10 Tips – Your Game Plan
These tips are a synopsis of a few of my tips for women contained in To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man, one of my Amazon Best Sellers!
1. Control Your Emotions
Women are emotional creatures, but this creates a vulnerability that the wet kittens will exploit. In order to suvive in a relationship, you are going to need to learn to control your emotions. I’m not telling you to never cry again or be hard as nails, but I am suggesting that you remove that target on your back that the wet kittens zero in on – you know that target – it’s there, exposing all of your vulnerabilities.
There are two crucial periods of a relationship where you need to make sure your emotions are in check – at the beginning, and at the end. Men can’t handle a lot of emotion, and those are two times where you are most likely to be showing your weak underbelly. Try instead to vent your emotions to someone else – a friend, your mom, soneone other than your guy. If you express your excess emotions at your guy, he’ll run – and fast!
What’s a girl to do when emotions start up? Go into “Mind Mode”…
- Recognize that your emotions are running a little high;
- Ask yourself – what would HE do, or what is he about to do;
- Do that (what he is about to do) to him first!
Why does it work?
- You surprise him by not getting emotional;
- You’re acting like a man – like he acts with his friends;
- Your actions (which are mimicking his) tell him that something is wrong and he will seek you out to talk further;
- Showing less emotion makes you mysterious to a man (don’t skip the chapter on challenge and mystery for more on this!)
2. Shift into Man Mode
First we did Mind Mode, now we’re going to look at Man Mode. You need to treat him as if you’re a guy…you’re going to speak his language without him knowing what’s going on. He will want you more, without knowing why.
- Encourage him to hang with his friends – then go hang with yours; this will make him want to be with you more and his friends less;
- Offer to buy your own way sometimes; this will send him the signal that you’re not after his money;
- Have your own hobbies and encourage him to have his, but from time to time, show interest in his hobbies;
- In an argument, less is more; say less, walk away first without shouting or screaming (keeping your emotions in check!);
- Rather than complain and whine, either confront him head on (with little emotion) or withdraw from the situation (also a guy move);
- Tell him like it is, don’t sugar coat things; this is how men talk to men – “Hey Dan, dude your fly is down”…women will stammer and either not do anything or will find a guy to tell him about it.
Why does this work
Men understand man talk. Think of it as the same as learning Spanish or French. You’re learning a new language, except you don’t have to learn how to conjugate verbs. In fact, in this language, you have to learn to speak less. When you back off, use fewer words and act like his man friends, he gets it and he realizes much more quickly that he needs to take action!
3. Increase Your Experiences
When you have many life experiences, it makes you more interesting. Imagine going on a first date, and the only thing you’ve done in your life is work and go to college. No hobbies, no interest in sports, art, theater, travel or anything else. After a few moments of getting to know each other, what will you have to discuss?
- Life experiences give you things to talk about, other than yourself;
- When you have hobbies and outside activities in your life, you are less likely to make a man your hobby;
- Quality men are thinking long term, but without outside interests, you will become boring to a man in a short amount of time – you’re a Rest Stop;
- When you attract a man with your mind, you will make him want to get to know all of you;
Why does this matter to men?
A man will be intrigued by you when you start talking about something you are passionate about, and things you have experienced. It’s especially important to have these interests after you are in a relationship. You can tell your man to go off and enjoy his hobbies, then you can go enjoy yours (and make sure he knows you’re doing so). You will soon find him more interested in staying home with you!
4. Leave Your Baggage Behind
Everybody has baggage. Everybody! Whether it’s past failed relationships, kids, financial woes, or other issues, you’ve got baggage. The key to starting a relationship is to either get rid of your baggage before you enter into a relationship or be honest about it when it is appropriate. The honesty will be refreshing to your new beau, and will make him actually feel better about his own baggage.
- Not sharing baggage soon enough leaves a man wondering what else you are hiding – share early;
- Keep things light-hearted when you share – don’t make a mountain out of it and let him know you’re working on fixing the issue;
- There is no need to share minor stuff;
Don’t directly ask a guy about his baggage – observe him in different situations to determine what it may be. Observe different circumstances:
- When you’re in a restaurant, observe how he treats the wait staff and others;
- Does he open doors for you and hold your chair?
- Does he drink too much?
- Is he impatient and rude?
- Is he a tightwad or a complainer?
- Observe how his friends treat him – this will tell you a lot about the baggage he may have;
- Observe him around his family – what types of things do they share about him?
- Hang out with your friends – they will be honest with you and see things you may not;
- How is he when he drinks?
Why this is important
Exposing baggage before the relationship gets too far along helps you to know and understand one another. You can make informed decisions about whether or not you can deal with each other’s ‘stuff’ and move forward or leave the relationship before things go too far. This will save a lot of heartache later on. Keep your eyes wide open and don’t be blind to his baggage, but be sure to share yours as well!
5. Be a Busy Woman
This is different than having past experiences. You not only need to have those past experiences, but you need to continue to build new experiences! What does a busy woman look like?
- She’s a college student;
- She’s working to advance her career;
- She is engaged in hobbies;
- She has pursued something for a while and has mastered it (golf, tennis, art, etc.)
- She has little time for extra stuff – a guy needs to get on her schedule early!
Why does this work?
