about what happened and how you might work on fixing the root problem.

If you’re frustrated with your boyfriend because he always leaves his dirty socks on the floor, explain to him why this frustrates you and ask him calmly if he can work on doing better.

As men, we don’t mean to be slobs, but sometimes, just like you, we’re in a hurry and we don’t think about those things. Chances are if you ask him calmly to try to do better, he will.

Sometimes sharing your feelings with someone who wasn’t involved in the situation helps you reevaluate what happened. Just saying it aloud often jolts something into place, and you have an ah-ha moment.

advice on relationships

Advice on Relationships – Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are necessary for any relationship to thrive, whether it’s with a friend, family member, or partner. Boundaries help you teach people how you will accept being treated. They protect you emotionally and sometimes physically, and they tell people that you’re a strong, confident woman who won’t put up with any crap.

Early in a new relationship, a great boundary would be no sex until you’re sure he can be trusted and that he isn’t just in it for the sex. A confident man will accept this boundary and will respect you for it. A player will push it and disrespect it. You can learn a lot about a man with just that boundary.

Another important boundary might relate to how he acts on a date. You might have a no phones boundary. This keeps him focused on your time together and not on the latest round of solitaire that he can’t beat. Other boundaries might be more general, like being on time when you go somewhere, or not being bothered when you’re working from home.

Be Self-Aware

Research tells us that many people believe they are more self-aware than they actually are, sometimes out of fear that they will actually discover things they don’t want to know out of fear or shame.

Having a healthy understanding of your own needs, values, and even wants or desires makes you self-aware. The second half of it, however, is being able to communicate those things to your partner effectively. Let’s tackle understanding your own needs first.

How to Understand Your Own Needs, Wants, and Values

Journal

One of the best ways to be more aware of yourself is to journal. By writing down your feelings and triggers, as well as thoughts and behaviors, you become more aware of what’s going on and you can unlock cause and effect.

For some, reading back through a week’s worth of entries helps to put things together. You can discover trends and notice things that may escape you as you’re writing. Sometimes just allowing your pen to follow your thoughts uncovers things you didn’t realize you were thinking or feeling.

As your journal progresses, you can look back to see how far you’ve come over time.

You can also use a journal to reflect on when your thoughts and feelings met your standards and where you might improve in the future. It helps if you have a deep understanding of your values, which we’ll get to in a moment. We’re most unhappy when our lives aren’t aligned with our values.

Uncover Your Values

Knowing what your values are helps you understand your needs because it gives you a guidepost by which you can navigate your life.

For example, if you value family but you seem to be working many hours, leaving little time for family, you might feel out of sorts. The reason is because you aren’t putting your values first.

To determine what your values are, look back at situations where you were happiest. Who was around? What was going on? What about the situation made you so happy? Your values lie in the answers.

You can also look at times when you weren’t very happy. Who was around then? What was happening and why were you so unhappy? This is also how you can find your values because whatever was going on was probably moving you against your values.

Get Curious

Imagine you’re someone you’ve never met before. Explore your thoughts. Explore your body. What are you capable of? What’s more difficult for you? Look at your journal entries and discover what might be hiding in your writing.

Curiosity is a wonderful thing if you allow yourself to go there. You can learn wonderful new things about yourself that can truly change how you feel about some area of your life.

I was coaching a woman a few years ago, we’ll call her Kelly. Kelly was generally unhappy and felt it was creeping into her ability to find a happy relationship. When we started digging into things, she discovered that her environment wasn’t making her happy.

Many of her things were hand-me-down items from family and she’d had them since she graduated from college. She was tired of them and felt those things didn’t really represent who she was. While it took some time, once she knew what some of the problem was, she set about making changes.

She saved up for new furniture, chose a new paint color for her apartment walls, and even changed the little do-dads around her house. She also discovered that she’s really a minimalist and was able to clear a lot of clutter that her mother had set around. She and her mother definitely didn’t feel the same way about clutter.

Just discovering what she needed to do helped Kelly feel better, and as she slowly made the changes she wanted to make, she felt even better. As her self-awareness began to grow, so did her confidence. This helped her find men who were more confident and better suited for long-term relationships.

Break Down Barriers

As you start working on your self-awareness, your instincts may be to build walls and keep people out, mostly out of shame and fear. But your true friends will love you regardless of the flaws you perceive you have. Chances are, your friends have things about themselves that they hope nobody discovers too, but as their friend, you only want to help.

We create our own barriers, usually by creating rules in our lives. Do any of these sound familiar?

  • I would never date a guy who didn’t go to college
  • There is no way I’d date a guy who rides a motorcycle
  • I am not interested in men who are shorter than I

The truth is that by creating these rules, we’re creating barriers. It’s usually done out of fear. Barriers protect, but sometimes, there can be too many of them and then they’re not protecting, they’re hurting.

Distinguish Between Wants and Needs

People often say they need something, when in truth, it’s something they want badly. A need is something that keeps you alive. You need air and water, as well as shelter from the elements, and so on. You may want sparkling or flavored water, but the need is water.

When you confuse wants and needs, things feel dire when they aren’t. “I need to get a red sweater to wear to the Annie’s Holiday Party next weekend.”

This isn’t a need, it’s a want.

Identifying what you need versus what you want helps you create a framework that’s reasonable and sustainable.

For example, you may need a vehicle to get yourself to work every day, but that doesn’t mean you need a $150K vehicle.

You need a home to shelter you from the elements, but you don’t need a home in the high-end neighborhood.

You need clothing, but you don’t need to shop at the most expensive shops in the mall.

Understand that Needs Change

Your needs today are probably different than they were when you were a child. Then, you needed someone to provide for your life and take care of those needs for you. You needed an education and a supportive family.

Today, you probably have that education, and your supportive family has grown to include a great group of friends. What you need today is a job to pay for your own shelter, transportation, clothing, and so on.

When you have children, your needs are also different, often including childcare, and the ability to provide those basic things for y our children.

But once they’re gone and you’re getting older, your needs change again. You may need help doing some tasks, medications to manage different health issues that may come up, and so on.

Stay aware of your changing needs and make sure to accommodate for them in your life.

advice on relationships

Communicating Your Needs

If you’ve experienced a few failed relationships, you might be a little hesitant to communicate your needs. While I understand where you’re coming from, I also know that keeping these things from your partner puts you at a disadvantage and places your relationship in jeopardy.

A good man who truly loves you, or if it’s too soon for love, truly enjoys spending time with you, wants to meet your needs. He wants to show you that he cares through his actions.

Women often misunderstand how men show love. I’ve coached too many women to count on this and I’m sure I’ll coach even more in the future.

I remember one woman who was extremely upset because her boyfriend bought her oven mitts as part of her birthday gift. What was he saying with this gift? Did he expect her to cook for him?

No! He had heard her complaining about how the oven mitts she had now were wearing out and she was burning herself when she used them, so he solved the problem and got her new mitts.

The guy who takes your car for an oil change or assembles the shelves you wanted in your office is showing you that he loves you.

If you don’t communicate your needs to your partner, you aren’t giving him a fair shot at showing you how he feels. It’s also important because it helps him know you better.

And if you have special needs that are physically or emotionally based, it’s even more important.

The truth is that it isn’t fair to hold this back in a relationship. You’re putting yourself and your partner at a disadvantage right away.

So, how do you do this?

Use “I” Statements

Which do you think Steve would more likely want to hear?

“Steve, I need some time each day after work to regroup, instead of launching right into dinner and evening activities.”

Or, “Steve, you always want to have dinner and do things right after I get home from work and I hate it.”

To me, it’s an easy decision. I’d much rather hear the first one than the second. The second statement is confrontational and accusatory. It immediately puts poor Steve on the defensive. The poor guy is so happy to see you at the end of the day and that second statement stomps all over his excitement.

When you say “I”, it presents your need in a peaceful and calm way. There is no accusation in the first statement, just what your needs are in a given point in time. It’s very hard to argue with someone when they make a statement like that.

Choose Great Timing

It’s never a good idea to express your needs when you’re both tired or if you’ve just had an argument. Of course, it should go without saying that you don’t express your needs during an argument.

You should also consider what else is going on at that time. I need to talk to you as he’s running out the door is very poor timing unless something just came up in the last few moments and it truly is urgent.

It’s also not great timing to try to discuss needs when he’s distracted with something else, like his favorite team playing on television or while he’s intently working on a hobby or work project.

Choose a time when neither of you are distracted and there is no urgent business in five minutes. Make sure neither of you are already agitated or feeling poorly.

Don’t Assume

We often place our own feelings on someone else and assume we know what they’re experiencing. A friend recently lost her father, who had been suffering from a long-term terminal illness for quite some time. The friend felt peace upon her father’s passing because she knew he wasn’t suffering any longer, but she quickly became annoyed at everyone assuming they knew how she felt.

She had to push away guilty feelings that often came from having a conversation with someone over her father’s passing. It was as if she needed to feel badly about his death just to appease other people. She got tired very quickly of people saying “I’m sorry for your loss” when she didn’t feel sorry at all. She felt at peace knowing that her father wasn’t suffering.

