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How to Start the New Year Right

How to Start the New Year Right

Everyone wants to start the New Year right and many do that with resolutions, but statistics tell us that 91% of New Year’s resolutions fail within forty-eight hours of the New Year.

WOW! That’s huge and it might feel a little discouraging, but that’s why you have me! I’m here to give you a few great tips on how to start the New Year right!

So why do 91% of resolutions fail within forty-eight hours? Let’s dig in!

start the new year right

Obstacles People Come Up Against in the New Year

One common obstacle that people often face when starting the New Year is setting unrealistic goals or resolutions. While it’s great to aim high, setting goals that are too ambitious can lead to disappointment and a sense of failure if they are not met. This can quickly derail other efforts to make positive changes.

Another common barrier is the lack of a clear plan or strategy. Many people start the New Year with a vague idea of wanting to improve certain aspects of their lives, but without a clear plan of action, it’s easy to lose focus and motivation. This lack of direction can make it difficult to achieve desired outcomes.

Procrastination is another significant obstacle that many people encounter. The start of a new year often brings a sense of renewed energy and motivation, but this can quickly fade as the reality of daily life sets in. Procrastination can lead to missed opportunities and a lack of progress towards goals.

Many people also struggle with maintaining consistency. Whether it’s sticking to a new diet, exercise routine, or other lifestyle changes, maintaining these new habits consistently can be challenging. It’s easy to revert back to old habits, especially when faced with stress or unexpected changes.

Finally, a lack of self-confidence or belief in your ability to make changes can be a major obstacle. This can stem from past failures or a fear of failure. Without a strong belief in your ability to make positive changes, it can be difficult to stay motivated and committed to new goals.

Setting Powerful Goals: Your Foundation for the New Year

It’s the dawn of a fresh year! A fantastic opportunity to re-evaluate last year’s happenings, decide on what lessons were valuable, and outline resolutions to enhance your prospects over the next 365 days. Setting achievable, powerful goals for the coming year doesn’t just happen though—it requires thoughtful reflection, purposeful planning, and accountability mechanisms in place. Let’s dive into it. 

First and foremost, reflection is critical. Ask yourself what worked and what didn’t for you in the past months? This introspection helps stimulate a clear idea of where you stand, the space for growth, and the direction you should take to make this year a fulfilling one. Be honest—Growth lies in authenticity. 

  • Analyze last year’s goals: Go back to the goals you set last year. Did you achieve them? If not, identify why, and use that intel to inform your future goals.
  • Consider success: Think about the instances where you felt triumphant and true. What sparked these feelings and how can it be integrated into future objectives?
  • Assess your values and vision: People change, and so do their values and vision. It’s important to ensure your goals align with your evolving personal ethos.

Thoughtful reflection leads us to the next step—planning. Once you have a clear sense of what matters to you, carve out landmarks that will guide your journey this year. 

  1. Measurable outcomes: Break down your aspirations into quantifiable targets. Instead of setting a vague goal like “getting healthier”, you might decide to “Run 3 times a week for 30 minutes.”
  2. Prioritizing goals: Rank your goals in relation to their importance and urgency. This can help prevent burnout and keep the focus on what genuinely matters to each individual tree rather than the whole forest.
  3. Consistent commitment: Consistency in the pursuit of goals works wonders. Set daily, weekly, or monthly tasks that lead to your ultimate goal.

Now that you’ve reflected and planned, don’t forget about accountability. Having someone or something that holds you responsible for your goals significantly enhances the chance of you sticking to them. 

  • Find a mentor or coach: A mentor can offer guidance, encouragement, and constructive feedback throughout your journey.
  • Engage a support group: Having a group of individuals with similar aspirations can be a source of motivation and mutual learning. Their victories will inspire you, and possibly, your story might inspire them!
  • Journaling: Build a habit of jotting down your daily accomplishments. Over time, these entries will serve as your visual scorecard, reminding you of your capabilities and progress.

Remember, a New Year is a fresh canvas, and you’re the artist. Paint your dreams onto this canvas and extend their reach far beyond the boundary of just “resolutions”.

Setting powerful goals is essential, but most importantly, remember to take care of yourself throughout the process. Be patient, acknowledge your achievements however small they may seem, and celebrate your efforts. After all, the journey to a thousand miles begins with a single step!

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This workbook will walk you through setting goals that are meaningful to you and will help you improve your life in ways you never imagined!

Stop sitting by, watching others achieve their goals. In fact, forget about them! This is about you and your new-found ability to have the life you want. 

The workbook is a digital download, so once you complete your purchase, which is less than a cup of coffee, you will be on. your way!

Start the New Year Right with a Self-Care Routine

Starting the New Year right takes more than just setting goals and working towards them; it involves a holistic approach that includes practicing self-care. What exactly does self-care mean to you? Let’s explore this together. 

Self-care is about taking time to focus on your well-being and nurturing yourself, both physically and mentally. It’s about establishing routines and habits that promote health, happiness, and restorative balance in your life. And guess what? There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Self-care looks different for everyone, and what’s most important is finding practices that resonate with you. 

Now, why is this important as you start your New Year? Well, maintaining a dedicated self-care routine can have a significant impact on your ability to achieve your goals. 

See, goal achievement is often seen as a marathon, not a sprint. Imagine trying to run this marathon while you’re exhausted, burnt out, or feeling unwell. It’s practically impossible, right? That’s where self-care shines – it’s your vital fueling station for this long race called life. 

So, how do you go about implementing a successful self-care routine for the New Year? Here are a few tips: 

  1. Set aside time for relaxation and reflection each day: This could be anything from meditation to journaling or simply reading a book. The key is to have some ‘me’ time where you can unwind and focus on your inner self.
  2. Prioritize physical health: Regular exercise and healthy eating habits should be a non-negotiable part of your day. Even a 20-minute walk can do wonders for your mood and energy levels.
  3. Surround yourself with positivity: Whether that’s with positive people, inspiration-filled environments or uplifting music, positivity can significantly influence your mental well-being.
  4. Keep learning and growing: Constant growth and learning can give you a sense of achievement, sprinkling joy and satisfaction in your life.

Remember, the goal isn’t perfection here; small consistent changes often lead to massive outcomes. So start small, make gradual changes, and most importantly, be consistent with your self-care routine.

Ultimately, weaving self-care into the fabric of your life will not only aid in the successful attainment of your New Year resolutions but also ensure you’re in the best condition to face whatever challenges the New Year may bring. So, as you strive to start this New Year right, don’t forget to take care of the most crucial player in this game – You!

Having an effective self-care routine is crucial to your daily peace and happiness, but many people falsely believe that self-care is simply taking a hot bath with a glass of wine and some candles.

There are so many other ways to enjoy a self-care routing and this workbook walks you through them, providing you with many choices on how you can implement self-care into your daily, weekly, or monthly routine.

It costs less than that cup of coffee you picked up on your way to work! Who can argue with that?!

Positive Mindset: Your Secret Weapon to Conquer New Year Challenges

Now that you know how to set goals and you understand the importance of self-care, it’s time to get the right mindset behind your effort!

Building a positive mindset isn’t instant—it’s a gradual and consistent process. The most vital part is to maintain this mindset throughout the year, not just the first few days or weeks. So, how can you build such a resilient mindset? Well, let’s dive into that. 

Tips to Cultivate a Resilient Mindset and Start the New Year Right 

The first step is awareness. You must recognize that your thoughts heavily influence your actions. If you continually believe you cannot achieve something, this becomes your reality. So, be aware of what you tell yourself. The idea is to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. 

