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Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend?

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend?

Just by asking the question, should I breakup with my boyfriend, you must already be clued in that something is wrong. Your intuition is pinging.

The obvious reasons for breaking up with someone include drug and alcohol addiction, as well as an addiction to pornography, infidelity, or abuse.

But what are some less obvious answers to the question, should I breakup with my boyfriend? Let’s look at a few.

You Aren’t Growing Together

We grow in maturity and intellectual abilities throughout our lives, but we don’t all do it at the same rate.

As a couple, you can grow by trying new things together. Try new types of ethnic food, working out together or traveling to new places. Choose a hobby to work on together or read books together.

You try together and you learn what works and what doesn’t. Have fun and build deeper intimacy. You’re a team who can take on the world! Building memories together helps your relationship stay fresh and fun.

Grow as an individual by exploring new things on your own. Try a new hairstyle or color. Perhaps you decide your old wardrobe doesn’t reflect who you are any longer. You might explore a new hobby or a passion you have. Reading is a great way to grow and there are millions of self-help books available if that’s what you want.

You’ll know you aren’t growing together in a couple ways. One of you may feel bored. Sex is non-existent, and you find yourselves arguing more than doing things together.

You may feel as if one of you is being left behind. You’re out there trying new things and he’s sitting at home playing video games with his friends all night.

You ask, “Should I breakup with my boyfriend?” The answer depends.

Your gut is already telling you to consider breaking up, but this is also fixable. If you think you can talk to him about it, invite him to explore something new with you and see if he’s agreeable. You might be able to fix it if you can find your way back to growth that supports one another instead of leaves one behind.

You’re Two Very Different People Now

This feels like the last one, but it isn’t the same. Sometimes, people get together, and the chemistry is so hot that you just launch yourselves into a relationship. The sex is great, and that chemistry keeps you together, but not forever. Chemistry only gets you so far. Great sex doesn’t make a relationship and it isn’t the same as intimacy.

Intimacy comes from doing things you both enjoy, together. It’s those afternoons picking apples or painting the living room that pull you closer together. It’s the time when he was sick and you brought him some chicken soup, then stayed to help clean up and maybe watch a little Netflix.

You may discover that he’s not an animal person, but you love your Great Dane and can’t imagine parting with her. He could be very outdoorsy while you prefer to stay in. One of you could be very social while the other prefers to stay at home.

These aren’t things you discover when all you’re working with is hot chemistry. They’re the day-to-day things that start to pile up. It keeps you both from living the life you enjoy because you feel an obligation to do everything together.

None of this makes either of you bad people, it just means you need to work through it or find someone new. You ask me, “Gregg, should I breakup with my boyfriend?”

My answer is this. Have you even discussed what’s bothering you yet? It’s possible he too is feeling the problem but is afraid to approach you.

Talking will solve this one way or the other. You’ll either find a way to work through your differences or you’ll decide it’s better to find someone else.

should I breakup with my boyfriend

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend if One or Both of Us Has Changed?

Sometimes you go into a relationship thinking you know what you want, only to find out later that you’re wrong. This happens to both men and women, and it doesn’t make either of you wrong or bad. It just means you’ve figured some stuff out about yourself and you aren’t the same person.

Many things happen to cause change in either direction – for the better or for the worse.

One of you may experience the loss of a loved one and you’re having trouble finding your way out of the sadness. You may have decided you want to start a family soon, but he doesn’t want kids. It’s something you discussed peripherally before but now, you’re serious and so is he.

For men, the loss of a job or financial status can be a very hard blow, one women don’t often understand. It can send a guy into a tailspin.

Whatever the cause and whichever of you has changed isn’t the issue. The issue is that you don’t feel compatible any longer and there’s nothing wrong with that. What would be wrong is to continue as if nothing problematic was happening.

Instead of asking, should I breakup with my boyfriend, sit down and discuss your differences. If it seems that a breakup is in order, then do it. There’s nothing wrong with ending a relationship if it isn’t the right one for you.

Are You Ready to End it?

Not all breakups are initiated by a man. If you're ready to end this relationship, go for it. Only you know whether you're happy and if the relationship is fulfilling your needs. It's possible that he feels the same way but you're both afraid to take that step. It's okay. Read some of the other articles on the subject by clicking below. They're here to help.

The Dreaded Mid-Life Crisis

Everyone talks about men wanting convertibles, younger women, and a full head of hair but women have mid-life crises as well.

You feel as if there’s something in your life you can’t fulfill in your current relationship. Your fight or flight has kicked in and flight seems the proper response.

Fight or flight is a result of anxious thinking. You’re worried about something that will or won’t happen in the future and you’re afraid that if you don’t exit the relationship right now, you won’t be able to either make something happen or avoid something else.

You might feel as if you missed out on part of your youth because you started getting into serious relationships at a young age and have stayed in them since. Now, you find yourself wanting to go back and experience those things.

Instead of asking, should I breakup with my boyfriend, the question to ask is if you need to explore and experience alone or can your boyfriend tag along? If you really think you need to do this alone, explain it to him and maybe you can come to some sort of arrangement.

You never know until you try!

What I encourage you not to do is ignore this feeling, while at the same time helping you understand that you can’t recapture your youth and there are some experiences that are better left behind you, whether you got to enjoy them or not.

should I breakup with my boyfriend

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend over Outside Influences?

In this category you find things like religion and politics. As you age and mature, you might find that you’ve grown apart in an important area of life. You might have shifted your beliefs in one direction or another and he went the other way.

It’s okay to be different in these areas of life. The question is can you live with your boyfriend being a Democrat if you’re a staunch Republican? Can you date someone who doesn’t believe in God if you have strong Christian beliefs? Couples do live together in these circumstances. They agree to disagree and leave those topics of discussion off the table.

Another outside influence can be an ex, especially if shared custody of children, or even animals, is involved. Often when two different families are parenting children, there are vast differences. Children come home from one home to the other and must adjust to different rules and parenting styles.

This can really do a number on any relationship and it’s not good for the kids either. Here, the best path forward, if possible, would be to work with the ex you’re sharing custody with and see if you can work out those parenting issues, for the kids, not for your relationship. Your relationship is a side problem.