Everyone experiences things differently, so to assume that you know how they feel often means you’re wrong, and your attempts to comfort or guide that person are already on the wrong path.

Stay Focused on Today, Not Yesterday

It’s much easier to focus on what you need today, rather than what you needed but didn’t get in the past.

Holding on to old grievances doesn’t do anyone any good, plus it keeps an argument alive when it should have been resolved already.

Instead, stay focused on today and what you need moving forward. Let go of past problems and focus on the present. By doing this, you are able to problem-solve effectively and without malice.

Focus on Feelings

Much like it’s difficult for someone to find fault when you use “I” statements, it’s hard to find fault with someone’s feelings.

“Steve, I feel like we could have been more friendly to one another this morning during breakfast.”

“Joe, I feel left out when you start talking to your friends and leave me out of the conversation.”

“Adam, I feel like you aren’t really listening to me when you’re playing on your phone while we’re discussing things.”

Sometimes, people don’t realize that what they’re doing is impacting you negatively. There is no way for someone to argue how you feel in a situation. Of course, the opposite of doing it this way is again to use accusations.

“Steve, you were really rude to me at breakfast this morning!”

“Joe, you and your friends are really mean.”

“Adam, you ignore me all the time and I’m sick of it.”

It’s easy to see, again, how using the “I feel” approach is kinder and also more likely to produce results.

Be a Good Listener

It’s one thing to communicate your needs, but this should be a conversation where both of you are able to do so. That means you must be a good listener as well as a good speaker. We already talked about listening and communication at the beginning of the article, so I won’t repeat it now, but will just remind you of how important it is.

Problem Solve Together

When you find a problem in your relationship, work together to find a solution you can both live with. Don’t dictate solutions or leave it up to him to figure it out, regardless of who’s at fault.

In most situations, you and your partner both need to give a little to have an effective solution. Be prepared to not only expect some compromise from him, but to compromise yourself.

This helps you feel more like a team, which brings you closer together. It helps lessen the need for blame and focuses on solutions, rather than who’s at fault.

advice on relationships

Advice on Relationships – Understand What Love Is

Many people mistake love as a state of being, when in truth, it’s a verb. Loving someone is acting to show them that you love them, even during the most difficult times.

James has three children. Two daughters and one son. His oldest daughter, after a series of medical problems, became addicted to pain medications. Year after year, she would disappear for long periods of time, then reappear, wanting to go to rehab. He always supported her efforts to get clean, but eventually, she would end up back on the streets and drugs.

The younger children couldn’t understand why their father kept supporting failed efforts at rehabilitation. The cycle continued for years until finally, one October, she came home and asked for help once again. Her siblings avoided her and barely spoke to her, but her father allowed her to live with him as she pulled herself together. Slowly, she started doing Uber Eats deliveries and working toward a few goals.

Three years later, she is still clean and still slowly moving toward independence. James never stopped loving his daughter, regardless of the turmoil she brought to his life.

Things happen in relationships. People get sick or become disabled. Mental illness can creep in and negatively impact everyone. To love is to be there, as much as you can, during those difficult times, as well as during the good times.

It’s easy to be present when things are great. It’s less challenging to be there when things are difficult. The friend I mentioned earlier who recently lost her father had been living with her parents for the last six plus years to help care for him in spite of the fact that she has a rocky relationship with both of them.

My Final Advice on Relationships – Don’t Rush

I know how it goes. You find a guy you really think is the one and you want to hurry things along. You want to have sex and go on several dates a week. You set aside your ‘old’ life to spend as much time with him as possible.

Then it all comes crashing down.

Sounds familiar, right?

We’ve all been there. There is nothing like the excitement of a new relationship. For men, it’s the fun of learning about you, one bit at a time. It’s the fun of doing things together and discovering who you are.

My advice is to slow way down. Continue dating a couple of other guys for a while. There’s nothing wrong with dating more than one guy if you aren’t in a committed relationship. This doesn’t mean you have to flaunt it, but don’t stop dating multiple men until you make a commitment.

As you date these men, one will stand out over the others and your choice will be clear, but allow it to happen naturally, without forcing it.

A great relationship evolves over time. If you don’t rush things, but allow them to grow naturally, you’ll find yourself in a better place.

Wrapping Up

Advice on relationships for women comes from every direction. You can google that term and find thousands of articles, many probably telling you some of the same things I’ve told you here, and frankly, I could write a whole book on this topic and it would be very long.

But that isn’t the point. The point is for you to understand that the best advice on relationships is to be a confident woman who accepts nothing less than what she deserves!

Be a great communicator and know yourself well.

Great men, the type of men who make commitments and stick to them, are attracted to confident women, so the very best advice is to build your confidence. You can’t go wrong if you follow the advice you’ve been given here. I promise!

Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you’ll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They’re added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

To learn more about it, click here. To purchase the book, click one of the buttons below.

How to Not be Nervous for a Date

How to Not be Nervous for a Date

We’ve all been there and it’s very nerve-wracking, but today I’d like to share with you 12 tips to show you how to not be nervous for a date.

Your gut is seizing and nausea is roiling and you’re thinking about shooting him a text with an excuse to postpone the date, but did you know he might be feeling the same way? Date nervousness isn’t exclusive to women. Men experience it too!

Still, dates can be great experiences with the right mindset. Instead of worrying about what to wear, how to fix your hair and makeup and whether he’ll like you, focus on the twelve tips below. They’ll help you know how to not be nervous for a date.

Right now, you’re placing too much importance on this date. You’re making it seem as if your entire future hinges on this one date, but it doesn’t. Dating isn’t about getting married or even making a commitment, not the first few dates anyway. It’s about seeing how well you might fit. Can you have fun together? Is he someone you enjoy spending time with? Is he an interesting guy?

This is how men look at dating. They don’t look at dating as taking steps toward the alter. They have fun. They enjoy the challenge of getting to know you and the mystery behind who you are.

how to not be nervous for a date

How to Not be Nervous for a Date: Treat it as a Meeting

The best way to ease your nervousness over a first date is to treat it as a meeting, which is what it is. You and this new guy are meeting to see if there is any spark or chemistry. If you know one another before, you’ve probably never dated until now so this is still a first date or meeting to consider becoming a couple.

Even the next few dates can be looked at in this way because that’s what you’re doing. You’re meeting up with a new friend to see if you can become a couple in the future.

Have some talking points

If you met him online or through friends, you might already know something about him. Use this to your advantage and have a few things you can talk about. If his pride and joy is his ’67 corvette, study up a little on them and show interest. If you love something he loves, he will transfer his love of that thing to you over time.

Men love to talk about themselves, so the more homework you do before your meeting, the more prepared you’ll be to feed him questions.

Understand that He’s a Hot Mess of Nerves Too

Any great guy worth having is probably a bundle of nerves before your first few dates too. If he isn’t, there’s a better than even chance that he’s a player who goes on a lot of dates and has his own system in place.

Assuming your guy is a great guy, he’s just as worried about saying the wrong thing or looking dumb in front of you. How you both survive one of you making some sort of goof will determine how your relationship will go, moving forward. If someone goofs, poke a little fun, in a nice way, maybe with a tad of humorous self-deprecation.

If you trip over your own feet or accidentally spill a little coffee, it’s fine. He’ll love it and it’ll make him feel better about anything that happened to him.

how to not be nervous for a date

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date | Don’t ‘Clear Your Day’

You’ve got a date with a great guy and you’re so nervous about getting ready that you take the day off and clear the schedule for the entire day so you have plenty of time to get ready.

I’ve done this myself. If I had a hot date planned for that evening, I’d clear the day to wash my car, plan my route and prepare myself for the date. The problem is that when it was time for the date, I was so nervous because I’d focused my entire day on it, that I could barely function.

Instead, stay busy with other plans. Go on with your day as normal and prepare yourself as you would for a girls’ night out. Slip on something comfortable, do your hair and makeup as you would for any other occasion and be yourself.

Stop With the Worst-Case Scenarios

Your anxiety is ratcheting up and the what-if’s are starting. Recognize this for what it is – date anxiety. It’s normal, but that doesn’t mean you need to feed it. When those what-if’s start showing up, stomp them down. What if he doesn’t show up? His loss! What if he hates you? His loss! What if he’s an axe murderer? What are the odds, really?

Anxiety creeps in and we don’t often recognize it for what it is. Take some deep breaths and gain control of your thoughts. Instead of allowing this anxious train of thought to continue, find something to watch on Netflix or turn on some music and start singing along. Do anything to change your train of thought.

Desensitize Yourself to Dating

The real issue with dating anxiety is fear. You’re doing something new and you’re afraid of the outcome. There are two things to do to eliminate this fear. One is to realize that just because this guy isn’t into you, or vice versa, doesn’t mean no guy will be into you. He simply isn’t the right one.

