baggage Archives

4 Roadblocks which are Keeping You from Love

Why Can’t I Find Love?

Women ask me all the time, “Why Can’t I Find Love?” We all want to love and be loved. It’s amazing to feel a real, lasting connection with another person — to be lucky enough to find that someone who makes our hearts race, someone we can actually settle down with for the long haul.

But the road to love can be bumpy, with some serious twists and turns. If we’re not careful, we can lose control or worse, hit a roadblock that completely stops a relationship in its tracks. Best advice? Avoid these 4 roadblocks which are keeping you from love.

Why Can’t I Find Love? #1 Beware of the Superficial

It’s easy to get lost in a superficial checklist of qualities you look for in a partner. But remember, you are not buying a car! A hot body and shiny good looks only take you so far. If you can’t find love, then stop stressing about things that don’t really matter. So far, you have only dated blonds (because you have thing for Brad Pitt), or guys taller than you in heels. How far has that gotten you?

Physical attraction is important, but did you ever notice how a guy gets more (or less) appealing the more you get to know him? That hunky man who treats you poorly can quickly drop to a zero, while the sweet man who makes you laugh can suddenly rev your engine.

Don’t get stuck on a checklist. Instead, open yourself up to new possibilities and see where it takes you. Have you dated an older man? Tried dating a younger guy? How about a guy that loves motorcycles? The happiest relationships share fundamental values, compatible interests, and travel deeper than what is on the surface.

#2 Don’t Let Anxiety Hold You Back

Dating is filled with uncertainty, and it can be intimidating. Instinctively, you may feel a bit of anxiety about the whole thing, and start to avoid dating altogether. Or if you are putting yourself out there, you may decide to floor it in reverse once things really get going.

Instead of worrying and focusing on the negative, imagine the best-case scenario. Picture the two of you reaching that destination together. Let yourself feel happy. Don’t let worry halt your chances of finding love.

#3 Ditch The Baggage and Travel Light

In To Date A Man, You Must Understand A Man, you learn all about baggage handling. The message is simple, and as plain to see as a flashing street sign. Don’t let your baggage slow you down.

Remember, men have baggage too, and they find it refreshing when we are honest and unload it right from the start. As long as you keep it light and positive, you should have nothing but green lights ahead. He will, in turn, feel comfortable enough to let you in on his baggage as well. Get it out there and leave it all behind. That’s the best way to start your journey together — traveling light!

Why Can’t I Find Love? #4 Stay on Track and Keep Moving Forward

Many of us get scared when we get too close. That old baggage resurfaces again, and we start making comparisons. We don’t want to get hurt again. We become unsure, or we become afraid to make a commitment. So we put up walls and distance ourselves from love, making it virtually impossible to move forward.

Don’t get stuck in your own head. You may think you are protecting yourself from a major disaster, but in reality, you are just preventing yourself from reaching the place where you really want to be. If you’re not open to love, you will never get there. Stay on track, move past the fear, and make a choice to keep your heart open.

There is a lot of dating advice for women out there. Because love CAN be a difficult road filled with obstacles. But the fact is, we may just be responsible for some of those roadblocks. Like a good Driver’s Ed refresher course, sometimes we need a little reminder to avoid the things that get in the way of our happiness.

Click HERE and learn How to Enjoy Being Single!

The finish line is in sight — so avoid those roadblocks, and enjoy the ride!

Raise Your Standards! How Much Emotional Baggage Is Too Much?

Build Confidence, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

We’ve all been there. We meet someone we’re super attracted to, but they come with a LOT of baggage. We all have our fair share, but this seems to be almost too much to handle. You wonder, does your relationship have a fighting chance or will it be smothered under the weight of these issues? Should you stick it out in hopes that things will get better in time, or is it a lost cause? How can you know? But just the fact that you are questioning it should be a red flag. How much emotional baggage is too much?

You know you are a woman of value who can have her pick of men. You know what you want in a man, and how you want to be treated. If you have high standards (as you should!), you can save yourself from the pain and heartache guaranteed to come from a man with too much baggage.

In To Date a Man, You Must Understand A Man, Gregg gives us a great list of unnecessary baggage to watch out for. Keep this list ready whenever you meet a new man, and save yourself a lot of wasted time and energy. After all, you are THE CHOOSER!

Is he just out of a major relationship? Does he constantly bring up his ex and make comparisons? Do you feel like you can’t live up to his memory of a past girlfriend, or does he angrily accuse you of acting just like her? Time to cut your loses and run.

Is he being harassed by his ex or other women? Does she text him in the middle of the night, vandalize his car, or make threats directed at either of you? This kind of baggage can only lead to disaster.

Does he have a bunch of kids under the age of 10? Young kids are a huge responsibility, and they are a tie that binds him to his ex…. Forever. And why didn’t it work out with the mom (or moms) anyway? Probably best to steer clear of this kind of situation, unless you are ready to be an instant step-mom.

Does he show clear signs of having addictions? If so, it’s wise to remove yourself from the relationship.

Is he about to move to another city, town or country? Entering a long-distance relationship is hard enough on established couples, let alone a new relationship. Think of it logically. How can love grow when you hardly ever see each other? Are you really going to travel back and forth? Sticking with this guy may even prevent you from meeting someone awesome who can be present in your life.

Is he a total mommy’s boy? Does her opinion and advice matter more to him than yours? Does he choose her over you? Is he not able to stand up to his mom when he should? Is he overly affectionate with his mom? Does he tell her everything? Speaking from experience, if you are dating a mommy’s boy, stop…. unless you don’t mind his mom being a third person in your relationship, because she always will be.

Does he want to borrow money from you right out of the gate? Big red flag! Just say no to the relationship…. and the loan of course.

Does he have a felony record and/or criminal convictions? It’s always a good idea to do a background check before dating a guy.

Do your friends and family hate him? These people love you and have your back. They would not steer you wrong. When you are into a guy you may only see the good, so maybe they see something you can’t.

Does his own family hate him? These are the people who are supposed to love him unconditionally. Big red flag all the way around.

Does your dog hate him? If your dog loves everyone but hates your man, you should think twice! Dogs are smart. What is Fido sensing that you’re not?

Does he hate or mistreat animals? If his treatment of animals alarms you, or he lacks compassion for others, you may want to think twice.

Does he have anger issues? Does he threaten you or anyone else? If you are afraid of his temper, it’s not likely a healthy or safe situation to be in.

Does he have a personal hygiene problem? We all want to impress in the beginning, so things will only get worse as he gets more comfortable. If a guy doesn’t care enough now, you probably shouldn’t keep him around for later.

Is he conceited and selfish? Remember, a quality man will put you first.

Does he have no friends? There must be a reason why. Is he too focused on work? Does he lack confidence? Is there something off-putting about his personality or sense of humor?

Is he always on porn sites? Many men have replaced real sex and intimacy with porn. If it’s an issue, walk away.

Relationships are filled with compromise. We compromise on what to have for dinner, what movie to see this weekend, and whether or not we follow the same politics. But these are basic compromises that help us grow in a relationship — they do NOT leave us feeling drained and overwhelmed. Gregg would say if his baggage is getting in the way, it’s time to raise your standards and “dump his ass!”