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend?

As you’ve read, there are several different situations which can place a strain on a relationship, but most of them are things you can work through if you can talk to one another.

On the other hand, your gut might be telling you it’s time to get out and you can’t find the reason in any of these situations.

In that case, it’s probably best to sit down and agree to a split. There’s no reason to be ugly or unkind to one another. You’ve just come to a point where your relationship doesn’t work any longer. The mature adult thing to do is end it well and keep a friend, or at least avoid making an enemy.

How to Get Over a Breakup

If you decide to breakup, I recommend He’s Gone, Now What? This a breakup book specifically written to help you overcome the unexpected repercussions of a breakup. You’ll discover the nine stages of grieving a relationship as well as the impact a breakup has on your body and mind. Even if the breakup is your idea, you will experience all these things.

The book also helps you sort things out and prepare yourself for a new relationship! You can read more about it here, or buy it by clicking the buy button below.

Are you living like you're dying, or are you plugging along on autopilot, waiting for something great to happen but not really pursuing it? Is your life as fulfilling as it can be? Do you dream of a different life? Do you sometimes feel as if you're walking through life, half asleep?

If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions, you need to Live Like You're Dying. Learn to embrace life, take chances and life the life you want to live, free of fear and anxiety, full of experiences and exploration! Learn more about the book here or buy it by clicking on one of the buttons below.

The Ideal Alpha Female Relationships with Men

The Ideal Alpha Female Relationships with Men

Successful alpha female relationships can feel elusive, especially if you’ve dated for any length of time.

You’re strong. You know what you want and how to get it. You’re confident, outspoken and people gravitate to you because they want to be on the same ride you’re on. Your power and energy are contagious.

These very traits that make friends and coworkers want to be near you are the same ones that make it difficult for you to find a man who appreciates you for who you are, without trying to change you.

Chances are, you’ve tried dating alpha men because they’re most like you. They’re powerful, confident, outspoken and strong. Likes attract likes, right? Yes, but that doesn’t always indicate that that type of relationship will work out best.

There are essentially two types of men that will work best for alpha female relationships. The first, of course, is an alpha male. I know, I just said that might not work, but there are instances when it can. The other type of man who’s truly perfect for the alpha woman is the beta man.

Often misunderstood, beta men seek alpha female relationships because they want a take-charge type of woman to love. Below are some dating tips that will help you find the right guy who will adore you for who you are.

Alpha Female Relationships | Slow Down

You go one-hundred miles per hour all day and well into the evening, but when you’re out looking for a guy, slow down. Take off that leadership hat and let your hair down, maybe literally.

Slow and take the edge off your speech. You’re now out to have fun, not be in control, so take a kinder, gentler approach. An alpha man will be attracted to an alpha woman if she shows her feminine side and a kinder, gentler you will be more feminine.

Don’t make an attempt to look low confidence, meaning continue making eye contact and walking confidently, but instead of striding with purpose, slow down and glide. Save your strut for the office.

And finally, if an alpha man offers to buy you a drink, accept it gratefully and show your appreciation, “Thank you. It was so kind of you.” This allows more of your feminine energy to shine through and you top it off with a dose of manners. He’s definitely interested.

Challenge Him

 Challenge is important in alpha female relationships – well, all relationships actually. Men need to feel challenged in a relationship to keep from becoming bored, therefore, it’s important for him to feel challenged by you. But what does that mean?

An alpha man doesn’t value something that comes too easily. He’s accustomed to working for what he has. When he calls for a date that day or even the next day, don’t drop your plans to go with him.

Instead, let him know that he’ll need to work harder to get on your calendar, “Gee, Gregg. I’d love to go to dinner with you, but we’ll have to make it Tuesday.” He won’t be put off. He’ll feel challenged! If he’s truly interested in you, he’ll figure out how to become important enough to get on your calendar.

If he text you but you’re busy and can’t really get into a conversation, give him a time when you can talk to him.

Him: Hi Beautiful. I hope your day was productive!

You: Hey Handsome! So far, so good, but I have more dragons to slay. Let’s talk later – say 8:00?

Him: Sounds great! Talk then.

This tells him you want to talk to him and he now knows when. It takes the anxiety out of the situation for both of you and lets him know when to expect to talk to you.

Challenge is also required for the beta man, whose main goal is to serve you and make sure you’re happy. You can challenge him in the same way you’d challenge an alpha. Don’t always be readily available. Be kind but firm with a beta.

Are You an Alpha Female Who Can't Find a Happy Relationship?

For alpha women, finding a relationship that isn’t challenging or frustrating can be a real problem. You’re drawn to alpha men, but science tells us that alpha men don’t want to marry alpha women, they only want to date them. Then there’s the beta man, often misunderstood by both alpha men and women, but often a great choice for the alpha woman. Learn more about how you can develop a happy relationship with either type of man by checking out The Alpha Female: Who is She? Who Should She Date? How do You Become One?

alpha female relationships

Let Him Be Your Protector

All men, alpha, beta or otherwise, have a need to be your protector. I know you can do this for yourself, but this hero instinct is something you want to cultivate. Men were raised to be your hero and if you don’t allow them to, they feel as if they aren’t doing their job.

Men basically need three things in a relationship:

  • To live a meaningful life and feel appreciated for their efforts
  • To provide for those who are important to them
  • To be respected by those around them

I know you can provide for yourself, and maybe even him, but if you’re with an alpha, don’t make a big deal about this. A beta will care less if you make more money than he does, but an alpha might feel emasculated if you bring it up a lot. Don’t let who earns more money determine the power dynamic in your relationship.

Alpha Female Relationships: Act Like the Prize You Are

When women make bad dating choices, it’s often for one of two reasons. Either they feel desperate to find a guy for some reason, like all their friends have boyfriends and they don’t, or they don’t understand that they have the power to be the choose, and not feel grateful to be chosen.

This puts you in a negative position for relationships. Instead, recognize that you are the prize. When you feel grateful to be chosen or desperate and find a guy, your instinct might be to be over-enthusiastic about the relationship.