The second thing to realize is that the best way to eliminate a fear of something is to desensitize yourself to it. This means exposing yourself to more of what you’re afraid of until the fear dissipates.

What does all that mean? Go on more dates! Yes! The very thing that is striking fear in you now – dating – is the one thing you need to do more of.

But I hear you – “Gregg, there aren’t that many great guys out there.” And my response to you is “Oh, but there are, you just don’t know where to look!”

How to find the man of your dreams

Date a few guys who rank in the so-so category if you must, just to get the exposure. At the least, maybe you come out of it with a new friend. Just make sure he understands that it’s just a friendship so there are no hurt feelings.

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date | Keep it Short

Don’t plan a date that will last for hours. Instead, plan a coffee date where you can meet someplace casual and relax into the comfy chairs. If things go well, you can certainly plan a longer date, but make any first meetings short.

If you’re looking for how to not be nervous for a date, this is a great one because a coffee date is, by nature, a more casual, laid-back experience.

Be Involved with Planning the Meeting

Get involved in planning your meeting so you have some say in what you do and where the meeting will happen. If you allow him to do it, he may be more inclined to either bail on the date or plan it someplace where he’s more comfortable, but you aren’t.

Give him a few suggestions and make them closer to your comfort zone. This not only feels more comfortable to you but it’s safer and will keep your anxiety at bay.

Relax

One great tip for how to not be nervous for a date is to chill. Relax and remember not to place so much importance on this two hours of your life. Think about it – it’s two hours, if that, of your entire life and, as you recall, if he doesn’t like you, it’s his loss!

Use anxiety-busting tools like playing music or taking a short walk. Splash some cold water on your face before you do your makeup or take a few deep breaths. When you consider what to wear, go with something comfortable, rather than something new or something that makes you squirm because it’s too tight or doesn’t fit properly.

Keep It to Yourself

It isn’t necessary to share this meeting with your entire Facebook friends group or blast it on Instagram. In fact, I suggest you tell one close friend so someone knows where you are, but otherwise, keep it to yourself. Other people will try to be helpful, but they’ll only provide advice you don’t need to hear. Friends will push their own anxiety on you with stressors over what to wear and so on.

Make it Fun!

The worst date is sitting down to dinner with someone in some high-end, or even middle grade restaurant. All you have to entertain yourselves is one another. The stress of carrying on a conversation can become overwhelming, especially if one or both of you are introverts.

Instead, make your first dates and meetings fun. Go bowling or go prowl a farmer’s market. Go watch a sport you both enjoy together or go somewhere that relates to a hobby one or both of you have, like antiques or cars or photography. Even a museum or an art gallery is better than a dinner date because there are conversation starters all over the place.

Workout Prior to Your Date

When you workout, two things happen. One is that it alleviates any anxiety chemicals that are coursing through your veins. The other is that it produces endorphins, or happy hormones as some call them, and you get a lift.

This will help your confidence shine through, instead of your anxiety.

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date

Most long-lasting relationships start out as great friendships. Remember this as you head into your next date or first meeting with a guy. Work on building a great friendship and don’t worry about how long it will be before he buys you a ring.

Date to have fun and learn more about him, not to find milestones that you think show he wants to marry you. I guarantee you he’s oblivious to such milestones so don’t bother with them. Guys date to have fun and you should too! Use this time to determine not only if he’s a great guy, but also if he’s the right guy for you. Take your time and enjoy the process! Take the pressure off by not worrying about getting married after the first date!

Remember the tips you’ve read here and go have yourself a great time!

Do you have your Night Moves down? Are you ready to go out and get a guy to fall for you, using science and not trickery? If so, this is the book for you! I’ve done the research, and you get to benefit. Here are the steps you can take, whether you’re headed out on a first date or going out with your friends to look for men. The science behind attraction is just a few clicks away!

Here are just a couple of things you’ll learn inside this best-seller:

  • Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction…learn why inside
  • Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal…but what signal? Learn inside the book
  • You can get a guy to feel like he’s falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

Welcome in the New Year, Friends!

Welcome in the New Year, Friends!

How will you welcome in the New Year? Will you do the same things that didn’t work last year,  or will you change things? They say insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.

So, will you continue choosing and dating the wrong type of man? Will you take in strays who should be left outside? Will you let men decide your happiness?

Or will you welcome in the new year by saying enough is enough!

I think it’s time for you. Yes, you. I’ve got two types of readers – those who do the work and those who read the words but don’t do anything different. Which will you be this year?

Great Ways to Welcome in the New Year

  • Get to the gym; not for one month, for good!
  • Eat right, not for one month, forever!
  • Brainstorm new hobbies and choose one or two
  • De-clutter your life by getting rid of the people who bring you down!
  • De-clutter your home of the material things you never use
  • Enjoy nature; there’s nothing more calming and healing

These are just the basics. Look at your job and your career. Is it time for a change?

I make myself feel better by changing my routine. Our nature is to find routines and stick with them, but I say fight it! Instead of doing the same thing in the same place at the same time every day, change something. Heck, change everything!

This isn’t rocket science, and I’m not telling you anything revolutionary. I know that. But if only one person decides to listen to me, they will be rewarded for the rest of their life.

How Will You Welcome in the New Year?

You have spoken, and I am writing. I will welcome in the new year by writing a book you’ve requested on how to get over a breakup. That’s different for me and will require me to research and learn something new! I, too will be changing my routine!

How will you welcome in the New Year?

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for Reading!

I write a lot of books and I answer a ton of questions. I thank some of you individually for reading my books and asking me questions. I try my best to make myself available to everyone. There is nothing worse than “feeling like a number” or feeling like someone is trying to take your money. But I have never said thank you in a blog. Thank you everyone!!! I wake up in the morning, make my coffee, irritate my VA, and open my emails…and I get lots of emails! Some are happy emails, some sad emails, I get desperate emails, and I even get emails from people that are literally on the edge. I answer them all! I even answer emails (when I’m not supposed to) from women that are severely depressed. I do because I know that I can help. I also realize that I might be her only friend at the time. If a woman can’t afford a book, I know she needs, I give it to her for free. I realize that it can potentially help her with her problem. I love every minute of it. Why? There is simply no better feeling in the world than when one of you tell me that I changed your life for the better! It makes it all worth it. So for 2018 I say bring it on! Keep emailing me so I can keep writing and answering the personal questions that you want answered. Tell me when I’m spot on and correct me when I’m missing the point – it’s all good and its how I get better. Remember, I learn as much from you as you learn from me and that’s what makes our relationship so awesome! Let’s all start with a new affirmation for 2018 – “I am worthy of love.” I will say it every day and it would be great if you said it too. Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and God bless you!! Gregg
The Science of Falling in Love | How to Get a Guy to Fall in Love with You

The Science of Falling in Love | How to Get a Guy to Fall in Love with You

When we think of love, very few people realize that the science of falling in love is a real thing.

When someone falls in love, there are several chemical processes that occur in the brain. One of the key chemicals involved is dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that plays a role in the brain’s reward system. It is released in response to pleasurable experiences, and it creates feelings of happiness and euphoria. In the context of falling in love, dopamine is released when we see or think about the person we are attracted to, leading to feelings of excitement and pleasure.

Another important chemical involved in the process of falling in love is norepinephrine. Norepinephrine is a hormone and neurotransmitter that is associated with the body’s stress response. It is released in larger amounts during the early stages of romantic attraction, leading to increased heart rate, sweaty palms, and a general feeling of excitement. Norepinephrine is responsible for the butterflies in the stomach feeling that many people experience when they are in the early stages of falling in love.

Serotonin is another chemical that plays a role in the brain when someone falls in love. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps regulate mood and social behavior. When we are in love, serotonin levels can fluctuate, leading to both positive and negative emotions. This can explain why people in love often experience intense emotions, ranging from extreme happiness to anxiety or even obsession.

Oxytocin is often referred to as the ‘love hormone’ because it is released during social bonding and intimacy. When we fall in love, oxytocin levels increase, promoting feelings of trust, attachment, and bonding. Oxytocin is particularly important in long-term relationships, as it helps strengthen the emotional connection between partners.

Finally, the brain’s reward system, which involves the release of dopamine, is also activated when someone falls in love. This reward system reinforces the pleasurable feelings associated with being in love, making us want to seek out and spend time with the person we are attracted to. It creates a positive feedback loop, where the more time we spend with our loved one, the more dopamine is released, and the stronger our feelings of love become.

But all of that is after you fall in love. What I want to examine with you today is the science of falling in love – what happens when you see someone you’re attracted to?

the science of falling in love

Love at First Sight: Exploring the Science of Falling in Love

Let’s burrow into the details a bit further, shall we? Here’s an interesting perspective to consider: love at first sight isn’t typically a ‘bonafide’ affection—it’s more likely a potent combination of physical attraction and intrigue sparked by uniqueness or familiarity.