The next step involves the consistent practice of positive thinking. Positive affirmations are a brilliant tool. When you start your day with positive affirmations like “I can accomplish anything I set my mind to” or “I’m continually bettering myself,” you’re feeding your mind optimism, resulting in an incredible shift in your perspective and actions. 

“Your mind is a powerful thing. When you fill it with positive thoughts, your life will start to change.”

Mindfulness is also an effective strategy for cultivating a positive mindset. It involves staying connected with the present moment, thereby reducing anxieties about the future or resentments about the past. There are various ways to practice mindfulness, including meditation, yoga, or simply taking a moment to appreciate the beauty of life around you. 

Lastly, remember that a positive mindset doesn’t mean ignoring the challenges that come your way. Rather, it means facing these challenges with optimism, confidence, and the firm belief that you are more than capable of overcoming them. 

As you step into the New Year, bear in mind these simple yet powerful tips to help you nurture a resilient mindset—it will be your driving force in achieving your goals and navigating any obstacles in your path.

Embrace a Morning Routine: The First Step to a Successful Day

Imagine starting your day in harmony, feeling relaxed, and filled with positivity. Yes, this can be your reality if you embrace a consistent morning routine. Now, you may be thinking, “I’m just not a morning person”. But, the truth is, you don’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn to maintain a beneficial morning routine. You just need to create a sequence of activities that resonates with you, boosts your mood, and prepares you for a successful day. 

The magic of a morning routine 

A structured morning routine can be a game changer for your productivity and well-being. It sets the tone for the day, reduces stress levels by eliminating rushing and decision-making stress, fuels your focus on your goals, and promotes a better work-life balance. No wonder many successful people swear by their morning routine! 

  • Establish consistency: Wake up and start your routine at the same time every day. This consistency helps regulate your body’s internal clock and can improve sleep quality.
  • Personalize your routine: There’s no ‘one size fits all’ routine. Tailor your routine to suit your needs and preferences. Whether that’s meditation, a vigorous workout, visualizing your goals, or a combination of all, the choice is yours.
  • Focus on positivity: Include affirmations or gratitude reflections in your routine to cultivate a positive mindset. Remember, a better day starts with a cheerful you.

Creating a morning routine that works doesn’t happen overnight. It requires patience, commitment, and constant re-evaluation. But the payoff is an enhanced sense of control, increased productivity, and better health – making it one of the best ways to start the New Year right. 

Sample morning routine 

To help you get started, here’s a sample morning routine you might consider: 

Time Activity
6:30 am Wake up and hydrate
6:40 am 10-minute meditation
7:00 am Light workout (Yoga, Stretching or Jogging)
7:30 am Healthy breakfast and day planning

Remember, this is just a suggestion, and it’s crucial to adapt the routine to your unique needs, preferences, and lifestyle. The objective is to design a morning routine that you look forward to, not one that feels like a chore. 

“The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine.” – Mike Murdock

So there it is; start your New Year off with a powerful morning routine and set the stage for a productive, fulfilling, and successful year. It all starts with a commitment to making a change. Are you ready?

start the new year right

Start the New Year Right by Adopting Healthy Habits

Adopting healthy habits often seems like daunting task, but with the right direction and some perseverance, you can cultivate these habits and lay a strong foundation for your New Year. Each habit you adopt gradually refines your lifestyle, creating a positive cycle that fuels your success throughout the year. So, how should you start? Here is a guide: 

  1. Set achievable habits: Instead of focusing on grand and often unreachable goals, aim for smaller, more achievable habits. For instance, if improving your health is a goal, start by adding more vegetables to your diet or taking a 15-minute walk every day.

  2. Consistency is key: Maintaining consistency is more valuable than the occasional intensive effort. Set a schedule for your new habits and stick to it. Progress might be slow, but it is sure.

  3. Adapt and adjust: Don’t be discouraged if a habit doesn’t stick right away, or if it becomes overwhelming. It’s okay to adapt and adjust based on your experience. Remember, flexibility can be your ally.

Moving on, let’s look at some key areas where adopting healthy habits can make a significant impact on your life. 

Area Healthy Habit Examples
Physical Health Regular exercise, balanced diet, adequate sleep
Mental Health Meditation, yoga, engaging in hobbies
Relationships Open communication, regular check-ins with loved ones, expressing gratitude
Financial Health Monthly budgeting, regular savings, investing wisely

Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day!

It’s absolutely normal if progress seems slow. The key is to start small and stay consistent. And while it is important to be disciplined, don’t forget to be kind to yourself in the process. Every step you take towards adopting just one healthy habit is a victory worth celebrating. 

Adopting healthy habits is an ongoing journey, rather than a destination. It is all about learning and growing. As the stunning sunrise heralds a brand new year, it also brings with it the promise of countless opportunities for healthy changes. Harness those opportunities and make this New Year a productive odyssey filled with achievements and happiness.

Master the Art of Time Management: A Crucial Step for Success

Time, as it’s often said, waits for no one. It is an equal-opportunity resource; each of us, no matter who we are or what we do, gets the same 24 hours in a day. 

When the new year begins, we are handed a brand new set of 365 days. How we use each of these days can directly impact the success of our goals for the year. That’s where mastering time management comes into play. 

Time management isn’t about squeezing as many tasks into your day as possible. It’s about simplifying how you work, doing things faster, and relieving stress. It enables you to take control of your life rather than following the flow of others. As you achieve more each day, make more sound decisions, and feel more in control, people notice. 

“Time management is not a peripheral activity or skill. It is the core skill upon which everything else in life depends.” – Brian Tracy

Let’s consider some effective ways to master the art of time management: 

  1. Start Your Day with a To-Do List: The simple act of writing down your tasks for the day helps you focus.
  2. Prioritize Your Tasks: Not every task holds the same level of significance. Prioritize your tasks based on their relevance and deadline.
  3. Set Realistic Goals and Deadlines: Setting realistic goals within your timeline allows for more accurate planning and less stress—does this sound familiar?
  4. Quit Multitasking: Doing many tasks simultaneously often results in decreased productivity. Focus on one task at a time to improve accuracy and efficiency.
  5. Take Regular Breaks: Taking regular breaks between tasks can help increase productivity and creative thinking.

Everyone has the same amount of time in a day, but some people can accomplish many times more than others. This achievement is not due to superhuman abilities, but a question of how they manage their time. 

So, as the new year approaches, pledge to master the art of time management. It’s a powerful step forward in starting the year off right and set you on a path of success.

It’s Not Enough to START the New Year Right, You Must Also Stay Motivated

Indeed, I understand that keeping the New Year’s momentum going can sometimes be a challenge. You start the year off with high energy, vibrant goals, and a clear vision of what you want to achieve. However, as weeks and months pass, your focus might start to dwindle, and the motivation begins to wane. So here are a few tactics that can turn things around for you. 

First, maintaining motivation is all about striking a balance and seizing the precious moments of personal time you have. There’s nothing like celebrating small wins; it can electrify your spirit, boost your confidence and provide the motivation to aim for the next target. 

  • Quick Walks: Taking short walks can uplift your mood. The fresh air can help clear your mind, providing a new perspective on your goals.
  • Active Breaks: Incorporating short workouts or quick stretches into your break schedule can keep you energized and focussed throughout the day. Plus, exercise is known to boost serotonin, the feel-good hormone that keeps you happy and motivated.
  • Self-Congratulation: Treat yourself to something nice when you achieve a smaller target on the way to your big goal. This not only gives you something to look forward to but can also serve as a reminder of your progress.

If you think of your life as a symphony, this next strategy could be the perfect melody line. Ever thought of embracing the power of Collaborative Goals? We often forget the electrifying power of collective energy towards achieving a common goal. Be it a workout buddy, a study group, or a business partner; shared goals can motivate you to keep pushing even when your energy levels are low. It creates a space of accountability and encouragement, lightening the challenges along the way. 