You stop going out with your girlfriends, stop pursuing your hobbies and spend too much time doting on him. No guy, whether he’s an alpha, beta or omega, wants this from you. This behavior makes a man feel smothered and you aren’t challenging to him. He will question your value in his life.

Instead, come into a relationship with strong dating confidence. If you don’t feel you have strong dating confidence now, there are many options you can pursue here.

I want to change my life!

Meanwhile, allow a guy to chase you. Yes, even though you’re an alpha woman, let a guy pursue you. Inspire his hero instinct and encourage his masculine side by remaining feminine. Never give up your hobbies for a man and continue to enjoy girls’ night with your friends.

Remember, You Are Not Your Title

Your identity isn’t the title of the job you hold. It’s who you are from the inside out. It’s your kindness and generosity. It’s your desire to help others and your ability to be tough and stern one minute and a kind mentor the next.

Commit to or stay committed to your health and well-being. Get to know yourself and connect with that feminine woman who’s lurking inside. This makes you the feminine counterpart an alpha man desires.

When it comes to a beta man, he needs your strength and direction, but he also wants to see your feminine side and he needs you to know who you are from the inside out. Your strength is what attracted him to you, but some of that strength is your inner strength.

alpha female relationships

Alpha Female Relationships: Communication is Key

Regardless of what type of man you date, communication is everything. With the beta, you will have many conversations around control – who is in control of what. He wants you to take control, probably more than you know. Talking through it helps you both realize your roles in the relationship. Just because he’s a beta doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings, ambitions, and thoughts about your relationship.

Communication in any relationship is one of the most important things and a lack of communication is what ends many relationships. Regardless of whether your guy is an alpha or a beta, opening up the lines of communication may be the strongest asst in your alpha female relationships.

It allows you each to voice your wants, needs and desires. It allows you to feel safe exposing your vulnerabilities, something a beta will do much faster than an alpha. Without communication, any relationship will eventually wither and die.

And Finally, You’re a Team

Whether alpha female relationships are with beta men or alpha men, you’re a team. Learn how to work together and know when your teammate needs you to rally and be a little more supportive than usual.

Situations like job loss or loss of income, health issues, the loss of a loved one and similar events are difficult for men. Most men require time to retreat, lick their wounds and find a solution. As natural problem solvers, this is key for him. While you’re there to support him, you’re not overbearing or over-nurturing.

Let him know he has your support and allow him time to deal with the emotions of what happened. If your relationship is strong and you’ve established great communication, he will come to you when he’s ready.

How to Not be Nervous for a Date

How to Not be Nervous for a Date

We’ve all been there and it’s very nerve-wracking, but today I’d like to share with you 12 tips to show you how to not be nervous for a date.

Your gut is seizing and nausea is roiling and you’re thinking about shooting him a text with an excuse to postpone the date, but did you know he might be feeling the same way? Date nervousness isn’t exclusive to women. Men experience it too!

Still, dates can be great experiences with the right mindset. Instead of worrying about what to wear, how to fix your hair and makeup and whether he’ll like you, focus on the twelve tips below. They’ll help you know how to not be nervous for a date.

Right now, you’re placing too much importance on this date. You’re making it seem as if your entire future hinges on this one date, but it doesn’t. Dating isn’t about getting married or even making a commitment, not the first few dates anyway. It’s about seeing how well you might fit. Can you have fun together? Is he someone you enjoy spending time with? Is he an interesting guy?

This is how men look at dating. They don’t look at dating as taking steps toward the alter. They have fun. They enjoy the challenge of getting to know you and the mystery behind who you are.

how to not be nervous for a date

How to Not be Nervous for a Date: Treat it as a Meeting

The best way to ease your nervousness over a first date is to treat it as a meeting, which is what it is. You and this new guy are meeting to see if there is any spark or chemistry. If you know one another before, you’ve probably never dated until now so this is still a first date or meeting to consider becoming a couple.

Even the next few dates can be looked at in this way because that’s what you’re doing. You’re meeting up with a new friend to see if you can become a couple in the future.

Have some talking points

If you met him online or through friends, you might already know something about him. Use this to your advantage and have a few things you can talk about. If his pride and joy is his ’67 corvette, study up a little on them and show interest. If you love something he loves, he will transfer his love of that thing to you over time.

Men love to talk about themselves, so the more homework you do before your meeting, the more prepared you’ll be to feed him questions.

Understand that He’s a Hot Mess of Nerves Too

Any great guy worth having is probably a bundle of nerves before your first few dates too. If he isn’t, there’s a better than even chance that he’s a player who goes on a lot of dates and has his own system in place.

Assuming your guy is a great guy, he’s just as worried about saying the wrong thing or looking dumb in front of you. How you both survive one of you making some sort of goof will determine how your relationship will go, moving forward. If someone goofs, poke a little fun, in a nice way, maybe with a tad of humorous self-deprecation.

If you trip over your own feet or accidentally spill a little coffee, it’s fine. He’ll love it and it’ll make him feel better about anything that happened to him.

how to not be nervous for a date

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date | Don’t ‘Clear Your Day’

You’ve got a date with a great guy and you’re so nervous about getting ready that you take the day off and clear the schedule for the entire day so you have plenty of time to get ready.

I’ve done this myself. If I had a hot date planned for that evening, I’d clear the day to wash my car, plan my route and prepare myself for the date. The problem is that when it was time for the date, I was so nervous because I’d focused my entire day on it, that I could barely function.

Instead, stay busy with other plans. Go on with your day as normal and prepare yourself as you would for a girls’ night out. Slip on something comfortable, do your hair and makeup as you would for any other occasion and be yourself.

Stop With the Worst-Case Scenarios

Your anxiety is ratcheting up and the what-if’s are starting. Recognize this for what it is – date anxiety. It’s normal, but that doesn’t mean you need to feed it. When those what-if’s start showing up, stomp them down. What if he doesn’t show up? His loss! What if he hates you? His loss! What if he’s an axe murderer? What are the odds, really?

Anxiety creeps in and we don’t often recognize it for what it is. Take some deep breaths and gain control of your thoughts. Instead of allowing this anxious train of thought to continue, find something to watch on Netflix or turn on some music and start singing along. Do anything to change your train of thought.

