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Creating Challenge in a Relationship: A True Story About a Girl and 3 Guys

Creating Challenge in a Relationship: A True Story About a Girl and 3 Guys

Hello. Gregg here with another reader story about a guy- or in this case – 3 guys. This story comes from Amber, who agreed to let me share her story. She will tell you why you should be creating challenge in your relationships!

I had my first boyfriend in 8th grade. We held hands on the bus, and broke up right before the big Middle School Dance. I dated guys here and there throughout high school, but nothing serious. Football players, skateboarders, musicians — the usual stereotypical high school guys. Then, in my junior year, I met a guy through the drama club. He had the lead in the school play and all the girls were in love with him. He was a total Momma’s Boy. So much so that after we finally broke up, his mom called me and said (yelled) some pretty awful things — to me. This was despite the fact that I found out her son had cheated on me not once, but twice, and followed an incident where we had a big argument in his Trans Am – when I finally told him it was over, he left me on the side of the road and drove off! Talk about drama. The relationship lasted 6 months.

My next boyfriend was the Cool Guy. I had a crush on him since 9th grade and then, senior year of high school, we finally started dating. He played guitar in a grunge band and was the typical moody artist. Total narcissist. He always put himself first — and his friends. I came in third. But he was just so cool. I knew if I broke it off, some other girl would be waiting to pounce on him. We dated for a year and carried over into freshman year of college, until one time, I came home to visit him and he already had plans with his buddies. That was the end of that. I finally lifted that cloud from my eyes and dumped him, then spent the weekend venting to my girlfriends.

Fast forward to sophomore year in college. I went on some dates but never really found a guy that kept my interest. Until I met him – It was love at first sight — for real. After some chance meetings, small talk, and wistful glances across the room on both our parts, he asked me out. We went to the movies and then for coffee. We were so in love, we talked about getting married on our first date! It was a whirlwind after that. We were together 24-7 and life revolved around our relationship. You can guess what happened next. After about 6-months, he decided he needed a break — from me. His schoolwork was suffering and (since he got a great girl like me) he wanted to see what else was out there. Seriously. I gave him an ego boost. Just like Gregg warns us in To Date a Man, You Must Understand A Man, I wasn’t a challenge.

Now, here’s where it get’s good. Instead of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I hung up the phone with him, and invited some girlfriends over for a sleepover party. We drank wine and watched rom-coms, and I did not give him a second thought. I finally had the confidence to realize I was a quality girl who could have my pick of guys. I was the Chooser. I made it all about him, when it should have been me. The next weekend, I went out on a date with a super hot guy. The weekend after that, another date with another super hot guy. Of course, word got out to him that I had already moved on, and the little green monster did his thing. This man finally realized what he had and what he threw away. And after our two-week split, he actually came back and apologized.

Long story short, we did get back together. He had my heart but he had to earn back my trust. And he did – in time. Now he’s my husband.

 

Understanding men is a big mystery to women, but I have two great books for you. Both will help you in different ways. To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man takes you through the basics of how the male mind works. I take you through all of those nuances and help you know what your next steps should be.

10 Secrets You Need to Know About Men is your man problem solver. I define 10 different traits most men possess and help you understand how you can counter the behaviors they exhibit because of these traits. I also give you the tools to turn things around – immediately.

Fact or Fiction: Men Enjoy Showing Emotions as Much as Women Do

Fact or Fiction: Men Enjoy Showing Emotions as Much as Women Do

Male Emotions vs Female Emotions

From a woman’s perspective, finding a man who will show his emotions is about as likely as catching Big Foot. But there’s more than one way to understand male emotions vs female emotions.

We’re all well acquainted with the stereotypes of men and women. Women are too emotional, men aren’t emotional enough. Confusion ensues, miscommunications happen, hearts get broken. You know the drill.

But is it really as simple as that? Do the stereotypes hold any weight in our interaction with the opposite sex? And more importantly, as the title of this blog suggests, are men really that uninterested in showing their emotions?

Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: your man isn’t going to show emotions the same way you do, period. This is scientifically IMPOSSIBLE—so for the love of God, stop expecting the guy you’re dating to weep outright whenever you’re watching My Sister’s Keeper.

Women have a more active right brain (emotional side) and men have a far more active left brain (logical side).

male emotions vs female emotions

Women can multitask, men can’t!

Furthermore, a woman’s corpus callosum, the central pathway between the left and right brain, is bigger in women than it is in men.

This lets women express themselves with both sides of the brain, while men are often decidedly in the logic camp at all times.

It also makes women much better multitaskers. If you’ve ever been frustrated that your guy can’t talk to you while he’s dutifully cooking an egg, you now have scientific proof that he’s not ignoring you on purpose.

The truth is ladies, guys do indeed have feelings, but they won’t show those feelings the same way you do.

They may even show completely different emotions than the ones you’re feeling. Maybe something that gets you sad will get him angry.

Male Emotions vs Female Emotions

As long as his anger isn’t destructive, then it should be just as acceptable an emotion as your sadness.

At the same time, our society is still focused on the stalwart, silently heroic man. This isn’t your man’s fault—it’s Tom Cruise’s fault for putting out so many bad macho man movies.

It’s also due to a very ingrained family pattern, where the men of the household feel obligated to keep their emotions to themselves during tough times. If things are bad, a show of emotion isn’t very useful.

Remaining “strong” (hence, emotionless) for the family is token manliness, and it persists to this day in most societies around the world.

Lastly, all guys are different, with different backgrounds and different brains. Some show as much emotion as a rock, while others will share your Kleenex box during romantic movies.

You’ll be hard pressed to understand just what kind of man he is until you get to know him better. And remember: if you’re getting frustrated that he’s not responding the way you’d like him to, there are many other factors involved than just “he doesn’t feel like showing his emotions to you.”

In fact, he may be showing those emotions in different ways (like buying you flowers or a gift) instead of showing them to you with deep, doe-eyed looks of devotion and love.

My team here at Who Holds the Cards Now would love to hear your thoughts!

 

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