But first, let’s get something straight. Simply put, physical attraction is visually triggered by hormone-driven preference for specific physical characteristics in a prospective mate. Quick glances lasting only moments can incredibly elicit an immediate and powerful response. Think about it—you’re at a social gathering, swiping through a dating app, or just walking down the street, and your eyes suddenly lock with another’s. In an instant, your heart flutters and your stomach churns. Ring a bell?

This is where biology plays its part—the “love hormone,” oxytocin, dashes through your system, causing a rush of attraction enveloped with joy, comfort, and a craving for closeness. Don’t get this wrong; it’s purely biological, but sets the field for deeper emotional connections that could eventually lead to love. “Boom!” — an intriguing start but not love, not just yet.

Still with me? Good, because there’s more. Alongside physical attraction, there’s this sense of intrigue that often gets overlooked. The potential love interest might look or behave in a way that’s either unique or mirrors something familiar. This spark of difference or similarity piques your interest, and you’re drawn to know more about them. This, in scientific terms, forms the cognitive aspect of attraction. Nonetheless, even with physical attraction and intrigue combined, you haven’t quite reached love yet. 

Yes, it’s a misconception that love at first sight is outright love. Rather, it’s the spark for intrigue and a declaration of physical attraction. A promising prelude to love, but not essentially love itself.

Consequentially, what we name as ‘love at first sight’ could more accurately be seen as the potential for love. It acts as the springboard from which you step to know someone deeply, in hopes of intensifying that initial spark into the all-encompassing flame of love. So by all means, let your heart flutter and your stomach churn, but remember – real love takes time.

The Power of Attraction: What Makes Someone Physically Appealing

When it comes to the power of attraction, physical appeal isn’t just about having a chiseled jawline or stunning eyes—it’s a complex combination of factors that draw us towards another person. It’s an interplay of biology, psychology, and cultural standards. 

From a biological viewpoint, physical attractiveness can be seen as a sign of good health and strong genes. Certain features, like clear skin or symmetrical facial features, suggest potential for a healthy offspring. This is deeply rooted in the animal kingdom and human beings aren’t exempt. Research shows that we’re all subconsciously attracted to physical attributes indicating good health, for reasons of potential procreation. 

But, beauty isn’t purely biological. There’s also a psychological component. Personal experiences, childhood memories, and the media can shape what we find attractive. These aspects influence how we define beauty and to whom we’re attracted. For instance, if you grew up surrounded by people with dark hair and light eyes—you might naturally find people with these characteristics more attractive. 

Beyond biology and psychology, cultural standards play a pivotal role. Different societies have diverse standards of beauty, which often translates into what we find attractive. In some cultures, plump figures are considered attractive, a symbol of wealth and abundance. In others, slim figures are the ideal, representing modern notions of health and fitness. Despite the differences, a key factor remains consistent, the desire to conform to societal expectations and trends. 

Physical appeal is a multidimensional concept. It encompasses biological instincts, psychological impressions, and sociocultural paradigms. It plays an essential role in the science of falling in love, setting the stage for emotional connection and a deeper sense of intimacy. It’s the spark that can ignite the flame of love, yet it’s important to remember that, while important, it’s just one piece of the puzzle. 

  • Biology: Physical appeal perceived as a sign of good health and reproductive potential.
  • Psychology: Personal experiences and media influencing our perception of beauty.
  • Culture: Societal standards of beauty dictating what is attractive within a given culture.

Remember, physical attractiveness may spark the interest, but it’s the shared experiences, emotional connection, and personality compatibility that fuel the flame of long-lasting love.

the science of falling in love

The Science of Falling in Love: How Compatible Traits Affect Relationships

When you think about falling in love, do you think of that electrical connection? A spark that lightens up your whole being? But, what really causes such a spark? Well, science has a say on that too! It’s not just physical appeal that attracts us to our partner, our personalities play a significant role too.

Strong compatible personality traits often form the foundation of long-lasting relationships. Scientists have identified some key aspects that significantly impact the dynamics of a relationship.

Similarity

Believe it or not, similarity plays a critical role in establishing strong bonds in a relationship. Like-minded people often understand each other better, paving the path for a smoother relationship.

Complementarity

Though similarity is important, the beauty of love lies in the balance. Love embraces an intriguing concept called complementarity. It’s all about how differences in your personalities can beautifully harmonize each other’s life.

Emotional Stability

Love tends to flourish when emotional stability is present. It’s the backbone of any relationship. Emotional support during tough times can reinforce the bond, helping you understand each other’s feelings and emotions.

The “Big Five” Personality Traits

Ever heard about the ‘Big Five’ personality traits? They hold a significant place in love science. These are Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism.

Big Five Trait Preference in a Partner
Openness People value partners who are open-minded and creative
Conscientiousness Conscientious people are reliable and organized, desired traits in any relationship
Extraversion People often look for partners who are outgoing and sociable
Agreeableness Kindness and understanding are the traits adored by most
Neuroticism While low levels of neuroticism can be good, everyone has their own threshold

Whether it’s about being similar or having complementing differences, or being stable emotionally, it’s your personality traits that drive the path of your love life. So, next time when you feel that spark, understand that it’s your personalities dancing in harmony, creating a beautiful love story to cherish.

The Brain in Love: Examining the Neuroscience of Falling for Someone

Have you ever thought about what’s happening in your brain when you’re falling in love? Well, buckle up, because we’re about to take a wild ride through your neural pathways and explore the neuroscience of love!

The Phenomenon

The process of falling in love kicks off a potent mix of neurotransmitters, responsible for creating the various emotions you experience. This emotional cocktail includes dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin, serotonin, and adrenaline, each playing a critical role in the feeling of being in love. Just to review:

  • Dopamine: This chemical, associated with reward and desire, creates intense joyous feelings when you see or think about your loved one.
  • Oxytocin: Often dubbed as the ‘bonding hormone’, it is released during touching or intimate moments, strengthening the special bond between two people in love.
  • Vasopressin: This hormone is important for long-term commitment and is believed to be critical for sustaining attraction over time.
  • Serotonin: Its decrease in the brain can cause obsessive thoughts about the beloved person.
  • Adrenaline: This neurotransmitter is responsible for the sweaty palms and heart pounding, that classic ‘flight or fight’ response, which is activated when seeing, or even thinking about, the person you love.

It’s a chemical roller coaster, and it explains why love often feels like a heady rush of feelings, a whirlwind of emotions that can feel both euphoric and nerve-wracking.

From Lust to Attachment

According to studies, the process of falling in love can be divided into three distinct phases: Lust, Attraction, and Attachment. Each phase is associated with unique hormonal responses.

Phase Key Hormones Description
Lust Testosterone and estrogen Dominant in the first phase, these hormones trigger desire.
Attraction Dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin This is the love-struck phase. Your brain releases a ton of these neurotransmitters, making you feel overwhelmingly in love.
Attachment Oxytocin and vasopressin These hormones help create the affectionate bond that keeps couples together.

By studying these stages and the associated hormones, scientists want to understand not just the science of falling in love, but also why things go wrong, and possibly how to induce the feelings of love, a question that draws us back through the ages.

“Falling in love is a thrilling, transcendent, and ultimately inevitable part of the human experience. Understanding the neurochemical reactions at play can give us greater control over our experiences and allow us to better appreciate the joy and connection of romantic love.”

So the next time your heart skips a beat, remember it’s not just an empty cliché, it’s a glimpse into the fascinating neurochemical ballet unfolding in your brain. The process of falling in love can be as complex and beautiful as love itself!

the science of falling in love

The Science of Falling in Love: Exploring the Influence of DNA on Attraction

So, you’re probably wondering – does our unique genetic blueprint hold any sway over who we fall for? To answer this question, we need to delve into the fascinating intersections of genetics, biochemistry, and romantic love.

Researchers have found that, to a certain degree, our DNA does play a pivotal role in who we are attracted to. It’s not as simple as saying ‘genetics determines love,’ however. It’s a complex co-dance of nature and nurture, where our genetic makeup influences our preferences, and our lived experiences shape how we interpret those preferences.

One of the ways DNA influences our love lives is through the major histocompatibility complex (MHC), an important part of our immune system. A groundbreaking study revealed that women are likely to prefer the scent of men whose MHC genes are dissimilar from their own. Simply put, opposites—at least in genetic terms—do attract! This makes biological sense as potential offspring with a diverse set of immune system genes are likely to be fitter and have greater survival chances.

Love, Genetics, and Hormones: The Biochemistry of Attachment

Aside from MHC genes, certain hormones, largely determined by our genes, play key roles in love. Oxytocin, also known as the ‘love hormone’, and Vasopressin, both come into play in long-term relationships.

Again, oxytocin is a hormone that is released during moments of intimacy, from hugging to childbirth. This hormone is crucial in forming a strong bond between two individuals. Netting it down — oxytocin helps us stick with our partners and feel attached to them.

Similarly, vasopressin also plays a role in bonding and attachment and together they contribute to the feeling of being deeply in love.

It’s important to remember that while our genetic makeup and hormones influence who we fall in love with, they don’t dictate our actions. Personal choice, values, and experiences also play a crucial role in romantic love and long-term relationships.