Desensitize Yourself to Dating

The real issue with dating anxiety is fear. You’re doing something new and you’re afraid of the outcome. There are two things to do to eliminate this fear. One is to realize that just because this guy isn’t into you, or vice versa, doesn’t mean no guy will be into you. He simply isn’t the right one.

The second thing to realize is that the best way to eliminate a fear of something is to desensitize yourself to it. This means exposing yourself to more of what you’re afraid of until the fear dissipates.

What does all that mean? Go on more dates! Yes! The very thing that is striking fear in you now – dating – is the one thing you need to do more of.

But I hear you – “Gregg, there aren’t that many great guys out there.” And my response to you is “Oh, but there are, you just don’t know where to look!”

How to find the man of your dreams

Date a few guys who rank in the so-so category if you must, just to get the exposure. At the least, maybe you come out of it with a new friend. Just make sure he understands that it’s just a friendship so there are no hurt feelings.

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date | Keep it Short

Don’t plan a date that will last for hours. Instead, plan a coffee date where you can meet someplace casual and relax into the comfy chairs. If things go well, you can certainly plan a longer date, but make any first meetings short.

If you’re looking for how to not be nervous for a date, this is a great one because a coffee date is, by nature, a more casual, laid-back experience.

Be Involved with Planning the Meeting

Get involved in planning your meeting so you have some say in what you do and where the meeting will happen. If you allow him to do it, he may be more inclined to either bail on the date or plan it someplace where he’s more comfortable, but you aren’t.

Give him a few suggestions and make them closer to your comfort zone. This not only feels more comfortable to you but it’s safer and will keep your anxiety at bay.

Relax  

One great tip for how to not be nervous for a date is to chill. Relax and remember not to place so much importance on this two hours of your life. Think about it – it’s two hours, if that, of your entire life and, as you recall, if he doesn’t like you, it’s his loss!

Use anxiety-busting tools like playing music or taking a short walk. Splash some cold water on your face before you do your makeup or take a few deep breaths. When you consider what to wear, go with something comfortable, rather than something new or something that makes you squirm because it’s too tight or doesn’t fit properly.

Keep It to Yourself

It isn’t necessary to share this meeting with your entire Facebook friends group or blast it on Instagram. In fact, I suggest you tell one close friend so someone knows where you are, but otherwise, keep it to yourself. Other people will try to be helpful, but they’ll only provide advice you don’t need to hear. Friends will push their own anxiety on you with stressors over what to wear and so on.

Make it Fun!

The worst date is sitting down to dinner with someone in some high-end, or even middle grade restaurant. All you have to entertain yourselves is one another. The stress of carrying on a conversation can become overwhelming, especially if one or both of you are introverts.

Instead, make your first dates and meetings fun. Go bowling or go prowl a farmer’s market. Go watch a sport you both enjoy together or go somewhere that relates to a hobby one or both of you have, like antiques or cars or photography. Even a museum or an art gallery is better than a dinner date because there are conversation starters all over the place.

Workout Prior to Your Date

When you workout, two things happen. One is that it alleviates any anxiety chemicals that are coursing through your veins. The other is that it produces endorphins, or happy hormones as some call them, and you get a lift.

This will help your confidence shine through, instead of your anxiety.

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date

Most long-lasting relationships start out as great friendships. Remember this as you head into your next date or first meeting with a guy. Work on building a great friendship and don’t worry about how long it will be before he buys you a ring.

Date to have fun and learn more about him, not to find milestones that you think show he wants to marry you. I guarantee you he’s oblivious to such milestones so don’t bother with them. Guys date to have fun and you should too! Use this time to determine not only if he’s a great guy, but also if he’s the right guy for you. Take your time and enjoy the process! Take the pressure off by not worrying about getting married after the first date!

Remember the tips you’ve read here and go have yourself a great time!

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Why Can’t I Find Love? Eleven Changes That Might Help You

Why Can’t I Find Love? Eleven Changes That Might Help You

Love. We all want it. So Why Can’t I Find Love you ask!

Sure, many say they’ve given up, but deep down they’re just frustrated because everything they’ve tried so far hasn’t worked.

I get it. I hear the frustration. I even have readers who get angry at me!

“All men suck.”

“I’m happy just being alone.”

“I’ve given up.”

“Every time I get close to a man, I get dumped.”

But what if you’re simply going about it the wrong way?

What if you opened yourself up to a totally new way of finding love?

Why Cant I Find Love

Why Can’t I Find Love? Eleven Changes to Consider

End the Misery – or at Least the Miserable Feeling

Is this you?

Heck, through the pandemic I was miserable at times too. Our worlds were upside down and nothing made sense. Nothing was normal.

Attempted relationships failed. This led to low self-esteem, potential weight gain and frustration. Ice cream put me in my happy place.

Everything sucked!

So why not accept this and decide to change your attitude starting right now?

Forget men and start working on you!

You’ll be amazed at how your world and relationships will begin to turn around.

How do you do it?

Start with plenty of self-care and self-love. Pamper yourself for a couple of weeks. Then, continue once or twice per week – a regular schedule.

You’re worth it. You might feel guilty at first and that’s okay but keep doing it.

The Little Self-Care Handbook is a great self-care resource to help you get your self-care routine started.

How to stop liking someone

Why Can’t I Find Love? Decide to Do the Work

Many women say they want to find love but they don’t want to put in the work required.

When I ask where they’ve gone and what they’ve tried, I get crickets.

It’s like they expect a man to knock on their front door.

He won’t.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity and complaining about nothing working out how you wish it would, brainstorm 50 ideas for hobbies and adventures. Narrow your list to your top 10 and then, pick 1 or 2, sign up and go.

Get exposure to new people and join groups where you’re likely to have something in common with the members. This takes the pressure off meeting a man while you are having fun!

Work? What work?

Commit to the Work of Finding Love

This leads to my next change. If finding love is work, you’re doing it wrong! Get out there and do the things you love.

Take your list and modify it to include coed pursuits. You probably won’t find many men doing yoga or horseback riding, but you might find them in other places like cooking classes or a ski club. Kick boxing and hiking are also great choices if you like those activities or are willing to try something new.