Another invaluable technique in your motivation arsenal is the Art of Visualization. When you visualize your goals and the process of achieving them, your subconscious begins to work towards this reality, making it easier to remain motivated. 

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution.” – Albert Einstein

Lastly, don’t forget to be patient. Keep your eye on the long-term goal, and remember that progress, no matter how small, is still progress. Stay motivated, stay on track, and welcome the New Year with a resilient spirit and heart full of hope. Encourage yourself to pursue your dreams, and remember, nothing worthwhile was ever achieved without effort and persistence.

start the new year right

Tracking Your Progress: Making Your New Year Goals Tangible

Every goal, no matter how colossal or minuscule, becomes manageable when you break it down into measurable steps. Recognizing and tracking your progress is an essential strategy that helps turn your New Year’s resolutions from mere wishes to tangible realities. But where should you start in tracking your progress? How do you decide what to measure and what not to? 

Start by Identifying Trackable Elements 

First off, think about what success looks like for your goal. Then, consider which elements of that success you can measure. If your New Year’s resolution is to improve your fitness, measurable elements could be minutes spent exercising, calories burned, or improvements in weight, body fat percentage, or overall general wellness. 

Choose a Tracking Method That Makes Sense For You 

Once you’ve identified what to track, decide on a system for tracking and recording your progress. This could be as low-tech as a paper journal, or as high-tech as a dedicated app or tool. The critical point is that your method fits into your daily life naturally, increasing the chances that you’ll stick with it throughout the year. 

Making Improvements Along The Way 

It’s also important to note that tracking isn’t just about recording- it’s about evaluating and adapting. Every so often, take some time to reflect on your progress, see what’s working and what’s not, and make adjustments accordingly. Remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint—be patient and kind to yourself along the way. 

Last but not least, don’t forget to celebrate your wins—both big and small. Rewarding yourself for the progress you’ve made along the way can keep your motivation high and your eye on the prize! 

In conclusion, tracking your progress can be a powerful tool in making your New Year’s resolutions stick. So start early, stay consistent, and watch your progress soar!

Overcoming Obstacles: Strategies to Break through New Year Resolution Barriers

As we march into the New Year, it’s only natural that we’ll face challenges and encounters with obstacles. When these barriers arise, don’t allow them to knock you off course. Instead, use practical strategies to overcome, learning and growing as a result. 

Strategy 1. Create Flexible Plans 

While it’s wonderful to have a solid plan, it’s equally important to accept that life is unpredictable. Establish your goals with room for flexibility. If something doesn’t go as planned, don’t see it as a failure. Instead, adapt your plan and continue moving forward. 

Strategy 2. Reframe Your Thinking 

Many obstacles are merely a matter of perception. The way you frame problems can directly influence how you cope with them. Instead of seeing obstacles as a negative, view them as opportunities to learn, grow, and improve. 

Strategy 3. Develop a Support Network 

Who said you have to do everything alone? Develop a network of friends, family, or likeminded individuals who can offer encouragement, advice, and support. This kind of social reinforcement can be a powerful motivator and can provide necessary perspectives or solutions when obstacles emerge. 

Remember, it’s not about perfection; it’s about progress. Each day, each week, each month brings new opportunities to move closer to your goals. Stay positive, focused, and ready to overcome any barriers you may face.

Strategy 4. Practice Self-Care 

Your physical and mental health should always be a top priority. Taking care of yourself will give you the energy and clarity you need to face any challenges that come your way. This could involve daily physical exercise, healthy eating habits, mindfulness techniques, or simply ensuring you get enough rest. 

Strategy 5. Be Patient 

Real change and overcoming big obstacles doesn’t happen overnight. Give yourself the grace of patience. Understand that progress might be slower than anticipated, but keep going. Every small step forward is a victory worth celebrating. 

All these strategies work symbiotically to help you navigate and overcome obstacles. The New Year will certainly serve up challenges, but with these strategies in your toolkit, you have everything you need to conquer them and flourish.

Step into Success: Create the Environment to Start the New Year Right

Crafting a conducive environment is one of the key steps in steering your year towards success. A winning environment not only fosters your determination and endurance but also provides an optimal setting for developing and refining your skills towards accomplishing your New Year’s resolutions. 

To start with, evaluate your surroundings. Your environment plays an unmatched role in shaping your behaviours, habits and attitudes. Whether it’s your home, workplace or any other place where you spend a significant amount of your time, ensure that it supports your purpose. 

  • At home, create a peaceful and inspiring setting to start your day right. Designate a corner for meditation or daily planning. Install motivational posters or notes to keep your goals in sight.
  • At work, organize your workspace to enhance productivity. A clutter-free space promotes focus and efficiency, while personalized elements can boost your mood and creativity.

Next, identify the key influencers in your life. They could be family, friends, colleagues, or mentors. These are the people whose words and actions can either fuel or derail your new year’s journey. Aim to foster relations that are positive, supportive, and growth-oriented while minimizing interactions that are unproductive or negative. 

Supplement your environment with a good learning ecosystem. Engage with stimulating materials and sources that encourage personal and professional development. Enroll in courses, read insightful books, listen to podcasts or engage in networking events. This will not only keep you informed and abreast with the latest trends but also keep you motivated along your journey. 

Lastly, embrace the power of positive reinforcement. Celebrate every progress, no matter how small, because progress is progress. This will leverage your motivation and help you stay on track. 

Remember, creating a winning environment is iterative. It allows you to fine-tune your surroundings and relationships as per your evolving needs and goals. Step into this new year with a resolution to be in control of your environment and, thus, your success.

Visualize Your Victory: The Role of Positive Imagery in Achieving Goals

Visualizing your victory is a potent tool in your New Year goals blueprint. This mental technique involves repeatedly imagining the successful completion of your goal. By consistently visualizing the desired outcome, you can prepare your mind and even your body to achieve it. 

For instance, if your goal is to run a marathon, visualize yourself crossing the finish line triumphantly, amidst cheers and applause. You’ll likely find that these images embolden you in your endeavor and make your goal feel more achievable. 

Remember, visualization is not about hoping or wishing. It’s about mentally preparing for success. It’s a way of ‘pre-experiencing’ the victory, and this can have quite a profound impact on your motivation and determination.

Let’s take a deeper dive into some notable benefits of visualization, along with straightforward ways to incorporate it into your routine as you head into the New Year. 

Benefits of Visualization 

  • Motivation Boost: Regularly visualizing success can spark and sustain your motivation, making your goals seem more tangible and within reach.
  • Increased Confidence: Visualization allows you to see yourself successfully overcoming hurdles and challenges, boosting your self-confidence and self-belief.
  • Improved Focus: Visualization techniques can enhance your ability to focus on your goal, blocking out distractions that can derail your efforts.
  • Ability to Cope with Setbacks: With positive visualization, you can mentally rehearse overcoming obstacles, which can significantly improve your ability to cope with real-life setbacks.

How to Incorporate Visualization in your Routine 

To truly harness the power of visualization, incorporate it into your daily routine. Here’s how: 

  1. Set a Regular Time: Find a quiet moment in your day, perhaps first thing in the morning or right before bed. Dedicate this time to your visual imagery practice.
  2. Detail your Imagery: When visualizing, focus on the specifics. Hear the sounds, feel the emotions and visualize the actions you’re taking. The more detailed the imagery, the more powerful the impact.
  3. Use Positive Affirmations: Accompany your visualization with positive affirmations. Reiterate your capability and commitment to achieve your goals.
  4. Repeat the Visualization: Consistency is key. Just as physical practice enhances skills over time, so does your mental rehearsal. Make it a habitual part of your routine.