To put it all into perspective: science can certainly add clarity to the mystery of love, but it doesn’t have all the answers. Love is a beautiful complexity of biology, experience, and emotion. And perhaps, that’s what makes it so extraordinary.

The Role of Communication in Love: Building Strong Connections

It’s time to delve into the art of connection. Communication plays an integral role in fostering love and developing deeper, more meaningful relationships. It’s not merely about exchanging words but it’s the key to mutual understanding, problem-solving, +and projecting authentic emotional openness.

Expressing your thoughts and feelings is a fundamental aspect of building connections. It is essential to effectively communicate your desires, aspirations, fears, and insecurities to your partner to strengthen the bond and foster emotional intimacy.

Moreover, active listening is also a significant part of communication. A good listener not only hears, but understands, processes, and responds appropriately to the information received. A relationship where both parties actively listen to each other evolves into a stronger connection, enabling them to navigate through misunderstandings and conflicts with ease.

  • Understanding non-verbal cues: Non-verbal communication contributes significantly to overall communication. Gestures, body language, eye contact, and facial expressions can speak volumes about a person’s emotions and feelings. Within a loving relationship, decoding these cues with empathy can enhance mutual understanding.
  • Transparent communication: Be clear and open in your messages to avoid misunderstandings and misinterpretations. This plays a crucial role in building trust.

Communication isn’t just about talking, it’s about connecting – understanding and being understood. It is the bridge that helps two individuals come together, creating the foundation for a loving, long-lasting relationship.

Remember that effective communication within love is a skill that one can learn and improve upon. It’s not always easy, but it’s certainly worth your effort. After all, it’s through communication that we share our worlds and intertwine our hearts.

Love and the Five Senses: How Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste, and Touch Impact Relationships

You may wonder how each of our five senses plays a pivotal role in the grand spectacle that is falling in love. Let’s go on a sensory journey together, examining how sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch all contribute to the fascinating science of love.

First off, let’s talk about vision. Remember the phrase, ‘Love at first sight’? It’s not just a romantic cliché, rather, there’s science behind it. A significant part of our initial attraction comes from visual cues. Physical attractiveness does play a crucial role in romantic love, mostly due to our innate biological leanings for certain traits that suggest good health or reproductive capabilities.

Next, sound. The cadence of one’s voice, their laugh, or even just the gentle hum of their breathing could create a symphony that resonates with your heart. Interestingly, research has found that women may be more attracted to men with deep voices, potentially related to primitive instincts for a strong and protective mate.

Moving onto smell. Oh, the allure of a captivating scent! Our sense of smell can play a surprising role in attraction. While it may sound strange, it’s potentially connected to our subconscious assessment of another person’s immune system through scent cues. This might lead us towards partners with complementary immune systems, enhancing the chances of our offsprings’ survival.

Now, let’s explore taste. Those shared meals, that first kiss; taste carries intimate, exquisite significance. The taste of a potential partner’s kiss could potentially give subconscious information about their health, another key factor in the dance of attraction. Additionally, sharing food or drinks could symbolize unity, bonding, and mutual care in a relationship.

Lastly, touch. The warmth of a hug, the softness of a held hand, the intimacy of a shared personal space; touch not only creates physical connection, but also emotional closeness. It’s a way of communicating empathy, care, and love on a primal level. Studies even suggest that physical contact can release oxytocin, often dubbed the “love hormone”, fostering a sense of trust and bonding.

So there you have it! Love truly is a multi-sensory experience, a complex interplay of different signals and responses. Each sense plays a unique and significant role, and together, they help create the incredible experience that is falling in love. Love indeed isn’t just about the heart – it’s about all your senses too!

the science of falling in love

The Role of Culture in Love: How Societal Norms Shape Relationships

Understanding love requires a dive into diverse aspects of life, including culture. Cultural norms and values heavily influence our idea of love, affecting not only who we fall in love with, but also how we express and experience it. Culturally dictated rules and expectations create a unique paradigm of love in every society, often with significant differences seen across regions and generations. 

Let’s explore how numerous cultural factors often shape our relationships.

Familial Influence and Arranged Marriages 

In some cultures, love isn’t just about personal feelings but is deeply intertwined with familial relations and duties. For instance, in many South Asian communities, arranged marriages are common where the decision of life partners is largely affected by family approval. Here, love is often an emotion that is expected to grow over time after the marriage rather than preceding it. This can also lead to a culture of endorsed collectivity over personal romantic autonomy.

Societal Norms and Love Expression 

The societal norms prevalent in a given culture often moderate how love is expressed. Some cultures encourage the open display of love and affection, viewing public expressions of passion as a norm. On the contrary, others value discretion and modesty, leading to subtler expressions of love. The idea of PDA (Public Display of Affection) can mean entirely different things depending on the cultural lens one applies.

Gender Roles in Love 

Every culture has prescribed gender roles which can influence how love is experienced. In some cultures, men are expected to be the main initiators, while women are supposed to be passive recipients. This often works to create a power dynamic in relationships, influencing how love is pursued and nurtured.

Cultural Value Systems 

Cultures that emphasize individualistic values often put personal happiness and love compatibility at the forefront of relationships. In contrast, collectivist cultures might put a stronger emphasis on factors like social approval, economic stability, and family cohesion in deciding their love and marriage choices. 

While love remains a universal emotion, it’s fascinating to see how much one’s cultural milieu can affect the perception and manifestation of such a fundamental human experience. 

Love and Technology: How Digital Platforms Influence Modern Romantic Connections

In our rapidly digitizing world, technology is playing an increasingly important role in the way we form romantic connections. But exactly how does it impact our pursuit and experience of love? 

In the past, finding a romantic partner often revolved around physical proximity—neighbors, schoolmates, or coworkers were often the object of affection. However, digital platforms have significantly broadened our romantic horizons. Now, the possibility of finding love is not just within a ten-mile radius, but from anywhere around the globe. 

Online Dating and Romantic Selection 

Online dating has revolutionized how we meet potential partners. Instead of relying on traditional methods, many couples today meet through apps or websites. These offer an array of choices and the ability to filter potential matches based on personal preferences, greatly expanding the pool of potential partners beyond our immediate physical surroundings. 

In the realm of online dating, we tend to make judgments about potential partners in mere seconds, often based on a few photos or a short bio. This rapid decision-making process, while efficient, often leans towards superficial judgments, placing increased importance on physical attractiveness. 

As you navigate these digital platforms, remember, while technology aids in finding a match, the success of a relationship ultimately relies on mutual understanding and emotional connection. So, don’t forget to look beyond the screen!

Digital Communication and Relationships 

Technology has also transformed the way we communicate within our relationships. Text messages, video calls, and social media have become integral channels of communication for couples. 

While these platforms allow us to stay connected 24/7, they can also impact our relationships in complex ways. The misinterpretation of a text message or overanalyzing a partner’s social media can lead to misunderstandings and potential tension within relationships. On the plus side, digital communication can keep the flame of love burning for long-distance relationships, allowing couples to connect no matter where they are. 

Remember: How we use technology can either make or break our relationships. It’s essential to create a balance and foster open, honest communication for a healthy connection. 

Technology and Relationship Quality 

Is there a correlation between technology usage and relationship quality? The answer is not straightforward. While technology can bring couples together, excessive use can also create a divide. 

Studies have shown that intrusive technology use—like using a smartphone during a dinner date—can lead to lower satisfaction levels within a relationship. Therefore, it’s essential to set boundaries when it comes to technology use within relationships. 

Despite all the changes brought about by technology, the core principles of love have remained the same. Honesty, respect, and compassion are values that count both offline and online. As we continue to navigate the intersection of love and technology, let’s keep these principles at the forefront of our digital romantic ventures.

the science of falling in love

The Science of  Falling in Love Long-Term: How Relationships Evolve Over Time

Relationships – they’re beautiful, intricate, and can sometimes be perplexing. And that can make us wonder, “How do these romantic bonds transform over time?” This section touches upon the nuances of long-term love, studying the course it typically takes and the transformations that come along its path.

The beginning of a romantic liaison typically sparks with an intense passion called the honeymoon phase. Here, infatuation is the star of the show, and partners often find themselves delighting in every minute spent together. However, it’s essential to understand that this stage is temporary and serves as a launching pad into subsequent stages of long-term love.

As relationships progress, so does the understanding of the other person, leading to something we call a deepening bond. This stage brings about shared intimacy, where partners start becoming a ‘we’ rather than ‘I’. They begin to understand each other’s quirks, values, and world-views, further solidifying the bond.

Past this stage are phases marked by attachment and commitment. Here, the chemistry between partners has now evolved into a mutual understanding and a feeling of security. The love becomes more profound, transcending beyond physical attraction and the initial heart-fluttering moments. It’s now based on trust, a sense of partnership, and the shared history between the two.