New choices get you out of your comfort zone which builds confidence. This is a win-win.

Expand Your Search Zone

I have spoken with readers who live in small towns with few choices. Everyone knows everyone else’s business. This forces them to pursue long distance relationships. LDR’s make finding love difficult. This leads to more frustration.

Others live in big cities and look for men in all the wrong places.

If you live in a small town, maybe it’s time to consider moving. Online jobs are abundant today. The kids might be all grown-up or might even enjoy a new adventure.

Big cities can be overwhelming. I have readers in NYC that feel alone. In that instance, maybe it’s time for a change of scenery or a change of venues.

City dwellers do better when they join groups of mutual interest so they can make friends and network to meet more people. Hitting a bar in NYC probably isn’t the best bet. But hitting a new micro-brewery with friends can be a welcome change.

Don’t just stay in your hometown or city because it feels comfortable. You can always visit. Change can be empowering!

Why Can’t I Find Love? Expand Your Friend Zone

Finding love rarely works when your social network is all married women.

It also doesn’t work when family members are breathing down your neck to find love.

Communicate to these groups. Ask them to help, not hurt your effort. Tell them you may be spending a few less hours with them in pursuit of new opportunities and new friendships.

They might get angry and that’s okay. It’s time you set new boundaries.

This will be empowering.

Why Can’t I Find Love? – Try Setting Firm Boundaries

That’s leads us to our next change to finding love. Setting boundaries.

You’re done with guys who don’t text back or text back days later. If they delay, they’re not interested. Period.

Get my best seller – Weed Out The Users, the Couch Potatoes and the Losers for less than a cup of coffee and fix the problem!

Boundaries mean you’re done hooking up with guys on the first date because that’s what they want. You now date with your head and not your heart. That means no sex until a man proves his worth.

Boundaries empower! They attract guys because boundaries are a sure sign of confidence, and guys love confident women because they are a challenge. Nothing worth having comes without a fight.

Try it. Make a list of boundaries that will not get crossed again. Do this not only with men, but also with your friends and family.

Stick to your boundaries and you’ll feel like you have new super-powers.

Get Over Your Ex

This can be a big problem! If you’re still daydreaming about your ex, you’ll waste a lot of time comparing your new guy to him and the new guy won’t stack up.

Ever.

This puts your new relationship in jeopardy right from the start.

One way to get over your ex is to write a letter to him telling him all the things you don’t like about him and your past relationship. Then read it and burn it, safely of course!

It works. It sends a message to your brain that says, “I will no longer let this guy control my future.”

If you need more help, check out this great book, He’s Gone Now What.

Stop Trying to Find the Perfect Guy

Your list may read something like this: I want a guy who is tall, dark and handsome, preferably a doctor earning over $200K a year and living in San Diego.

The truth is that those types of lists prevent you from exploring a new type of guy who might not fit that mold but might be the perfect fit for you.

So far, you’ve sought that type of guy and maybe even dated a few men who fit at least some of that criteria, but how’s that working for you?

Instead, throw out that superficial list and get real! Women have this guy in mind from watching some rom-com movie full of idealistic relationships that aren’t real.

The perfect man doesn’t exist. He’s part of your imagination and truth be told, using tight criteria is a way of protecting your heart and avoiding dating anyone who might challenge you.

Look for the type of man you never thought you would want to date.

Try the shy, geeky guy sitting with a group of rowdy men. He’s probably had his eye on you since you walked in but he’s a little wary of approaching. Give him a couple of smiles and hold his attention with a couple of quick glances now and then. This sends him a message that if he approaches, he won’t get shot down.

If you can’t find the geeky guy, go for the guy who looks like he just crawled off his Harley. He just might be a doctor or lawyer and he’s likely to be more down to earth than the tall, dark and handsome guy with skinny dress pants and six-inch points on the ends of his shoes.

By limiting the type of man think you want to date, you’re limiting your possibilities.

Once you get to know the geeky guy and determine he’s not your speed, move on to another type of guy. Keep your options open.

A couple years back, I wrote a book that will help you understand different types of men.It’s called Manimals, Understanding the Different Types of Men and How to Date Them. I let my readers at that time choose the title and it was a perfect fit!

Why Can’t I Find Love? Shake off Your Past

My parents divorced when I was 16. My nights were interrupted by breaking dishes. This affected my view of relationships in a very negative way. I didn’t see love as a good thing, so I avoided it.

I dated and dated and dated. I was looking for someone who would accept me.

Or so I thought.

In fact, I was the problem. I couldn’t accept love, so I didn’t accept them. This hurt them and me. I was an expert in short-term relationships.

Little did I know I was sabotaging my own quest for love.

I took a step back and dug into my childhood for answers.

Seek help from a qualified therapist if you know you’ve been hurt from events in your past. Maybe it’s abandonment issues or something like my experience. Either way, recognize it and get help before you attempt to find love again.

Figure Out Who You Are

You can’t find the right man if you don’t know your true self. You will seek the wrong type of man.

Ask yourself, what is your vision in life? What do you want tomorrow? Next year? In 5 years?

What morals guide you? Do you live by them?

Answer these questions and you’ll start to live the life you create instead of a life that others create for you.

Women love my best-seller, To Date a Man You Must Understand Yourself because it helps you see the mistakes you might be making without realizing it. It’s a compare and contrast story of two young women who make different life choices that guide their relationship outcomes.

Learn How Men Think

Ahh, now we’re in my wheelhouse!

I saved the best for last. This is my flagship operation.

The best and most entertaining way to build confidence is to discover how men think.

This prevents you from blaming yourself when things go wrong and it gives you powerful insight into how to best communicate with a man and get him to do what you want.

Learn not only what he is thinking but how to react based on his actions.

You zig when he zags. This keeps him hooked on you through his desire for challenge and mystery.

Understanding how men think is the missing link to finding true love. They don’t teach this stuff in school!

Get the book that changed dating forever! To Date a Man You Must Understand a Man  

Why Can’t I Find Love – Wrapping Up

Change happens in seconds if you allow it too.