So, as we head into the New Year, remember that visualization is not just daydreaming. Think of it as your mental rehearsal for success. Embrace it, trust it and watch as you flourish with an energized motivation and a firm action plan.

Say Yes to No: The Power of Rejection as You Start the New Year Right

Starting the new year with gusto is commendable, but maintaining that fiery resolve all year long can be a daunting task. A critical yet often overlooked strategy for achieving your New Year’s resolutions is learning to say “no”. Consider this an exercise in setting boundaries and prioritizing your obligations wisely. Here’s how this potent, two-letter word can transform your journey in the upcoming year. 

Understanding the Power of “No” 

Each of us has only 24 hours in a day, and precious few of those are yours alone. Constantly saying “yes” to others can drain your time and energy, leaving you depleted and unable to pursue your own goals. By learning to say “no”, you can better manage your resources and dedicate them to what truly matters: your own personal growth and achievement. 

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” ― Warren Buffett

Thus, embracing the power of “no” allows you to focus your resources on the vital few things that can make the biggest impact on your life. It’s an exercise in setting priorities, focusing solely on what aligns with your New Year’s resolutions. Remember, “No.” is a complete sentence.

The Art of Saying “No” 

While the concept of saying “no” seems straightforward, it can be challenging to put into practice. Here are key tips to help you master the art of saying “no”, enabling you to safeguard your time, preserve your energy, and stay focused on your New Year’s resolutions: 

  1. Recognize your priorities: Knowing what’s most important to you is the first step to decision-making. Ensure your “yes” aligns with your key priorities, and feel empowered to say “no” to anything that doesn’t.
  2. Be assertive, yet respectful: Saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean you have to be rude. Be assertive yet respectful in your response.
  3. Eliminate guilt: Remember, saying “no” is about preserving your energy for what truly matters; release any guilt associated with prioritizing your needs.
  4. Take time to think: If you’re unsure, consider asking for time to think before responding. This way, you avoid hasty decisions that you may later regret.

By mastering the art of tactfully saying “no”, you empower yourself to remain focused on your goals, eventually paving the way for a successful New Year.

Leap of Faith: Overcoming Fear and Embracing Change

Starting a New Year comes with its share of excitement and anticipation – a fresh start with endless possibilities. However, inevitably, it also means facing a certain amount of fear and apprehension. This fear can stem from various sources: the uncertainty of the future, the pressure to achieve set resolutions, the worry of falling back into old habits, or even the fear of trying something completely new. The key to overcoming these fears is to consider them not as obstacles but stepping stones towards embracing change and creating new opportunities. And that involves a leap of faith. 

Embracing change is an integral part of any self-growth journey and is especially important when starting a new year. Each New Year presents you with a chance to reinvent yourself, to step out of your comfort zone and explore new horizons. Embracing change means being open to new experiences, adapting to different scenarios, and making the most of ensuing opportunities. 

Is it scary? Sure, it can be. But as Nelson Mandela once said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” This essentially sums up the significance of a ‘leap of faith’ in overcoming fear and embracing change. 

Here are three key strategies to help you take that brave leap forward: 

  1. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves staying completely grounded in the present moment, acknowledging your fears but not letting them control your actions. And there are various ways to cultivate mindfulness, such as meditation, deep breathing, or guided imagery.
  2. Build self-confidence: Reinforce your capabilities and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. This uplifts your spirit, boosts your self-confidence, and equips you with the courage to face fears and embrace change.
  3. Surround yourself with positivity: Positive influences in the form of friends, books, or motivational videos can work wonders for your mindset. They can rekindle your spirit, inspire you to push boundaries, and make that leap of faith a little bit easier to take.

Remember, each New Year brings a wealth of opportunities and possibilities. All you need to do is take a deep breath and leap forward with an open heart and an open mind. Use this New Year to face your fears, embrace change, and script a spectacular story of personal growth. 

Good luck, and here’s to a year of courage and positive change!

Living Large: Expanding Your Comfort Zone as You Start the New Year Right

As we bid farewell to one year and welcome the next, it’s the perfect time to step out of your comfort zone. That imaginary circle of safety you’ve built around yourself? It’s high time we expanded it. Living large is all about embracing the unfamiliar and the unexpected. It’s about daring to do things differently, to rise above the everyday, and to truly realize your potential. 

Why is it important, you may ask? Well, pushing your boundaries serves as a catalyst for personal growth. It stimulates creativity, resilience, and can lead to significant accomplishments. What a marvellous way to begin a fresh year, wouldn’t you agree? 

Let’s explore a few ways to expand your comfort zone and embrace the opportunities that the new year brings: 

  • Tackle Something New: Pick up a new hobby, learn a new language, or even switch up your fitness routine. Trying new things can be exhilarating and, quite often, an exciting route to self-improvement.
  • Face A Fear: Fear is natural, but don’t let it limit you. Whether it’s a fear of public speaking or adventure sports, gently challenge yourself to confront these fears piece by piece.
  • Learn From Others: Surround yourself with people who inspire you. Their unique perspectives and experiences can nudge you towards new adventures and insights.
  • Adopt A Growth Mindset: Instead of seeing challenges as obstacles, view them as stepping stones to development. Nourish a mentality that thrives on learning, not on perfection.

Remember, the aim is not to make yourself uncomfortable, but to broaden the spectrum of what feels possible. So, as the New Year dawns, let the spirit of courage guide you towards living large. Carry this feeling with you throughout the year, and watch as you surpass what you thought were your limits. 

Exciting, isn’t it? As author Neale Donald Walsch says,

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” So why not take the leap this New Year?

That’s a Wrap! Now You Know How to Start the New Year Right!

It’s time to put a ribbon on what you’ve learned. You now have the blueprint to kick start the New Year with success, gusto, and determination. From setting practical, meaningful goals, maintaining a positive mindset, to managing your time efficiently and tracking your progress, we’ve covered all the bases. But remember, knowledge is only the first step. Now it’s time for implementation! 

Let’s revisit a few key points: 

  1. Set a strong foundation: Your journey into the New Year should begin with setting well-defined, achievable goals. Remember, your goals should be SMART – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
  2. Nurture Positivity: Bolstering a positive mindset allows you to face challenges head-on and keep your focus on the endgame, no matter how big the hurdles seem.
  3. Manage time wisely: Wield the power of time management to ensure you’re utilizing every precious minute of your day effectively.
  4. Monitor progress: Regularly keeping tabs on your progress will allow you to stay motivated, make necessary tweaks, and, most importantly, celebrate the little milestones along the way.

Above all, remember: your journey into the New Year is unique. No two paths are the same, and comparisons will only lead to unnecessary roadblocks. So, embrace your journey, your speed, and your accomplishments. Your New Year success story is yours to write and yours to tell. 

As you prepare to make this New Year your year, do not forget the unyielding power of a can-do attitude, visualize your success frequently and say ‘no’ when necessary. Above all, seize the day, take a leap of faith, step out of your comfort zone and embrace change. 

Put these strategies into action, and there will be no stopping you from starting the New Year off right and making progress towards your personal and professional aspirations. The turning of a new year always brings a fresh start; it’s what you do with that start that counts. Remember, every step forward, no matter how small, is a step closer to your goals. 

You are capable. You are powerful. You have everything you need to make this New Year your best one yet. Believe in yourself, stay committed, and watch as you transform your dreams into reality.

Now, go shine. Here’s to a successful journey into the New Year!

How to Not Date a Jerk

Have you ever wondered how to not date a jerk? They seem to be everywhere. No matter how hard you try to avoid them, they seem to ooze out of the woodwork like roaches waiting to pounce.