As you build mastery in different things, you build your confidence. Men are very attracted to confident women! A confident woman is a Keeper, versus a Rest Stop – a woman men date for a while until the Keeper comes along. A confident woman is a woman who chooses which man will be allowed into her life. She doesn’t settle for a wet kitten! She attracts high value men and will be much more likely to engage in a successful relationship than a series of relationships that turn into one screwed up mess after another.
6. Get Yourself in Shape
You might be thinking that I’m going to tell you skinny girls get all of the great guys, but that isn’t my point. Working out makes you feel great! A chemical process is set off when you work out and you experience a natural high. It is also a great way to build your confidence. While you’re working toward being healthier, don’t forget to manage your diet too! I’m not being some prejudical guy here who only likes fit women either. This is for your own good. Your overall fitness is of no consequence to a guy if you are interesting. The value here is to you, your life and your longevity. How can you get fit?
- Take a 30 minute walk every day;
- Get a gym membership;
- Find a friend and get her to exercise with you;
- Do yoga;
- Get yourself a bike and start riding it to work;
- Be consistent.
Why is this important?
Honestly, I don’t care whether you weigh 120 pounds or 320 pounds, but you’re here, on my Website, reading my dating advice books, so you need my help! This is one of the ways in which you can become more attractive to a man, not because of how much you weigh, but because of what working out and eating well adds to your life:
- Working out makes you feel good about yourself, regardless of how much you weigh;
- It will give you new life experiences;
- Working out helps you build more confidence;
- Working out keeps you busy – didn’t we just talk about being busy? Hmmm…
7. Take a Risk!
Before you panic and flip back to the book, hang with me. Taking risks is a great way to accomplish many of the things I’ve already mentioned above. It gives you an experience to talk about, it keeps you busy, it might help you get fit, and it builds your confidence.
Why is this important?
I think I just covered this, but to state it again:
- It will help you feel better about yourself;
- It will help build your confidence;
- It will keep you busy;
- You will be adding new experiences.
8. Dump the Losers!
Don’t settle for someone you determine to be a loser! You either already are a high value woman, or you are well on your way to becoming one. You don’t need to settle for some alcholic jerk who lives with his parents and doesn’t do much other than play video games and hang with his friends – I don’t care how old you are! This guy is not marriage material, and he’s certainly not someone you want as the father of your children! How do you determine which guys are the losers?
- Trust your intuition – your gut will tell you – you just have to listen;
- He communicates – he calls you back or returns a text – within a reasonable amount of time;
- He has a good job or he’s working toward one;
- He’s happy – not a depressed, whiny person;
- He has limited baggage.
Why is this important?
Losers are a suck on your life – they will suck your energy, your positive emotions, and your money. They bring very little of value to the relationship and plan on continuing to suck off of you for as long as you’ll keep dishing stuff out.
You are a Woman of Worth and you deserve MUCH better than this guy! I don’t care how cute he is or what he says, he’s lazy and he doesn’t deserve a WOW like you! DUMP HIM. If you don’t, you’ll just be emailing me in a few weeks, wondering what happened and what you could have done differently. Don’t date him! Do that differently and you will be much happier!
9. Power Date
Dating multiple men is something I definitely recommend. Before you decide to date just one, try a few on for size! Date a type of guy you think you wouldn’t be interested in, just for fun. There are many benefits to doing this:
- You stay busy (sound familiar?);
- You get to compare types of men to find out what you really like;
- You have multiple options – different types of men to compare;
- You get a few free meals (but offer to pay).
Why is power dating important?
Life is full of choices. You go to the grocery store and choose one watermelon over another, or one ear of corn over another. You select the best looking meat, the most fresh bread. Why do you not choose between multiple men? Experiencing different personalities and types of men allows you to make an informed decision. That guy you think you’d never date may be the one, and you wouldn’t have found him if you didn’t power date!
10. Determine Which Guy is “the One”
You have power dated, and one or two men stand out as possible keepers. Now what? How can you narrow the field to the one?
- Come up with a list of 10 things you want from a man – and stick to it! You might not find a guy who will hit all 10, but you want a man who will come close – put on your list things like: he’s educated, hard worker, holds doors for me – whatever qualities you want in a man, then stick to your guns!
- Give him a little test – tell him you need help with something, a ride somewhere, or some other sort of help – how does he respond? If he steps up and tries to help, he’s probably a keeper, if he hems and haws, he’s not your guy;
- Make him a little jealous – see how he responds; if he gets really angry and jealous, he needs to be replaced;
- Let your family meet him and tell you (later) what they think – they will see flaws; meet up with his family and see how they treat him, if they treat him well and he’s not a momma’s boy (unless you don’t mind that), he might be a keeper;
- Plan a lunch date – men don’t like lunch dates because they’re probably not going to get any sex after and it is a limited time frame, but a high value guy will have a lunch date with you;
- Ask him to join you in something you’re passionate about but he isn’t – a high value man will step up and try it, a loser will whine and complain, and ultimately won’t go.
Why is this important?
Choosing a guy to spend the rest of your life with is something many women don’t give enough thought. A low confidence woman will just settle for the first guy who shows interest in her, an action which will eventually lead to a divorce with children as the carnage. You are a WOW, and you have choices. Make an informed choice and find happiness for the rest of your life. Make a hasty decision, or one based on looks or money, and I’ll be talking to you again in a few months after you email me about a horrible breakup. I like talking to you, but I’d like it even more if you found a great man!