It’s important, however, to mention a crucial aspect of long-term love – dealing with challenges. After all, no relationship is blissful at all times. There will be disagreements and conflicts, which, contrary to popular belief, are natural and even healthy for relationships. They serve as opportunities for individual and mutual growth, helping you to better understand your partner and yourself.

Yet, for all their importance, these stages aren’t rigid classifications but more of a flexible guideline. Relationships are as unique as the people in them, and so is their journey of love. The key takeaway here is that love develops and morphs over time, growing stronger and deeper with shared experiences, challenges, and the ongoing mutual understanding between partners.

What’s also worth mentioning is the vital role played by communication, trust, respect, empathy, and patience in evolving relationships. While the cocktail of romantic feelings makes a compelling beginning, these essential ingredients help keep the relationship afloat over time, making the journey worthwhile.

“In the end, love doesn’t just happen to us. We navigate it, for better or for worse.” ― Stephanie Coontz

The Role of Trust in Love: Building and Maintaining Strong Bonds

Trust is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, particularly a romantic one. You might have thought it was all about heart-pounding passion and endearing sweetness, but it’s much more layered than that. Trust is symbolic of safety and security in a relationship, the belief that your partner will respect and honor you and your relationship’s boundaries. It’s that steadying ship that sails you through turbulent waters and keeps you more resilient than you might have imagined you could be.

But let’s rip the band-aid off right now: Building trust? It’s not always a walk in the park. It takes time, patience, and the ability to be vulnerable – which yes, can seem downright intimidating. But the payoff? It’s worth every ounce of effort. When trust exists, you can feel genuine love, without fear, without hesitation.

The creation and perpetuation of trust involve:

  • Consistency: Consistency is key to building trust. It’s important to be able to rely on your partner. Being consistent in your words and actions helps foster that assurance.
  • Honesty: Honesty in communication fosters transparency. This openness allows for trust to take root and grow.
  • Empathy: If you can put yourself in your partner’s shoes and feel empathetic towards their emotions, you’re laying a strong foundation for trust and mutual understanding.
  • Patience: Trust requires time to form. It needs patience to cultivate it and make it strong.

Trust isn’t built overnight, it grows with the passing of time and the accumulation of shared experiences – the good and the challenging – and it can take different forms for different people.

Trusting too quickly or too much can leave one exposed and vulnerable, especially if the other party doesn’t uphold the same value for trust. It’s necessary to be able to judge character, observe actions over time, and make informed decisions about the degree of trust to place in someone.

But it’s equally important to remember that no one is perfect. Mistakes will be made. But if these are handled with empathy, honesty, and open communication, they can even serve to strengthen the bond of trust.

Here’s a little more food for thought: Trust is not a static entity. It’s a living, breathing part of your relationship that’ll require nurturing and care over time. Regular meals of open conversations, shared experiences, and respect for boundaries feed this, making it resilient and strong.

So, the next time you feel your heart flutter with attraction, remember: Love is a beautiful, multifaceted emotion – and at its center, trust holds it together.

The Role of Memories in Love: How Shared Experiences Shape Emotional Connections

When it comes to love, we often overlook the significant role that shared experiences and memories play in shaping emotional connections between individuals. Science tells us that shared memories are more than just nostalgic recollections; they can be powerful bonding tools that contribute to a richer, more fulfilling relationship.

In the context of romantic love, these shared experiences don’t just include the grand gestures or milestone events. Everyday moments, such as laughing at a funny movie together or experiencing the taste of a new cuisine, can foster bonding and rapport. The more shared experiences we have with someone, the greater the likelihood of developing a deep emotional connection.

Why are shared experiences so powerful?

Researchers suggest two main reasons. First, shared experiences foster a sense of joint identity and unity. It’s the thought of ‘We did that together’. It initiates something called ‘in-group bias’, a kind of positive bias towards those whom we perceive as part of our group. This enhances a sense of closeness and belongingness.

Second, shared experiences help us understand each other well. It makes it easier to interpret each other’s feelings, actions, and reactions. Knowing someone on this personal level encourages empathy, compassion, and understanding, all of which are foundational components of love and connection.

But what about memories? How do they tie into love?

According to science, it’s about the process of remembering. When two people share a memorable experience, each person’s recollection of that event will inherently include the other person. Hence, when one person recalls that memory, it prompts thoughts and feelings about the other person and their relationship, leading to a mentality of ‘us’ rather than ‘me’.

However, it’s important to note that it’s not just about creating memories, but also how these memories are communicated and reminisced. Science suggests that re-telling shared memories, a process called ‘replay’, helps to keep the bond strong and the connection alive. Don’t underestimate the power of those ‘Remember when…?’ conversations.

To sum up, the science of love tells us that shared experiences and memories are essential ingredients in cultivating a robust emotional connection. They form a bond, improve understanding, and create a shared identity, making love stronger and deeper. So, keep creating those shared experiences and cherishing those memories because they’re adding a whole new dimension to your love life!

the science of falling in love

The Role of Self-Love in Romantic Relationships: How Self-Esteem Impacts Love

Sometimes overlooked is the important role of self-love in romantic relationships. Before delving into this intriguing aspect, let’s first establish what is self-love? Simply put, it’s a high regard for one’s own well-being and happiness. It’s about taking care of your needs, not sacrificing your well-being to please others, and not settling for less than you deserve. 

Now, imagine radiating that kind of energy in a romantic relationship. How significant do you think it could be? Let’s find out.

The connection between self-esteem and love is substantial. The way you view and value yourself directly influences the way you perceive love and, by extension, how you handle your relationships. This can manifest in various ways; let’s touch on a few. 

Confidence in Expressing Needs and Desires 

When you have a high level of self-love, it fuels confidence. You are not afraid to express your needs and desires within a relationship because you recognize your worth. You also are less likely to tolerate being treated poorly because you understand you deserve love and respect. 

Healthy Boundaries 

Strong self-love enables the setting of healthy boundaries. Asserting yourself and setting limits is essential for a balanced relationship. It shows that you value your rights, feelings, and needs at the same level as those of your partner. 

Impacts on Your Partner’s Self-Esteem 

Intriguingly, your self-love and high self-esteem can rub off on your partner. Your positive self-image can inspire your significant other to develop a healthier view of their self-worth, leading to a more fulfilling romantic relationship. 

Less Dependency on Partner for Happiness 

Persons with high self-love are less likely to be excessively dependent on their partner for happiness. Because they have the ability to find joy and satisfaction within themselves, they can add to the relationship rather than draining from it. 

Now, this doesn’t mean that the relationship road will forever be smooth for those with high self-esteem. It’s also important to note that self-love is not an remedy-all solution. Nevertheless, from the scientific perspective, it has been proven to play a crucial role in fostering healthier, more rewarding romantic relationships.

Feel good about yourself first, and watch how it transforms your journey to love!

The Science of Love Languages: Understanding and Communicating Emotional Needs

Dr. Gary Chapman coined the term ‘love languages’ to describe the ways people feel loved and appreciated. Depending on our individual personality types, we may feel loved differently than how our partners do. Understanding these differences can significantly improve relationship success. 

What are Love Languages? 

In his book, “The 5 Love Languages,” Chapman outlines five ways that people prefer to give and receive love: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. None of these are inherently better than the others; they’re simply different ways that people feel loved.

“Being in a relationship and understanding love languages is about giving to your partner in a way they understand and receive the best, even if it’s not natural or easy for you.”

Words of Affirmation 

For people who prefer the Words of Affirmation love language, they feel the most adored when their partner is open with their feelings and expresses love and appreciation through words. Compliments, verbal encouragement, and frequently saying, “I love you,” mean the world to these types of individuals. 

Acts of Service 

Acts of Service is a love language for individuals who believe that actions speak louder than words. Instead of hearing their partners say, “I love you,” they prefer their partners to show their love by helping with tasks and chores, making meals, or even filling up their gas tank. Small, thoughtful gestures like these are considered expressions of love. 

Receiving Gifts 

Receiving Gifts, as a love language, doesn’t have to be materialistic. Sometimes, it’s the thought that counts. Individuals who favor this language feel most loved when their partner surprises them with a gift. A little present that shows you were thinking about them can mean the world. 

Quality Time 

People with Quality Time as their love language cherish full, undivided attention from their partners. They deeply appreciate dedicated time without distractions. Simple activities like taking a walk together or having a quiet dinner can provide fulfilling bonding experiences. 

Physical Touch 

Last, but not least, individuals who feel loved through Physical Touch often treasure hugs, holding hands, and affectionate touches. For these people, physical intimacy and close, personal instances are direct routes to their hearts. 

To better understand and communicate with your partner, it’s essential to understand not only your love language but theirs as well. This understanding promotes better communication, reduces confusion, and enhances the connection because it communicates to each partner that they are loved in a way they understand and prefer.

Do you have your Night Moves down? Are you ready to go out and get a guy to fall for you, using science and not trickery? If so, this is the book for you! I’ve done the research, and you get to benefit. Here are the steps you can take, whether you’re headed out on a first date or going out with your friends to look for men. The science behind attraction is just a few clicks away!