To be clear, today, we’re talking about lazy, unmotivated, broke, selfish guys who put on a heck of a show for the first few dates and then show their true colors.

Slow Your Roll

Take the time to get to know the man you’re dating, especially if he’s pushing you. Screen him with a phone or zoom call. If he checks out, schedule a daytime date in public.

Daytime dates offer him little chance to have sex with you and help reveal his true character. Don’t have sex with him or you’ll be blinded by your emotions. Hold off until he has proven himself to be worthy of you.

how to not date a jerk

How to Not Date a Jerk: Watch for Patterns to Emerge

Dating is like a marketing exercise. You both want to show your best side to the other person, so you try to hide any baggage and stay on your best behavior.

You won’t hear about the rash around his balls or his drinking problem, and you won’t have a clue that his ex is poking a look-alike voodoo doll of his face with sewing needles.

His true colors usually arrive near the three-month mark of your relationship. The curtain falls and the real man steps forward. He begins to feel comfortable with you and you haven’t dumped him yet, so he feels a little safer showing more of his true colors.

Until you reach this milestone, keep your emotions in check and try not to sleep with him yet. If he respects you, he’ll wait and so far, he hasn’t yet fully proven himself worthy of you. If he’s pushing for sex and trying to crash your boundaries, it might be time to let him go.

Don’t let this guy meet your kids until you’re sure he’s not just another jerk. This keeps them safe from harm and keeps them from falling for him, only to suffer disappointment later…again.

Date Multiple Men

Before you protest, know that he’s dating other women while you’re still in this early phase of getting to know one another. I recommend you do the same. This keeps you from falling too hard for him and allows you to keep your options open.

If you only date one guy at a time, you believe you can mold him into the guy you want. You don’t see that you have other options, and you fall too hard, too fast. You also don’t get a chance to compare different types of men with clarity.

You will never change this guy! Knowing how to not date a jerk means dating more than one guy!

how to not date a jerk

How to Not Date a Jerk | Know What You Want in a Man

Write down what it is you want from a good man. Think back to other men you’ve dated. What did you like about them? What did you dislike? Form a list of those criteria and look for men who have some of them. You’ll never find the perfect guy. All you need is the guy who’s perfect for you.

Know what your dealbreakers are. For example, do you want to date someone who drinks to excess? Would you rather not date someone in a dangerous job? This is a good exercise, as long as you don’t make the list so strict that no guy will ever qualify. Then, you’re just avoiding a commitment.

Embrace Being Single

After you exit a relationship, remain single for at least four months, preferably longer. I know you might feel lonely and all your friends are dating, blah blah blah. Knowing how to not date a jerk means taking time to reestablish yourself as an independent single woman first.

Doing this gives you time to get to know yourself again, rebuild your confidence, get a handle on the current dating scene and reconnect with friends, hobbies and passions that may have been set aside during that last relationship.

This break from dating also allows you to get over your last relationship fully so you aren’t carrying old relationship baggage into a new, potentially great relationship.

Are You Ready to End it?

Not all breakups are initiated by a man. If you're ready to end this relationship, go for it. Only you know whether you're happy and if the relationship is fulfilling your needs. It's possible that he feels the same way but you're both afraid to take that step. It's okay. Read some of the other articles on the subject by clicking below. They're here to help.

How to Not Date a Jerk | Meet His Friends

Spend an evening hanging out with his friends and watch how they treat him. Do they show him respect? Does anyone pull you aside and warn you about him? How does he treat them and any other women in the room?

Meeting his friends helps you know more about what he’s really like. What type of guys are they? Are they players? If so, so is he. Guaranteed. If they seem like upstanding guys who have steady girlfriends and jobs, then he’s an upstanding guy too.

Does he get drunk? If so, how does he act then? Does he become someone else entirely? Is he rude, discourteous, angry, jealous, and so on? This isn’t normal behavior for someone who’s drunk, so don’t let him tell you it was the alcohol. Many people can get drunk and be perfectly nice, funny people who never verbally or physically assault anyone.

Conversely, let him meet your friends. They will be bulldogs for you. They can ask him questions you either can’t or won’t. They can dig into his past and are better able to ask him embarrassing questions that might draw out those true colors of his.

The only caveat is that if they give you an opinion you don’t like or even a warning, you should resolve to listen. They aren’t wearing your rose-colored glasses and they have your best interest at heart. If they’re seeing a problem, there is one and you’re choosing to close your eyes to it.

Use Your Intuition

Your intuition is a very powerful tool and yet, you probably ignore it sometimes. We all do if our intuition is telling us something we don’t want to hear. Your gut may be telling you something with this guy is off. Listen to that gut instinct.

Take some time to honestly look at what’s giving you that gut feeling. Is it his behavior or something he said? Did someone else say something to you that’s niggling at the back of your mind?

How to Not Date a Jerk | Look at Your Patterns

Humans are creatures of habit and tend to repeat failures, rather than stop and examine them for potential lessons.

Take some time to look at the past men you’ve dated, especially the ones who squarely fall into the jerk category. What is it about these guys that attracts you? Do you like the feeling of rescuing someone? Is it that you somehow are afraid you aren’t worthy of great guys or you don’t feel as if you can attract men other than these guys?

Take that exercise from above and look at the bad qualities in the men you’ve dated. What about those qualities seems to keep drawing you in? The excitement of dating a bad boy? Are you trying to prove something to someone? Really take the time to examine the why behind finding these guys datable.

Form a list of those negative qualities and immediately dismiss any man who shows even one of them.

Last week, I sat down with a woman named Jennifer who also wondered how not to date a jerk. As we talked, she discovered that she chose broken men ever time. She sought them out. Even if a better guy was sitting right in front of her, she chose the fixer-upper guy instead.

This is a low-confidence, low self-esteem, and low self-worth move. This need to fix others is a way of avoiding fixing yourself. It places you squarely in a co-dependent relationship and those never work long-term.

What Jennifer needs to do is embrace being single, learn to become a confident, independent woman and then seek out a great guy who deserves her. She needs a dating time-out to find herself again and rebuild from the damage of her dating past.

This is called a co-dependent relationship and it will always fail. Her fix? Embrace being single and take my confidence courses along with understanding men. The result? Now she is killing it!

Wrapping it Up

Knowing how to not date a jerk is easy, once you know what to do:

  • Slow your roll
  • Look for patterns
  • Date multiple men
  • Know what you want
  • Embrace being single
  • Meet his friends
  • Look at your dating patterns
  • Trust your intuition

My Funny Story About Reaching a Goal

My Funny Story About Reaching a Goal

Reaching a goal can be motivated by the funniest things! My story begins with an email from a woman who has been checking out my website.

“Why should I listen to you about setting goals and working out? You’re fat and ugly!” We’ll call this woman Jill. 

I don’t think she had read any of my books. But she seemed compelled to write me and tell me I was fat. I contacted her back after my assistant Kirbie warned me not to. I understood her deeper problem. When someone is that ugly to you, they don’t feel very good about themselves.

I couldn’t help but write back, despite the warning. I’m not thin or fat but am in excellent shape from doing P90X. In my reply, I said I couldn’t do anything about my looks, but I could prove that I was in very good shape. I told her I’d send her a video of me doing 25 chin-ups, followed by 50 pushups. That’s not easy for a 50+-year-old guy! That’s not easy for an 18-year-old guy!

To Jill’s credit, she emailed me back saying that I was brave to email her, but just because I could do those exercises didn’t mean I wasn’t still fat. She didn’t mention my ugliness!! That was the end of our email exchange.

But she got me thinking. I should be thinner. I’m five foot nine, and my weight should be 170 lbs, but I was 196. I have big arms and shoulders, but I had a little paunch.