Look over these 11 items and address each one. Spend some time evaluating:

  • Who are you and what you do you truly want from life
  • Your past and how it affects you and your opinions about relationships
  • Whether you have boundaries and how to set some that will positively impact your relationships
  • If your relationship with your ex is affecting you
  • If you’re searching in the wrong places
  • Whether people close to you are helping or holding you back
  • If you know how men think
  • Your own mindset and how to shake the feeling of being miserable

If you begin making these eleven changes, you will begin to see a positive turnaround in the quality of your relationships, and not just your relationships with men.

So ask yourself again. Why can’t I find love? Now you can!

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

3 Tips to Find a Man of Your Dreams

3 Tips to Find a Man of Your Dreams

Today is Groundhog Day, and that got me thinking about how sometimes women act like groundhogs when trying to find a man of their dreams.

How can I be so insulting? We only hear about groundhogs once a year when they pop their heads out to find their shadow or not. Some women do the same thing in their pursuit of a man.

You can’t find a man of your dreams if you only try once in a while! You need to get out there often and create opportunities for finding love.

Yeah, you tell me you just can’t find him, and yet when I ask how many hours the past week you dedicated yourself to trying, I get, “Ah, well, I went grocery shopping and saw a cute guy. Does that count?”

No, because you went out to get Cheerios and not to find a man of your dreams.

Instead of thinking about finding a great guy as drudgery, think of it as an adventure. It’s a way to have fun with your friends. The bonus is the great guy! 

Here are three tips to find a man of your dreams.

Take Advantage of All the Opportunities Life Gives You

If you see a cute guy getting on the elevator, follow him to his floor! Have a line ready, like “I’m lost. Can you help me find the cafeteria?” and “Are you hungry?” If you are at a local fair and see a couple of guys eating cotton candy, get some cotton candy!

find a man of your dreams

Find a Man of Your Dreams | Mix up Your Routine

Are most of your days like the movie Groundhog Day where every day is exactly the same as the last? I bet you drive through the same coffee place, eat at the same place for lunch, and work out at the same gym at the same time every day.

I get it. People develop habits that can be suitable for some areas of their life. But breaking habits can be good too. It provides exposure to different people, and it keeps your mind sharp. Think about it. How many times a week do you need to drive by your home after leaving to make sure you put the garage door down when you left? It’s so automatic that when you stop to wonder, you don’t know whether it’s down or not.

Then, you get a new car or a new garage door opener, and you’re forced to think about where the button is. For a few weeks, you don’t wonder because putting the door down was a conscious effort.

Study Comedy

Train yourself to be funny by watching comedians. Watch them on YouTube and make yourself a funny person people will love. Men are attracted to funny women! Study how the pros get people to laugh with their lines and delivery and develop your style. You can be a funny, adorable groundhog!

Furthermore, knowing that you can make a guy laugh will give you the confidence to jump on that elevator and ask him to lunch.

I have roughly twenty set lines in my get them to laugh, arsenal. All I need to do is set up the situation to use them.

For example, I love to eat rare steak.  I have a place near Delray Beach, Florida, where eating alone at an outside bar is standard. Lots of people eat alone. I make it a point to sit down next to someone I want to meet. Then, when my steak arrives, I poke the thing with my fork and say aloud, “A skilled veterinarian could bring this back to life!”

Everyone who has ever heard this has laughed profusely. Suppose a woman said that to me; I would love to talk to her. Try it!

So you see, you are no match for a groundhog when it comes to finding Mr. Right, so pop out of your home more often so guys can see your shadow!

Do you have your Night Moves down? Are you ready to go out and get a guy to fall for you, using science and not trickery? If so, this is the book for you! I've done the research, and you get to benefit. Here are the steps you can take, whether you're headed out on a first date or going out with your friends to look for men. The science behind attraction is just a few clicks away!

Here are just a couple of things you'll learn inside this best-seller:

  • Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction...learn why inside
  • Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal...but what signal? Learn inside the book
  • You can get a guy to feel like he's falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

Welcome in the New Year, Friends!

Welcome in the New Year, Friends!

How will you welcome in the New Year? Will you do the same things that didn’t work last year,  or will you change things? They say insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.

So, will you continue choosing and dating the wrong type of man? Will you take in strays who should be left outside? Will you let men decide your happiness?

Or will you welcome in the new year by saying enough is enough!

I think it’s time for you. Yes, you. I’ve got two types of readers – those who do the work and those who read the words but don’t do anything different. Which will you be this year?

Great Ways to Welcome in the New Year

  • Get to the gym; not for one month, for good!
  • Eat right, not for one month, forever!
  • Brainstorm new hobbies and choose one or two
  • De-clutter your life by getting rid of the people who bring you down!
  • De-clutter your home of the material things you never use
  • Enjoy nature; there’s nothing more calming and healing

These are just the basics. Look at your job and your career. Is it time for a change?

I make myself feel better by changing my routine. Our nature is to find routines and stick with them, but I say fight it! Instead of doing the same thing in the same place at the same time every day, change something. Heck, change everything!

This isn’t rocket science, and I’m not telling you anything revolutionary. I know that. But if only one person decides to listen to me, they will be rewarded for the rest of their life.

How Will You Welcome in the New Year?

You have spoken, and I am writing. I will welcome in the new year by writing a book you’ve requested on how to get over a breakup. That’s different for me and will require me to research and learn something new! I, too will be changing my routine!

How will you welcome in the New Year?

Thanks for Reading!

Thanks for Reading!

I write a lot of books and I answer a ton of questions. I thank some of you individually for reading my books and asking me questions. I try my best to make myself available to everyone. There is nothing worse than “feeling like a number” or feeling like someone is trying to take your money. But I have never said thank you in a blog. Thank you everyone!!! I wake up in the morning, make my coffee, irritate my VA, and open my emails…and I get lots of emails! Some are happy emails, some sad emails, I get desperate emails, and I even get emails from people that are literally on the edge. I answer them all! I even answer emails (when I’m not supposed to) from women that are severely depressed. I do because I know that I can help. I also realize that I might be her only friend at the time. If a woman can’t afford a book, I know she needs, I give it to her for free. I realize that it can potentially help her with her problem. I love every minute of it. Why? There is simply no better feeling in the world than when one of you tell me that I changed your life for the better! It makes it all worth it. So for 2018 I say bring it on! Keep emailing me so I can keep writing and answering the personal questions that you want answered. Tell me when I’m spot on and correct me when I’m missing the point – it’s all good and its how I get better. Remember, I learn as much from you as you learn from me and that’s what makes our relationship so awesome! Let’s all start with a new affirmation for 2018 – “I am worthy of love.” I will say it every day and it would be great if you said it too. Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and God bless you!! Gregg
First Impressions Matter!