Here are just a couple of things you’ll learn inside this best-seller:

  • Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction…learn why inside
  • Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal…but what signal? Learn inside the book
  • You can get a guy to feel like he’s falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

The Role of Attachment Styles in Love: How Early Experiences Shape Adult Relationships

You’ve likely heard the phrase “the past shapes the future”, right? Well, when it comes to love, it couldn’t be more accurate. Your early life experiences, especially those regarding attachment, have a significant influence on how you forge and maintain romantic relationships in adulthood. Let’s delve a little deeper into this fascinating science. 

Attachment styles in psychology refer to the different ways we approach and respond to situations, particularly those that stress us or need us emotionally. Initially observed in parent-child interactions, these styles later manifest in our adult relationships as well. There are mainly four types: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. 

Secure Attachment 

Those with a secure attachment style tend to have satisfying, stable relationships. As children, they likely had their needs met consistently and learned that they could rely on others. In adulthood, they trust their partners, can express their needs comfortably, and are resilient in the face of relationship challenges. 

Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment 

On the other hand, individuals with an anxious-preoccupied style are often insecure and crave approval and reassurance. As kids, they might have experienced inconsistent attention, leading them to become anxious about their relationship status as adults. This could translate into clingy or demanding behavior in romantic settings. 

Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment 

The dismissive-avoidant types are the lone wolves of the attachment world. They value their independence to a high degree and somewhat keep others at arm’s length. They’re comfortable being alone and can appear detached in relationships. This.style often stems from early experiences where their needs were overlooked or even ignored. 

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment 

Lastly, those with fearful-avoidant attachment style can be paradoxical. They yearn for close connections but fear them at the same time. This behavior is likely a fallout of traumatic or unpredictable childhood experiences. They may find it challenging to fully trust their partners or to rely on them. 

Recognizing your own attachment style and understanding your partner’s can greatly enhance your relationship. It allows for better communication, deeper understanding, and ultimately, more powerful bonds. Keep in mind that it’s possible to move away from unhealthy attachment styles through therapy, personal growth, and supportive relationships. After all, love is not just about understanding the science, but also about making the personal transformations that it inspires.

The Power of Intuition in Love: Listening to Your Gut When It Comes to Matters of the Heart

Ever been in a situation where a ‘feeling in your gut’ guided you towards a decision about a potential partner? You’re not alone. This phenomenon is often referred to as intuition and it plays an essential role in love and relationships. 

Intuition, sometimes called a ‘gut feeling,’ can be considered as a rapid response mechanism that operates outside of conscious thought. It makes use of our subconscious observations, experiences, and cues to make swift, often immeasurably complex judgments and decisions. When it comes to love, intuition is essentially our brain gathering, analyzing, and interpreting the complexity of interpersonal interactions, subtle cues, and emotional signals that escape the sphere of conscious thought. 

Why is Intuition Important? 

The power of intuition in love is profound. It can give us insight into our compatibility with others, help us navigate the complexities of relationships, and even act as an early warning system when something isn’t quite right. In many cases, it’s this instinctual gut feeling that can steer us towards or away from potential partners, often long before our conscious mind has fully processed the situation. 

Consider intuition as a loving friend who’s looking out for your best interests. Even if their advice sometimes seems a little blurred or hard to comprehend, in the end, it’s usually for the best. Embracing your intuition might be a leap of faith, but it’s an exciting one that can potentially lead to exhilarating experiences. 

The Connection between Intuition and Relationships 

Navigating the maze of romance can be complicated. Our intuition can help us make sense of those complex situations. In relationships, this might involve intuitively responding to a partner’s needs, navigating conflict, or deciding when to express ourselves. While our gut feelings aren’t always right, they can be incredibly valuable if we acknowledge them and use them alongside other decision-making strategies. 

To leverage your intuition effectively in your love life, you should learn to trust and respect these feelings. Recognize that your intuition is giving you valuable information that deserves consideration. Ultimately, your dating and relationship experiences should not be based on intuition alone, but rather a mix of intuition, rational thought, open communication, and mutual respect. 

Whether it’s choosing a lifetime partner or making daily decisions in an ongoing relationship, intuition can be a reliable guide. Listening to your gut doesn’t mean discounting logic or ignoring the facts. Rather, it suggests taking into account our instinctive feelings and using them in conjunction with conscious thought to reach a balanced decision. 

Remember. Like any skill, honing your intuition takes practice. So, start tuning in, and let this instinctive wisdom play its part in your journey of love.

the science of falling in love

The Science of Lust vs. Love: Understanding the Difference and Overcoming Infatuation

When it comes to understanding the complex world of human emotions, two commonly confused feelings are lust and love. But in truth, these emotions are as different as night and day in terms of their biological foundation, their effect on our psychology, and how they play out in relationships. Let’s try to unravel the science behind them to help you better navigate your romantic journey. 

Understanding Lust: The Biological Imperative 

Consider lust as the biological motor that keeps our species going. It’s primarily driven by the primitive part of our brain known as the hypothalamus, which signals the release of hormones like testosterone and estrogen. These hormones, in turn, trigger a simplistic desire for physical intimacy – a stark contrast to the deep emotional connection associated with love. Yes, lust feels intense and even a little intoxicating, but it usually lacks the emotional depth and commitment found in genuine love. 

Defining Love: A Deeper Connection 

Love, like a well-written symphony, is multilayered and profound. It combines the physical attraction that sparks off a relationship with emotional closeness and a mutual bond of trust and commitment. Love engages a broader range of our brain, involving areas that govern emotion, reward, empathy, decision-making, memory, and even stress. While the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, often referred to as the “love hormones”, are critical to the deep attachment indicative of love, it’s the profound interpersonal bond that sets love apart from lust. 

Spotting the Differences: Lust versus Love 

You might wonder, then, how to distinguish between lust and love in your own experiences. To make it easier, here are a few key differences: 

  • Fleeting vs. Long-lasting: Lust is typically short-lived and can fade after the initial burst of passion. Love, on the other hand, tends to grow and evolve over time, deepening with shared experiences and mutual understanding.
  • Physical Desire vs. Emotional Depth: Lust generally concerns a strong desire for physical intimacy, with less focus on personal and emotional connections. Love is a deep attachment that combines both physical attraction and emotional bonding.
  • Self-focused vs. Other-focused: With lust, the focus tends to be on satisfying one’s own needs and desires. In contrast, the nature of love often centers on caring for the other person’s needs and desires, sometimes even over our own.

Overcoming Infatuation: From Lust to Love 

So, if you find yourself caught in the intoxicating whirl of lust, how do you move towards a more authentic love? Remember, it’s not necessarily about suppressing lust. After all, it’s a natural and healthy part of our biological makeup. However, try not to let it be the sole basis for a relationship. Cultivate deeper emotional bonds, learn more about your partner on a personal level and invest time in shared experiences. Remember, genuine love is about understanding and accepting your partner, both for their strengths and weaknesses. 

Moving from lust to love is a journey that requires patience, effort, and an understanding of yourself and your partner. But with maturity and mindfulness, it’s a transformation that’s rewarding in ways that lust alone can never be.

The Science of Falling in Love: That’s a Wrap!

It’s clear that the science of falling in love is far from simple. It’s an intricate tapestry woven from threads of biology, psychology, sociology, and individual experiences. But I hope that understanding these mechanisms gives you a new appreciation for the complexity – and beauty – of human love. 

Remember: 

  • Attraction is influenced by a cocktail of physical, emotional, and sociocultural factors. Don’t discount the power of personality or the importance of a shared cultural worldview.
  • Love and attachment are rooted in both our brains and our genes. The rush of feel-good hormones is more than just a pleasant sensation – it’s nature’s way of bonding us to the people who matter most.
  • Communication is key in sustaining healthy relationships. Just as you learned to express your needs clearly and asserted your boundaries, engaging in open, honest dialogue helps maintain a strong emotional connection with your partner and foster mutual trust.
  • Don’t overlook the role of self-love in a romantic relationship. Your confidence and respect for yourself set the tone for how others treat you and establish a positive, supportive environment for love to grow.

Whether you’re single, dating, or in a long-term relationship, understanding the science behind attraction, attachment, and long-term love can make the journey a little bit clearer – and perhaps more rewarding. However, remember that at the end of the day, every person and every relationship is unique and cannot be simplified to mere scientific theories and research findings. 

At its core, love is a human experience – a messy, glorious, and profoundly personal experience. It’s hard to put into words and harder to quantify. But perhaps that’s what makes it so special. So go forth, keeping in mind the science of love but also embracing the unpredictable, wonderful mystery that it is. 

Because that’s the beauty of love – it transcends beyond science, becoming something far greater and more powerful. It’s an emotion that guides us, shapes us, and at times, defines us. It is a force of nature that is just as scientific as it is, ultimately, profoundly human. 

In sum, love is science and art, pattern and chaos, familiarity and adventure. It’s falling in sync with someone else, hand in hand, embracing the journey together.