So, you know what? I decided Jill was right! 

Here is where it gets good! I want to use my story to help you because many of us have difficulty losing weight and taking criticism. I set to work reaching a goal.

reaching a goal

Setting and Reaching a Goal

My goal was to lose twenty-five lbs in two months. I entered my boal into my system:

Plan: Lose twenty-five lbs. in two months!
How? Nutrisystem. My Mom used it with success, and I don’t have to cook
Why? My knee is killing me, and this should help. Plus, I want to look better and lose the gut. I will have more energy and ripped abs when I hit Florida!
When: Start Jan.15th when my food arrives and weigh 170 by March 15th
Affirmation: “It feels great to be 170 lbs. again!”

I have a few more steps, but you get the gist.

BAM! I still weigh 168 this morning!

But, what’s your point, Gregg?

Don’t Get Angry, Get Motivated!

My point is this: Instead of being hurt by what someone says, use their words as motivation to improve yourself!

I could have gotten angry and upset at Jill, but I chose not to. Confident people take negative energy, turn it positive, and use it for their gain. The ultimate way of getting even is to show the world, or Jill, in my case, their words motivate you, and then do it!

The more negative stuff I hear, the better!!

  • People told me not to open my own construction business. DONE
  • Others laughed when I decided to pursue being a dating coach. DONE√
  • They laughed at me for writing books to help people date. DONE√
  • Jill said I was fat. DONE√
  • Gregg, you will never camp out on Mars (Ok, this could be more difficult)

This afternoon I am working on my ugliness…I put a bag over my head and emailed Jill…hahaha!

So if I can do it, so can you!!

Oh, I almost forgot…thank you, Jill.

Workouts for Women at Home

How's your confidence these days? More specifically, how's your dating confidence? The answer to both is easy. They're probably lower than you'd like. Confidence is sexy. It draws great men like bees to a honey pot. The bonus is that the players also sense your confidence and they steer clear of you. Double bonus!

But how does a woman rebuild her confidence? That's easy! Start with this best-seller, Comfortable in Your Own Shoes. It's the definitive confidence-building book written just for women like you. Women who need to rebuild their confidence after one life event after another have left you feeling a little down. This book will walk you through the easy but methodial steps of regaining your swagger and confidence! Great men will be falling all over themselves to date you. Read more about the book here or click one of the buttons below to buy the book now.

Are You Setting a Good Example for Your Teens?

Are You Setting a Good Example for Your Teens?

As a divorced mom of four, now adult, children, I look back on my life and wonder if I was the best example for them when they were growing up. It’s Kirbie today to help you not have the same worries I do – I’m here to help you set a good example for your teens. Teenagers are a quirky bunch. They have more coming at them than I did when I was a kid, when the biggest technological advances were cable TV and no party lines on the phone. Today, kids have life coming at them from all angles – social media, smart phones, peers and school. While all I had to worry about in middle school was appearance and friendships, kids today have the added worries of a shooter showing up at their school, being bullied and fitting into a high technology world not all parents can afford. There are a few things you can do to be that good example.

Get Your Own Confidence in Check

Most people know whether or not they feel confident, especially by adulthood. If you feel you are lacking confidence, buy Comfortable in Your Own Shoes and/or To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself. Either of these books will set you on the pathway to confidence. Together, they are like a confidence one-two punch. Kids get their cues from their parents. If you are not confident, you are not displaying the behaviors your children need to see – you are not modeling confidence. If you won’t do this for yourself, at least do it for your kids.

Give Praise, not Criticism

The next time you hear yourself talking to your child, or when your child is close enough to hear you, listen to what you are saying. If you are talking to your child, this is even more important. Do you say things like “How did you do so poorly on this test? I told you to study more. You never listen to me.” or do you hear yourself saying, “I know this test was a challenge for you. Maybe this weekend, we can look at it together so you can get the hang of it.” In one instance, you are merely berating the child for poor performance. Your child could have studied so hard for that test, but just not have had an understanding of the material. By berating them, you are only confirming what they think – “I’m not good at this” or “I’m not good enough for my parents.” What you want your child to think is “My parents support me.”

Positive vs. Negative Speak

Another way in which your behavior can negatively impact your child is by speaking negatively to yourself (out loud) or showing behaviors which show your lack of confidence. Listen to your own self-talk. Life has beaten you up, and we are all guilty of negative self-talk. When you read Comfortable in Your Own Shoes, you will learn more about affirmations, but I can sum it up for you now. It’s common to say things to yourself like ‘I’m not good enough [to get that job] [to get a great guy] [to get a college education] [you fill in the blank].” This sets you up for failure, and if you’re saying it out loud, it teaches your children the same skill.

Set the Rules – and the Consequences

I hear this one all too often – single parents don’t feel as if it is somehow fair to impose rules and consequences on their kids – they feel guilty for any marital break and think their child’s life is difficult enough without having too many rules to follow. Drop the guilt and step up. Your kids want rules. They are looking to you to help them avoid negative situations. Where there is a void, something else will fill in. Where there is an absence of rules and consequences, negative influences of peers will fill in. If your child knows that skipping class will result in being grounded from his technology for two weeks, he’ll be a heck of a lot less tempted to give it a whirl. If there are no rules, no consequences, he thinks you don’t care, and won’t care if he skips. This self-monitoring builds self-esteem.

Chores, Expectations and More Consequences

Give your child chores and set expectations. It’s important for kids to learn to succeed, and there is no better way to try something than to try it at home, in a safe environment away from peers. As kids get older, their chores become more complex and their confidence grows. When you set expectations, you are giving them boundaries. For example, if you work late on Tuesdays, you may ask your teenager to get dinner started for you. Don’t just issue an order, explain why you have set this expectation and what the consequence is for not meeting it. Kids will be much more willing to comply if they understand your reasoning. If they just feel taken advantage of, forget it.

Communicate

I read a great tip when I was researching this article – I wish I had done this with my kids – my oldest in particular. This mom created a “Mom Journal”, which was a journal she and each of her kids (individually) shared. The child was able to write anything in the journal, which the mom would read from time to time, providing helpful comments where needed. It is considered a safe zone of sorts. The child can write about anything without consequence and the mom’s only job is to WRITE a response. I love the idea of having this additional method of communicating with your kids. Difficult topics which they may be hesitant to speak about openly can be addressed in the journal. This wouldn’t absolve you of openly communicating in other ways, but it certainly would provide an outlet for more challenging conversations. Let your child know you are willing to listen. They don’t always want you to provide a solution – in fact, you shouldn’t always provide a solution. You should help them find their way to a solution. Your job is merely to listen and be supportive. Your child is looking to you as an example, but it can be difficult to remember how your actions impact others if you are in a highly emotional state or lacking your own confidence. It’s easy to forget how our actions impact others. You have a chance to make a positive impact on your kids, and it’s never too late to start!
3 Simple Rules To Help Women Exude Confidence (and Get the Guy)

3 Simple Rules To Help Women Exude Confidence (and Get the Guy)

How to Exude Confidence as a Woman

Hi Ladies! This next article is about how to exude confidence as a woman. It’s part cautionary tale, part good advice, from our guest contributor Jen (printed with her permission)….

My name is Jen, and I had this friend growing up who always lived in the shadow of her older sister. They were both equally pretty and equally smart, but somehow, the older sister had all the confidence, while the younger sister had none.

True to form, the older sister was head cheerleader, Homecoming Queen, and Valedictorian in high school, and after graduation she left our small town for college in the big city.

She now has a doctorate degree, married a professional athlete, and lives in a gorgeous house on the west coast with their two children.

The younger sister went to college closer to home, and after she got her undergrad degree, her famous brother-in-law set her up with a job as a personal assistant to one of his even more famous friends.