First Impressions Matter!

First Impressions Matter

In Chapter Two of my new book, Night Moves, you discover that first impressions matter! To gain the attention of a great man, you must first stand out, but how do you do that without attracting the wrong men?

Unfortunately, some women have everything going for them except a high enough confidence level. When I go out with my friends, I can see exactly who they are. They’re the women who try to use sex appeal instead of their intellect and sense of humor to snag a guy.

These women, not all of them young, show up wearing what they think will appeal to men. The short skirts that are so short they’re half-mooning the entire place border on ridiculous, as do the tight pants and low-cut tops. To complete the outfit, they wear six-inch heels that turn them into a statuesque pedestal of sex.

While women think this makes a great impression, the truth is that you’re drawing in the wrong kind of guy. An outfit like this screams, “Hey, I have no confidence in my ability to attract you with anything other than my body, so here you are!”

You just made a lousy first impression on every confident man in the room, and that’s the guy you should be going after! But instead, you’ll attract every player and loser. Is that what you want? If you’re going for a hookup, you dressed appropriately, but if you wanted to make a great first impression with Mr. Right, you struck out.

Don’t Go Too Far the Other Way

I’m not suggesting you wear a blouse buttoned to your chin and a dumpy skirt. Instead, strike a balance between style and mystery.

A man is more intrigued by what he doesn’t see than what he does. Men like to use their imaginations and can’t do that if you give them a free show.

Develop your style and use it. If you’re comfortable in a pencil skirt and silky blouse, wear it, but if your style is tie-dye and Birkenstocks, go for it. Your ability to express your style is directly related to your confidence level.

Dressing comfortably trumps a peep show every time. How comfortable can it be to constantly tug your skirt down or wish you could unbutton your pants because they’re too tight?

Your goal is subtle intrigue. Wear your bangs so they swoop across one eye, flash a coy smile, and strut across the room like you own the place. Wear clothing that accentuates your best features but doesn’t give away your assets.

Let men wonder what’s beyond those buttons and zippers. You’d be surprised at how little it takes to get a man’s mind to wander. You stand out by not dressing like all the other women there.

Men see two types of women. The rest stops, or the women they can have sex with tonight, and the keepers, or the women they want to have a relationship with. Those who are flashing their bottoms and breasts are quickly labeled as the rest stops, while those who stand out are the keepers.

It isn’t that men don’t notice the women in the revealing clothes; it’s that she quickly becomes a woman with one use – sex.

First Impressions | The Choice is Yours

Now that you know how men perceive you, you can make a choice. If you’re simply looking for an NSA relationship, wear what you like, but if your goal is to find a man who could be the one, I encourage you to give your look a second thought. Be mysterious and confident. The players will fish somewhere else, and the confident men will approach!

Do you have your Night Moves down? Are you ready to go out and get a guy to fall for you, using science and not trickery? If so, this is the book for you! I've done the research, and you get to benefit. Here are the steps you can take, whether you're headed out on a first date or going out with your friends to look for men. The science behind attraction is just a few clicks away!

Here are just a couple of things you'll learn inside this best-seller:

  • Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction...learn why inside
  • Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal...but what signal? Learn inside the book
  • You can get a guy to feel like he's falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

Date With Your Head And Not Your Heart!

Date With Your Head And Not Your Heart!

What does it mean to date with your head and not your heart? Dating is a tricky business, and it can be challenging to find a great guy. But your chances are hampered if you date with your heart and not your head. It’s Kirbie today, talking to you about dating with your head and not your heart.

Date Confidently, Not Desperately

You know you’re dating with your head and not your heart when you stop feeling desperate to find a man.

Meet Christi. Christi has experienced many changes in her life over the past three years. First, her husband announced he was gay and wanted a divorce. Next, Christi got into the dating scene too soon after her husband’s announcement and found herself a dangerous stalker.

To protect herself and her three children, they moved back in with her soon-to-be ex. During these changes, Christi also broke free from a conservative religious background into something more mainstream.

She was like a rock fired from a slingshot, racing forward with little guidance. Christi is a very beautiful woman who found her photography gift was her way to financial success. Armed with a camera but little confidence, Christi forged on.

She met men online and dated many of them immediately. Finally, at church, she found a man she decided was the one. Did I mention Christi is thirty-four and her fiancé is twenty-four? Yes, they’re engaged after dating for just two months.

Christi is dating from a place of desperation and fear, and I know this from speaking to her. She’s a good friend of one of my daughters, who is now shaking her head in disbelief at the engagement.

Most people in Christi’s life believe she’s making a huge mistake. It’s nothing against the man she’s engaged to but more about the speed at which things are moving. It doesn’t say much about either of them that things are moving so fast.

Then again, we draw people to us who are most like us, so this isn’t a surprise. I fear their union has little hope of long-term success.

Slow Your Roll

What’s the hurry in dating? And don’t tell me your biological clock is ticking. I understand time isn’t on your side if you’re in your thirties. But worse than navigating a high-risk pregnancy after thirty-five is raising children alone because you made a mistake in choosing a mate.

I know. I did it with four kids.

Men and women view dating differently. Men date to have fun first. After they get to know you, they date to chase and for challenge and mystery.

Women date to find a husband.

Slow down and date to have fun. Dating isn’t about a path to marriage, as many women believe. It’s about getting to know someone to see if you fit. Yes, marriage might be the end goal, but you can’t look at a new guy that way on the first date.

Plan fun dates instead of a dinner date. Go bowling or hiking. Take a walk around a quaint downtown nearby. Go rollerblading or find a fun venue with live music. Do different things to learn more about one another.