Getting What You Want From a Man

Getting What You Want From a Man

How to Get What You Want From a Man

Gregg here. I want to give you a couple of tips to help you get what you want from a man by communicating in a way that motivates him.

This is a dating advice tip but also can be used in your everyday life. It works with all people.

Let’s face it, all day long we are dealing with other people and usually we want to get something from another person. If you are married, you might be looking for affection. If you are single, you may be looking for a phone call. If you are employed, you may be looking for a raise. If you have kids, you want them to behave.

How to Get What You Want From a Man | Example #1

So why can’t most of us get what we want? The answer is because we never “ask” from the other person’s point of view. We just come out and state our own needs. A woman might say, “Can you please mow the lawn today, the kids are having a tent party and you have put it off for 2 weeks.”

This is criticizing and almost insulting. I have a better way. Always think in terms of the other person’s point of view. Maybe your husband has been very busy with work or maybe it’s been raining when he wanted to cut the grass.

Try this instead:

“Honey, the lawn needs to be mowed. If I help you write up your work proposal tonight, will that free up some time for you to cut it tomorrow?”

See the difference? You provided something that helps him. Now your hubby is much more likely to get the lawn cut because you thought of his needs too. The bonus? You start working together as a team on his project and he will love you for it.

How to Get What You Want From a Man | Example #2

My next example is about me trying to get what I want from another man but the same principles apply to a woman in the same situation.

Recently, I had my car in the shop twice for the same problem. When I took it in for the third time and I could tell the mechanic was on the defensive.

Instead of yelling at him to fix it right this time, I noticed a picture of his family on his desk so I asked about his kids. “Are these your little ones?” He is all smiles and answers “Yes”. We talk about his little girl playing baseball better than the guys and how proud he his.

When he finished, I casually mentioned my car being fixed and asked if he needed a few extra days to get it done. I acknowledged I might have rushed him last time which may have caused him to overlook something.

He perked up and said he would get right on it, blamed himself, and told me to grab a loaner vehicle. He said he would call me in a few hours. When I got back four hours later, the car was not only fixed, it was washed and waxed for me!

Again, instead of going in guns blazing like I normally would, I decided to take a different tact. I thought of how he felt. Through observation I knew that he had kids and loved his kids so why not talk about them and not my car for ten minutes?

Getting What You Want | Summary

This is powerful stuff! These examples help you get what you want from a man (or woman) by communicating in a way that motivates him. In order to execute this, simply address the other persons needs and not just care about our own.

For more on getting what you want in your dating life and everyday life get my best seller; “Power To Communicate: Get What You Want by Knowing When to Listen and Making Your Words Matter” Click Here!

effective communication

Communication is everything in all of your relationships, personal or professional. Learn the best communication skills right here – how to listen, how to talk to people with different communication styles, and most importantly, how to get what you want from a conversation while giving the other person what they want too. Get your copy today!

Men Love in Different Ways!

Men Love in Different Ways!

How Men Show Love

This information is very important! I am not going to sugar coat this one. You wouldn’t want it any other way!

We (men) say, “I love you” OUR way! Our way consists of these ACTIONS:

How Men Show Love – Solving your problems

I know this sounds very unromantic, but it’s true. We give you a back rub when your back aches. We stay up with you when you can’t sleep. If we love you, we start paying for things because we are providers. It doesn’t matter if you don’t need us to pay. We will fix your car or get your car to a mechanic who can fix it. Household issues? We’re on it!

Cutting the lawn, building a shed or changing out the kitchen cabinets – no matter what it is, let us show you our love through actions. When you say, “The lawn looks great, honey, can you do the backyard too?” We jump for joy! Then, we want to do MORE things for you. Backyard? Done.

“Gregg, it can’t be that simple.” YES IT CAN! AND IT IS! We are that simple. This is how men express love. Men love in different ways than women do. Keep a tasty treat above our jowls and we will do the trick over and over. Or do it YOUR way: “I thought you said you were going to cut the back yard too. You never finish anything you start.”

Ugh. We go limp, fetal and head to the couch with a beer. Backyard? Screw that.

Your choice. But only one of the way above hits our love language button. This is how we feel and show love. We do silly “manly” things for women. Granted, cutting the lawn is not as romantic as flowers, but believe me it will lead to flowers if you compliment us on our duties.

Are you getting this?  So the next time a guy fixes something for you or does a favor, he might be saying, “I love you.” As silly as this may sound, you need to realize this. If you don’t, contempt will build on both sides and chip away at the relationship bit by bit.

Often times, a man will say, “I love you” because you are making him.  He figures it is easier just to say it when he doesn’t necessarily mean it. Ultimately, the words will flow out of his mouth but they need to come out naturally.

How Men Show Love – Protecting you

I always tell women to look for chivalry. This trait is POWERFUL. If a man opens doors, walks next to you against the traffic and helps you sit down at a restaurant, he LOVES you! He will defend you at all costs too.

 How men show love

Another sign he loves you!

In a dark alley walking to the car, we are in protection mode for you. It’s built in to our DNA. Again, it’s not as romantic as saying, “I love you”, but it is OUR way.

How Men Express Love | Socially announcing you

This is huge. If we post FB photos of you, we’re hooked. When we are happy to meet your Mom, friends and attend your hobbies, we are hooked. When we want you to meet OUR Mom and friends and attend our hobbies, again, we are SHOWING you that we are in LOVE!

When we put our friends on the back burner? WOW, we are in love. When a man socially announces you to the important people in his life, he is showing you that he truly loves you. Look for it. And if you don’t see this in your man, move on.

Taking on Responsibility

This is another big way men express their love. When a guy helps you with boring stuff, he is probably starting to fall in love with you. Let’s face it, moving your furniture to a new apartment is no fun for any man. Bringing you soup when your breath stinks and your makeup is all over the place because you are sick with the flu means we love you.

Or staying home from work to help you with a project.  All of these are positive signs of a guy showing you his love. You’re buying a car and the salesman is treating you like crap? Watch as we take control, waste that salesman and get you that car cheap.

Mmmmm— watch as Tarzan take on salesman!

How Men Show Love – Sex

Big subject! Huge! Back when we were growing up, one of our most coveted “rites of passage” was to have sex with as many women as possible. Maybe this is the caveman reproduction thing, who knows.

But somewhere, we were judged, and our status stamped by our male peers based on how many women we could have sex with.

I am not proud of this male fact. And I’m sure, right now, you aren’t proud of me. But it is true. In fact, of all our achievements, I think sex ruled us the most in our late adolescent/ early adult years.

We would lie all the time to our friends and tell them we slept with girls even if we didn’t. We would pray they would not find out. I now know they were all lying to me as well.

My point is that being proficient at sex is very important to men. We need to believe we are good at it. Consequently, this affects you as well. You need to be gentle with our feelings. More gentle than you think. Say, “I love that, now slow down with your tongue.” Don’t say, “Ow! That hurts, haven’t you ever done this before?”

Ouch.

Remember, men THINK they are great in the sack. In reality, most of us suck. But DON’T tell us we suck! Teach us slowly and with great sensitivity to our little boy feelings, and watch how good we can become. When we get good at sex, we want to satisfy you more. And let’s face it – all women are very different when it comes to pleasure and orgasms.

So many women get angry at their guy for not “trying harder” when we have no friggin idea what you want because we are afraid to ask. This deflates our manhood and our dicks! So understand this point and talk about it with your guy and things will stay HOT in the bedroom. It’s just another one of our differences in showing love. Now, obviously, there are exceptions. Some guys rock in the bedroom. But don’t assume this.

When we want sex all the time, we are hooked. Look for this and keep an eye on it. One of the first things I ask a woman (to her shock and horror) is how often does she have sex with her guy. When I hear barely once a week, there is a problem. Men need sex often but we don’t always want a long drawn out session. Understand this. If you come with an owner’s manual on “how to get you off” and it involves 3 chimpanzees and an albino midget riding a bike— we are going elsewhere.

This could be to porn or another woman but understand this is HOW we are. That said, we WANT and NEED to please you. Communicate with us in a positive way and we will be more than happy to reciprocate. We know we can’t “just get off” all the time without pleasing you. But allow us before work, maybe, to get rough and selfish without the  dreaded speech of your sexual needs not being met in every session.

This is HUGE. Let’s face it, we can stare at a glass of milk and get off. You, on the other hand, need much more emotion and foreplay. So the reality is we are going to get off much more than you. It’s OK! Let us and don’t fall into the justice trap of “you orgasmed, so I need to.”

We will reciprocate. Show us how, but dumb it down and be gentle with our feelings.

How Men Show Love Conclusion

So you see, men express their love in different ways. How men love is based more on actions and not the words, “I love you.”

Oh, and don’t worry, I am on the other side teaching men to change too – this is not one-sided!

If this stuff makes you stop and think then you might want to keep reading! You need to understand more how the male mind works.  Check out my #1 Amazon Best Seller “To Date A Man, You Must Understand A Man”.

Pin It on Pinterest