I found out after the fact that she quickly started sleeping with her movie star boss…. who was much older – and married by the way. Obviously, the movie star’s wife left him because – well – he was a cheater.

Fast-forward ten years. The younger sister is still single. Sure, she dated quite a few guys since the affair, but nothing seemed to stick. The movie star, on the other hand, is remarried — to a much younger woman who looks strikingly similar to my friend.

how to exude confidence as a woman

How to exude confidence as a woman – Believe in Yourself!

They have a baby on the way. On paper, the two women were interchangeable, but there was something one had that the other didn’t. Why did the movie star marry someone who could be my friend’s doppelgänger? And why did the life of the older sister take such a different path?

I guess you can chalk it all up to one thing — confidence. It’s pretty hard to get the guy if you don’t have it. Sleeping with a married man who is also your boss does not scream, in the words of Gregg Michaelsen, “Hey, I’m a quality woman who deserves respect!” She had so much to offer and sadly, she just gave it away.

How to Exude Confidence as a Woman Rule #1

Whether you’re dating a celebrity or a regular Joe, you’re not a challenge if you sleep with him right away. And guys like a challenge. He probably won’t see you as wife material either (even if you are).

Your grandma’s advice may actually have some truth to it. He won’t buy the cow if he gets the milk for free, and if you’re not a girl he can bring home to his Mama, he won’t.

On the flip side, remember you are the chooser, so own it and choose wisely. A quality woman deserves a quality man, not someone else’s cheating husband (even if he is rich and famous)!

Rule #2 is all about Appearances

Sure, wearing your favorite dress makes you feel beautiful, and that can give you a boost in confidence. But it goes beyond that. Have you ever noticed a very pretty girl sitting alone at a bar, while all the guys pay attention to her less pretty friend? Confidence is attractive!

Not only does she have interesting things to say, but her poses, posture, and mannerisms are also conveying a message. You can tell a lot about a person in how they carry themselves, and body language speaks volumes! If you stand up straight, look people in the eye and flash a genuine smile, guys will notice.

How to Exude Confidence as a Woman Rule #3

The third and last rule is all about what’s inside.

If you feel comfortable, it will show in the same way insecurities do. Don’t worry about impressing people, and be true to yourself. If he doesn’t love you for who you are, he’s not worth your time and effort.

When you stop worrying and stop trying so hard, you may just stumble across the perfect guy for you — someone who will love you unconditionally, insecurities and all.

Do Your Surroundings Suck?

Do Your Surroundings Suck?

Are you surrounded by toxic food? Toxic work ethics? Toxic people? It occurrs to me, through my coaching, that many of you cannot get out of your own way, not because you aren’t trying, but because your surroundings are detrimental to your growth. To put it bluntly – your environment sucks! Hello again, Gregg here to weigh in on this important subject! I’m sorry, but if your roommate just shoves tacos down her throat while watching reality shows with her loser boyfriend all day, and your Mom calls every afternoon wondering what you are going to do with your life, then it’s time for change. Misery loves company – and it’s time to take a hard look at what is contributing to your own misery. Change comes from within, but to begin making changes, it is important to surround yourself with a support system that motivates you, not one that holds you back. As part of your new vision and goals, there must be a clause stating how you are going to break free from the “bad company.” And I’m not talking about the 80’s band here.

Talk to your friends and family and get them on board with your goals.

Ask them to support you, and maybe even join you, in reversing weight gain, taking on a new career or in your effort to quit smoking. You will be surprised, when you ask them, just how supportive they can be. If they aren’t, then lose these friends or (in the case of family) limit your exposure to times when you can handle their misery.

Reach out to new people

I talk about having mentors in your life all the time. Go out, find, and follow these people. Make new friends and hang out with the winners. These are the few that share your passions, love to try new things, and have the ability to shut down their electronics for a second to share an actual thought!

Clean out your environment

Unplug the Xbox, clean out the junk food in the cupboards and launch Shaun T’s T25 CD workout, then watch your endorphins dance after this massive calorie-killing workout! Have your kindle or IPad charged and beside your favorite chair, loaded with my dating books! Set up an area outside so you can get out there during nice weather and do a few activities. Inside, make a few changes that will symbolize the changes to come. Make things brighter and throw some positive sayings up on the wall. Set up a yoga and meditation area!

Conclusion

Your surroundings might be the roadblock to your success. Look around and take inventory. Make sure that your outside, negative influences are minimized, if not gone.  Incorporate these 3 things into your new goals (you are setting new goals, right?) and watch the magic happen!
The Role of Confidence in Dating

The Role of Confidence in Dating

If you read any of Gregg’s books, or many of the blog posts or pages on this site, you see the word “confidence” quite often, and you’re probably wondering why on earth we harp on confidence so much. It’s Kirbie today, and I’m going to start off by clearly defining what confidence is:

Confidence is knowing what you are good at, what kind of value you bring to other people, and being able to behave in a way that conveys your confidence to those around you.

Don’t confuse confidence with arrogance – something that is easy to do! Arrogance comes about when you believe you are better at something than you really are, but you act as if you’re providing more value than you really are. Confidence is hot. Arrogance is not.

Studies have shown that men are more attracted to the confidence a woman exudes with a smile than they may be to her overall attractiveness.

In the study cited above, men and women were both found to prefer a confident partner. Confidence makes a person seem more trustworthy – in other words, when you’re confident, men will believe your dating sales pitch!

Here are a few ways you may unknowingly be showing your lack of confidence

Giving reasons for things that happen

Let’s say you are walking up to meet your new guy and you trip over something. Someone who lacks confidence will immediately begin with “There must be a bump in the carpet there!.” A confident person will probably chuckle and say “oh well” IF they say anything at all!

Giving reasons for poor performance

Imagine you and your guy are out on a bowling date – you manage to bowl a 75. Your man may say something like – “Wow 75! You’re like a bowling pro!” Whether it’s a high score for you or a low score, a low confidence individual may say something like “Weeelllllll I had a blister on my thumb and my shoes were too tight”. Someone who has great confidence will probably say something like “YAY ME!”, IF they say anything at all! I might note that this type of criticism from him shows his lack of confidence!

Compensating for Inabilities

Nobody, and I mean nobody, is good at everything, despite their desire to be. A person who lacks confidence expects herself to be good at everything and tries to compensate when confronted. For example, let’s say one of your girlfriends says “Girl you look really beat today!” If you’re a confident individual, you may just say “Yea I had a rough night” or something like that. A person who lacks confidence might say “I’m never tired! I don’t need sleep!”

Body Language is Everything

We’ve all heard about using body language to our best advantage. This goes for confidence as well. That arms-folded, legs crossed body language not only shows you as being closed off, it indicates a lack of confidence. Confident people reserve this position for when they’re absolutely freezing OR they have been offended. It really says something when you use it right!

Perfectionism

This kind of goes back to our poor performance above. Perfectionists don’t feel that they can ever make a mistake. This is a dangerous mindset. It can cause you much turmoil and stress. It can even be debilitating to some individuals. Facing an environment where failure may occur can be paralyzing for some folks. This goes back to not having enough confidence to believe in your abilities to overcome mistakes. Confident people know mistakes are part of life. Rather than sweat mistakes, they realize that a mistake is a learning opportunity and they move on.

Inability to Accept a Compliment

If someone pays you a compliment, how do you react? Do you get embarrassed and uncomfortable? If so, this shows a lack of confidence. The confident person will hear a compliment and simply say “Thank you”. Nothing more, nothing less.

Maintaining Eye Contact

If you lack confidence, you probably find it difficult to maintain eye contact with someone. In a relationship, this can be very detrimental as maintaining eye contact helps build intimacy and shows you are paying attention. When you don’t want to maintain eye contact, you are really indicating that you don’t want someone to look too far past your façade.

