Holding a Conversation

Men have a conversation to achieve social status and to avoid failure.

Women have a conversation to avoid social isolation and to achieve a personal connection.

The Man

A man holds a conversation in order to be viewed as strong, as not able to be pushed around. For a man, a conversation is about preserving independence. For a man, conversation does not play a role in building intimacy. One purpose of a conversation, to a man, is to provide a solution to something. In this way, he is proving his worth, and if he is providing a solution to his mate, he is showing her he loves her.

The Woman

A woman holds a conversation to negotiate closeness. For a woman, a conversation is a method of building intimacy and advancing a relationship. The conversation style of women is confusing to a man, which becomes obvious once you understand that we hold conversations for entirely different purposes. Two women will share their troubles in order to become closer.

The Bridge

If you tell your man about a problem, he is not going to view this as an opportunity to build intimacy – he is going to view it as a problem to be solved – and he will go about it in a linear, logical fashion. He doesn’t want to talk about it – that isn’t how his mind works. He wants to think about it, then offer up a solution. He is showing you his love in doing so. If you try to use this as a way to get closer to him, he will get confused and he will likely shut down or retreat because he doesn’t understand you.

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