Not only are these fun dates, but they’re opportunities to build memories together, and that’s key if things get rocky. Sharing wonderful memories is how you build intimacy.

Set aside thoughts of marriage until this guy proves he’s worthy of you.

Is he a keeper? 4 Test Dates to Find Out

What Attracts a Man to a Woman?

date with your head and not your heart

Forget Milestones

When you date with your head and not your heart, you also set aside milestones. You know what I’m talking about.

He held my hand. Milestone.

OMG, he kissed me! Milestone.

He invited me to meet his mother. Milestone.

We’re taking a weekend trip together. Milestone.

Just stop. While these mean something to you, guys are clueless about milestones. He held your hand because he felt like it. Most likely, he kissed you probably out of impulse, not because he wants to marry you.

He invited you to meet his mother because he wanted to spend time with both of you and didn’t know how else to do it.

A weekend trip together doesn’t mean he’s ready to get married, although this might be a sign he’s interested long-term.

Even Gregg got caught off-guard by a woman who was tallying milestones; then, he was disappointed to learn he had to let her down. He was being nice. She was tallying milestones.

Guys don’t understand the markers you have in place to signal deepening interest. As I said before, they date for fun.

Date With Your Head and Not Your Heart | Don’t Have Sex Too Soon

Women with low confidence often have sex too soon in a relationship. We’ve all been there. Right after my divorce, I’m ashamed to say I fell into this trap myself.

When we divorced thirty years ago, I had low confidence. I had low confidence when we married. We were high school sweethearts who began dating between our sophomore and junior years.

Looking back, it’s hard to say it was a mistake because I now have four children and eight beautiful grandchildren. You can’t call that a mistake, but I made many mistakes.

I was raised by a woman whose confidence is still low, so I didn’t have much of a shot of having high confidence myself.

When your confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth are low, you don’t understand your value in a relationship. I didn’t know that having sex too soon in a relationship indicates that you’re dating a schmuck. Any worthwhile guy won’t expect this of you.

I’m not saying men don’t want to have sex with you, but a confident man won’t push you into having sex too soon.

Of course, to be dating a confident man, you must have confidence, which brings us back to having sex too soon.

Men can sniff out confidence. It’s in your body language. Confident men see a low-confidence woman and won’t approach her. Players and losers see a woman with low confidence, and they swoop in for the kill.

If you’re wondering why you keep attracting these types of men, that’s why.

Sex is not how you keep a guy. It’s how you lose one of any value. Set a boundary and ensure a guy is worthy of you before letting him have sex.

Date with your head and not your heart, and you’ll lose the players.

date with your head and not your heart

Date With Your Head Not Your Heart | Write Your Story

Some of your story is written, but there’s more to write. Make it an adventure story! Those are fun to live and experience.

Your story is a collection of your experiences. What occurred in your life to make you who you are today? That’s your story. There are great chapters and yucky chapters in any story. Nobody has a 100% good story.

You choose how to write the remainder of your story. At first, a man is intrigued by you because you’re new and he knows nothing about you. He wants to have fun and explore. He wants to learn about you, slowly.

After a few dates, he needs more. No, I’m not talking about sex. He needs to be challenged. You need to become mysterious again.

Do that by continuing to add chapters to your story. They don’t have to be glorious adventures, just adventures. For example, try a new hairstyle or color. Take up a new hobby or pursue an old one.

Set some goals and go after them. What do you want to achieve in your life? Do you want a promotion? Do you want to own your own business? Would you like to travel? Figure that out and then decide how to make it happen.

Not only does this enrich your life, but it shows the man you’re interested in that you seek personal growth. It tells him you’re not likely to dote on and smother him. It also tells him you value yourself.

But writing your adventure story does one other thing. It helps you build more confidence. Each time you challenge yourself, you build more confidence and become mysterious to him. He wonders what you’ll do next. Now, you’ve started to date with your head and not your heart.

Understand Men

Much of what you find on this website ultimately boils down to two topics. First is understanding men, and right behind it is helping you build more confidence.

Without a doubt, these are the two most important topics to any woman who is either in a relationship or seeking one.

Do you want to find a great guy? Build or rebuild your confidence.

Would you like to learn how to keep your great guy? Build or rebuild your confidence.

Do you want your ex back? Rebuild your confidence.

Understanding men is always an undercurrent because men and women are so different. We communicate differently. We love differently. Men and women view important things differently.

Until I started working for Gregg, nearly ten years ago, I didn’t get any of this. My confidence needed some work, and I was clueless about men.

Today, my confidence is much higher, and I have a greater understanding of how the male mind works.

As you consider your next dating move, I encourage you to click the links in this article and read the books I’ve added at the bottom. I don’t get anything for encouraging you to do either, other than knowing I’ve pointed you in a good direction.

Gregg is genuinely passionate about helping women. I hear it in his voice every time we speak, and it’s evident in his videos. He wants to help you enjoy an excellent relationship with a great guy! That’s my hope for you as well!

Go forth and have fun! Date with your head and not your heart!

How's your confidence these days? More specifically, how's your dating confidence? The answer to both is easy. They're probably lower than you'd like. Confidence is sexy. It draws great men like bees to a honey pot. The bonus is that the players also sense your confidence and they steer clear of you. Double bonus!

But how does a woman rebuild her confidence? That's easy! Start with this best-seller, Comfortable in Your Own Shoes. It's the definitive confidence-building book written just for women like you. Women who need to rebuild their confidence after one life event after another have left you feeling a little down. This book will walk you through the easy but methodial steps of regaining your swagger and confidence! Great men will be falling all over themselves to date you. Read more about the book here or click one of the buttons below to buy the book now.

Do you have your Night Moves down? Are you ready to go out and get a guy to fall for you, using science and not trickery? If so, this is the book for you! I've done the research, and you get to benefit. Here are the steps you can take, whether you're headed out on a first date or going out with your friends to look for men. The science behind attraction is just a few clicks away!

Here are just a couple of things you'll learn inside this best-seller:

  • Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction...learn why inside
  • Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal...but what signal? Learn inside the book
  • You can get a guy to feel like he's falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

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