Decision Making

I once knew someone who took more than a year to buy a car. At the time, I couldn’t understand it, but now I get it. Poor guy (still) can’t make a decision to save his life. This is a typical experience for people who lack confidence. They don’t believe in their ability to make a decision about even the most basic things, so the biggies, like a car, can be paralyzing.

This list of signs is not complete, but these are the highlights. Look through and think honestly about your own life. Do you do any of these things? You don’t have to do all of them, and I think most of us can see ourselves in one of them, but the trick now is to identify whether or not you do lack confidence, so that as you build your confidence back up, you will see it in your actions – and so will others!

Women are Their Own Worst Enemies

Women are Their Own Worst Enemies

Are You Your Worst Enemy?

When it comes to love, women are their own worst enemies. Heck, we are ALL our own worst enemies!

Kirbie, Gregg’s sidekick, here today. I once worked with a woman who wouldn’t go anywhere without mascara – even when she had a colonoscopy, she refused to go without mascara. It made me sad for her.

She had tried online dating, but due to being overweight, had not posted a photo. She scored a date with a man and when he showed up and saw her, he left after just a few moments.

She is over 50 and, to this day, has never been married and cannot see herself in a relationship, even though at last check, she had 3 men who were trying to pursue her.

She allowed one negative event to completely sum up who she was: an ugly, overweight woman who deserved to be alone in life. She is none of those things, of course.

Women are Their Own Worst Enemies

I’m not about to tell you anything you don’t already know – we (women) are our own worst critics, and by extension our own worst enemies. Nobody is harder on you than you. We don’t see our true selves in the mirror, we don’t believe in ourselves. I know this one well – I am a retired pro!

Perhaps you remember a Dove® video that circulated on social media a while back:

This video is intriguing to me as a sociologist, but also as a woman. It enlightened me and saddened me, all at the same time. It made me wonder what my daughters think of themselves when they look in the mirror – do they see the beautiful women I see? It also made me wonder how that man would have drawn me, with my help.

Women are Their Own Worst Enemies

Why Do We Do It?

The truth is that, rather than compare ourselves to what we were like a few months or years ago, we insist on comparing ourselves to other women – women in magazines – women on television and in movies. I ask you this – what is ‘perfect’ or ‘normal’?

Who defines the traits that are perceived as being ideal for us? We do. That’s right – it’s me and you, sister! We take what we see and we think that we should look like those women, and when we don’t, the only thing we can do is complain about what we don’t have.

They say there is someone for everyone, and I believe that, although I do wish my “someone” would show up already! Not every man is looking for high cheek bones, long flowing brunette hair or golden curls flowing down your back.

A good man is looking for a woman with a good heart who is confident in who she is and can take care of herself. Sure, he’s looking at the wrapper, but do you want a man who only likes you for what you look like – really?

Of course not, so my challenge to you is to stop seeing the wicked witch when you look in the mirror and instead, see the beautiful person you are inside for she is oozing out through your smile, your good deeds and your warm heart.

My Challenge for You

Are You Your Worst Enemy?

My Challenge to you!

Here is my challenge to you. We don’t all have the ability of the artist in the video to draw someone’s face, but get some girlfriends together one evening and try this – have everyone in the room write down the features of the other women in the room, one by one (depending on how many of you there are).

Then, pair off and describe yourself to someone and have them write that down. Then return the favor. You only need to describe yourself once. Now, take your description of yourself and compare it to the things other people have written down about you. I think this could be a good eye opener.

Tell Me

What do you perceive as your best feature? How often do you compliment yourself on this feature? Do you beat yourself up all day long without recognizing it?

Women are their own worst enemies! This stops today. Start here and let’s Build your Confidence!

What Does Who You Date Say About You? Part 1

What Does Who You Date Say About You? Part 1

You Are Who You Date

We all get caught in ruts in life – we find ourselves eating the same foods, wearing the same clothes, hanging out in the same bars, and dating the same type of people. You reinforced this in your comments of my last few blog posts and I thought maybe we needed to dig a little deeper to see what this “same” personality type says about you.

Generally speaking, we attract the type of person who exhibits the traits in us that most need fixing. You are who you date. Having said that, we also all probably carry around small pieces of each of these traits – it’s just when they begin to overwhelm your life that they become harmful. What does who you date say about you? Let’s find out.

Mr. Pour-On-The-Charm

I begin with this guy because he has particular appeal to many women. This guy practically charms the pants right off of you with his smooth-talking, perfectly groomed, highly successful persona. At first blush, this guy is G-R-E-A-T, but when you peel back the layers, he’s condescending, demanding, self-centered and egotistical.

And You…

If you are attracted to this type of guy, you may carry the very same characteristics. While it seems as if the person with this type of personality trait is confident, the opposite is actually true – you are lacking confidence.

If You Think This Shoe Fits

If you think this describes you, rest assured there is hope! Probably the best thing you can do is to learn how to listen. Narcissistic people tend to dominate the conversation.

Rather than initiating a conversation, then immediately starting to drum up your response, just listen and really ‘hear’ what the other person is saying. When it is your turn to talk, rather than come up with your ‘better’ story, respond to theirs with empathy.

Want to understand the different types of men and how to date them?

I had some fun writing Manimals because I got to describe different types of men, whether they’re datable or not and how to date them when they are. Because that didn’t seem like enough, I then profiled several types of women and paired them up. Now, you can identify which type of woman you are and learn which type of man might be the best fit for you!

In addition to these different types of men and women, the second half of the book contains:

  • Explanations on why you are dating the wrong type of guy now
  • An in-depth study of what I like to call the Relationship Train To Failure
  • 15 things every woman needs to know about men
  • My best-ever discussion on what challenge and mystery are, why they’re important and how to use both to your advantage!

Mr. Indecision

You know this guy – he can’t make a decision to save his life. He is full of excuses – “I couldn’t call you last night because I had to [insert lame excuse] instead.”

This type of guy is dwelling on the past – whether it’s your past history together, a negative in his past, or maybe one in yours that you have shared. Finally, this guy won’t commit. His standard mantra is “I’m not looking for anything serious right now”. He likes you but…not right now, not ever.

And You…

A woman who attracts this type of man probably feels she doesn’t deserve anything better. It is likely that someone in your past has disappointed you in a big way and you have not moved past it. You may even have been a victim of abuse or neglect.

If You Think This Is You

You need to begin telling yourself that you do deserve a good life and a good guy. You need to build your confidence and learn to forgive your past and everyone in it who may have hurt you. My book, Comfortable In Your Own Shoes can help you develop a new mantra and start a journey to a more confident you.

Mr. Diamond in the Rough

This guy is the one you think you can ‘fix’. He has flaws and you see them, plain as day, but you’re convinced that you are the woman who can turn him around. You’re gonna make him your project! He probably feels, and maybe even says that he doesn’t deserve you.

And You…

If this is your type of guy, then you are probably in the habit of making excuses for others – “He didn’t mean to skip dinner with my parents – he must have gotten caught up at work”.

If You Think This Is You

Look back through your past to see what mistake you are still trying to fix. Your need to overcompensate is rooted there. By fixing someone else, you feel that you are really fixing your past. Well, now it’s time to get to it – fix your past. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and move on. Fixing someone else will never repair your own soul.

Parts 2 and 3

Next week, in part 2, we’ll go over a few more personality traits that get in the way of successful relationships. Our last conversation on this topic will focus on the best methods for you to begin attracting the right guy – through understanding yourself and working to fix these traits in you.

Do You See Yourself Here?

Do any of these ring a bell with you?

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